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Intentionally getting pregnant, when you have a child under a year old.


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  #41  
June 14th, 2010, 02:16 AM
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Well, if you look at my kids ages in my signature you will see that ive had a few close together, its just the way its worked out.

No health risks, no horribly isolated children with no parental attention, nothing bad at all.

Each to their own.
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  #42  
June 14th, 2010, 03:00 AM
Granola Mama
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My kids are close in age, 14 months apart between Rain and the twins. It wasn't really planned. I got pregnant when Rain was 6 months, we hadn't been being super careful, but I was EBF, I found out I was pregnant when I went to go see aobut BC, we were going to wait until she was around 9-12 months, but so much for planning. This time around we decided to not really try or prevent, and I got pregnant, this baby is due just before the twins are 1. After this one we'll practice NFP.

My children are fed, cared for and loved. Have two (or more) kids is different then having one, just in general. And having them close is age is different then having them farther apart. My family is not perfect. We do have struggles, our family is not perfect. Anyone who claims there family is perfect, is lying through their teeth. There are days when Sunni won't let me put her down for two seconds, and Rain is running from me, and River is screaming because I won't let him eat dirt, and I've got DH on the phone asking if I'll make that one thing I made that one time but he can't really remember what it was but everyone loved it and hey what's that screaming the background, that I just want to go to a hotel and not have to deal with any of it. But I'm pretty sure every mother has had that moment. Scratch that, I'm sure every person has had that moment. But that doesn't mean I don't love my family, my children, my husband, and my life. Just means that from time to time I have a frustrating day.

If you can care for your children, then I don't really care when you have them. Some people like a lot of space between children, some don't. Each family is different and unique.
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  #43  
June 14th, 2010, 03:58 AM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KimberlyD0
There are dangers to moms who have babies too closely together, its a health risk every moms should know about. They covered this on our prenatal classes too.
Well I didn't, and not ONE doctor had any risks or negative things to say in regards to closely spaced pregnancies. In fact, I never took any prenatal, birth etc etc classes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KimberlyD0
Moms who have babies to close together have a higher risk of blood clots,. this happend to a friend of mine who is now on blood thiners for life. She has 3 children, each 16 months apart. Moms have even died because of this. It can also lead to vitamin and mineral deffisiancies in mom, like calsium, and iron. generally its a risk to moms more then babies because babies take it from the mom. Each pregnancy does stress the body, be it singleton or multiples.
Everyone is at risk for all sorts of issues just because they are fat, thin, eat too much of this or that.
May people have vitamin deficiencies without ever having a baby.

I'm going to word-smith for a moment & say that there are a few who are posting making blanket statements ignoring the fact that some of us have already said that we have closely spaced children; some of the responses are condensing and disrespectful.
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  #44  
June 14th, 2010, 05:26 AM
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There are health risks involved in ANY pregnancy. If we all waited until we weren't at risk for anything, the human population would completely die out.
  #45  
June 14th, 2010, 05:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keskes View Post
There are health risks involved in ANY pregnancy. If we all waited until we weren't at risk for anything, the human population would completely die out.
Yeah, but some pregnancies are higher risk than others. Some people are willing to dismiss those risks and carry on anyways, some aren't. Obviously their pregnancies don't effect my life, so I don't really care how far apart their kids are.

Personally, I'd love to have another baby. Chloe is 16 months old, so technically she doesn't fit under the year that the OP was talking about, but I would have welcomed a pregnancy then anyways.

Regarding the lady in the OP, I personally would have never went back on fertility treatments. Triplets AND a toddler? No thanks! It's different if there's a singleton, but triplets?! I'd be nuts to have fertility treatments right now and run the risk of having multiples.
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  #46  
June 14th, 2010, 05:47 AM
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Meh. Perhaps I'm just tired of hearing that my health issues this time around were because my kids are too close together, which is what everyone thinks.. EXCEPT the three different doctors I had to see for the issues. They (the doctors) agree that everything would most likely have happened even if my kids were three years apart.

