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Intentionally getting pregnant, when you have a child under a year old.


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  #1  
June 13th, 2010, 02:24 PM
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I was watching "baby story" the other day on TLC and a woman had tried to have a baby for a few years and had to turn to fertility drugs to get pregnant. She had a son and when he was 3 months old she intentionally went back on fertility drugs to get pregnant again. She ended up with triplets!

I know a lot of women who get pregnant accidentally shortly after the birth of a child. But IMO it's unfair to the child you already have to get pregnant with another child. The first child won't get the adequate attention he or she needs during their first year of life, and even after. I would freak out if I accidentally got pregnant after just having mine. I would feel sad because I want him to have my undecided attention.

So what do you think?
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  #2  
June 13th, 2010, 02:33 PM
BonitaAppleBomb's Avatar ~African-American-Mommy~
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I can't even imagine intentionally getting pregnant with a 4 year old. But it works for some people so more power to them I say.
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  #3  
June 13th, 2010, 02:39 PM
AMDG's Avatar Margaret
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My husband and I don't use birth control. We welcome children as they come. If we had a serious emotional, physical or financial reason to avoid pregnancy we would abstain during my fertile times - natural family planning.
Our first two boys are 17 months apart - the oldest was between 7 and 8 month old when I got pregnant with our second. Now our third child is due and our second will be 22 months old when he/she is born. Our first two are best friends. I do not think Luke, our oldest, was shorted at all by having a sibling arrive when he was so young. I nursed him until he was 12 months old and now my second is 16 months old and still nursing occasionally. I personally believe that siblings are one of the greatest gifts you can give a child! My children get tons and tons of love, affection and attention.
We didn't intentionally get pregnant that soon but did not try and prevent it. I have absolutely no regrets. My children have never lacked for attention.
  #4  
June 13th, 2010, 02:40 PM
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Wow. So she was on fertility drugs, got pregnant, had the baby and then got BACK on fertility drugs and got pregnant with triplets!!! There is no way on Earth I would ever put my body through that much stress on purpose.

My viewpoint on the child spacing thing is to each their own. The only child that ever gets undivided attention is the first child so any children that come afterward aren't receiving the same amounts as that first one did....but I am personally glad I took the time to savor the moments that slip by too fast in those early years. I never planned on having closely spaced children.
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  #5  
June 13th, 2010, 02:42 PM
MissTorrieIfYou'reNasty's Avatar Co-Host of Heated Debates
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I got pregnant with Bram when Leo was five months old. It hasn't quite been the sheer hell for Leo you seem to think it was (or would be.). Bram's presence in our lives has necessarily reduced the amount of undiluted attention Leo gets, but you should see the great friends those two are now. They get lots of love from each other too.

Children in any family receive love and attention as a group, as well as individually. Siblings often (not always) provide attention and support for each other. I would dispute that kids need constant undivided attention to be healthy anyway.
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  #6  
June 13th, 2010, 02:45 PM
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It all depends on the family....if they would like children closer together..then more power to them.


For us..we always knew, that we wanted some time in b/t, So we just decided last April to TTC again, now that our son was 3....well we are now pregnant with #2 and our son will be almost 4 when this child is born..and we think that is the perfect amount of spacing for us
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  #7  
June 13th, 2010, 02:46 PM
*Jillian*'s Avatar Baby #3 on the way
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Being pregnant with triplets while having a 3 month old is an entirely different thing than having a singleton pregnancy. My friend, who has triplets, was on bedrest for 6 weeks. I know that happens to many people anyway, but it does reduce the amount of time you are able to spend with your other child/children. If my friend had other children (which she didn't) to take care of she wouldn't even been able to lift them without risking the pregnancy.
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  #8  
June 13th, 2010, 02:51 PM
WineKeepsMeSane's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think it's an individual choice, but one that should be made carefully. I know lots of people with closely spaced children, both intentionally and unintentionally, and I don't see any ill effects on the kids from it. However, if you are putting your own health or your pregnancy at risk to do it then I don't think it's the wisest choice.
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  #9  
June 13th, 2010, 02:54 PM
chlodoll
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Well her case is a bit extreme but I think generally it does not matter. I don't think kids need complete undivided attention, I think that they need to have their needs met and that can be done with other children involved. I think sometimes to much emphasis is put on how much attention kids need now.
  #10  
June 13th, 2010, 02:55 PM
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I personally want to wait atleast 3 years for my own sanity! lol My pregnancy was pretty rough on me. It would be very hard for me to be pregnant and give adequate time to my little one. That is me personally though. I know SOME people IRL that have a new baby and the older child kinda doesn't get the spotlight anymore and I think thats sad.

Quote:
Originally Posted by chlodoll View Post
Well her case is a bit extreme but I think generally it does not matter. I don't think kids need complete undivided attention, I think that they need to have their needs met and that can be done with other children involved. I think sometimes to much emphasis is put on how much attention kids need now.
I just wanted to say that your little one in your siggy is adorable!
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  #11  
June 13th, 2010, 02:58 PM
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I am so glad that we waited...my son is such a big helper...so it will be nice to have a "big helper" to go and get the diaper/bottle/toy etc. I couldn't imagine for my own sanity to have two in diapers...

My son is so independant right now, so it will be so much easier to have a newborn in the house with a (almost) 4 year old, who can do a lot of stuff for himself.


