[lesliek0211]

Would you let your child go to a daycare run by a SAHD?

Why or why not?

Please try to be respectful. This turned ugly on the board I got it from.

[swade66]

Would you let your child go to a daycare run by a SAHD? I don't like to think about sending my daughter to any daycare. If we were thinking about daycare though I wouldn't count one out because it was run by a man.

Why or why not? I guess it is Well, why not? I leave my daughter home with her PT SAHD twice a week and he cares for her just as good as I would. Why would another father not do the same..especially one in business taking care of children.

[BonitaAppleBomb]

If the sahd was a close and immediate family member that I trusted with my child, then yes. Otherwise, heck no. I don't trust "outside" (of the family) people with my son.

[chemlady]

the in home daycare that DD goes to has a couple of different men that are there from time to time. One is a younger man that mostly does the driving errands (picking up/dropping off the before and after school kids). The other is the main caretakers husband. I have no problem with either of them watching my child. They both interact with her wonderfully.

Why would I want to limit her access to potentially good caretakers because it's not the typical gender for the role? I don't particularly want to perpetuate gender stereotypes through any of my actions, and that includes choosing caretakers/teachers for my child.

[lesliek0211]

I am really torn on this. I have sat here and thought about it, but as much as I want to say I'm ok with it, I probably wouldn't be. Now, granted DD doesn't stay with anyone except family, so I won't be in this position, but it does make me evaluate my thoughts as she will eventually go to pre-school or kindergarten and may have a male teacher.
I think in those situations I would be ok, because she'd be old enough to tell me if something innapropriate is going on. In a daycare situation she may not.
I think there are many wonderful dads that watch children, and I in no way think they are automatically worse caregivers than women, but the statistics and facts tell us a lot. Men are more likely to be sexual predators, and those that are put themselves in positions to get closer to children and become a "trusted" adult.
That being said, I wouldn't leave my child with anyone I didn't thoroughly check-out or didn't know beforehand.
ughhh. I feel really bad, because I think I am being incredibly sexist, but I am trying to be honest.

[mswordwiz]

It honestly depends on several factors. I would run my own background check on him as I would any caregiver for my kids, I would check the place out to the point of being a PIA about it, but I would be that way with any day care situation.

My immediate answer would be I would have no problem letting my kids go to a daycare run by a guy, as we have had a male nanny in the past, and he was fantastic with the kiddos.

On my workdays, DH is the caregiver on days I work a 24.

[amegra]

Originally Posted by lesliek0211

I am really torn on this. I have sat here and thought about it, but as much as I want to say I'm ok with it, I probably wouldn't be. Now, granted DD doesn't stay with anyone except family, so I won't be in this position, but it does make me evaluate my thoughts as she will eventually go to pre-school or kindergarten and may have a male teacher.
I think in those situations I would be ok, because she'd be old enough to tell me if something innapropriate is going on. In a daycare situation she may not.
I think there are many wonderful dads that watch children, and I in no way think they are automatically worse caregivers than women, but the statistics and facts tell us a lot. Men are more likely to be sexual predators, and those that are put themselves in positions to get closer to children and become a "trusted" adult.
That being said, I wouldn't leave my child with anyone I didn't thoroughly check-out or didn't know beforehand.
ughhh. I feel really bad, because I think I am being incredibly sexist, but I am trying to be honest.

Exactly how I feel. I have no problem with some men I know watching my child, including my regular sitter's son and grandson, but that's because I know them now and trust them. I guess part of it is that so many men I know just aren't attentive enough when watching their own kids, so I would be concerned for dd's general safety since she's not even 2 yet and a lot of things are still hazards for her that an older kid would know to avoid.

[aussiemummy]

No I wouldn't. Why? I don't usually trust men. I know it's sexist but I just don't.

[BonitaAppleBomb]

Originally Posted by aussiemummy

No I wouldn't. Why? I don't usually trust men. I know it's sexist but I just don't.

I totally agree Dayna..I don't usually trust men either and everyday the media gives me more reasons not to trust them. When it comes to the well being of my son, call me sexist...i don't care.