I guess I don't see close spacing any more reckless than having a second pregnancy after you've had gestational diabetes, or pre-e, or any of a number of things that increase in likelihood with subsequent pregnancies. However, the health risks of close spacing are the only arguments that makes any sense at all.
  #47  
June 14th, 2010, 05:51 AM
mayandsofiasmommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KimberlyD0 View Post

To me its questionable to take fertility drugs to get pregnant that quickly, especially if she was BF, but really what business is that of mine. Also if she was anything like us, 5 years to have our first, she probably didn't figure she would fall pregnant thats quickly. I know we expected it to take just as long, if not longer to have our second. Instead we got lucky and she was a hunnymoon baby (literally a month after the wedding LOL) we were not planning to TTC untill Jan 08
Why is it questionable to take fertility drugs?? She was NOT BF. You cannot take fertility drugs and do IVF if you are BFing. I have a friend who is in the process of weaning (hers is almost 1 year) so she can start IVF again. In her situation, she cannot wait too long to have more.

Many of you do not really understand infertility- and that's fine, if you haven't had to deal with it, you don't fully understand- but try to be a bit less judgmental. When you are dealing with infertility, you are literally racing a against a clock. Plus, the treatments do not always work so you have to do a few rounds of IUI or IVF, which increases the time.

My OB told me at the 6 week pp check up not to start having more until my twins were ONE. 12 months. Of course, I chose not to do that, but there is nothing medically wrong with waiting 1 year and then having more. My OB wanted me to wait a full year since a multiple pregnancy is harder on your body.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chloe'sMommy View Post

Regarding the lady in the OP, I personally would have never went back on fertility treatments. Triplets AND a toddler? No thanks! It's different if there's a singleton, but triplets?! I'd be nuts to have fertility treatments right now and run the risk of having multiples.
You don't know what you'd do in that situation. Nobody tries to conceive multiples. In fact, the risk of getting triplets in an IUI (usually the way higher order multiples are conceived) is less than 1%. Twins are most common. And if you have dealt with infertility and know you want your only child to have a sibling, yeah, you will go back on treatments. Even getting twins is not that high of a risk. It is more common with IUI, but still not even over 10%, and I think it is actually around 6%.
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  #48  
June 14th, 2010, 05:57 AM
*SamF*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I spoke in depth about this with my perinatologist.
If the mother is taking care of herself and there are no underlying health issues to cause concern it's not an issue. The statistics he believes are the way they are because they take in to account all babies conceived in that time frame including those who shouldn't have gotten pregnant the first time and weren't receiving pre natal care.

Reason- we still want to have one more child- always wanted two, but I'm not getting any younger and risks go up every year we wait. So when DS is 6 months (next month) we will be TTC again. Also there are tow parents and no reason either child in our home should not get the attention the deserve and need. People space their children closely or further apart for many reasons.
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  #49  
June 14th, 2010, 06:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mayandsofiasmommy View Post
Why is it questionable to take fertility drugs?? She was NOT BF. You cannot take fertility drugs and do IVF if you are BFing. I have a friend who is in the process of weaning (hers is almost 1 year) so she can start IVF again. In her situation, she cannot wait too long to have more.

Many of you do not really understand infertility- and that's fine, if you haven't had to deal with it, you don't fully understand- but try to be a bit less judgmental. When you are dealing with infertility, you are literally racing a against a clock. Plus, the treatments do not always work so you have to do a few rounds of IUI or IVF, which increases the time.

My OB told me at the 6 week pp check up not to start having more until my twins were ONE. 12 months. Of course, I chose not to do that, but there is nothing medically wrong with waiting 1 year and then having more. My OB wanted me to wait a full year since a multiple pregnancy is harder on your body.



You don't know what you'd do in that situation. Nobody tries to conceive multiples. In fact, the risk of getting triplets in an IUI (usually the way higher order multiples are conceived) is less than 1%. Twins are most common. And if you have dealt with infertility and know you want your only child to have a sibling, yeah, you will go back on treatments. Even getting twins is not that high of a risk. It is more common with IUI, but still not even over 10%, and I think it is actually around 6%.
Uh, yes? I do? My source (me) says that I would not be getting fertility treatments anyways. Like, ever.

Obviously I know that even without fertility treatments I could get pregnant with twins, triplets, ect. But fertility treatments make multiples more likely, correct?

And yes, people DO try to conceive multiples.
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  #50  
June 14th, 2010, 06:59 AM
KimberlyD0
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KrazE View Post
Well I didn't, and not ONE doctor had any risks or negative things to say in regards to closely spaced pregnancies. In fact, I never took any prenatal, birth etc etc classes.



