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I don't expect my children to have sex, I just recognize it as a possibility. The same can be said for a whole lot of things.
right - everything is a possibility - the question would then be - does that "possibility" lead to me treating the subject any differently and for me it doesn't. I plan to teach my children in a certain way and expect certain things from them regardless of what the possibilities may be.
Like divorce - sure, it is a possibility that my husband would leave me but I'm not going to hide money or have a back up plan etc because the possibility is remote.
I would never give my child condoms because there is a possibility he will have sex.
right - everything is a possibility - the question would then be - does that "possibility" lead to me treating the subject any differently and for me it doesn't. I plan to teach my children in a certain way and expect certain things from them regardless of what the possibilities may be.
Like divorce - sure, it is a possibility that my husband would leave me but I'm not going to hide money or have a back up plan etc because the possibility is remote.
I would never give my child condoms because there is a possibility he will have sex.
So you would rather he have unsafe sex or are you assuming he could get condoms on his own if he wanted them? If you suspected he may be sexually active, wouldn't you want him to be safe?
right - everything is a possibility - the question would then be - does that "possibility" lead to me treating the subject any differently and for me it doesn't. I plan to teach my children in a certain way and expect certain things from them regardless of what the possibilities may be.
Like divorce - sure, it is a possibility that my husband would leave me but I'm not going to hide money or have a back up plan etc because the possibility is remote. I would never give my child condoms because there is a possibility he will have sex.
Oh boy I see another spin off coming.
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Proud Christian, Cloth diapering, Baby Wearing, Signing, Select vaxing, ERF, Extended Harnessing, attempted breast feeding mama to Cadence 2/01/02 Courtney 11/26/03 Kason 4/02/07 and Kaia 8/23/09And very proud Army wife to Smitty.
right - everything is a possibility - the question would then be - does that "possibility" lead to me treating the subject any differently and for me it doesn't. I plan to teach my children in a certain way and expect certain things from them regardless of what the possibilities may be.
Like divorce - sure, it is a possibility that my husband would leave me but I'm not going to hide money or have a back up plan etc because the possibility is remote.
I would never give my child condoms because there is a possibility he will have sex.
I agree until possibly the very end. I wouldn't give my kids condoms as a birthday present and say "just in case you don't listen to me.." but if they come to me saying they are active and need protection, and they have no intention of stopping... then I will do my best to ensure they are at least being safe on their journey to hell.
So you would rather he have unsafe sex or are you assuming he could get condoms on his own if he wanted them? If you suspected he may be sexually active, wouldn't you want him to be safe?
no, I would not buy my child condoms.
no, I don't think the fact that pre-maritial sex is a possibility is the same thing as suspecting he may be secually active.
If my DH and I suspected one of our children to be having sex we would deal with it. Not exactly sure how but it wouldn't go unaddressed and we would not deal with it by buying condoms.
Ok..sorry, its much easier to type this on a computer than my phone
Ok, let me explain my reasoning and what I believe:
First off, every teen/child is different, just because someone you know, or yourself, or your friends back in highschool, had sex, doesn't mean that every single teenage is going to have sex no matter what you teach them. I know many people including my family and dh's family and friends that were all virgins as teens...so you can't assume that everyone does what you know.
As far as teaching my child....I was talking to my husband on the phone about this debate and he agrees completely with me. We are going to teach our children, that it is not ok to have sex as a teenage, and tell them all the things that can happen with having sex. Explain to them, that you need to wait till you are an adult either married or in a very committed relationship, before you do something so serious. We do not take sex lightly, maybe because we are eachother's first and only partners...so we were never in "that scene" or having to date other people..
I definitely do not buy the fact that you can't teach your child right from wrong, and thinking that they are going to have sex even if you teach them otherwise...You are pretty much saying that anything you teach them is thrown out the window, because they are going to do it anyway.
We will also not allow drinking..smoking or drugs, so we will be teaching the same thing when it comes to that, and will punish just the same. Would you not punish if you found out your child was at a party and drinking? Or doing drugs?? Having sex is wrong as a teen, so its in the same category to us. We are not ones that say "as long as you drink at our house then its fine" it's almost like "as long as you use a condom or birth control then sex is fine".
