[GSLynn]

My SIL is a big PITA and thinks she's the step-parent of all the kids whose fathers she's ever been in a relationship with. NOTE: SHE HAS 2 BIO KIDS OF HER OWN THAT SHE RAISES, so no infertility issues or issues w/ not having children.

One guy, she was on-again, off-again and they lived together short periods of time. During this time, every once in awhile, his daughter would stay with them. Most of the time, though, his daughter stayed with her mother. His daughter was raised by the mother and my SIL has only been briefly involved in the girls' life. In fact, in 14 years, I met this girl maybe 3-4 times. I don't consider my SIL her 'mother.' She goes around telling everyone she's raised this child, but really the bio-mom and dad did; yet she wants credit. The actual mother is not happy about this, especially because the bio-mom was actually married to this guy whereas my SIL was never married to him and their relationship never was going anywhere.

FF to now. For the last 4 months, she's been dating this jerk---horrible guy---and I doubt she'll stay with him. She tells eveyrone HIS 4 grown kids are HERS! ***?

What do you all think? Should she be going around telling everyone that she's raising these kids that have mothers who are actually good mothers and part of these children's lives, especially considering in this latest adventure, she's known this guy only 4 months, they don't live together and have no plans on a long-term relationship or marriage?

I say no. I would be PISSED off if my dh dated a woman for just a few short months, and she gave herself credit for raising MY children. Heck if that were the case, the children I fostered and babysat would all have been "mine" especially since I guarantee I put more hours than she ever did, caring for my charges.

What do you think and why? Thanks!

Whenever I dated guys that already had kids, I treated them like they were my kids. I would take them out shopping with me or other activities without my BF as long as it was my BF's visitation with them. (Hey, sometimes we have to buy little treats for Daddy!)
But I never referred to them as my own kids. My DH had no kids in his first marriage so I've never been a "real" step mom. The best I can say is that I cared deeply for their kids because these were pretty serious relationships and not on again off again flings.

My ex husband's wife is really good to my kids since she can't have any of her own and I really appreciate that. No wicked step mother for my kids. I would be bothered if his past girlfriends had started referring to my kids as theirs. In fact, my BFF is going through that right now. The girlfriend, not even fiancee just girlfriend, of her ex husband got a tattoo of a bunch of stars on her wrist to symbolize "her" children.....5 of those stars are my BFF's 5 kids!!! This woman only has 3 of her own and now apparently has tattoos for these others. It's pretty creepy.
I think if you're not married to the bio dad, you need to watch out to not cross over into the bio-mom's territory.

[razzledobe]

How cow that is bananas!? Are you serious?? She's only been with the guy for 4 months and is referring to his kids as her kids? I'm sorry but there is something wrong with that woman. There are some great step parents out in the world that act more like parents than some bio parents out there.. but that normally happens over time and when step kids are brought into the family through a marriage or long term relationship. 4 months is just bizzaro land.

Foxfire- a tattoo!! I'd be super pissed if my childs name was tattooed on some other woman no matter what her intention was - it isnt appropriate.

[LessthanThree]

That is very, very weird. If my husband and I split up and his girlfriend started doing that, I'd be having a discussion with both of them.

It's great to be involved with your boyfriend's/husband's kids but to tattoo their names to you (unless you are VERY close) is very inappropriate.

I think that you can't call a step-child your own child unless you were given that child's permission (without asking). You're just going to push them away if you try.

[K.A.T]

As a step parent, I find that very odd. I didn't start calling my step daughter mine until I got pregnant with my son which was 2.5 years into our relationship and by then we've been living together for 2 years. I've been in her life since she was 3 and only knows her mother and myself as maternal roles. I've earned the right to call her my child. But I would never put myself above her mother and I would have never even considered saying she was mine only 4 months in.

[plan4fate]

PS's son is HIS kid, not mine. While I'm sure I will love him to death and treat him just as if he came from my hooha, he didn't and he has a mother of his own. I'm sure I'll slip up and say he's mine more than once, espically once he has a sibling and they're "my kids" rather than "my baby and the demon spawn that came from my husbands first marriage" (demon spawn is a joke btw, he's very high strung and active, so we call him monster or devil child.. but he's as sweet as sugar and laughs at us).

I do think your SIL is a lil whacky for referring to the kids as "hers", they aren't hers, they're on loan from the mother for a while. LOL.

[blondie-lox]

In the situation you described I don't think it's appropriate.


My DD is from a previous relationship. DH and I met when she had just turned two (days after) and he's been in her life literally almost daily since. She lives with me and so my DH is very much her dad. She even calls him dad (her own choice) but he's been her primary father figure for as long as she can remember (she'll be 8 this year). Her bio dad is a joke, he sees her 4 full days a month and 12hrs total. So my MY situation I have NO issue with my DH calling her his own. When someone asks him how many kids he has, he always says 2 (3rd on the way) because he's loved her, supported her financially and emotionally for almost 6 years. He IS her dad. Blood isn't everything.

As for her bio dad's wife, I don't care if she were to call my DD her daughter, because they've been together since before my DD was born. My daughter frequently says she has two moms and two dads. It doesn't bother me in the least.

[SusieQ2]

Well I don't blame her a whole lot. Really the fathers of those kids should be the ones to say something to her if they have a problem with it. It's kind of weird to date a guy for 4 months and say that his adult children are yours.

I am a step parent. My DSD is 16 and I've been with her dad since she was 3. I don't refer to her as my child but when we're all out together and someone says we have 3 beautiful children I certainly don't blurt out "well the oldest one isn't mine." We just accept the compliment. I've never encouraged DSD to call me mom either. We DH and I got married she was 5 and she asked if she could call me mom. I told her it was completely up to her. She called me a mom a few times and then her mom found out and told her she better not ever call me that again so she calls me by my first name and that's fine with me. I want her to feel comfortable.

[GSLynn]

I don't think the children even have met her yet or know she's doing this. lol I have not met his kids either, so I have no idea what they have to say about it. It's just weird since she played NO part in raising them...

[frgsonmysox]

I was raised, from the time I was 2 until adulthood, by my Step-dad. I called him "Dad" and even though him and my mom are separated I still call him Dad and he IS still my dad. He never told people, "I have 4 kids, and these two are my step daughters". He always referred to us as his. It didn't bother me. I always felt as if I was "less than" because I was a step child and this was one of the few times I felt proud that he called me his daughter.

In the situations described above - creepy, but in all step parent situations? No.

[My2miracles]

I agree that it depends on the situation. Just dating - no way!

But if in a long-term relationship. Definitely. Before Dh adopted my dd, he said included her as his kid. He came into our lives when she was 2 1/2 and was really the only father figure she new.

His dd's on the other hand, live with their mother 4 hours from us. I have no relationship with the oldest. If I talk to people without her present, I say things like "I have 2 kids & 2 stepdaughters" or I'll say "we have 4 kids between us" If my sd is present, I will just introduce them by their names - not identifying who is whose. I love sd like my own but I am not her mother, I am not raising her - she's not mine.