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Situation: You have 2 adults and 1 child staying for 3 days at your house. They do not offer to help buy food, instead they insist that you go grocery shopping before they arrive so that food is readily available. Upon arriving, there are complaints that they can't find anything to eat, there's not enough, ect. They also continue to eat several times a day, going through groceries that should be lasting almost a week. Would you ask for them to help buy back the food they consumed or at least purchase a few necessary items that were used up?
What all are guests entitled to or allowed to have in your home? Are they welcome to everything?
Does this change if it's family that staying with you and not merely friends?
Well, when I have guests, they are welcome to anything and everything in my pantry. I don't buy jumk food, if they want that, they can go buy it themselves. I do not expect my guest to pay me back because if I ever visit, I would hope they would do the same.
I would not be likely to welcome into my home guests who made demands on me as a condition of their visit, whether they were friends or family.
That said, I do my best to accommodate guests, and they may help themselves to anything I have available. I would never ask guests to "buy back" food that they consumed or purchase anything to re-stock my household, but particularly greedy and ungrateful guests would not be invited back.
Given that we live at the beach and are separated from all of our family and friends by several states, we have house guests fairly often. Almost all of them offer to contribute to expenses of their stay (which we decline) or "sneak" in a contribution, either by ordering takeout for everyone, jumping ahead in line at the grocery store to pay, or - in the case of my dad - routinely "stealing" my car to fill up the gas tank.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chloe'sMommy
They also continue to eat several times a day, going through groceries that should be lasting almost a week.
I, too, tend to eat several times a day. And not necessarily at traditional meal times. Also, it makes sense that groceries that should last a week for my family would only last a few days with two extra adults and an additional child in the house. This doesn't seem unreasonable.
I don't have house guests. I don't like people staying in my house. I've had my sister stay with me before and she was an ungrateful B. I don't think people need to cater to guests. If the guests don't like it they can stay at a hotel.
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Well, when you invite guests into your home, it is extremely rude to not cater to them imo. I am not saying work for them hand and foot, but not even remotely trying to accomodate to them is beyond rude in my eyes. I offer my home so my family doesn't have to stay in a nasty hotel (no matter how nice it is, its NASTY). I care for my family more than that. Friends, not so much. But I also dont want family staying more than 4 or 5 days. It gets to be to much. But if you don't invite them, then they can take their butts to a hotel.
I don't have house guests. I don't like people staying in my house. I don't think people need to cater to guests. If the guests don't like it they can stay at a hotel.
Ditto! I seriously hate people staying here unless it is one of my younger siblings. I have never had guests complain though and they bring groceries with them usually. If they complained I would tell them to go get their own groceries, I would not ask for money though. I would probably just never let them stay at my house again if they annoyed me.
Guests are welcome to any food in my home. And I don't care if they eat whatever and whenever. I have never experienced anyone complaining about what I do not have available. In fact, I'm always reminding people to help themselves. It must be that my guests aren't obnoxious and pushy enough to complain.
When I have house guests, they are welcome to anything in my house. I NEVER invite people to stay though, lol. I have a few select friends that I eagerly invite.
I don't have house guests. I don't like people staying in my house. I've had my sister stay with me before and she was an ungrateful B. I don't think people need to cater to guests. If the guests don't like it they can stay at a hotel.
I'm the same, unless they are someone that lives hours away, so it's not often.
We will cook if people are over, but they eat what we make, and if they don't like it, they don't eat it. It's extremely rude to demand certain foods at other people's homes. Unless there's an allergy or it's a small child, then it's different. Some people I know consider it rude to ask for BBQ sauce or ketchup, but I'm not one of them. They feel it's an insult to their cooking. We tell guests to help themselves to anything to drink, but food, no. It has never been a problem for us as everyone we know feels the same way, family and friends.
My guests are welcome to anything. But I don't buy special food for them. I have a sensativity to artificial foods, so food we buy don't have that. If they want that kind of food, then they can buy it themselves. I don't allow people to be disrespectful to me or my home, so if they are going to be that way, then they aren't welcome.
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Mama to G, L & twins F & M
Started off 2013 homebirthing suprise twins Fia Celesta & Maddalena Isabella
Whenever I have guests coming to stay I always load up on sandwich stuff, fruit, chips, bottled water, and maybe stuff for two evening meals. I don't buy anymore than that. I come from a big family and whenever we would visit relatives my mom always brought groceries with us.
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Brynne mom to Isabella Grace (4-18-09) and Juliet Lily (12-8-10)
I used to cater to my guests. But whatever soda or snacks they liked. Made sure the linens on the bed matched, blah blah blah.