Again to each their own....
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  #12  
June 13th, 2010, 03:05 PM
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The only case scientifically I have to make in waiting between babies is the depletion in calcium in the mother. I often use this very stat and quote in this debate time and time again

Quote:
How long between pregnancies is the optimal time to wait? In a study published in The Journal of the American Medical Association in 2006 showed that mothers who waited a minimum of eighteen months between pregnancies had a lower risk of delivering a preterm or low birth weight baby. Waiting longer than two years not only reduced the chances of delivering a preterm newborn but also reduced the risk of the child developing health problems during the first five years of life. Therefore when considering how long to wait between pregnancies, the prevailing recommendation has been to wait at least two years before conceiving again.
Quote:
The shorter the birth interval, the greater the problems; babies conceived within six month of the birth of the first baby were 40 per cent more likely to be premature or undersized at birth. The researchers identified a number of reasons for this. These included nutritional deficiencies (not enough time for stores of nutrients to be replenished between pregnancies), inadequate recovery of the reproductive organs (menstrual cycle not yet re-established and so on), and the effect of post-birth stress on the second pregnancy (excessive stress has been shown to reduce the growth of babies during pregnancy - and caring for her first newborn is arguably one of the most stressful times in a woman's life). Incidentally, the researchers also concluded that waiting too long may also be harmful. An interval of 10 years seemed to be linked with a major increase in the risk of premature birth or reduced foetal growth. (All these findings were 'controlled' for the effects of maternal age, smoking, drinking and so on.) I appreciate that waiting 18 months (as this study recommends) may seem a very long time. All the same, I think the basic message is worth thinking about. Second babies have a much greater risk of being born too small if they are conceived within six months of the birth of their older sibling.
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  #13  
June 13th, 2010, 03:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RTMOM View Post
I am so glad that we waited...my son is such a big helper...so it will be nice to have a "big helper" to go and get the diaper/bottle/toy etc. I couldn't imagine for my own sanity to have two in diapers...

My son is so independant right now, so it will be so much easier to have a newborn in the house with a (almost) 4 year old, who can do a lot of stuff for himself.


Again to each their own....
That is the way I see things. I had my 7 year old niece and 4 year old nephew here the other day. The 7 year old was so helpful, she even wanted to help do the dishes! LOL The 4 year old wanted to help too, he was going to dry, but he dropped a glass and I was like "thats enough cleaning!" lol And all the while my baby was screaming for attention! It reminded me that I want a nice long gap between kiddo's.

I have a low tolerance for stress though. So I like to keep things low key.
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  #14  
June 13th, 2010, 03:06 PM
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I know for us, we'll require high amounts of money if we get pregnant a second time, so I see us only doing pregnancy/fertility meds one time and that's about it. Unless we get a high number of emby's on ice, but even then, we'll be in our 30's by then and I'm not sure that we want to have babies nearing our high 30's. We are only 27 now, but the cost to get to IVF is still a few years away for us
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  #15  
June 13th, 2010, 03:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lash View Post
The only case scientifically I have to make in waiting between babies is the depletion in calcium in the mother. I often use this very stat and quote in this debate time and time again
Thank you for posting that! I would think that the mother would be more likely to be anemic as well. I was anemic with my son. I am still taking iron after the pregnancy.
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  #16  
June 13th, 2010, 03:35 PM
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How old were they?

I ask because, I used the IVF for the girls, if I were a bit older than I am now and was sure I wanted more then I would probably do the same. Fertility treatments are never a sure fire method of getting PG and it still may take several months to get pregnant again.

This coupled lucked out (depending on how you look at it) and getting PG out of the gate, but this is not really the case for MANY couples and may have been their previous experience.
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  #17  
June 13th, 2010, 03:48 PM
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There's three years between my sister and me. Personally, I've always thought that was too much time. There's just over a year between DH and BIL and they are pretty close. There's 6 years between DH and SIL and they barely talk now.

That being said, DH and I have agreed from the beginning that we want closely spaced children. I have ovulatory issues and will likely end up on fertility meds (the specific meds my RE wants to do increases my risk of multiples almost 20%). Yes, I will definitely consider going back on meds while my baby is, well, a baby.
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  #18  
June 13th, 2010, 04:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BonitaAppleBomb View Post
I can't even imagine intentionally getting pregnant with a 4 year old. But it works for some people so more power to them I say.
I'm with you. One kiddo is plenty enough for me!
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  #19  
June 13th, 2010, 04:12 PM
*Jillian*'s Avatar Baby #3 on the way
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I would think you couldn't breastfeed if you are taking fertility drugs? Am I wrong? That would be a HUGE factor in not getting back on meds even if I thought it would take a few years to get pregnant.

Also, the debate is going to go back and forth based on who thinks closely spaced children are a better fit for their family and those that think spacing should be a few years between each child. That isn't the issue I have with this particular story. It isn't healthy to have back to back pregnancies regardless of your outlook on child spacing. This mother gave birth and must have immediately gone on fertility treatments. What does that do to your already crazy hormones? On top of the stress on the body to grow 3 babies when the body isn't even close to being healed.
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  #20  
June 13th, 2010, 05:59 PM
KimberlyD0
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I think its crazy.. but at the same time I admire anyone who can do it.

I love the 3 year difference between my girls and I would never have it any other way.
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