[MREzMommy122807]

I was in another debate message board and this topic came up..

A lady was in there talking about how she basically seen a woman at a yard sale who was breastfeeding her 4 year old daughter, and everyone at the yard sale took one look at her and left. Now i support breastfeeding 100% and i have no problem with breastfeeding in public, but i deff. was grossed out by this..i mean come one now its not everyday you see a woman breastfeeding a child this age. I seen women on tv in other countries who where breast feeding their 10 year olds but ive never actually see this around here..so yes i do find this really odd. I found it more odd that a lot of those women agreed with it and said its perfectly normal to breastfeed a 4 year old or a 8 year old and that its up to the child when to stop . Is it REALLY nessasary to breastfeed a child this old? And shouldnt a child this age be taught other ways to comfort herself besides the mothers breast? I just dont think its healthy mentally for a school aged child to still be breastfeeding..What do you all think?

SORRY, I DIDNT NOTICE THERE WAS A SIMILAR POST IN THE BF/FF BOARD.

[Lash]

I think this is a good debate, always incredibly heated, but will be most likely moved to the breastfeeding debate area above

[blondie-lox]

Why does everyone care so much what someone is doing with their OWN child and their OWN breast? I'm not going to dictate to someone what they can do with their own child. As long as mom and baby/child are happy who cares?

[Wolfmama09]

The 9 year old debate again lol. Before it's moved ( I never go the BFing board anymore lol), I don't agree with it simple as that. To each their own, no one is the booby police so what you chose to do and what I chose to do are 2 diffrent things. Whatever works for you lol.

Edit: lol had to reread back through it and realized it was NOT the 9 yr old but a 4 year old. I don't care what anyone else is doing but me, hypothetically, would wean at around age 2.

I think it's very strange to see older children being breastfed.

[MREzMommy122807]

I find it very strange too..It just makes me wonder if a mother who breastfeeds a child this old just doesnt want to let go.I mean i get if you might want your child to still drink it b/c of the benefits of it or whatever but why not use a cup? Eventually a child needs to grow up.

[Lash]

As in standard debate, the one offering the argument has the burden of proof, so MREzMommy122807 I challenge you to find the proof that it harms a child to breastfeed so long. The only argument here that is even remotely possible is harm to a child, otherwise who cares. So if you think that stance is valid, I challenge you to find the burden of proof here

[blondie-lox]

Originally Posted by MREzMommy122807

I find it very strange too..It just makes me wonder if a mother who breastfeeds a child this old just doesnt want to let go.I mean i get if you might want your child to still drink it b/c of the benefits of it or whatever but why not use a cup? Eventually a child needs to grow up.

Pumped milk is NOT as good as from the tap. ALSO I don't know where you're getting that it's the mother who wants the child to breastfeed. I'm sorry but you CAN'T force a child to breastfeed, not to mention breastfeeding is and can be a PITA, I'm NOT breastfeeding for me, I'm breastfeeding for my son. There is nothing selfish about breastfeeding.

[SweetSimpleThings]

To each their own. I used to think long-term extended BFing beyond age two was a bit odd, but the more I've learned here and heard the reasons around why some moms/babes continue past that, the more I've learned that it's beneficial in the large majority of situations and it's none of my business at the end of the day!

Originally Posted by MREzMommy122807

I was in another debate message board and this topic came up..

A lady was in there talking about how she basically seen a woman at a yard sale who was breastfeeding her 4 year old daughter, and everyone at the yard sale took one look at her and left. Now i support breastfeeding 100% and i have no problem with breastfeeding in public, but i deff. was grossed out by this..i mean come one now its not everyday you see a woman breastfeeding a child this age. I seen women on tv in other countries who where breast feeding their 10 year olds but ive never actually see this around here..so yes i do find this really odd. I found it more odd that a lot of those women agreed with it and said its perfectly normal to breastfeed a 4 year old or a 8 year old and that its up to the child when to stop . Is it REALLY nessasary to breastfeed a child this old? And shouldnt a child this age be taught other ways to comfort herself besides the mothers breast? I just dont think its healthy mentally for a school aged child to still be breastfeeding..What do you all think?

SORRY, I DIDNT NOTICE THERE WAS A SIMILAR POST IN THE BF/FF BOARD.

Yes it can be necessary. It's not normal here because it's not encouraged.. judging by the tone of your post, you can understand why so many women DON'T bf past a certain age. Did you know there are immunological benefits to breastfeeding, even an eight year old? Not to mention, there are vitamins as well as proteins still being passed through. Right now there is a huge increase in allergies, digestive issues and obesity issues. Because of those issues alone, we should be promoting breastmilk. Then there is the emotional element. Children are experiencing depression and mental health issues at an alarming rate. If children are allowed to wean on their own, these types of issues will drop according to the beliefs of some doctors. Those doctors feel that forcing "comfort" through artificial means is what is leading to these issues. Rather than forcing kids to be independent, if we allowed them to find independence on their own time, they would benefit at so many levels ~ physically, emotionally, mentally and spirituality.

