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Having a nanny sleep train your baby


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  #1  
January 3rd, 2011, 10:07 PM
*Jennifer*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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This is not a debate on CIO or sleep training. Whether a parent chooses to sleep train or not is up to them. This is about having someone else sleep train your baby. I recently read a magazine article (People or US - Yes I read those gossip magazines) about Neil Patrick Harris and his partner becoming parents to twins. In the interview, one of them talks about the nanny sleep training them. I was a little taken aback because to me, it's having someone else do your dirty work. They are parents and if sleep training is what works for them, that is their choice, but they need to, like every other sleep training parent, be the ones to deal with the emotions of hearing their babies cry.

So what do you think? Is it okay to have the non-parent sleep train?
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  #2  
January 4th, 2011, 06:56 AM
AMDG's Avatar Margaret
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If you wanted your life to remain the same then why did you choose to have kids? Except for perhaps under some unique circumstances, I think it is sad. The newborn phase passes so quickly - I can't believe my little guy is 6 weeks already - the lack of sleep makes it hard to cherish these times but I sure try.
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  #3  
January 4th, 2011, 07:20 AM
MindyRambo's Avatar Super Mommy
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I agree with AMDG. Besides, what's going to happen after? How will the parents know the babies habbits? Seems like it would be more trouble in the long run.
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  #4  
January 4th, 2011, 08:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AMDG View Post
If you wanted your life to remain the same then why did you choose to have kids? Except for perhaps under some unique circumstances, I think it is sad. The newborn phase passes so quickly - I can't believe my little guy is 6 weeks already - the lack of sleep makes it hard to cherish these times but I sure try.
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  #5  
January 4th, 2011, 08:55 AM
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Honestly, I don't see an issue with it. I wouldn't do it but I don't think anything is inherently wrong with anyone else doing it. Everything I've seen about them suggests they want to be parents. Maybe one of them has issues with sleeping and they agreed it would be better to have someone sleep train the kids. I'm sure twins are hard work and they are nervous about how to juggle everything when the babies arrive. Maybe they just know their personal limits and lack of sleep is one of them... I really don't know. I don't LIKE it but I don't really see anything wrong with it.
Is this really different from your child going to day care and getting potty trained by someone else? Or a stay at home mom getting a full time nanny to care for their child 24/7? I'm not seeing a big difference here. It's all about what works for your family.
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  #6  
January 4th, 2011, 09:28 AM
IAmMomMomIAm
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I'm with Melissa. I don't see the difference between the nanny sleep training and the nanny disciplining. If I had someone to put my kid in time out so I didn't have to hear him cry and tear at my heart strings, I'd probably do it.
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  #7  
January 4th, 2011, 09:49 AM
IAmMomMomIAm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Jennifer* View Post
They are parents and if sleep training is what works for them, that is their choice, but they need to, like every other sleep training parent, be the ones to deal with the emotions of hearing their babies cry.
Hmm.. as parents, and before we become parents, we know that there are good things and bad things about the role we are choosing for our lives. Not every aspect of parenting is joyful and fulfilling, and there are things I'm sure the best and happiest parent would love to shove off on someone else (like poopy diaper explosions). Why does a parent need to experience all the crappy stuff that comes with being a parent? Does listening to their babies cry at night make them a better parent somehow? If I opt to change that poo explosion and spare my husband the horror, does that make me a better parent than him? Not in my estimation.
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  #8  
January 4th, 2011, 10:02 AM
AMDG's Avatar Margaret
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I don't think experiencing all the "crappy" stuff makes a parent a better parent. but one who tries to avoid the "crappy stuff? that is sad. I don't think we are talking about a parent who can't get any sleep and is a danger to herself and others because of the torture that lack of sleep can be - the OP made it sound like just your average couple choosing to hire a sleep nanny.
Is having to wake up in the night with a newborn or two considered to be a crappy part of parenting? I guess that is what bothers me. I understand, I've been there, I'm there right now. I know what is like to be willing to pay hundreds of dollars or my front two teeth in order to get 2 hours of uninterupted sleep but I still wouldn't call it crappy. I bet many couples who struggles with infertility would gladly pay hundreds of dollars and their front two teeth in order to be able to be kept awake night after night with a newborn baby of their own.
So...like I said before - Wrong or bad? no. Sad? yes
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  #9  
January 4th, 2011, 10:11 AM
IAmMomMomIAm
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For clarification, I was referring to "listening to your baby cry" as the crappy part, not a lack of sleep.

