Log In Sign Up

What would you have done?


Forum: Heated Debates

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Heated Debates LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
September 10th, 2011, 07:12 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,595
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
DSS's mom feels bad that I'm sick, so as a nice gesture, she brought me flowers. However, she did not ask first. I am very allergic to most flowers (runny nose, sore throat, sneezing and coughing). When she came in she asked if I like flowers (with out saying she'd gotten some). I replied with the honest truth, that I love flowers, but I'm quite allergic.

Had it been any normal situation I'd have accepted them regardless, however I'm dealing with a large kidney stone that's left even breathing painful, my allergies would have left me useless with pain. And since I'm sleeping in the living room (open concept with kitchen) the flowers would have been around me 24/7/.

She's very upset about the whole thing, says she feels stupid and is embarrassed. We can't figure out why she's making such a huge deal. I thanked her, apologized for my allergies etc. Her huge deal is making me feel like an idiot for not just accepting them and then throwing them out (waste of money, i'd rather her return them and get her money back).

What would you have done if you were me?
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Multiple miscarriages
Polypectomy - 08/21/14 Laproscopy - 12/05/2014
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Cycle 1: Clomid cd3-7 ~ bfn
Cycle 2: Clomid cd 3-7 ~ beta negative (< 3)
Cycle 3: Lap on cd 2 - Femara cd 3-7 - Testing Christmas Day
Reply With Quote
  #2  
September 10th, 2011, 07:18 PM
Jenna's Avatar AWESOME!!!
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,718
Same as you. There was nothing to be gained from lying and accepting flowers that would make you sicker, especially when the whole purpose of the flowers was to cheer you up and make you feel better.
It seems like you two may have a decent relationship. Is it friendly enough that the two of you could do something alone together? If so, see if she'd want to grab a cup of tea with you or go shopping together or something. Just something to show her that there are definitely no hard feelings.
__________________
******
Reply With Quote
  #3  
September 10th, 2011, 08:12 PM
Frackel's Avatar DOh!
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: In my house :p
Posts: 1,288
I would have done the same as you, I'd have thanked her and told her I appreciated the sentiment, but won't be ably to enjoy them because of my allergies. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't understand why she feels stupid and embarrassed at the same time.
Most places won't let you return flowers though. So that's sort of a moot point. She probably feels stupid because not only did she get you something you can't even enjoy, but now she's wasted her money on it and can't even exchange it for something else. I'd probably feel just as embarrassed at my own blunder if I were in her shoes, too. Not real sure why admitting that she feels stupid and embarrassed at her mistake means she's making a huge deal out of it, though. Did she say/do something else that shows she's making a huge deal?

She can't really be held responsible if you feel like an idiot due to her admitting her feelings(of embarrassment). That's all on you. Just as it's not your fault she feels embarrassed and stupid for getting them.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #4  
September 10th, 2011, 09:40 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,595
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frackel View Post
I would have done the same as you, I'd have thanked her and told her I appreciated the sentiment, but won't be ably to enjoy them because of my allergies. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't understand why she feels stupid and embarrassed at the same time.
Most places won't let you return flowers though. So that's sort of a moot point. She probably feels stupid because not only did she get you something you can't even enjoy, but now she's wasted her money on it and can't even exchange it for something else. I'd probably feel just as embarrassed at my own blunder if I were in her shoes, too. Not real sure why admitting that she feels stupid and embarrassed at her mistake means she's making a huge deal out of it, though. Did she say/do something else that shows she's making a huge deal?

She can't really be held responsible if you feel like an idiot due to her admitting her feelings(of embarrassment). That's all on you. Just as it's not your fault she feels embarrassed and stupid for getting them.
yeah she went on and on about how she felt stupid, that she should have known better, that being nice always blows up in her face, via text for about an hour. A couple hours after I posted she did apologize for being whiny, and promised to ask first (she did ask her son, but she didn't understand that i don't get flowers cause I get sick, he just said that daddy doesn't buy them for me), or stick to chocolate. DSS was upset that I coudln't enjoy the present and said he wants to buy me a teddy bear since I lost my cuddle bug today (him).


and to Jenna.

