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I was just thinking about how I used to keep a journal (still do) and how I felt about my journal growing up. My Mom looked at the journal a few times and it completely broke my trust in her, even though she found out things I didn't want her to know about.
So it got me to thinking... would you ever look in your childrens journal to see if they are doing drugs, drinking, sneaking out, if they are suicidal, etc...?
The more I think about it... I don't think anything could get me to look. I have a lot of feelings about journals, the main one being it's a place to be you with no filter. A place to vent without hurting someone else, even a place to vent so you don't hurt yourself. I find journals to be very special and therapeutic. They can be a place for a kid to tell secrets no parent ever wants to hear, it can be a place parents fear because of what their child truly things.
I think that should be respected though. I hope my children never do drugs, or if they do, tell me. I hope they don't make choices that harm them. I will hope they never harbor suicidal thoughts. What I do want is for them to have a place to vent, to be themselves, and that might take the form of a journal. Therefore I don't see myself breaking their trust which makes them bottle those feelings up instead of venting, which is very dangerous in my opinion.
So what would you do? If your kids kept a journal would you always respect that trust, no matter what? Or would you feel you had the right to look no matter what? Or only in certain circumstances?
I think I would look if I had reason to suspect something bad. But do kids really write about drugs in journals even if they are doing them? If I ever did look, I would do my best to hide it and make it seem like I had found out about the drugs or whatever in some other way. But drugs and suicidal ideation are such serious issues, I wouldn’t mind breaking some trust if the information could potentially save or improve their lives. But I wouldn’t break that trust just to find out about their latest crush or BFFs.
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I’m Sarah (39), wife to Chris (40), mom to three boys (age 0, 3 and 5)
I couldn't imagine looking at my child's journal. That's their space to deal with...whatever they need to deal with. Mine had some pretty dark stuff in it at times, writing it out was how I dealt with it.
I think I would look if I had reason to suspect something bad. But do kids really write about drugs in journals even if they are doing them? If I ever did look, I would do my best to hide it and make it seem like I had found out about the drugs or whatever in some other way. But drugs and suicidal ideation are such serious issues, I wouldn’t mind breaking some trust if the information could potentially save or improve their lives. But I wouldn’t break that trust just to find out about their latest crush or BFFs.
I had quite a few friends in high school get busted about drugs for writing about them in their journal. I know some kids filter it out, but not all. I had an online journal that there was no way my parents could access and I did write about drugs in it.
Suicidal thoughts are really serious, I do agree. I just can't imagine taking that one place away from my child where they could vent away. I would want to know if they are suicidal, but letting them know it's from their journal is NOT something I'd want them to know.
I dont read Hailees journal, and i think part of it is that im dealing with a lot mentally for the past two year.... thoughts, obsessions, fears, worries... and am afraid to tell anyone or write it in a journal in case they think im a horrible person. I think i have an ocd of some type, and ive been contemplating keeping a journal of my own... if i wasnt afraid someone would read it.
You are very right, a journal is a place to get your feelings and emotions out instead of bottled up inside. I dont need to read my kids journals to find out if somethings going on.
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Last edited by Hailee&Nevansmommy; September 18th, 2010 at 10:39 PM.
I dont read Hailees journal, and i think part of it is that im dealing with a lot mentally for the past two year.... thoughts, obsessions, fears, worries... and am afraid to tell anyone or write it in a journal in case they think im a horrible person. I think i have an ocd of some type, and ive been contemplating keeping a journal of my own... if i wasnt afraid someone would read it.
You are very right, a journal is a place to get your feelings and emotions out instead of bottled up inside. I dont need to read my kids journals to find out if somethings going on.
If you are interested in opening up a livejournal, I'd be happy to be your friend on there. On livejournal you can keep your journal entries to different security levels... such as public, friends only, and private. So if you are the only one with the password, only you can see your private entries! I've kept mine for years and love it. I also love new journal buddies, so if you want to, PM me and I'll give you my link and we can be buddies on there I promise I have a good ear to listen to things if needed
Yes, I'd read it. However, I'd only read it if I suspected she was in trouble and was hiding something that could endanger her life or the life of someone else. If I suspected she was depressed and might hurt herself, I'd read it.
I would not read it if she just didn't feel like telling me which boy she liked. I would not read it for any other purpose other than the above.