That line of thinking really bothers me though. I hate waking up in the middle of the night with a newborn, or a toddler. I admit it - it is not one of the joyful parts of parenting for me. Worth it in the end? Or course. Enjoyable or something I'm grateful for? No, sorry. To suggest that someone should be grateful for poo explosions or 30 minutes of sleep a night just because they have a baby is wrong to me. I wouldn't expect someone who's transmission blow on their car to be grateful for it because hey.. at leas you HAVE a car! It's just really unfair, and just goes to further the false notion that parents have to be perfect and are not allowed to groan at any part of being a parent, ever.

Last edited by IAmMomMomIAm; January 4th, 2011 at 10:15 AM.
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  #10  
January 4th, 2011, 10:34 AM
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I don't see it any different than what was already stated. I'm not in their home and have no idea what's going on. It's easy to sit back and critic and say it's all or nothing with parenting but honestly it's not. Each family does what works for them. It may not work for me or my family but who am I to say what works for another family.
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  #11  
January 4th, 2011, 10:46 AM
tiredmom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I agree with Melissa and Kes. If they have already made the decision to sleep train, whether it is by going in to sooth baby frequently or CIO, then they have made the hard decision and what does it matter if it is them doing it or the nanny? I don’t know about his partner, but I’m sure Neil Patrick Harris has a crazy busy schedule and needs a good night sleep. Why shouldn’t he have the little time home with his kids to be good quality time and not grumpy, sleep deprived, fussy time with the babies? If a couple can afford it, and has a totally trustworthy nanny or family member, then I say go for it.
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  #12  
January 4th, 2011, 11:05 AM
AMDG's Avatar Margaret
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keskes View Post
To suggest that someone should be grateful for poo explosions or 30 minutes of sleep a night just because they have a baby is wrong to me. I wouldn't expect someone who's transmission blow on their car to be grateful for it because hey.. at leas you HAVE a car! It's just really unfair, and just goes to further the false notion that parents have to be perfect and are not allowed to groan at any part of being a parent, ever.

I guess it is just a different way of looking at life or a different outlook on life. I don't think parents have to be perfect or even close. I'm not grateful for poo explosions but when my baby does have them I do try and be grateful that I have a healthy baby who CAN have poo explosions. When the transmission in my car goes out I'm not grateful for the car trouble but I do try and be grateful that I have a car and that, even though it would be a hardship, I have the means to get it fixed. Maybe it is a glass half full kind of thing or not taking everything for granted. Looking for the positive and being thankful for what you have rather than complaining about what you don't is a far cry from some notion that parents have to be perfect though - frankly, I don't even see the connection.
I understand moaning to a spouse or close girl friend every once in a while but really, if I have the time and energy to complain about my newborn's poop that exploded all over his carseat - I have a pretty nice life!
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  #13  
January 4th, 2011, 11:35 AM
*Jillian*'s Avatar Baby #3 on the way
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I just look at all the "crappy parts" as the job I signed up for when I got knocked up in the first place. Then again, I don't have a Hollywood lifestyle and I don't have access to a nanny. I see why they are wanting someone to do it, but it just isn't like me not to step up to the challenge. That is just my personality though.

Also, I get really irritated when adults think their life is supposed to be exactly the same after children. They should have thought more about that before they chose to make those babies. Kids are hard and change everything, but most of the discomforts are temporary.

I also don't equate letting a nanny do something you could do (meaning you're there) with taking a kid to daycare. That isn't even a close comparison to me.

