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Babies at a baby shower?


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  #41  
June 10th, 2010, 06:28 PM
Emm17's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I have always been under the assumption that baby showers are baby/child friendly. I wouldnt even consider asking to bring Avery.....I just would. I think that is just how things are around here....its expected.
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  #42  
June 10th, 2010, 07:01 PM
chlodoll
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I wouldn't assume that my child is welcome at anyone's house or function without asking first or at least telling them I intend to bring them special occasion or not.
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  #43  
June 10th, 2010, 07:24 PM
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I wouldn't mind it...in fact, we had about 2-3 babies at each of my baby showers...


but in my family, it's definitely understood...so no big deal.
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  #44  
June 10th, 2010, 07:35 PM
Emm17's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chlodoll View Post
I wouldn't assume that my child is welcome at anyone's house or function without asking first or at least telling them I intend to bring them special occasion or not.

I have never been to a baby shower where there wasnt a stack of children. Its the norm here.
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  #45  
June 10th, 2010, 07:38 PM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
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This is certainly a tough one....

The family that I married in to - all that side of the family are huge on having baby showers, bridal showers etc.

When food items are purchased (or rather ingredients and items made) such as sandwiches, different salads, veggie platters, dessert - everyone pitches in AND it is done on the expectation that there WILL be children of all ages there.
The ONLY time children have been exempt (and clearly stated on invitations) are for wedding meals. The only children typically included would be (if they have them) ring bearer & flower girl - all other children are welcome to the reception after the meal, but not at the meal.

The meals for weddings are catered and expensive, so I can fully understand why there is a no children rule - if you do not want to go somewhere your children can't, then RSVP with a 'no'.

So that being said.. I think there might be situations where children may not be 'welcome', but if it is not explicitly stated on the invitation, rather than make an assumption, those that have children and are invited should check with whomever is hosting the shower just to cover all the bases.

I'm certainly not saying they should not be allowed, heck I had MANY children at my baby shower and it didn't bother me in the least; so I'm all for little ones being there.
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  #46  
June 10th, 2010, 08:09 PM
IAmMomMomIAm
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I don't think it's rude to not want children there. I would think it was rude to get pissed off at people who opted not to come rather than leave their children behind, or to be mean to someone who did bring a child. But just to ask that people not bring children.. eh, whatever.
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  #47  
June 10th, 2010, 08:49 PM
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Originally Posted by blondie-lox View Post
That's horrible. What a complete selfish B. I can't believe that. I would never ever speak to that women again if I were the mother with the baby, and I would have left and taken my gift with me.
Same here. I would have gotten up and seriously left with my gift and not spoken to that person again. Hormones or not, that's a ****** thing to say.

I wouldn't care if someone brought babies to my shower. I couldnt imagine ever telling someone no. I agree you should ask the host, but I don't have a problem with it.
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  #48  
June 11th, 2010, 10:17 AM
WineKeepsMeSane's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cricket Master View Post
Ok, back story........

I was invited to a baby shower of a woman due in a month. Invites just say "You are invited to a baby shower" and that's all. This woman, who I thought was a totally different person, acted a total female dog to a guest that brought her baby. The offender even brought a very nice gift but that didn't matter to the mother to be. I heard her say "It's my moment and I don't need a f%$#$# baby here to ruin it".

so, I have come to realize that either hormones has taken over this woman or she is really not the person I thought she was. I felt really bad for the other lady and sat with her and cooed all over her itty bitty baby.

I just would never think that a function that is about a baby would have people upset over one actually being there.

eta: I am not inviting this woman to my baby shower
wow. I wonder how her own baby is going to ruin her moments in life? I feel badly for the kid already.
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  #49  
June 12th, 2010, 06:19 AM
Jenna's Avatar AWESOME!!!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emm17 View Post
I have never been to a baby shower where there wasnt a stack of children. Its the norm here.
Same here. Baby showers are planned with lots of little kids in mind. Food, activities, gated-off areas for the little wigglers, places for naps. I've never heard of anyone NOT wanting kids at their baby shower... So this is a first for me.
It is kind of funny to think about, though. If anyone around here tried to do that, no one would go.
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  #50  
June 12th, 2010, 12:18 PM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm only on Pg 1- but if babies detract from the attention of a shower, then I hope if someone does make the mistake of giving me a shower, that they bring a truckload of babies because I hate being the center of attention at functions like that

How "Western Culture" of us to proclaim that we can only celebrate one miracle of life at a time, only one person and only one life event at a time, instead of a community understanding.

