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Shower etiquette


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  #1  
October 19th, 2009, 02:59 PM
TheOtherMichelle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I have been meaning to bring this up for debate for a little while. I went to a bridal shower recently that was located at a restaurant. When I got there we weren't in a private room like expected, and in the end everyone ordered off the menu and paid for their own meal. It seemed really unusual and a little tacky since there was no indication from the invite that you would be paying for yourself and there was no cake or anything like that. It wasn't extremely expensive but not cheap either ($10-20 for a luncheon) but would have been difficult for someone on a fixed income.

Am I an old-fashioned old fart or was this bad etiquette?
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  #2  
October 19th, 2009, 03:14 PM
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I wouldn't do it and I'd be a little turned off by it, particularly if there was no indication that this was going to be the setup. I wouldn't say anything, but I'd probably silently think in my head that it was a little tacky/cheesy.

Traditionally, parties (like showers) have "hosts" and "hosts" host. Sure, in some cases you might do a potluck or maybe ask a few key players to pitch in for food, but for the most part, hosting a party should mean something more than making a restaurant reservation.
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  #3  
October 19th, 2009, 03:22 PM
Emm17's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree, I dont think I would have said anything, but yah....tacky. I had a friend who had 3 baby showers, and invited me to all of them.
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  #4  
October 19th, 2009, 03:36 PM
aussiemummy
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Tacky. Should have let everyone know in advance that they would be paying for their own meal.
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  #5  
October 19th, 2009, 03:52 PM
SusieQ2's Avatar Jersey Girl
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Absolutely tacky! You don't have party, especially one where gifts are give, and expect the guests to pay for themselves.
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  #6  
October 19th, 2009, 04:01 PM
lizard's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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TACKY! If you are inviting someone to something, then generally you are the one that is supposed to pay. If you can't afford to have the party, then don't have it or tone it down to where it is something that you can afford.
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  #7  
October 19th, 2009, 04:35 PM
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Wow! Definitely tacky! And, on top of that to not provide cake at least! Also, I wouldn't necessarily go to a shower and take money with me, because it just seems you wouldn't need it. How embarrassing to show up with no money only to find out you had to pay for your own meal....
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  #8  
October 19th, 2009, 04:45 PM
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I agree, tacky. If the guests were required to pay it should have at least been on the invite. People may not have even thought to bring money. And no cake, no private room, no nothing. The "host" should have just called it a lunch.
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  #9  
October 19th, 2009, 05:10 PM
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Tacky!

eta: so now we can't write anything all caps?! this is really getting pathetic!
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  #10  
October 19th, 2009, 05:30 PM
mswordwiz's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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BAD ETIQUETTE. If you are hosting an event you do not make the person invited pay AT ALL.

If it is a group of friends get together, make it clear that everyone is on their own for the meal.
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  #11  
October 19th, 2009, 05:31 PM
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I have ONLY seen this done when say it's a bunch of us at work wanting to throw the guest of an honor a shower so we each agree to pay for our own & pitch in for cake & the guest of honor. Otherwise I do think it is tacky personally.
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  #12  
October 19th, 2009, 06:35 PM
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That's tacky as all heck unless previously agreed upon by all parties.
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  #13  
October 19th, 2009, 06:44 PM
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I agree with all the PP. Tacky.
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  #14  
October 19th, 2009, 06:58 PM
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Tacky. very tacky.

I'd have ordered a dessert and grumbled. LOL... I'm on a very fixed income.
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  #15  
October 19th, 2009, 07:02 PM
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I don't go to many of these things, but I would assume I'd be paying for myself *Shrug*
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  #16  
October 19th, 2009, 07:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frgsonmysox View Post
I don't go to many of these things, but I would assume I'd be paying for myself *Shrug*
Really? I have NEVER been to any kind of shower (bridal or baby) where I had to pay anything. Maybe it's a regional thing?
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  #17  
October 19th, 2009, 08:05 PM
chlodoll
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If I were going to an event at a restaurant that was not a wedding I wouldn't assume that the bill is being picked up.
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  #18  
October 20th, 2009, 06:42 AM
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Tacky. Very. The whole point of a bridal shower is for the bride to recieve gifts. To expect the guests to ALSO pay for their meal is... tacky. If I had a shower catered at my house I wouldn't charge a cover fee to the guests!

If I had gone I would have taken the check or gift card out of her card and would have just given an empty card! I can be tacky too!
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  #19  
October 20th, 2009, 08:02 AM
fluffycheeks's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Wow, I have never heard of anything like that. To me, that is no different than going to a shower at a person's home and at the end having them say "Oh, and refreshments and decorations cost $20/ per person, so you can just make the check out to me." If you're hosting a party, you host a party. If you can't afford to take everyone out, have it low cost at your own home. That said, I have gotten together to celebrate some of my friends' babies at restaurants with just a few close friends. We decide (in advance) to pay for ourselves and pitch in for the mom-to be, but I think that's a totally different scenario. We have also once been invited to an adult b'day party at a restaurant, and on the invite, it was very clear that we would be purchasing our own food. Not what I would have done, but much better than springing a check on your guest at the end of the dinner.
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  #20  
October 20th, 2009, 08:36 AM
$pryNinja's Avatar Zef Fre$ Mom
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very bad etiquette if it wasn't made clear beforehand. My cousin had her wedding shower at a restaurant and everything was included. I was broke at the time so showing up and then having to pay with no money in my purse would have been a big problem!
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