Originally Posted by MREzMommy122807

It just makes me wonder if a mother who breastfeeds a child this old just doesnt want to let go.I mean i get if you might want your child to still drink it b/c of the benefits of it or whatever but why not use a cup? Eventually a child needs to grow up.

Trust me, as a mom of a two year old who still nurses, I'm not doing this for me. You can't force a child to breastfeed. It really bothers me that these notions that mothers do it for themselves and that children can be forced to breastfeed still exist. It's blatant shaming upon a nursing mom. Nursing moms who are still nursing their children should be celebrated for trying to help their kids have the best start instead of shaming them. Whether or not it's acknowledged, a child will grow up and off the breast. It's a fact.

Originally Posted by blondie-lox

Pumped milk is NOT as good as from the tap. ALSO I don't know where you're getting that it's the mother who wants the child to breastfeed. I'm sorry but you CAN'T force a child to breastfeed, not to mention breastfeeding is and can be a PITA, I'm NOT breastfeeding for me, I'm breastfeeding for my son. There is nothing selfish about breastfeeding.

Yes.. pumping is not the same as breastfeeding. While some moms can pump, not everyone can. Plus because there is more suckling from the child the way it was meant to be intended, a mother is less likely to dry up compared to be forced to use a pump.

[ctanis]

Originally Posted by blondie-lox

Why does everyone care so much what someone is doing with their OWN child and their OWN breast? I'm not going to dictate to someone what they can do with their own child. As long as mom and baby/child are happy who cares?

ditto

[ctanis]

Originally Posted by MREzMommy122807

I find it very strange too..It just makes me wonder if a mother who breastfeeds a child this old just doesnt want to let go.I mean i get if you might want your child to still drink it b/c of the benefits of it or whatever but why not use a cup? Eventually a child needs to grow up.

I have to say comments like this iratate me. Just because I am still BF my 3 yr old does not mean I do not want to let go or my child is not growing up. He is very independant and does not want help.

Originally Posted by MREzMommy122807

I find it very strange too..It just makes me wonder if a mother who breastfeeds a child this old just doesnt want to let go.I mean i get if you might want your child to still drink it b/c of the benefits of it or whatever but why not use a cup? Eventually a child needs to grow up.

Well, as a pregnant tandem nursing mom who is currently nursing an almost four year old (2/14/06) and an almost 2 year old (12/23/07) and has a former nursling that nursed for four years, I can tell you that it is not for myself that I nurse. If it were truly up to me and I weren't concerned about my children, I would have torn them from the breast already. I don't remind my children to nurse. They ASK for nana or nonny. It's up to them. If I were getting some sort of pleasure or I were unable to let go, then believe you, me, I'd be reminding my daughter, "you haven't had your nana today, Maddie."

This topic always has condescending judgmental attitudes toward women who do what the World Health Organization recommends: Breastfeeding until age 2 and then however long mom and child are comfortable. Get over it. I'm not asking you to whip out your junk for my children-it's none of your business who's still nursing whom and how old they are.

[ctanis]

Originally Posted by Lash

As in standard debate, the one offering the argument has the burden of proof, so MREzMommy122807 I challenge you to find the proof that it harms a child to breastfeed so long. The only argument here that is even remotely possible is harm to a child, otherwise who cares. So if you think that stance is valid, I challenge you to find the burden of proof here

ditto

While I think it's weird to see an older child nursing, it's only weird because we don't see it often. We're used to seeing infants and small toddlers nursing, after that it's a new sight when it happens, and does tend to shock us. Kind of like Elvis' hip gyrations shocked the whole of America, and tenish years later it was what everyone did. If we saw it more often, it would be less shocking, less taboo, and less weird. I still think it's weird though, because I don't see it often.

I also don't agree that moms who nurse older children only do it for the child. My friend nursed her child until he was 6. When he was five she said "Yeah, I should probably suggest he wean. I know he'd do it. I'm just not ready to give up this relationship yet." I'm sure the health benefits were on her list of reasons, but her first and foremost reason was that it was a comfort TO HER to nurse him.

And while you can't force a child to nurse, children are far better at reading our biological and emotional cues than people give them credit for. When my friend's kid was six, she had a second child and didn't want to tandem nurse. So she gently suggested he stop nursing, and he never nursed again. He actually thanked her.

Now I don't think it was hurting him to nurse, or that anything was really being done wrong. He wasn't "forced" to nurse, but the logical conclusion to be drawn (even by his mother) was that he was nursing because she wanted him to. He obviously didn't hate it, or he wouldn't have done it. I'm just thinking that she can't be the only mother out there that nurses because she's not ready to let go.

Does it matter? No. She's not hurting him with extended nursing. I mean he still knew how to use a cup and a straw and normal things (otherwise I'd wonder about some things being left out there). But the idea that NO mother does it just because she wants to doesn't mesh with me. 98%, sure. Again, it doesn't matter.

