Log In Sign Up

commenting on children's physical appearance


Forum: Heated Debates

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Heated Debates LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
June 10th, 2010, 05:55 PM
Quantum_Leap's Avatar frequent flier
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Seattle area, Washington
Posts: 9,750
When in a public location with other parents you don't know very well (such as a park or a playground), is it or is it not acceptable to casually make a comment about their children's physical appearance? I'm talking about totally neutral comments like "Wow, he's so big!" or "She's so tiny!" or even "His hair is so curly!" or "Look how many teeth she has!" Elsewhere on this board and IRL, I've seen women grow quite upset over being on the receiving end of comments such as this. Personally, it doesn't bother me if someone tells me that my son is tall (I know he is), but I'm never sure whether or not it's okay to make comments such as this to other moms, because I think there are many women who find them offensive. What are your thoughts?
__________________

Thank you to the SSMC makers for my beautiful siggies!

(x2)(x2)(October 2011)
Reply With Quote
  #2  
June 10th, 2010, 06:02 PM
*Dayna*'s Avatar Aussie Mama
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,329
If someone finds it offensive that I tell them their kid is tall or whatever, they have issues. People are always commenting on my kids and it doesn't bother me. It's not a personal attack, just mere observation.
__________________
Nothing is better than being with your family. Finally reunited after 5 long months <3
Reply With Quote
  #3  
June 10th, 2010, 06:03 PM
BonitaAppleBomb's Avatar ~African-American-Mommy~
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: G.R.I.T.S.~Girl Raised In The South
Posts: 10,125
Send a message via Yahoo to BonitaAppleBomb
I know people in real life that comment on how "unattractive" some kids are by using words such as "ugly child or ugly baby". I would NEVER in a million years comment on any child in such a negative way and it bothers me to hear other people talk negatively about the outer appearance of kids. Maybe it's just one of my personal pet peeves.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #4  
June 10th, 2010, 06:05 PM
*Dayna*'s Avatar Aussie Mama
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,329
Quote:
Originally Posted by BonitaAppleBomb View Post
I know people in real life that comment on how "unattractive" some kids are by using words such as "ugly child or ugly baby". I would NEVER in a million years comment on any child in such a negative way and it bothers me to hear other people talk negatively about the outer appearance of kids. Maybe it's just one of my personal pet peeves.
Not to their parents I hope?
__________________
Nothing is better than being with your family. Finally reunited after 5 long months <3
Reply With Quote
  #5  
June 10th, 2010, 06:05 PM
IAmMomMomIAm
Guest
Posts: n/a
I think it's all in how it's said. I'm not automatically offended if someone says that Luke is big for his age, or Lauren is petite, but if their tone suggests that by "big for his age" they really meant "dang, your kid is a porker" then I would be kind of upset. I can't imagine how anyone would be offended at someone saying their child's hair is curly or that they have teeth, but I can see weight or size being a potential offense.

So I don't normally mention size or weight, but I will mention eye color or hair color, etc. Strangers stop me all the time in the grocery store to tell me how blue my kids' eyes are.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
June 10th, 2010, 06:08 PM
*Dayna*'s Avatar Aussie Mama
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,329
Only time I got mad was when my pretty fat (lol) baby was asked if his Mummy fed him steak. I would never comment on a kid being 'too skinny' or 'too fat' because babies come in all shapes and sizes and it doesn't mean they'll be obese or anorexic when they're older.
__________________
Nothing is better than being with your family. Finally reunited after 5 long months <3
Reply With Quote
  #7  
June 10th, 2010, 06:09 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: New Brunswick Canada
Posts: 1,719
I think it okay as long as it's not a derogotory comment like...wow he's fat, or ugly, or he's too skinny etc (I think the tone may do the same thing). My daughter is very big for her age, wears size 10 and is just 5 (not even in school till the fall) so I get comments all the time, since she is bi-racial I also get the more interesting comments like "is she adopted?" which I hate when someone asks, especially when they are with me.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #8  
June 10th, 2010, 06:12 PM
chlodoll
Guest
Posts: n/a
I guess we probably shouldn't comment at all on how kids look although I know I am guilty. My 4 year old is short for his age and it really upsets him when people comment on how small he is.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
June 10th, 2010, 06:12 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 2,338
I do not think it is ever appropriate or nice to make comments about a kids physical appearance without knowing them first, at least not in their or their parent's presence. I mean we all observe people and make observations all the time but there is no need to point things out to the intended party. Here's an example as to why I've come to this belief:

