[BonitaAppleBomb]

All I'm saying is this: If my son ever becomes sexually involved with any of your daughters, PLEASE CALL ME AND LET ME KNOW!

[BeccaCCKK]

Originally Posted by BonitaAppleBomb

All I'm saying is this: If my son ever becomes sexually involved with any of your daughters, PLEASE CALL ME AND LET ME KNOW!

LOL. Well from the picture you had up you will have to fight off the ladies some day from that handsome little guy.

[**Badfish**]

Originally Posted by Keskes

For me it's a lot about how the other parents will take the information. I have no desire to bring a reign of fire down on my kid's boyfriend/girlfriend. And since DH and I plan to live in Mormon Country by the time our kids are teenagers, calling up someone's parents to tell them their kid is sexually active and/or gay just isn't something I'm planning to do, unless I know for a fact that the information will be received well. I mean, maybe I'm just paranoid and have no faith in humanity, but people do a lot worse to their kids than saying "you can't see Johnny anymore" when these kinds of facts are revealed.

My next-door neighbor growing up was from a Mormon family. When he was 16 they caught him making out with his girlfriend. That's it. Just kissing. And they kicked him out of the house. The parents of one of his friends took him in and he was able to stay in school, but he could have just as easily ended up on the street.

The fact that they were Mormon has nothing to do with them being d-bags, because I'm pretty sure kicking your minor child out of the house isn't a very Christian thing to do, but I absolutely agree with you that you never know what kind of hardship you're going to cause a kid unless you actually know the parents well.

[HappyHippy]

Originally Posted by beyaztavsan

I sure as hell would tell the other parents if my son was having sexual relations with their son or daughter.

I think it's funny that some people are assuming their child would be sexually active with the opposite sex. I bet some answers would be changed if they thought of same sex relations.

Mine wouldn't change. If my son was having sex with another male, I would still want to know. I would strongly encourage the other boy to tell his parents. But DH and I would have a long talk and figure out a positive approach. I do not care if my sons are gay, not one bit. But I do know that others might and that could be a devestating situation for the boy.

[BonitaAppleBomb]

Originally Posted by BeccaCCKK

LOL. Well from the picture you had up you will have to fight off the ladies some day from that handsome little guy.

Thanks Becca! I already have a few problems with the little girls at his preschool and he's only 4. They like to bring him gifts and "stuff" (silly bands). I went on all of his field trips with him this summer and discovered that he has about 3 little "girlfriends". One of them is so aggressive that she ties his shoes for him. I'm trying to tie his shoes one day and she rushes over, pushes me on the ground, and said to me "NO! I ties (yes ties) his shoes poor (instead of for) him!" And he allowed her to do this!

He's just humoring the crazy chick so she doesn't go all psycho "if i cant have him no one can" on him later.

[Chloe'sMommy]

Nope. Their kids sex life isn't my business, but my daughters is. I feel like it would be my responsibility for getting her the proper BC and educating her about sex, std's, and pregnancy, and such. When/if I ever met the boy (hopefully I would!) I would speak with him about being safe, but no, it isn't my business to inform HIS parents that they're having sex. He should tell them himself.

[BonitaAppleBomb]

Originally Posted by Keskes

He's just humoring the crazy chick so she doesn't go all psycho "if i cant have him no one can" on him later.

lol! I can definitely see that little girl being the psycho chick already. Is that crazy when you can tell that a 4 year old will be psycho when she becomes older?

[glasscandie]

Originally Posted by (.Y.)mom2dd(.Y.)

I'm not trying to be snarky but I just can't see my dd's pregnancy at 30 or at 15 as awful. (Is it biologically my right to already be wondering what grandparenthood is going to be like?) (My serious issue with a teen pregnancy with my own dd is that I worry I'm going to pressure her to keep a child that she doesn't want.)

Yes, I do think it's an awful situation if DD happened to get pregnant at 15. I'm sure I don't have to get into all the specifics about why, it seems pretty obvious to me. I would love the grandchild if she decided to keep it, but that child is not the one I care about right now, it's my own daughter and all the things she won't get to do (or will have a very hard time doing) because of the pregnancy. I know for a fact DH and I would very strongly suggestion abortion, but it is ultimately her decision and we'd support her whatever way we could. At 15 years old, anyway. Again, 17 or 18, my opinion changes a bit because they are more likely to be able to support that child on their own.

