[Jarheadwed]

When Should Family Sleeping Stop? | momlogic.com

What do you think?

[Tersh]

That article made complete sense to me, based on MY OWN marriage. My husband and I do a lot of bonding in bed - not sexual, but conversationally. It's just been where we've always shared the details of our day, talked about parenting challenges, etc. For us, it is so much better to do that over a cuddle. We currently cosleep with our son, and our daughter is often in our bed for all or part of the night. When DS gets older and can no longer sleep through the talking, or DD wants to spend all her time in our bed, we will make some changes to the situation for sure.

DH and I do most of our talking and bonding in bed as well. We don't co-sleep regularly, but I'm not against it. I just can't get any sleep with DS in our bed because he doesn't sleep. He's a kid that wakes up and moves around the bed a lot, and it drives me up the wall. He's not allowed in our bed. If he were to sit still and actually, you know, sleep.. he'd be welcome there. And DD prefers to sleep alone. ANYWAYS, I think the parents sleeping separately does suggest something unconsciously to the child.

My best friend is 23, and his dad snores, so often times one parent sleeps on the couch and one in the bed. They don't go to bed together, and they don't wake up together. I find this really weird, but it seems to work for them, so whatever. They've been married over 25 years and are still going strong. And Morgan isn't psychologically damaged that his parents don't always sleep together. But then he's not a young child who really needs an example of what marriage is.

[smsturner]

I think it's so different for every family. I didn't do it for long with mine bcs i had awful fears of crushing them, or shoving them off. and i have awful nightmares, and when i get them, i kick. hard. so i just decided it wasn't for us. but to each their own.

[beck12]

I think there are too many generalizations in the article. While parents not sleeping in the same bed can definitely be indicative of marriage problems...lots of people with messed up marriages share a bed as well. I don't think sharing a bed is the end all be all of marital stability. Frankly Dh & I never do any bonding in bed - never have for the past 18 yrs...he doesn't like to talk there - he says he hates discussing things so close to sleep... So for us, there is no special time we spend together there. Our sex life is fine, we just don't typically have sex in bed, which doesn't bother either of us... We do all sleep in bed usually...but sometimes Dh gets up because he is too hot & gets something to eat & then sleeps elsewhere (either couch or guest bed) because his side of the bed is damp from sweating...it has nothing to do cosleeping with Ds. I honestly cannot imagine that even if Dh & I got separate bedrooms permanently that it would be a "bad example" to our children. We negotiate, treat each other with care & respect, etc...I believe the way parents interact & how they treat each other is FAR more important than where everyone sleeps when it comes to the impression your children will have of what marriage should be. If you sleep separately for any reason & your kids grow up with a weird idea about marriage - you have BIGGER issues in your marriage than where you slept. The more I think about it the sillier this concept seems.... Dh & I have already discussed possibly sleeping separately after this baby arrives...he would sleep with Ds in another room & I would sleep with baby - so that those two (who wake fairly easily) wont be woken by the baby & I will have a lot more space * hopefully sleep a little better. That will depends on how it works after baby gets here of course...but that was my Dh's idea of a back up plan since he knows how often a nursing baby wakes & wants to make it as easy & undemanding on ME as he can (regarding Ds transitioning to a new baby AND BF the new baby). A mature man can do that you know....put himself AFTER the needs of his kids and his PP wife.