Everyone is at risk for all sorts of issues just because they are fat, thin, eat too much of this or that.
May people have vitamin deficiencies without ever having a baby.

I'm going to word-smith for a moment & say that there are a few who are posting making blanket statements ignoring the fact that some of us have already said that we have closely spaced children; some of the responses are condensing and disrespectful.
I was in no way trying to be condecending or disrespectful. Simple telling what I have learned.

As I said the risks are there. That doesn't mean that women shouldn't do it, but that they should know those risks. I learned the risks because of my prenatal class, I talk to the doctor about it, and the midwife and I also learned about it in health class in highschool.

Its no more rude to say that the risks increase with multiple closely spaced pregnancies, then it is to say it increases risks, by FF, eating to much fatty foods, being obease, and anything else that effects your health. Its not an absolute, but it is there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mayandsofiasmommy View Post
Why is it questionable to take fertility drugs?? She was NOT BF. You cannot take fertility drugs and do IVF if you are BFing. I have a friend who is in the process of weaning (hers is almost 1 year) so she can start IVF again. In her situation, she cannot wait too long to have more.

Many of you do not really understand infertility- and that's fine, if you haven't had to deal with it, you don't fully understand- but try to be a bit less judgmental. When you are dealing with infertility, you are literally racing a against a clock. Plus, the treatments do not always work so you have to do a few rounds of IUI or IVF, which increases the time.

My OB told me at the 6 week pp check up not to start having more until my twins were ONE. 12 months. Of course, I chose not to do that, but there is nothing medically wrong with waiting 1 year and then having more. My OB wanted me to wait a full year since a multiple pregnancy is harder on your body.



You don't know what you'd do in that situation. Nobody tries to conceive multiples. In fact, the risk of getting triplets in an IUI (usually the way higher order multiples are conceived) is less than 1%. Twins are most common. And if you have dealt with infertility and know you want your only child to have a sibling, yeah, you will go back on treatments. Even getting twins is not that high of a risk. It is more common with IUI, but still not even over 10%, and I think it is actually around 6%.
Did you miss the part where it took me 5 years to have my first?? I've had 6 misscarreges, and an eptoptic pregnancy. I KNOW what its like to have fertility issues. We didn't do IVF or IUI because we would never have been able to aford it, but we did concider clomid, but our issues were not with getting pregnant, but keeping a pregnancy.

I do know what I would do in that situation which would be to wait. Doesn't mean everyone else should but I see it as questionable to start on fertility drugs that early. No doctor here would allow that. (in my city, I don't know about the province) This is something that was discused while I was TTC my first because I did ask about spacing because of our problems with TTC.


Sorces showing higher risk of pregnancy coplications and multiple closley spaced pregnancies. As I said the risks are by no means astrinomical, but they're there.
The risk of maternal nutritional depletion and poo... [J Nutr. 2003] - PubMed result
NEJM -- Effect of the Interval between Pregnancies on Perinatal Outcomes
Chapter 4: Saving Children's Lives, Population Reports, Series J, Number 49
pregnancy, labour and related problems: Bleeding during pregnancy
Placenta praevia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Analysis of Maternal Mortality


By no means does this mean women should have their children whenever they want to, but its good to know what the risks are.

Last edited by KimberlyD0; June 14th, 2010 at 07:04 AM.
  #51  
June 14th, 2010, 07:09 AM
Poncho06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I don't want to go too far into the "you've never dealt with infertility road", but it really is hard to gage what you would do until you are in the situation. Your views may stay the same as they are now or you could rethink many things when you are faced with it.

Also I am sure there are those who would intentionally try for multiples using what ever means necessary, but I am will to bet an overwhelmingly majority of those people do not have fertility issues to begin with. For most, they are trying to have just one successful pregnancy after in many cases YEARS of trying.

And to answer your questions although it was not directed at me, yes there is an increased chance for multiples when using fertility treatments, it varies greatly from treatment to treatment and even with treatments high order multiples are a rarity.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Chloe'sMommy View Post
Uh, yes? I do? My source (me) says that I would not be getting fertility treatments anyways. Like, ever.

Obviously I know that even without fertility treatments I could get pregnant with twins, triplets, ect. But fertility treatments make multiples more likely, correct?