I am probably not the norm on this board, but everyone that we hang around at church...family..friends, feel the same way....so that is why I thought it was strange how many were talking so loosely about teens having sex.
This not directed to anyone in particular..but don't you notice that teens who get pregnant, or drink...smoke...do drugs..usually come from a family that has a pattern of it. (Mother had daughter as a teen, or sister got pregnant as a teen, mom and dad smoke, or drink..etc) Kids learn from example, so setting a good example to our children will rub off on their thinking...
You are pretty much saying teens, have no control over what they do...I just don't believe that, and I guess we have to agree to disagree on this one
I had control. I decided to have sex when I was ready, not when my mom and dad decided I was ready. Everyone is ready at different times. I was ready at 16, and I slept with someone I loved, and I married him. My mom should be happy I chose to have sex with someone that I loved and respected, not punish me for the act. What purpose would that have served? The only purpose it would have served for me would be that I wouldn't talk to her about sex and wouldn't go to her out of fear of punishment. Would it stop me from having sex? Absolutely not.
Thankfully though, my mom DID set a good example for me. She let me know that sex was okay and it wasn't something to be ashamed of. She let me know that there were serious risks, and that sex should be special. It was special for me, and it still is.
If my mom would have told me, "If you have sex you're grounded" the only purpose that would have is me feeling like I'd have to lie to her if she ever asked me about it, and I wouldn't be able to talk to my mom about sex. Why would I go to her for guidance about sex if I knew there were only be judgment and consequences? I wouldn't.
Do you really think your son or daughter wouldn't have sex again if you grounded them for a week? 2 weeks? A month?
I guess my point is that I really don't understand what purpose punishing them would do. If you think it would deter them from having sex, I think you're wrong. I think it would and will backfire on you in the sense that it will keep your children from being completely open and honest with you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AMDG
no, I would not buy my child condoms.
no, I don't think the fact that pre-maritial sex is a possibility is the same thing as suspecting he may be secually active.
If my DH and I suspected one of our children to be having sex we would deal with it. Not exactly sure how but it wouldn't go unaddressed and we would not deal with it by buying condoms.
To me, that says you would rather him keep having sex unsafe than making sure he's being protected. That doesn't make sense to me. I hope he would find another outlet to get condoms then because I don't think it's likely he would abstain just because you and daddy don't like it.
Edit: Would this be the same for your daughter? If she came to you and told you she thought she should be on birth control, you would tell her no because you don't agree with her having sex?
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Lauren
Last edited by Chloe'sMommy; July 29th, 2010 at 02:16 PM.
Whose to say that we would "ground" them...but we would limit the places that they could go with their bf/gf.....take privileges away..like curfew etc.
To me, that says you would rather him keep having sex unsafe than making sure he's being protected. That doesn't make sense to me. I hope he would find another outlet to get condoms then because I don't think it's likely he would abstain just because you and daddy don't like it.
I don't know where you come up with your first sentence from what I wrote and your last sentence indicates to me that you didn't read all of my previous posts.
Whose to say that we would "ground" them...but we would limit the places that they could go with their bf/gf.....take privileges away..like curfew etc.
You think an early curfew is going to keep them from having sex again? You still didn't answer my question though, what purpose does the punishment serve, and who is it really punishing? Do you think your child knowing there would be punishment and consequences involved, would ever come to you to talk about sex?
Quote:
Originally Posted by AMDG
I don't know where you come up with your first sentence from what I wrote and your last sentence indicates to me that you didn't read all of my previous posts.
That's what I gathered from the information you last post said. You said you wouldn't buy him condoms if you thought he was having sex. No condoms=unsafe sex. I said I hope he'd find a way to get himself condoms so that if he continues to be active, he's being safe.
Edit: Would this be the same for your daughter? If she came to you and told you she thought she should be on birth control, you would tell her no because you don't agree with her having sex?
If your child came to you and said she was injecting meth would you run out and buy her clean needles. some say yes. Most, I hope, would say they would try and deal with the situation in a different way -which is exactly what I said about the sex topic - that my husband and I would address the issue with our child. I do not know how that translates to - we would prefer our child have unsafe sex.
You think an early curfew is going to keep them from having sex again? You still didn't answer my question though, what purpose does the punishment serve, and who is it really punishing? Do you think your child knowing there would be punishment and consequences involved, would ever come to you to talk about sex?