My thoughts on the subject are all in general and in no way have anything to do with NPH or his husband.
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Last edited by *Jillian*; January 4th, 2011 at 11:45 AM.
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  #14  
January 4th, 2011, 01:42 PM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AMDG View Post
I guess it is just a different way of looking at life or a different outlook on life. I don't think parents have to be perfect or even close. I'm not grateful for poo explosions but when my baby does have them I do try and be grateful that I have a healthy baby who CAN have poo explosions. When the transmission in my car goes out I'm not grateful for the car trouble but I do try and be grateful that I have a car and that, even though it would be a hardship, I have the means to get it fixed. Maybe it is a glass half full kind of thing or not taking everything for granted. Looking for the positive and being thankful for what you have rather than complaining about what you don't is a far cry from some notion that parents have to be perfect though - frankly, I don't even see the connection.
I understand moaning to a spouse or close girl friend every once in a while but really, if I have the time and energy to complain about my newborn's poop that exploded all over his carseat - I have a pretty nice life!
I agree with everything said here. As a parent I believe it is my duty to deal with all aspects of parenting. The good ones and the bad ones. I don't think someone should hire another person to do the bad parenting parts, because to me, doing all the parenting (with your partner too, not just you) is what is shaping you as a parent and with your parent-child relationship. I know I'm a weirdo, but I really like waking up every hour at night to feed my son who will be 1 years old in about 3.5 months. The first year goes by in a blink of an eye.
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  #15  
January 4th, 2011, 02:38 PM
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I think sleep training is crappy to begin with and passing on the "dirty work" to someone else seems like a cop out to me.
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  #16  
January 4th, 2011, 03:48 PM
IAmMomMomIAm
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Originally Posted by AMDG View Post
I guess it is just a different way of looking at life or a different outlook on life. I don't think parents have to be perfect or even close. I'm not grateful for poo explosions but when my baby does have them I do try and be grateful that I have a healthy baby who CAN have poo explosions. When the transmission in my car goes out I'm not grateful for the car trouble but I do try and be grateful that I have a car and that, even though it would be a hardship, I have the means to get it fixed. Maybe it is a glass half full kind of thing or not taking everything for granted. Looking for the positive and being thankful for what you have rather than complaining about what you don't is a far cry from some notion that parents have to be perfect though - frankly, I don't even see the connection.
I understand moaning to a spouse or close girl friend every once in a while but really, if I have the time and energy to complain about my newborn's poop that exploded all over his carseat - I have a pretty nice life!
I don't think it's a far cry. It comes off as expecting parents to find the joy in every situation rather than ever let themselves get down about something, or be resentful of that 17th poopy diaper in the last 24 hours. If YOU want to look at the bright side of poo explosions, that is awesome (no sarcasm, I envy you on that one). But you said that you think it's sad they aren't enjoying every second of their babies' lives, including (or perhaps despite) the lack of sleep. That gives the impression that any complaints we parents may make about our lives or our children mean we are ungrateful or unappreciative of the things we do have, and that's simply not the case in most (okay, not sure about most, but at least some) situations.
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  #17  
January 4th, 2011, 05:15 PM
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IF you are paying for help with raising your child, and you have a goal in raising that child that your hired help assists with or teaches completely according to your very own parenting philosophy, there is nothing out of order.

I think that judgment on what is considered proper work for a caretaker vs. a parent suggests that you feel the parent should take on the responsibility, i.e. the guilt, for doing something that's controversial. But that sort of delegation can only take place within each individual family. After all, a lot of people are OK with CIO and don't actually feel guilty/bad/etc.. but they may find something about your lifestyle and childrearing objectionable.
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Last edited by Jintana; January 4th, 2011 at 05:17 PM.
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  #18  
January 4th, 2011, 06:22 PM
Poncho06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Who knows what their work schedule is. Perhaps the bulk of the nannies hours are around bedtime or while the babies are sleeping. Maybe one or both of them need to travel for work a lot. If we could have afforded it I totally would have hired help with the girls when they were babies for nighttime.
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  #19  
January 4th, 2011, 06:38 PM
IAmMomMomIAm
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Originally Posted by Jintana View Post
I think that judgment on what is considered proper work for a caretaker vs. a parent suggests that you feel the parent should take on the responsibility, i.e. the guilt, for doing something that's controversial. But that sort of delegation can only take place within each individual family. After all, a lot of people are OK with CIO and don't actually feel guilty/bad/etc.. but they may find something about your lifestyle and childrearing objectionable.
This. It doesn't sound, to me, like the OP is really apathetic about whether or not parents sleep train.
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  #20  
January 4th, 2011, 08:24 PM
AMDG's Avatar Margaret
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Originally Posted by Keskes View Post
But you said that you think it's sad they aren't enjoying every second of their babies' lives, including (or perhaps despite) the lack of sleep. That gives the impression that any complaints we parents may make about our lives or our children mean we are ungrateful or unappreciative of the things we do have, and that's simply not the case in most (okay, not sure about most, but at least some) situations.
I don't remember saying that but if I did I should clarify - I think it is sad to want to pawn off certain parts of parenting on other people. I don't enjoy every second of parenting. Today was a pretty bad day with the kids - would probably rank in the top 5 of bad days. I don't wish some nanny had been here all day instead of me. I didn't enjoy my day but that doesn't mean I wish someone else could have handled it for me. I can be thankful and grateful for all that I have and still have a bad day. If you could hand off all poop explosions and all sleepless nights and all those really hard days to a nanny would you? I would not and that is what I was saying was sad - that a parent may want to only deal with the fun easy stuff and hand off all of, or even some of, those hard things about parenting. Now back to my 3 grumpy kids!
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