[~Christina A~]

Yes, I would, and I do right now. Our daycare is owned and run by a husband and wife team, and they have a staff member there as well (unrelated to them.)

He's awesome, and frankly I like the fact that DS is exposed to both male and female caregiving - they do things differently, and I think it's great the he gets to be exposed to both.

It's unfortunate that due to the bad behaviour of SOME men, they all get branded the same ...

There are women out there who molest children, who hit them, smack them, call them bad names. And yet we rarely remember that

In fact, my hunch is that most men in young childcare are probably the least likely to abuse... yes, most abusers will seek out positions where they can have access to victims, but most would be smart enough to realize that the cards would be stacked against them as an early childcare worker, and go to something easier (ie. sport coach).

[Jess is Write]

Originally Posted by ~Christina A~

In fact, my hunch is that most men in young childcare are probably the least likely to abuse... yes, most abusers will seek out positions where they can have access to victims, but most would be smart enough to realize that the cards would be stacked against them as an early childcare worker, and go to something easier (ie. sport coach).

This is my opinion, too. I would actually feel much more comfortable leaving my child with a SAHD. Partly because of my upbringing, I trust men much more than women, and partly because the men I've met who work in early childhood development have just been phenomenal at what they do. (I'm not going to lie; they've all been gay, but I would feel comfortable leaving my child in the care of a father who is offering daycare while he stays home with his own kids. Not to say there aren't gay SAHD's. I'm just going to stop typing now).

[lesliek0211]

I'm thinking more along the lines of a one man show. I am not talking about a man working at a daycare or pre-school with several other providers around.

[smsturner]

Originally Posted by mswordwiz

It honestly depends on several factors. I would run my own background check on him as I would any caregiver for my kids, I would check the place out to the point of being a PIA about it, but I would be that way with any day care situation.

My immediate answer would be I would have no problem letting my kids go to a daycare run by a guy, as we have had a male nanny in the past, and he was fantastic with the kiddos.

On my workdays, DH is the caregiver on days I work a 24.

i like this. i have no problem with men around the kids. the best babysitter i ever had was a male one. and the one i liked best at the last daycare was a man. i would worry about who i left them with male, or female.

[BonitaAppleBomb]

Originally Posted by lesliek0211

I'm thinking more along the lines of a one man show. I am not talking about a man working at a daycare or pre-school with several other providers around.

Even more reason to say absolutely not. Until my child can effectively articulate his thoughts to me, he will never be kept by a man...solo nor in a daycare. I have no problem with him having a male teacher once he begins elementary school because my son would be more independent and articulate at that point than he is as a toddler. This paired with the fact that he'll be around a group of other people-male and female-and not just one man.

And I don't think any of us forget the crimes that women commit against children, they're just not as common as the crimes men commit against children. At least not from what I can see anyway. I personally can read a woman's intentions better than I can a man's intentions; therefore, I'll always trust a woman's care over a man's care when it comes to my child.

[Keskes]

Even school aged-children, teenagers, and adults do not report such crimes, especially not to their parents. I don't think the age of my child would at all effect my decision on the matter - at any age they are just as likely to not tell me.

That being said - I would check out any daycare provider pretty thoroughly before leaving my child there. I don't think it being a man would STOP me, but I might check him out more thoroughly.

My best friend is 23, a guy, and coaches little kid's soccer (at the moment the kids are 7 and 8, but he started coaching the team when they were 4 and 5). He actually has encountered parents that won't let their children be on his team, even though his mother is his assistant coach, and he coaches BOY's soccer. I think it's pretty ridiculous, but then I know him, and they don't.

[BonitaAppleBomb]

Originally Posted by Keskes

Even school aged-children, teenagers, and adults do not report such crimes, especially not to their parents. I don't think the age of my child would at all effect my decision on the matter - at any age they are just as likely to not tell me.

That can be true, but if he had to be in the presence of a male caregiver, I'd much rather it be in a group setting with other kids and adults, than in a solo setting.