[BonitaAppleBomb]

Originally Posted by Chloe'sMommy

Nope. Their kids sex life isn't my business, but my daughters is. I feel like it would be my responsibility for getting her the proper BC and educating her about sex, std's, and pregnancy, and such. When/if I ever met the boy (hopefully I would!) I would speak with him about being safe, but no, it isn't my business to inform HIS parents that they're having sex. He should tell them himself.

I just don't get this line of thinking. It's not your business if someone is having sex with your daughter? What if you're doing everything right and educating your daughter, BUT his parents are not? What if informing his parents will be the catalyst needed to make sure that he protects himself? And in protecting himself, he in turn is also protecting your daughter as well. I know this is a lot of what if's, but you (in general) have to consider the what ifs before they become a reality.

A lot of parents get upset, mad, and disappointed with kids when they become pregnant. At that point, the parents then want to go and meet the girl/boy and their parents and "talk" about what must be done. Why? Why wait and talk after a pregnancy ensues? Why not before?

I mean seriously. It can be a very serious and calm conversation with the other parents. "I just learned that our kids are sexually involved with each other. I am making sure that Benjamin is well informed on the risks of teen sex. I'm sure that you have probably had the "talk" with your daughter as well, but I just wanted to let you know in case there are some more steps you'd like to take with your child." End of discussion...I'm out.

If parents get an attitude once I tell them, I don't care.

If I'm doing my job right, my kid will be keeping his/herself safe, and won't be depending on the other kid anyways. Only one kid needs to bring the condom. *shrug*

But I've already stated my main reason for not telling, and to me it outweighs almost anything else. I would call up the parents of the boy who got my girl pregnant, but not the girl my boy got pregnant for the same reasons.

[Chloe'sMommy]

Originally Posted by BonitaAppleBomb

I just don't get this line of thinking. It's not your business if someone is having sex with your daughter? What if you're doing everything right and educating your daughter, BUT his parents are not? What if informing his parents will be the catalyst needed to make sure that he protects himself? And in protecting himself, he in turn is also protecting your daughter as well. I know this is a lot of what if's, but you (in general) have to consider the what ifs before they become a reality.

A lot of parents get upset, mad, and disappointed with kids when they become pregnant. At that point, the parents then want to go and meet the girl/boy and their parents and "talk" about what must be done. Why? Why wait and talk after a pregnancy ensues? Why not before?

Yes, it is my business. It's not my business to tell HIS parents. I'm not responsible for educating other people's children about sex. Like I said though, I would want to meet him and even though educating him about sex isn't my responsibility, I would tell him that he needs to be using condoms, and that safety comes first. His parents and what they tell THEIR kid is none of my business and not on my shoulders. The only thing I can control is the education I provide for MY kids. I will teach my daughter to be safe, and I will teach her about BC and condoms. At that point it is her responsibility to put those safe practices to good use. I hope and pray she will use good judgment in choosing sexual partners and that her sex education and knowledge will be enough to trump any guy that tries to persuade her otherwise.

[HappyHippy]

^ Kids get caught up in the moment though. You can teach your kids about safe sex until they know everything, and they still might trust the other person to have something, or believe them when they say they do. And their parent might not be teaching them at all.

telling a kid's parents they are having sex isn't going to help them remember the condom, or stop them from lying.

[BonitaAppleBomb]

Originally Posted by Chloe'sMommy

Yes, it is my business. It's not my business to tell HIS parents. I'm not responsible for educating other people's children about sex. Like I said though, I would want to meet him and even though educating him about sex isn't my responsibility, I would tell him that he needs to be using condoms, and that safety comes first. His parents and what they tell THEIR kid is none of my business and not on my shoulders. The only thing I can control is the education I provide for MY kids. I will teach my daughter to be safe, and I will teach her about BC and condoms. At that point it is her responsibility to put those safe practices to good use. I hope and pray she will use good judgment in choosing sexual partners and that her sex education and knowledge will be enough to trump any guy that tries to persuade her otherwise.