But then... my ILs kept visiting. For like weeks at a time. And everytime they expected the same treatment, their favorite foods, a spotless house (mind you I have kids), even expected me to do their laundry!
So I stopped. I couldn't have a life they were here so much. And wouldn't ya know, they stopped visiting.
So I don't cater to any guest anymore ever. Family or friend, doesn't matter. They can get their own soda.
Interesting that we're talking about this today, because my ILs are on their way here today.
I don't really cater to my guests. I will buy things I think they like, but I'm not going to make two separate dinners to please them. I'm going to buy an appropriate amount of food for the increase in people, and if they eat all the snacks in day one or two, then oh well... they can buy more or go without.
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Writer, Navy wife, autistic mom of two autistic kids (E is 6, C is 5).
I dont think I would buy a weeks worth of special groceries just for them unless they had special dietary needs. If they asked I would buy one or two specific things they liked, especially if they were things they could not get at home. Ex, we have some friends who moved out of state, he likes a local beer. We usually get him a 6pk when they come to visit. Usually they only stay one night so he is easily able to take most of it with him.
Most people we visit do things similarly or just we go out to eat for everything except breakfast for the few days since many times we are out and about anyway.
However I think demanding things is terribly rude, probably as rude and serving only your family for dinner.
Would you ask for them to help buy back the food they consumed or at least purchase a few necessary items that were used up?
Absolutely not. I would stock up on groceries before they arrived, and would go again on my own after they left. If they complained there was not enough to eat, I would offer to take them to the grocery store if there was something specific/extra they wanted, but I would not pay for it. I do think it was rude of them to ask you to go shopping ahead of time. If any of them had certain dietary restrictions, I think it would be fair of them to let you know of this ahead of time, in which case I think it would be the host's obligation to have some foods that they were able to eat in the house.
What all are guests entitled to or allowed to have in your home? Are they welcome to everything? They can help themselves to any food that they want to eat. It's replaceable. If I had a collection of fancy wines or something (I wish), I wouldn't let them have free reign over which to drink, but I would at least give them options to choose from.
Does this change if it's family that staying with you and not merely friends? Nope.
I would be hesitant to invite rude guests for an overnight visit again, though, regardless of their being family or friends.
We have house guests often because DH's job doesn't allow him a lot of vacation, even his days off are not free to just leave the area without notifying the board etc. so our parents and other family mostly come to us. Our parents insist on buying groceries after they get there as we don't have a lot of extra money to be feeding a few extra people every few weeks. But we do try to keep certain things that they like in the house, for example my dad is diabetic so we try to make sure we have diet soda, and MIL likes tea. We don't drink coffee but we keep it in the house for FIL and my grandparents or other guests. They are welcome to anything we have in the house. I think it's very rude to expect your host to buy XYZ and complain if there isn't what you want. Just make a trip to the store. But if you ask someone to stay in your home, I think that it's understood that you are providing the food. It's polite to offer to contribute to the food expenses but shouldn't be expected.
I do try to accommodate my guests within reason. if I know they like a specific soda I'll get some. A lot of my in-laws don't drink caffeine, so I try to make sure and grab something besides mountain dew when I know they're coming over.. that sort of thing. I'm not gonna get them fillet Mignon or lobster or anything. And if they complained about the lack of food, I would be incredibly annoyed, because that is seriously rude. I probably would not invite them back again. I don't think I'd ask them to contribute to groceries, because I'm a lot nicer than I should be sometimes.
If you stay at my house I will shove you full of food lol I will accommodate guests for sure. I think the way you treat people in your home says a lot about you. Especially if I actually invited you to stay.
That being said if I had my inlaws stay with me they would clean my house and make me dinner
I always have too much food in my house so it wouldn't be a problem. When someone is staying here, I always make sure to ask them if there is anything they like to eat, esp in the morning. I find people are very varied for breakfast, some don't eat anything, some just want a bowl of cereal, others like a big breakfast. We also don't drink coffee in this house, but I have a coffee maker just in case someone wants some. Do I know how to use it? Nope. I tell my guest it is up to them to figure it out! Usually they opt to go to the Dunkin Donuts that is 2 minutes from house.
So to ask your original question, it is rude to invite someone to stay with you and then expect them to pay for the food. Now, if someone calls you and asks you to stay, and you really can't afford the extra food bill, you can always say 'Now is not a good time for us."
And not necessarily at traditional meal times. Also, it makes sense that groceries that should last a week for my family would only last a few days with two extra adults and an additional child in the house. This doesn't seem unreasonable.
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