The "fear" of punishment would be enough, I was too afraid of what could happen with having sex as a teen, that I definitely didn't want to risk it.
I mean its like asking...."why would you punish a child who did drugs" Because it is wrong in our family..and without punishments, then the children have no fear, and feel they can do what they want, since their parents will just "let" it go..
I just don't understand how a teen having sex is "ok" Sex is such a powerful thing, a teenager is just not ready for that. And believe me, I was a very mature teen , I had to grow up fast (my mother was very sick), and I knew I wasn't ready to have sex at that age.
There are way too many teen moms, and sadly even preteen moms, I am just always so upset when I see those kind of things.....Something that can be prevented.
But like I said, every family is different...families have different morals/values...so not everyone will grow up the same and do the same thing. I am not telling anyone on here that they should teach their own child something different from what they think is right...
If my mom would have told me, "If you have sex you're grounded" the only purpose that would have is me feeling like I'd have to lie to her if she ever asked me about it, and I wouldn't be able to talk to my mom about sex. Why would I go to her for guidance about sex if I knew there were only be judgment and consequences? I wouldn't.
again, this paragraph indicates you are not bothering to read the words of those who disagree with you. Did anybody ever say they would approach the subject in this manner? no, in fact those you are disagreeing with have specifically said they wouldn't.
If your child came to you and said she was injecting meth would you run out and buy her clean needles. some say yes. Most, I hope, would say they would try and deal with the situation in a different way -which is exactly what I said about the sex topic - that my husband and I would address the issue with our child. I do not know how that translates to - we would prefer our child have unsafe sex.
(sorry quoted wrong one at first..fixed it)
Yeah, give them some clean needles, a beer, and get the bed ready and a condom on the table. They are all set
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Last edited by RTMOM; July 29th, 2010 at 02:31 PM.
I think I should add here that if my kid says they are having sex, my first reaction is NOT going to be to hand them a condom. There will be a discussion (probably more than one), and we will try to convince them that it's probably not a good idea. however, if my kid expresses a determination to remain active.. then I will get them birth control / protection. I will try to handle it a different way first, but if I'm not successful in getting them to stop the behavior, then I will facilitate health and prevention.
Yeah, give them some clean needles, a beer, and get the bed ready and a condom on the table. They are all set
So, are you saying that you put teenage sex in the same category at doing drugs and drinking?
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Tammy, Mom to
Abby (19), Kacie (13), Chase (11), & Jacob (7)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "...They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!" ~ Bobby ~ Supernatural
So, are you saying that you put teenage sex in the same category at doing drugs and drinking?
Of course doing drugs is the worst one, but I do put Sex in the same category as things that we do not allow...and things that we won't make it "easier" for them to do...and things we will not ignore.
Of course doing drugs is the worst one, but I do put Sex in the same category as things that we do not allow...and things that we won't make it "easier" for them to do...and things we will not ignore.
I would rather have my kid smoke pot and/or drink than engage in pre-marital sex. I don't think drugs is obviously the worst one.
I would rather have my kid smoke pot and/or drink than engage in pre-marital sex. I don't think drugs is obviously the worst one.
I agree. However I think, these days, when people are thinking about "doing drugs" there mind automatically goes to worse things than pot. Or maybe just mine does. I'd rather my kid smoke pot than have sex, but I'd rather them have sex than shoot meth (or whatever it is one does with meth).
I agree. However I think, these days, when people are thinking about "doing drugs" there mind automatically goes to worse things than pot. Or maybe just mine does. I'd rather my kid smoke pot than have sex, but I'd rather them have sex than shoot meth (or whatever it is one does with meth).
Of course doing drugs is the worst one, but I do put Sex in the same category as things that we do not allow...and things that we won't make it "easier" for them to do...and things we will not ignore.
So then you see it as bad and something to be "punished" for.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AMDG
I would rather have my kid smoke pot and/or drink than engage in pre-marital sex. I don't think drugs is obviously the worst one.
I understand that you don't want your children to engage in teen sex but you would rather they do something illegal ... that they could get arrested for?
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Tammy, Mom to
Abby (19), Kacie (13), Chase (11), & Jacob (7)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "...They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!" ~ Bobby ~ Supernatural
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