Yes, I would read my child's journal if I felt I needed to for safety concerns. Other than that, its none of my business.
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Tammy, Mom to
Abby (19), Kacie (13), Chase (11), & Jacob (7)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "...They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!" ~ Bobby ~ Supernatural
I recently found out that my parents used to read my journal and even though it happened years ago I'm very hurt and angry actually. My parents did it because they were noisy and didn't believe I had the right to any privacy at all.
Because of that it would really take something very serious for me to violate my child's trust and privacy like that. If my kid had run away, if I had very good reason to believe she was doing drugs, or if I thought that maybe she had been raped or assaulted in some way and was afraid to tell me I might read it. Even then I'd talk to my kid first to try to work things out and figure out what was going on.
If my kid was into drugs, the last thing I would be looking for is their journal. I would be looking for his stash instead.
There isn't always a stash. Some kids do it away from the house and never bring it home. I had a very close family member struggle with drugs starting at a very young age. He never brought any home until he was much older.
I would look if I suspected something really bad. I'm not going to let my boys go into a downword spiral just to protect their space. Like what I wrote above, I've had a very close family member struggle, and I do not want that for my boys. But hopefully they won't, because this family member plans on talking to them when they are older. I also had 2 former class mates commit suicide withing 6 months apart from eachother, and the second one was only 2 blocks from my house and I heard the gun shot. It was really sad, I can't imagine being the parents.
There isn't always a stash. Some kids do it away from the house and never bring it home. I had a very close family member struggle with drugs starting at a very young age. He never brought any home until he was much older.
Well, I guess I wouldn't find that out without looking first
I would also look at search history on the computer, and also look for certain behaviors. Journals don't seem to be really popular in this day of blogging. I also find that girls probably journal more than boys. Knowing how I was growing up, I would have had two journals--- one to write perfectly normal things and easy to find, and a second one that was hidden somewhere that had juicy details. If Jace thinks anything like I did, I'll have to search deeper than just a journal. I wouldn't call my sneakiness as a teenager, a positive trait.
I'm huge on respecting my child's privacy. My mother did her best to respect mine and has instilled the same in me. With that being said, if there was some sort of safety issue involved, I just might read it. If my child were to ever become suicidal, I would do whatever I could to make sure that she gets the help she needs. If that means I had to read her journal to learn about those feelings, then so be it. I would rather have her around and pissed at me that I read her journal, then not have her around at all.
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❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11
If there was something MAJOR going on that I needed further information on then I absolutely would. If I suspected drug abuse (not an experimentation with pot but something that could be life threatening), suicide, or if I though there could be some sort of sexual abuse going on. Especially on the last one, if my child were showing other signs of sexual abuse, I would absolutely read it in an attempt to protect her and try to learn if it was happening who the person was.
Would I read it for giggles, NEVER. Who they have a crush on, if they skipped school or other things I consider to be normal child/adolescent behavior is not important enough to break a trust.
If something about my child's behavior seemed "off" to me, and I couldn't figure out what from conversations with them, or observations only, then yes, I probably would look in their journals. I would hate to do it, but I'd rather protect my children from hurting themselves.
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Writer, Navy wife, autistic mom of two autistic kids (E is 6, C is 5).
Would I read it for giggles, NEVER. Who they have a crush on, if they skipped school or other things I consider to be normal child/adolescent behavior is not important enough to break a trust.
When I was young - like 11 & 12, I had an uncle who stayed with us for a short time and every time I'd leave the house, he read my diary! It was crazy! What could possibly be interesting to a man in his 20's about a young girl? And my diary was locked! LOL I actually started writing stuff like "Uncle Tim, QUIT reading my diary!!"
It was a huge invasion of my privacy and hurt me.
I don't think it's OK to read it just to read it, or because you feel like your kids are hiding something and you just don't know what it is.
Having said that . . . If there was something going on, if I suspected drugs or abuse or any situation where my children might be hurting the themselves, I would look.
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Thank You ~steph2007~ For My Beautiful Spring Siggy!
I'd read it but keep quiet unless my child's life were in danger. I'm not the biggest defender of privacy, but I am a big defender of a child developing his or her own personality and morals. My mom's mistake was reading my stuff and confronting me about half-butt information she received from it.