And yes, people DO try to conceive multiples.
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  #52  
June 14th, 2010, 07:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsSarah1 View Post
I have a 8 month old baby and a 2 year old daughter, 18 months apart. Our marriage is not perfect, but I absolutely with every breath, heart beat, strand of hair and second of my life LIVE for my children. I love being a mother, love having them 18 months apart and I wouldn't want it any other way.

We actively TTC both of our daughters. We had our first daughter and when she was 9 months old, we hopped back onto the BBT/OPK train.

We had them close together for very specific reasons:

1) My older sister and I are 15 months apart and are best friends.

2) My MIL had DH, then used the IUD and never again went on to carry a pregnancy to term. She had at least a dozen miscarriages, and at least three late term miscarriages. DH grew up, essentially, alone.

I think motherhood in general is a struggle. Yes, of course, having an 8 month old and a two year old is hard. But that doesn't mean that I don't love it, or I don't regret it. My girls are loved, happy, healthy and enjoy life. I don't think that my one-on-one parenting devotion to them is essential in making them a good person. I think siblings are a huge HUGE asset to a life. Not only will the child have a partner in life, they will also have a family (DH has one surviving family member.. his grandma. Once she passes, he has no one. ), and will learn to live with someone else sharing toys, stories, tears and hugs. I don't think that having years of being an only child is a huge character shaper. What happens to the second child, who never has any "only child" time, are they doomed from the get-go? Or as stated, mothers of twins?

Personally, I think that 9 months is the best point to start TTC if you want closely spaced siblings. Following the "9 months to grow a baby, 9 months to return to normal" rule, you should be pretty much back to your old self by then. I think TTC at 3 months is a bit early for my taste. Also, a pretty high number of multiples are a result of fertility treatments so I think she should have been more aware of that, and thought "what if?" The same as TTC without medical assistance and having twins run in your family, or even considering that your baby may be severely disabled and require constant 24 hour care. I think those are huge "what if's" when TTC, and should be considered.

So while I don't quite agree with the timing due to the risks, I do think that closely spaced siblings is fantastic, and I love having my girls so close in age. We plan on waiting three years to TTC, then having the same age spacing between our last two children.



That as well. It took us three cycles to conceive our older daughter. We assumed it would take at least that long, if not longer. Nope. Three weeks later, BFP. I had just ordered a huge batch of OPK's and I got them in the mail the day of my BFP, lol.
To each their own. My DH and I love having kids around 3 years a part. Easier on my body, I have more time to recover, and get my health back in order to give my next baby the best I can give. I will admit that when my first was 3 months I did feel that urge to have another baby right then. But I knew my body, and I knew it needed a lot longer to heal. With my second, he's only 8 weeks, and I feel like I could have another right now. But again, I'm going to wait at least 2 years before we try for another. I want 4 kids, but I don't want them back to back. I like enjoying the baby and early toddler years before I get pregnant. I'm really short and petite, and I usually get a huge tummy when pregnant so it makes it hard to care for my other kids, which is one of the main reasons I like to wait. But again, to each their own. I'm not a fan of it, but I don't care if others do it.
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  #53  
June 14th, 2010, 11:02 AM
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I had my son at 26 in 2000. I tried from 2002 to have a child and loss after loss after loss, I was treated for RPL (recurrent pregnancy loss). I was labelled a "habitual aborter" and we finally figured out I have MTHFR. I finally got a pregnancy to stick in 2008. When she was 6 months old, I ttc again and had another loss and then this pregnancy stuck. I fully planned on this and the only reason is because I don't know if a pregnancy is going to stick around so I have to take whatever I can get. I will be 37 when this baby is born.

I don't find it selfish.
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  #54  
June 14th, 2010, 11:18 AM
AMDG's Avatar Margaret
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I just want to point out that we an learn a lot from our bodies and the human body in general. There is a reason why women don't get their fertility back right away while breastfeeding. The body knows it needs a break and knows it is still providing for a young one still bfing.
And yes, I know it doesn't work for everybody but for those exclusively breastfeeding there is a 98% chance you don't get your fertility back for at least 6 months. I know many many people who don't get their cycle back for well over a year - their body's way of naturally spacing children!
  #55  
June 14th, 2010, 01:29 PM
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I think it is up to the parents and no one else.
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  #56  
June 14th, 2010, 02:27 PM
KimberlyD0
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cricket Master View Post
I had my son at 26 in 2000. I tried from 2002 to have a child and loss after loss after loss, I was treated for RPL (recurrent pregnancy loss). I was labelled a "habitual aborter" and we finally figured out I have MTHFR. I finally got a pregnancy to stick in 2008. When she was 6 months old, I ttc again and had another loss and then this pregnancy stuck. I fully planned on this and the only reason is because I don't know if a pregnancy is going to stick around so I have to take whatever I can get. I will be 37 when this baby is born.