[~Christina A~]

Originally Posted by BonitaAppleBomb

Even more reason to say absolutely not. Until my child can effectively articulate his thoughts to me, he will never be kept by a man...solo nor in a daycare. I have no problem with him having a male teacher once he begins elementary school because my son would be more independent and articulate at that point than he is as a toddler. This paired with the fact that he'll be around a group of other people-male and female-and not just one man.

And I don't think any of us forget the crimes that women commit against children, they're just not as common as the crimes men commit against children. At least not from what I can see anyway. I personally can read a woman's intentions better than I can a man's intentions; therefore, I'll always trust a woman's care over a man's care when it comes to my child.

I think we hear about them less because people talk about it less. The idea of the abusive woman/mother just goes against the grain of our wonder-mom narrative that we have in our culture, but the bad-dad is a really common cultural stereotype. People are less likely to report abuse from a woman/mom/wife/sister, etc. than they are from a man.

I once did a story about incest perpetrated by women, and it was shocking to learn how often this happens. One of the commons among victims is that many of them felt like they could NOT come forward with this kind of abuse because it would be LESS BELIEVABLE to others. The idea of a woman molesting a child goes against our basic concepts of "mother/woman" in a whole different way than it does when we think about men doing the same thing.

To the second bolded: the worst abusers are the ones you'll least expect because they are masters at hiding their intentions. To think you can pick up on the intentions of someone who has genuine intent to harm - either male or female - is foolhardy. Don't get me wrong, I believe in intuition and going with your gut, but most people who have had children abused or injured or even killed by caretakers will tell you that they trusted that person completely and they even have a hard time believing the person did what they are accused of.

This is one of those things to me that sometimes our "automatic response" has to be examined because it isn't necessarily fair or valid.

[BonitaAppleBomb]

Originally Posted by ~Christina A~

To the second bolded: the worst abusers are the ones you'll least expect because they are masters at hiding their intentions. To think you can pick up on the intentions of someone who has genuine intent to harm - either male or female - is foolhardy. Don't get me wrong, I believe in intuition and going with your gut, but most people who have had children abused or injured or even killed by caretakers will tell you that they trusted that person completely and they even have a hard time believing the person did what they are accused of.

This is one of those things to me that sometimes our "automatic response" has to be examined because it isn't necessarily fair or valid.

So what are you saying? That I'm a fool to trust my gut feeling about people? Please... Some people are not good at reading others, but when it comes to my child, I trust very few people..male and female.

[Jarheadwed]

I hate to admit this, but I doubt I would let a male daycare provider watch my kid. I really hate admitting that. Between my personal experiences as a child and a close (male) friend who was repeatedly abused by his babysitter (male), I wouldn't be comfortable with it.

[Jess is Write]

Originally Posted by ~Christina A~

I think we hear about them less because people talk about it less. The idea of the abusive woman/mother just goes against the grain of our wonder-mom narrative that we have in our culture, but the bad-dad is a really common cultural stereotype. People are less likely to report abuse from a woman/mom/wife/sister, etc. than they are from a man.

I once did a story about incest perpetrated by women, and it was shocking to learn how often this happens. One of the commons among victims is that many of them felt like they could NOT come forward with this kind of abuse because it would be LESS BELIEVABLE to others. The idea of a woman molesting a child goes against our basic concepts of "mother/woman" in a whole different way than it does when we think about men doing the same thing.

To the second bolded: the worst abusers are the ones you'll least expect because they are masters at hiding their intentions. To think you can pick up on the intentions of someone who has genuine intent to harm - either male or female - is foolhardy. Don't get me wrong, I believe in intuition and going with your gut, but most people who have had children abused or injured or even killed by caretakers will tell you that they trusted that person completely and they even have a hard time believing the person did what they are accused of.

This is one of those things to me that sometimes our "automatic response" has to be examined because it isn't necessarily fair or valid.

I'm completely spinning off with this, but two Colorado teens who were convicted of first-degree murder when they killed their parents both came forward saying they were forced to have sex with their mothers. Andrika and I talked a little bit about them in the "children tried as adults" thread. They're both serving life without parole, and I think a huge part of that is our reluctance as a society to believe a mother could do that, although we're quick to point the finger at male caregivers. For one of the boys, the allegations of abuse weren't even brought up by his attorney.