Believe me-as my breasts get more and more sore because of being pregnant... I ASSURE you-I do this for my children. NOT myself. If you've never breastfed while pregnant, you simply can't understand the pain that is involved.

[frgsonmysox]

ugh - this debate always bothers me. I can't believe the disgust, distaste, and condescension that is present in peoples posts. You don't want to nurse your child - fine but don't insult those of us who extend nurse. I don't nurse my 3 year old for MY benefit, nor do I nurse my 15 month for MY benefit. When they are ready, they will wean. It's not YOUR child or YOUR breast. You want people to respect how you feed your child - show the same respect for the way we feed ours.

Originally Posted by frugality=reality

Believe me-as my breasts get more and more sore because of being pregnant... I ASSURE you-I do this for my children. NOT myself. If you've never breastfed while pregnant, you simply can't understand the pain that is involved.

ditto that. When my children nurse it feels like my nipples are being sliced with glass. Obviously I must enjoy that sensation! I do it FOR THEM.

Originally Posted by Keskes

While I think it's weird to see an older child nursing, it's only weird because we don't see it often. We're used to seeing infants and small toddlers nursing, after that it's a new sight when it happens, and does tend to shock us. Kind of like Elvis' hip gyrations shocked the whole of America, and tenish years later it was what everyone did. If we saw it more often, it would be less shocking, less taboo, and less weird. I still think it's weird though, because I don't see it often.

I also don't agree that moms who nurse older children only do it for the child. My friend nursed her child until he was 6. When he was five she said "Yeah, I should probably suggest he wean. I know he'd do it. I'm just not ready to give up this relationship yet." I'm sure the health benefits were on her list of reasons, but her first and foremost reason was that it was a comfort TO HER to nurse him.

And while you can't force a child to nurse, children are far better at reading our biological and emotional cues than people give them credit for. When my friend's kid was six, she had a second child and didn't want to tandem nurse. So she gently suggested he stop nursing, and he never nursed again. He actually thanked her.

Now I don't think it was hurting him to nurse, or that anything was really being done wrong. He wasn't "forced" to nurse, but the logical conclusion to be drawn (even by his mother) was that he was nursing because she wanted him to. He obviously didn't hate it, or he wouldn't have done it. I'm just thinking that she can't be the only mother out there that nurses because she's not ready to let go.

Does it matter? No. She's not hurting him with extended nursing. I mean he still knew how to use a cup and a straw and normal things (otherwise I'd wonder about some things being left out there). But the idea that NO mother does it just because she wants to doesn't mesh with me. 98%, sure. Again, it doesn't matter.

I have to wonder if the mother just didn't know how to explain it better to you and maybe that was your interpretation about it?

Keskes, it's not that I don't believe your words and that she said those things. Aside, from the whole bf/ff debate, it's just been something I've observed in parents in real life and on these boards.. They defend their children's behaviors by assuming responsibility because they don't want to imply there is something wrong with their child. For example, I've read many parents that want help with co-sleeping when they admit their reasoning for co-sleeping (myself included) was that it was so obvious that was what their child needed even as newborn infants. Many times they blame themselves for their co-sleeping "problems" by "giving in" instead of being firm. The parents instinctively know what their offspring needed but need support and guidance. We are in a society that breeds "it's the parents fault for not being disciplined enough and all children need to learn dependance, the sooner the better" when parents actually know that attitude doesn't help their kids yet. So as a mom who is still nursing her toddler, and fights the urge to "blame" myself for her need to nurse, I can see how other mothers would be ok with "assuming responsibility" of their own child's nursing. At the end of the day, the immune system isn't done maturing until the age of around 6-9. So it does pain me that any mom has to try to justify to another mom why she is nursing her child. It's a biological norm to be breastfeeding a child.

I don't think anyone has to justify it to me.. I don't care what other people do and don't do. A nursing six-year-old, assuming breast milk isn't the ONLY thing he eats or drinks, is not harmed in any way by the breast feeding relationship. His mother wasn't justifying herself to me - I never once asked her why she still nurses. But I also spent a lot of time with her, and she offered her child a nursing session every time I saw him nurse. He didn't ask for it. I'm sure he maybe did sometimes, but I'd spend entire days with her where she'd offer but he'd never ask.

She wasn't facing any judgement for me.. I honestly didn't care. She was an old friend, and I'd known her since high school, when she had her baby. I said it's weird to see an older kid nursing, so I can see where you'd think I was passing visible judgement for her to pick up on. But I said that's weird because we're not used to seeing it - I was very used to seeing her nurse. I was there when her baby was born. It was normal, and I didn't judge her. We were close enough as friends, in fact, that part of the reason she didn't want to tandem nurse was so that she could pump and give ME the breast milk since I was unable to supply it myself.

I don't think she did anything wrong, I was just suggesting that not every single parent out there has the same motives or desires as all the other parents that do the same thing.