I don't find it selfish.
I actually agree. Its not selfish. Its not something I understand or would do.. but its not selfish.
  #57  
June 14th, 2010, 03:40 PM
(.Y.)mom2dd(.Y.)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AMDG View Post
I just want to point out that we an learn a lot from our bodies and the human body in general. There is a reason why women don't get their fertility back right away while breastfeeding. The body knows it needs a break and knows it is still providing for a young one still bfing.
And yes, I know it doesn't work for everybody but for those exclusively breastfeeding there is a 98% chance you don't get your fertility back for at least 6 months. I know many many people who don't get their cycle back for well over a year - their body's way of naturally spacing children!
I did want to add to ^her point. I'm still bfing unrestrictedly to my dd. However, my desire to have another child just isn't there. I feel there is something biological at play where my dd needs my breast milk, attention and more that the act of breast feeding is telling me to do. My point is that desire is the key to this whole equation in my decision to having kids. Because that biological desire is different for every mom, I get other mother's biological desires telling them to have another one earlier than I am without judgement.

(I'm personally ignorant of NFP but when I read the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility, it's something I do want to learn about. We use the barrier method and I don't want people to think we soley depend on bfing as our contraceptive.)

Now the OP in question has a different scenario with having to use fertility drugs in order to get pregnant in the first place. I don't think she wished for triplets by any means. Part of me wonders why her doctor supported her decision to back on fertility drugs so quickly? So I do hope if people negatively judge this woman, they also do the same for the doctors involved who supported it. I don't advocate judging this woman though. I don't know her age, medical history, bfing experience, etc. and I don't think she has any intention of being a "bad" mother. I don't think getting pregnant so soon is a "bad" mother either. Why would there be such judgement in the first place?
  #58  
June 14th, 2010, 05:16 PM
KimberlyD0
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Quote:
Originally Posted by (.Y.)mom2dd(.Y.) View Post

Now the OP in question has a different scenario with having to use fertility drugs in order to get pregnant in the first place. I don't think she wished for triplets by any means. Part of me wonders why her doctor supported her decision to back on fertility drugs so quickly? So I do hope if people negatively judge this woman, they also do the same for the doctors involved who supported it. I don't advocate judging this woman though. I don't know her age, medical history, bfing experience, etc. and I don't think she has any intention of being a "bad" mother. I don't think getting pregnant so soon is a "bad" mother either. Why would there be such judgement in the first place?
Actually thats a really good point, I do think that its questionable to have given this mom fertility drugs so quickly.
  #59  
June 14th, 2010, 06:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KimberlyD0 View Post
Actually thats a really good point, I do think that its questionable to have given this mom fertility drugs so quickly.
Exactly. I wouldn't knock a woman's desire to have another child right away because of her infertility issues, but I don't believe fertility drugs for a woman that isn't even 3 months post partum is healthy. Even if a doctor says, "no problem" I would still question that. I only worry about the health of the mother and not her intent to expand her family right away. I recognize that is up to the individual to decide if she is ready.
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  #60  
June 14th, 2010, 06:22 PM
fluffycheeks's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Well, my baby is nearly 3 months, and I feel NOWHERE near back to normal physically, so I think it seems a little crazy to go on fertility drugs this early. However, people probably think I'm crazy, because I'm hoping to have another baby ASAP. My reasons are 1) I'm 33 and I would like to be done by the time I'm 33. 2) I have PCOS, so I don't want to waste time - 2 of my 3 kids took over a year to conceive. Plus, once you have 3 kids, how much crazier can 4 be, so I might as well just pop another one out asap, right?

However, with my older kids, I didn't get my period back until 8-9 months postpartum, so I'm thinking since I'm again bf'ing exclusively it will come back around the same time, so probably the closest these babies will be is 18-19 months apart.
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