I had a photographer one time at a birthday party comment on how "poor" my daughter looked because she had holes in her knees. The photographer did not know that she was mine. I calmly smiled and left it alone but later on said something about using tact when speaking with someone whom you've never met because you never know who that person may very well be.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #10  
June 10th, 2010, 06:14 PM
IAmMomMomIAm
Guest
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by chlodoll View Post
I guess we probably shouldn't comment at all on how kids look although I know I am guilty. My 4 year old is short for his age and it really upsets him when people comment on how small he is.
Why shouldn't we tell a child they have pretty eyes or lovely curls?
Reply With Quote
  #11  
June 10th, 2010, 06:14 PM
**Badfish**'s Avatar Worth Saving
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Colorado
Posts: 7,141
The only one that's ever bothered me is, "she's so cute!" I am constantly told how big he is for his age, which is weird because he's on the small side of average.
__________________





Reply With Quote
  #12  
June 10th, 2010, 07:01 PM
BonitaAppleBomb's Avatar ~African-American-Mommy~
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: G.R.I.T.S.~Girl Raised In The South
Posts: 10,125
Send a message via Yahoo to BonitaAppleBomb
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Dayna~ View Post
Not to their parents I hope?
No, not to their faces.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #14  
June 10th, 2010, 07:18 PM
KimberlyD0
Guest
Posts: n/a
as long as its not said in a malice way then I don't see any issue with it.

DD#1 I always hear how big she is
DD#2 how small
its not insulting to me because they are and I would say the same.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
June 10th, 2010, 08:51 PM
glasscandie's Avatar What I make is what I am
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Near Washington, DC
Posts: 15,982
Send a message via AIM to glasscandie Send a message via Yahoo to glasscandie
I might be emotionally sensitive to this topic, but hot the **** (that is my new catch phrase, please feel free to use it lol), it is not necessary to make commentaries about something that is obvious. If a kid is tall, the parent KNOWS a kid is tall. I KNOW my kid's skin is red. Or maybe I'm just one who is not partial to idle conversation, I dunno.
__________________
I predict a riot.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
June 10th, 2010, 09:18 PM
*Dayna*'s Avatar Aussie Mama
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,329
Quote:
Originally Posted by glasscandie View Post
I might be emotionally sensitive to this topic, but hot the **** (that is my new catch phrase, please feel free to use it lol), it is not necessary to make commentaries about something that is obvious. If a kid is tall, the parent KNOWS a kid is tall. I KNOW my kid's skin is red. Or maybe I'm just one who is not partial to idle conversation, I dunno.
I remember a previous post about your daughter. No one needs to comment on her skin, that's terrible.
__________________
Nothing is better than being with your family. Finally reunited after 5 long months <3
Reply With Quote
  #17  
June 10th, 2010, 09:20 PM
IAmMomMomIAm
Guest
Posts: n/a
I'm kind of tired of hearing that my kids have blue eyes, but it's not the same as me being offended by it. I usually just say "yep, they do!" because what else do you say?

I always want to say something snarky..

"Wow, she has blue eyes!"
"REALLY?! OH MY GOSH! They were brown just yesterday!!"
Reply With Quote
  #18  
June 10th, 2010, 09:28 PM
KimberlyD0
Guest
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by glasscandie View Post
I might be emotionally sensitive to this topic, but hot the **** (that is my new catch phrase, please feel free to use it lol), it is not necessary to make commentaries about something that is obvious. If a kid is tall, the parent KNOWS a kid is tall. I KNOW my kid's skin is red. Or maybe I'm just one who is not partial to idle conversation, I dunno.
I know what you mean. I get coments about DD#2's leg markings and how she walks funny because of the LLD. I don't see that as the same as a casual "she's such a big/small girl" I suppose because, like you I am emotionally sensitive to it as well.

I'll often hear "she looks just like you" "she looks like your DH" or with DD#2 "wow, where did she get the blond hair and blue eyes" (DH and I have brown, and so does DD#1) They just don't bother me in the same way.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
June 10th, 2010, 09:31 PM
myblueyez's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 2,121
I don't have a problem with it if it's not done to be rude...

When Tarin was a baby I used to hear all the time how he was so chubby, which that didn't offend me b/c he was a chubby baby. Now one time someone did make rude comment about him being fat, that did tick me off, he was a big baby but not fat by any means, just chubby...

I have made comments about other people's kids before but nothing rude... Things such as pretty curls, cute dimples, etc...
__________________
Killing Time - my blog

~~Thank you to Jaidynsmum for my awesome siggy!~~


Reply With Quote
  #20  
June 10th, 2010, 09:36 PM
**Badfish**'s Avatar Worth Saving
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Colorado
Posts: 7,141
Quote:
Originally Posted by glasscandie View Post
I might be emotionally sensitive to this topic, but hot the **** (that is my new catch phrase, please feel free to use it lol), it is not necessary to make commentaries about something that is obvious. If a kid is tall, the parent KNOWS a kid is tall. I KNOW my kid's skin is red. Or maybe I'm just one who is not partial to idle conversation, I dunno.
I am sitting here trying to figure out the proper swear word for that catch phrase. Help me out. Give me different scenarios where I can use this, because it sounds super fun to say.

I need something to replace "that's what she said."
__________________





Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:49 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0