Since we are keeping secrets

BeccaCCKK · #1 July 28th, 2010, 06:04 PM

Say you find out your minor aged son or daughter is sexually active .....Do you tell the other parties parents or not??

#2 July 28th, 2010, 06:25 PM

haha.. not a chance. Not unless it's a really weird situation, like my 17-year-old and their 13-year-old (please, God - never) or something else equally as bizarre or inappropriate. But two similarly aged/developed teenagers? No, that's for their kid to tell them.

Banned-magicalthinking · #3 July 28th, 2010, 06:31 PM

I can imagine that phone call "Hi, Ms. Smith? This Ruby Jones, Jane's mom? Well I was calling to let you know I found out that your little Joey has been knockin boots with Jane and I thought you might want to come over for some tea, or vodlka, to disscuss this matter", or do you send them a message on facebook? What's the ettiqutte here? Phone call, note, facebook update?

This is one conversation I'll be skipping thankyouverymuch. Though if my teen had an STD or was pregnant (or got their GF pregnant) then I'd be more inclined to let the other teen's parent(s) know. So long as I know the teen would be safe if their parents were aware (I had three friends get beatings when their parents found out they were having sex), otherwise I'd try to help the teen directly.

#4 July 28th, 2010, 06:34 PM

Pregnancy is one of those situations I was talking about. You can bet your rear that my son will own up to that responsibility, and so will the fathers if its one of my girls (or to the best of my ability). In that situation, I'd give the kid in question a given period of time to tell his/her parents on their own, and then do it for them.

Mom2Froggy · #5 July 28th, 2010, 06:39 PM

Unless it was as serious matter (pregnancy or std) then nope, not my place to tell!

TheMrs · #6 July 28th, 2010, 06:41 PM

I think it would depend on the other parent. If I knew they were open and would just tell the boy to use a condom, rather than banish him from seeing DD, I would talk to them. But if I thought the other parents would do the latter I would make sure DD was on birth control and had condoms. I would rather the other parents know what was going on and hopefully support safe sex rather than them live in ignorance about their child (especially if I had a son and it was their daughter).

If they were really young-say under 16, I would tell regardless. I'm not going to be a big fan of my daughter having sex under the age of 25, but I would try to prevent it if she were 15 or under.

fluffycheeks · #7 July 28th, 2010, 06:57 PM

I have never though about this, so I have no idea!

glasscandie · #8 July 28th, 2010, 07:03 PM

Uh, yes? I don't understand this seclusion parenting model.

WineKeepsMeSane · #9 July 28th, 2010, 07:34 PM

RTMOM · #10 July 28th, 2010, 07:38 PM

Hmm...telling the other parents of the other child you mean?

Well it depends, if we are complete strangers then probably not...but if we are friends with them (say our child was dating their daughter for a while)...I still don't know if we tell them, but I would consider it..."maybe" Or I would tell my son that he needs his girlfriend to tell her parents..

TheMrs · #11 July 28th, 2010, 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glasscandie

Uh, yes? I don't understand this seclusion parenting model.

The only way I could see it is if I believe the other parent will banish the kids from seeing one another and I believe the kids will sneak around to be with one another.

#12 July 28th, 2010, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glasscandie

Uh, yes? I don't understand this seclusion parenting model.

I assumed it was about telling the other kid's parents, in which case it's not my business to inform them of their child's activities, and I don't know why I would have to. But just all the other topics, I probably wouldn't actively keep it from them, unless I thought telling them would only bring unnecessary trouble. If they directly asked me, I'm not gonna lie. But I'm not going to call them out of the blue and say "guess what I found in Luke's room? A CONDOM!!!"

glasscandie · #13 July 28th, 2010, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Keskes

I assumed it was about telling the other kid's parents, in which case it's not my business to inform them of their child's activities, and I don't know why I would have to. But just all the other topics, I probably wouldn't actively keep it from them, unless I thought telling them would only bring unnecessary trouble. If they directly asked me, I'm not gonna lie. But I'm not going to call them out of the blue and say "guess what I found in Luke's room? A CONDOM!!!"

Yes, I understand it is about telling the other kid's parents. How could I not? I would hope that another parent knew my child was having sex with their child, especially at an inappropriate age, they would tell me.

This is just mind boggling to me. 15 year olds are NOT adults. They are NOT capable of making decisions that could alter their life completely. That is why they have parents, and that is why the legal age to do ANYTHING is not 15.

Bekah · #14 July 28th, 2010, 07:57 PM

I wouldn't tell unless their was some sort of important topic (pregnancy or std's), it the others child's responsibility to talk to their own parents IMO.

RTMOM · #15 July 28th, 2010, 08:00 PM

Well....I hope my child isn't having sex at 15...wow that is young.....

#16 July 28th, 2010, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glasscandie

Yes, I understand it is about telling the other kid's parents. How could I not? I would hope that another parent knew my child was having sex with their child, especially at an inappropriate age, they would tell me.

This is just mind boggling to me. 15 year olds are NOT adults. They are NOT capable of making decisions that could alter their life completely. That is why they have parents, and that is why the legal age to do ANYTHING is not 15.

Oh sorry. See, I was assuming the kids were a bit older, like 17. I don't like to think of my 15-year-olds having sex, and basically block all thought of that from my mind.

However, I still don't think it's MY business to tell the kid's parents. If I know that my own kid is being safe, then my own kid is keeping the other kid safe by default and that's what matters, yes? It's up to the other kid when they want to tell their parents, and I just don't see how it's my place to do that for them.

glasscandie · #17 July 28th, 2010, 08:06 PM

Because they are children? If you knew a child was doing something dangerous, you wouldn't tell the other parent?

17+ I don't count as a child anymore, as long as they have the maturity to match.

rose198172 · #18 July 28th, 2010, 08:26 PM

Wow.... what an interesting question. It's not something I've thought about yet. I suspect that I would give the other party time to tell their parents and then I would bring it up to their parents. I'm not sure HOW I would do that, and heck, it's more likely that I would be the last one to know.

But I definitely agree with glasscandie - I would alert the other set of parents if the kids were doing drugs; why wouldn't I do so if they're having sex?

**Badfish** · #19 July 28th, 2010, 08:34 PM

No way. Not unless someone's pregnant and trying to shirk responsibility.

glasscandie · #20 July 28th, 2010, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jess is Write

No way. Not unless someone's pregnant and trying to shirk responsibility.

I don't get this, and in no way think I'm trying to be snarky. But you're essentially saying you'd facilitate sexual activity at an age when they shouldn't be having sex in the first place? When they really couldn't accept responsibility for a pregnancy in the first place? Only when there is an actual pregnancy you would step in? Why not step in before, before an awful situation like that happened?