The bolded, I do agree. I think making good judgment when choosing sexual partners is of the utmost importance for teens as well.

[rose198172]

Originally Posted by beyaztavsan

I sure as hell would tell the other parents if my son was having sexual relations with their son or daughter.

I think it's funny that some people are assuming their child would be sexually active with the opposite sex. I bet some answers would be changed if they thought of same sex relations.

I actually did think about that, and I still think I would tell. They may not be able to get pregnant in a same-sex relationship, but they sure as heck could contract an STD.

[HappyHippy]

Originally Posted by Keskes

telling a kid's parents they are having sex isn't going to help them remember the condom, or stop them from lying.

You never know. Maybe the kid doesn't even have access to condoms, and telling his parents he's having sex may get him access to condoms. I can think of a lot of scenerios where it'd be a good idea to tell the other parents.

Also, while this is probably not that common, what if the boy that your daughter was having sex with actually had a STD that the boys parents knew about. Telling his parents then would give you information.

[**Badfish**]

Originally Posted by JennTheMomma

^ Kids get caught up in the moment though. You can teach your kids about safe sex until they know everything, and they still might trust the other person to have something, or believe them when they say they do. And their parent might not be teaching them at all.

This makes no sense. If my kid is blindly trusting his partner and not taking precautions to protect himself, then I have not taught him everything about safe sex. No one else can be responsible for his sexual health. Not me, not his partner, not his partner's parents.

Also, if the other parents haven't said a word to their child about safe sex, I highly doubt a phone call is going to change that. My parents NEVER talked to me about sex. My mom didn't even explain menstruation to me. If my boyfriend's parents had called them to tell them we were having sex, I guarantee that the only thing that would have happened is me getting grounded and probably told I wasn't allowed to see him anymore. There wouldn't have been any heart-to-hearts about safe sex.

[glasscandie]

Originally Posted by Keskes

telling a kid's parents they are having sex isn't going to help them remember the condom, or stop them from lying.

No, but it will send the message that we don't condone sexual activity at such a young age. I'm trying to phrase this so people aren't all like, "With that attitude your kid will never come to you!"...

It is not OK for a 15 year old to have sex. A 15 year old cannot care for a baby and *I* sure as hell don't want to be caring for my daughter's baby; they could contract an STD; they are entering into an act that they are emotionally not ready for. These are all detrimental things that I feel are on the same page as finding out my kid was doing drugs, or drinking, or sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night. For ALL of those things, if another child was involved, I would sure as **** tell the other parents so they are aware that their child is doing these dangerous things. Why in the world would I not tell the other parent they are having sex? I haven't really seen a compelling argument for not telling, besides "it's not my business" - but it is your business, because this other child is involved sexually with your child.

As I said in the thread a few weeks back about drinking/picking up kids if they get drunk - there is no reason why my child can't understand that I don't condone drinking underage, but also do not want to see her get hurt. There's no reason that my child can't understand that we don't condone sex at inappropriate ages, but we don't want her to get hurt. I really hope that I am fostering a relationship with my kid where she can talk to me about anything, but also knows that I cannot just forget about what I know to be the right rules to have.

Originally Posted by glasscandie

Yes, I do think it's an awful situation if DD happened to get pregnant at 15. I'm sure I don't have to get into all the specifics about why, it seems pretty obvious to me. I would love the grandchild if she decided to keep it, but that child is not the one I care about right now, it's my own daughter and all the things she won't get to do (or will have a very hard time doing) because of the pregnancy. I know for a fact DH and I would very strongly suggestion abortion, but it is ultimately her decision and we'd support her whatever way we could. At 15 years old, anyway. Again, 17 or 18, my opinion changes a bit because they are more likely to be able to support that child on their own.

I know Courtney.. I understand. I think I would have felt it was an awful situation too prior to dd. I know it's still an awful situation overall but something in my heart really changed my view on it when I had her. It's like I know her choices would not be as limited as mine.. I mean it shouldn't matter whether or not she had millions, if she isn't ready, she isn't ready.. It's just a lot more hope for her since her and her babies would have love and support like I never had to fall on. I wish I could explain it.