Can you imagine this happening 150 years ago!
Can you really imagine women sitting around saying to each other "hey despite that war that is raging on, and despite the fact that we women all pull together in times of need, in food rationing and political upheaval, today Mary Sue has decided to forget all that and make this entire day all about her upcoming baby. So please, abandon your children at home and come lavish attention on one person at a time".
I laugh imagining invites going out on the prarie, around the American Indian reservation or a host of other circumstances.

My OH my how we women have "advanced"
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  #51  
June 12th, 2010, 12:27 PM
AMDG's Avatar Margaret
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lash View Post

How "Western Culture" of us to proclaim that we can only celebrate one miracle of life at a time, only one person and only one life event at a time, instead of a community understanding.

Can you imagine this happening 150 years ago!
Can you really imagine women sitting around saying to each other "hey despite that war that is raging on, and despite the fact that we women all pull together in times of need, in food rationing and political upheaval, today Mary Sue has decided to forget all that and make this entire day all about her upcoming baby. So please, abandon your children at home and come lavish attention on one person at a time".
I laugh imagining invites going out on the prarie, around the American Indian reservation or a host of other circumstances.

My OH my how we women have "advanced"
I was going to write something exactly like this but then decided against it. I agree completely. I think it is sad.
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  #52  
June 12th, 2010, 01:09 PM
IAmMomMomIAm
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I don't think the Expectant mom being the center of attention is a valid reason to request no kids, but if the host of the shower doesn't want to baby proof their house, or if they don't think that it's appropriate for small children to see adults consuming moderate to large amounts of alcohol.. then so be it.
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  #53  
June 12th, 2010, 01:14 PM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keskes View Post
I don't think the Expectant mom being the center of attention is a valid reason to request no kids, but if the host of the shower doesn't want to baby proof their house, or if they don't think that it's appropriate for small children to see adults consuming moderate to large amounts of alcohol.. then so be it.
This to me though is not baby shower specific. Any group that feels they will be consuming large amounts of alcohol has a much higher expectancy be kid-free. That includes bachelorette parties and a number of other events. I don't see that pertaining specifically to baby showers. I don't see it directly banning kids either- lots of weddings have alcohol and still have kids. Heck family parties and holidays and tons of other events have alcohol and still have kids around

Lack of baby proofing doesn't answer why not to have babies, especially infants. I mean in general, you can have glass shards all over the floor, and all be wasted and I can still have my infant there you know
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  #54  
June 12th, 2010, 01:18 PM
IAmMomMomIAm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lash View Post
This to me though is not baby shower specific. Any group that feels they will be consuming large amounts of alcohol has a much higher expectancy be kid-free. That includes bachelorette parties and a number of other events. I don't see that pertaining specifically to baby showers. I don't see it directly banning kids either- lots of weddings have alcohol and still have kids. Heck family parties and holidays and tons of other events have alcohol and still have kids around

Lack of baby proofing doesn't answer why not to have babies, especially infants. I mean in general, you can have glass shards all over the floor, and all be wasted and I can still have my infant there you know
I address the second part earlier. Personally, I think it's far more rude to say that only certain people can bring their children, and they can only bring certain children, and other people have to leave their children at home. Sally can bring her breastfed 6 month old, but has to leave her toddler at home, and Jenny's breast fed 13 month old is walking now, and therefore has to stay home. it's just easier, and more polite, imo, to have it be all or nothing. Either ALL children are welcome, or none are.
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  #55  
June 12th, 2010, 01:46 PM
AMDG's Avatar Margaret
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keskes View Post
I address the second part earlier. Personally, I think it's far more rude to say that only certain people can bring their children, and they can only bring certain children, and other people have to leave their children at home. Sally can bring her breastfed 6 month old, but has to leave her toddler at home, and Jenny's breast fed 13 month old is walking now, and therefore has to stay home. it's just easier, and more polite, imo, to have it be all or nothing. Either ALL children are welcome, or none are.

I know you have argued this earlier but you really don't see how infants (BF or FF) belong with their mothers? I may have misunderstood Lash's point but part of what I was thinking was that it is sad that mothers are expected to leave their babies at home to attend a social event - ESPECIALLY a social event meant to celebrate new life, families and babies! It is sad that our society is SO anti family and anti children that even a women who is about to give birth would view OTHER infants as a bother or a distraction.
I guess my argument is that it should go without saying - of course babies can come with their mothers. As for other, older children, an event could be family friendly or not - and again, it is sad that our society views children as such a burden and a bother but I don't think it is hard to differentiate the two.
I do recognize that different social groups and different societies view infants/mothers/families differently and so I guess it isn't rude to say no babies if that is what that particular social group has established as acceptable but I can say that I think it is sad.

eta: I can see your point about it getting fuzzy somewhere in the middle - non exclusively breastfed child - like in the 10-15 month old range but hopefully mothers could use their good judgment. I just can not imagine a mother getting upset or thinking - "what? no fair! I can't bring my 2 year old but Sally over there gets to bring her 3 month old infant?! How rude of the host to allow that infant but not my sweet toddler!"

