[Squishy]

Would you allow members of the same sex to sleep over?
Yes. Regardless of orientation, my child will be allowed to have any of their friends spend the night.
What about the opposite sex?
See above answer.
Would you need to know which friends are a romantic interest?
Yes. I want that type of open relationship with my kids. Romantic interests can come over during the day, as long as the door stays open. They won't be allowed to stay the night.
Would you change your rules about friends (same sex friends) because of it?
Rules will be the same for all of my kids, no matter their orientation.
Would anything change?
Not in regards to me and them, I would treat them just the same and love them just the same. I would need to add to the "sex" talk to cover the added risk to STD's with male/male sexual encounters.

This is something I think about, being a Christian. My view of gays/bi-sexual/transgender/etc, is that I'm supposed to love everyone the way God does. God loves everyone, even non-believers. He does hope you one day come to Him, but He loves you anyway. He loves murderers, thieves, etc, because they are His children. I can't say I can love murderers and such, but I can certainly love most people, including communities of people that my religion may not agree with. If my child didn't feel comfortable continuing to attend our church(which would be a shame if my church made my child feel that way, but I would understand my child's wish to change), I would help him/her find a church that is accepting on them. If it was merely their choice, I would let them pursue it alone, unless they asked I come for support. If my church shuns my child in any way, I would be leaving with my child. I have no tolerance for believers who don't follow the word of God. It's not our job to judge others, that's God's job, and His alone.

[justarandomname47]

Originally Posted by K.A.T

Why would those activities be occurring under your roof in the first place just because a person of interest is over, be it sleep over or just hanging out? If you instill your morals in your kids it shouldn't matter who's over and when. They will value those morals and hopefully wait till marriage like you did. I agree about the temptation, but IMO, the best way to handle that situation is to not allow them to sleep in the same room, if they were sleeping over that is. I just don't feel that we should all of a sudden change the rules because of sexuality. I say treat them all the same regardless.

I agree it *shouldn't* matter, but in my limited experience it does. I mean, I can tell my kids not to drink or do drugs. They can agree not to do that. I'm not going to let my kid go to a party that I know has alcohol and drugs and trust that I've "instilled my morals." I don't want to subject my kids to more peer pressure than they need. The more the opportunity the more they are likely to do it - even if they didn't plan to. I had lots of friends that didn't plan to have sex, but the ones who didn't were those who had less opportunity in their own homes. :: but that's me and my family and what we'll do. I was just surprised how many people had such different house rules.

As far as why it would change if they were homosexual - it's the same reason. Not going to present more opportunities. I didn't have a whole lot of sleepovers once I was old enough to be interested in guys anyways so I don't see this as being that big of a deal. And, in my mind, this *is* treating my homosexual kid like I would a heterosexual kid. If I wouldn't let my daughter's boyfriend spend the night then I certainly wouldn't allow my son's boyfriend to! That would be a double standard.

[BittyBugsMama]

Originally Posted by justarandomname47

I agree it *shouldn't* matter, but in my limited experience it does. I mean, I can tell my kids not to drink or do drugs. They can agree not to do that. I'm not going to let my kid go to a party that I know has alcohol and drugs and trust that I've "instilled my morals." I don't want to subject my kids to more peer pressure than they need. The more the opportunity the more they are likely to do it - even if they didn't plan to. I had lots of friends that didn't plan to have sex, but the ones who didn't were those who had less opportunity in their own homes. :: but that's me and my family and what we'll do. I was just surprised how many people had such different house rules.

As far as why it would change if they were homosexual - it's the same reason. Not going to present more opportunities. I didn't have a whole lot of sleepovers once I was old enough to be interested in guys anyways so I don't see this as being that big of a deal. And, in my mind, this *is* treating my homosexual kid like I would a heterosexual kid. If I wouldn't let my daughter's boyfriend spend the night then I certainly wouldn't allow my son's boyfriend to! That would be a double standard.

You have to allow your child to be in a situation where they can say no or the chance is much higher that when the opportunity presents itself and you are unaware of it, they will try it because they don't know when they will get the next chance at trying it. If you are confident in the way you raised them and you trust your children, you should allow them to be their own compass. Wait for them to screw up before the trust is gone rather than assuming they will screw up and not giving them any trust. Kids know whether their parents trust their judgment or not and if the trust is not there from the start, the kid has nothing to lose by doing whatever they want.

[K.A.T]

ITA Alicia. I think that we as parents sometimes forget that not all kids are into drugs and alcohol and that we've done a good job at raising them to say no to peer pressure. If we treat them like they've already done something wrong before they even get the chance to, that might push them to actually doing what you're trying to prevent in the first place.

[justarandomname47]

I think there's a difference between trusting your kids and purposefully putting them in situations that could be dangerous for them (like the party mentioned). Our kids will have plenty of times to say "no" without us making opportunities where you know they will have to.

[K.A.T]

So then will you tell them no to almost all house parties (those tend to be the kind that have drugs and alcohol) they're invited to? Just curious, no need to reply.

[justarandomname47]

Originally Posted by K.A.T

So then will you tell them no to almost all house parties (those tend to be the kind that have drugs and alcohol) they're invited to? Just curious, no need to reply.

I don't mind replying. I grew up with the rules that my parents had to talk to the parents of people whose parties I went to. Their parents had to be home at the time of the party. We had a lot of parties at my house. I'll probably (when it gets to that time) follow the same rules for my kids. We'll see...that's a ways off and a lot may depend on my own kids' personalities and friends as they grow up. I'm open to change at this point.

ETA just realized this all made my childhood sound a lot more sheltered than it was lol I ended up at parties with alcohol and drugs. I had plenty of chances to do anything I wanted to. But a lot of times I could use my parents' strict rules as an excuse out. I'm not naive enough to believe that kids won't get into whatever they want to. I just want to help them make the right decisions until they are old enough to decide for themselves. Just like I keep my toddler away from the stove until she knows what "hot" and "burns" mean. I doubt I'll do as good of a job as my parents did, but I can try.

[K.A.T]

I can understand that. I know I like to talk to the parents before I allow T to go places.

[BittyBugsMama]

I think to start out or with new friends I will ask if the parents will be home. At the point where I feel comfortable with them, I will stop asking.

[KiwiMommy]

Sorry for the bump, but I wanted to answer my own question.. LOL and I've been too busy lately to get to it. Have free time finally!

Would you allow members of the same sex to sleep over? Yes, I would. Though I'd probably have the kids camp out in the living room or something. Not as a 'punishment' or anything, but just so I can keep a half-eye on them if I want to without going into my child's room. And not because they may do something sexual just in general.

What about the opposite sex? Yes. See above.

Would you need to know which friends are a romantic interest? No, but I'd love if they told me. I have never been open with my mom about romantic interests, but I'm not sure why.

Would you change your rules about friends (same sex friends) because of it? I would not.

Would anything change? No. I'm a lesbian mama myself, so I'd be as open and supportive as possible.