Last edited by AMDG; June 12th, 2010 at 02:05 PM.
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  #56  
June 12th, 2010, 02:47 PM
IAmMomMomIAm
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The problem is that people DO get offended by things like that. if Sally is told she can't bring her child, and then sees Jenny's kid at the shower, she may very well get pissed off. I think it would just be so much easier on the host if it was all or nothing. People don't HAVE to go to a shower if they can't bring their children.

I never said that children don't belong with their mothers, but take Beth for example: she towed Anastasia with her everywhere until she was 18 months old. Should she be allowed to bring HER 18 month old, and I have to leave mine behind? Chances are Beth would simply choose not to attend - and that would be fine.

I don't think babies and toddlers shouldn't be welcome at a baby shower.. all I'm saying is that I understand why sometimes the host of the shower would prefer it that way, and I don't find that offensive. If I couldn't bring my infant, and didn't want to leave her at home, I just wouldn't go.

I'm mostly playing Devil's Advocate here. I can't imagine anyone in my circle of friends saying children aren't welcome at a shower. We don't drink alcohol, and nearly everyone HAS a baby between birth and 3. Not everyone brings their children, but it's well-known that they are welcome to.

I can just see it both ways, that's all. I don't babies NEED to be at a baby shower, and I don't think they NEED to be automatically excluded.
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  #57  
June 12th, 2010, 04:15 PM
Jintana's Avatar Dragoness
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Ask first before bringing a guest of any age.. but women take themselves far too seriously about their baby showers. I say "shut the **** up - someone's thrown you a party and people have bought you gifts - that is all you are entitled to."
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  #58  
June 13th, 2010, 08:25 AM
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I am a total lurker here, but I enjoy reading people's opinions on these threads....

But I have to post that I am in this exact situation right this very minute. My BEST friend of the last 18 yrs is pregnant and her shower is today.

Her mom is throwing it (I thought that was a no? But that's a different thread) and the evite (again?) allowed an adult and kid response. I actually didn't know that yesterday, but I called the mom to see if it was okay if I brought my 5.5 month old DD. I 100% thought she was say "Ohhh of COURSE!" and be excited because the mom has never met her, and my bff tells me she asks about her all the time. Her response was (long pause)....."Yeah......I'm sure that would be fine" (another pause, and I paused because I was completely off guard) "yeah, that would be okay"

I honestly couldn't believe it! And I would have gone alone except DH got called into a work meeting (yeah, on a Sunday!) today, so he isn't around.

So I'm having my grandmother come over and I'm sure things will be fine (except DD isn't that great with other people yet) and thankfully the shower is at a restaurant only 10 mins from here.

And all I can think of is that she is either worried DD will cry/fuss and be a distraction or (more likely) that she doesn't want the attention taken away from my bff.

So I'm curious to see if when I get there she tries to play the "ooooh where is Addison, I wanted to meet her" card......because that is absolutely not the way it came off when I asked. I know my bff will ask where she is because she'd love her there. And of course I won't tell her the real reason I'm leaving her at home.

But I'm honestly hurt and offended by this! (I may post later how it went)

Maybe it's just that my family has SO many kids of all ages that I'm surprised it even occurred to me to ask if it was okay. (And I noticed on the evite that the "yes" responses are 31 adults and 1 kid. I know that girl is about 4 though)
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  #59  
June 13th, 2010, 08:32 AM
IAmMomMomIAm
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Heh.. if the shower isn't at someone's HOUSE, then I would probably ask the Expectant mom what SHE wanted, rather than the person throwing the shower. If it's at someone's house, then I ask the house owner.
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  #60  
June 13th, 2010, 08:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Keskes View Post
Heh.. if the shower isn't at someone's HOUSE, then I would probably ask the Expectant mom what SHE wanted, rather than the person throwing the shower. If it's at someone's house, then I ask the house owner.
True, but the shower was a surprise, so I couldn't ask my friend. I can maybe see not wanting the baby at the restaurant? But my plan was to wear her, and I know she'd be fine for the 2 hours (okay, I can't be absolutely sure of course). Decisions made now, now I'll just try not to let it affect my attitude there! And hope ( in a way) there aren't other infants LOL
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