We're still in the awkard stage of getting to know each other. She's making an effort to get to know me and be nice, since her son adores me (I'm the 2nd best girl in his life.. as he says. Right behind his mom) and it's obvious I'm not going anywhere soon. We got to meet her boyfriend yesterday, so I guess we're that nice big awkard family who doesn't know how to interact just yet. Thanksgiving should be fun, since it'll be DF's family, him and I and her and Reme... and I'm the new one and they all love her to death.
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Multiple miscarriages
Polypectomy - 08/21/14 Laproscopy - 12/05/2014
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Cycle 1: Clomid cd3-7 ~ bfn
Cycle 2: Clomid cd 3-7 ~ beta negative (< 3)
Cycle 3: Lap on cd 2 - Femara cd 3-7 - Testing Christmas Day
Reply With Quote
  #5  
September 11th, 2011, 06:41 AM
KimberlyD0
Guest
Posts: n/a
Personally I would have sucked it up and accepted them with a smile on my face and then kept them as far from me as I could. Thats me though. I don't think you handled it wrong or badly or anything, I just wouldn't have been the same.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
September 11th, 2011, 07:00 AM
Hey... Where's Perry?'s Avatar Darnit face
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Maryland
Posts: 2,134
I would have said thank you and let it at that.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #7  
September 11th, 2011, 07:32 AM
New Mama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 7,967
I probably would've accepted them because that's just my personality, but in all honesty, I think you did the right thing.

By lying she wouldn't know and chances are good she would've continued to buy you flowers for special occasions down the road (b-days, holidays, etc.) thinking you liked them and not knowing any different. Eventually the truth probably would've come out and she would've felt just as silly and embarrassed then (if not more).

Don't beat yourself up about it. I would simply respond on FB or whatever..."it's the thought that counts" because that's the truth in this case.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
September 11th, 2011, 07:45 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,595
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
I texted her from his phone (we have mine shut off atm) and explained why and such. I understood why she felt bad and told her so. She said Reme told her I was on a diet, or she'd have come bearing a pint of extra chocolate ice cream. Told her diet or not, ice cream will never go to waste in this house. lol.


and to Kimberly and Where's perry... accepting them meant they went out in the trash as soon as she left. There is no where to put them that I wouldn't be exposed. As it was, they were the single flower I can't even be around (mum's) because they make it extremely hard to breathe. I'd have had to go in the bedroom with the door shut until DF could dispose of them. We didn't find that out until the end of the text spree. And thankfully she did agree, she'd rather me have declined with a reason than thrown then out behind her back. Reme's going to take them into his teacher when he goes back to school this week.
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Multiple miscarriages
Polypectomy - 08/21/14 Laproscopy - 12/05/2014
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Cycle 1: Clomid cd3-7 ~ bfn
Cycle 2: Clomid cd 3-7 ~ beta negative (< 3)
Cycle 3: Lap on cd 2 - Femara cd 3-7 - Testing Christmas Day
Reply With Quote
  #9  
September 11th, 2011, 09:17 AM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
If I had seen them first, I would have taken them and said thank you. But if she just had asked me about it, like she did to you, I would have done the same thing and told the truth.
__________________

❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11



Reply With Quote
  #10  
September 11th, 2011, 09:38 AM
tiredmom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,987
Quote:
Originally Posted by New Mama View Post
I probably would've accepted them because that's just my personality, but in all honesty, I think you did the right thing.

By lying she wouldn't know and chances are good she would've continued to buy you flowers for special occasions down the road (b-days, holidays, etc.) thinking you liked them and not knowing any different. Eventually the truth probably would've come out and she would've felt just as silly and embarrassed then (if not more).
ditto
__________________
I’m Sarah (39), wife to Chris (40), mom to three boys (age 0, 3 and 5)
Reply With Quote
  #11  
September 11th, 2011, 09:50 AM
mindy scott's Avatar I love being me :)
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: finding my path
Posts: 2,942
I think you did the right thing ! I hope she doesnt feel like that anymore .
__________________



Reply With Quote
  #12  
September 11th, 2011, 11:03 AM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: SW FL
Posts: 8,785
Ditto KAT. I would not turn them away if I would have seen them first. I don't think you did anything wrong tho. I was taught never to deny a gift out of common courtesy. I would have found something to do with them that I was not effected by.
__________________
Leann <3 Hector
My trio: Alyssa 7, Tristan 4.75, Gavin 1.5

I am a mixture of all that and a bag of chips... IJS



Rest In Peace Jennifer <3



Reply With Quote
  #13  
September 11th, 2011, 01:52 PM
Repti.Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 15,641
I would have just accepted them. You live in an apartment complex correct? You could have put them on the balcony, or maybe put a table in the hallway by your door and left them out of your apartment, but still visible.
__________________







Reply With Quote
  #14  
September 11th, 2011, 02:55 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,595
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
Quote:
Originally Posted by Repti.Mom View Post
I would have just accepted them. You live in an apartment complex correct? You could have put them on the balcony, or maybe put a table in the hallway by your door and left them out of your apartment, but still visible.
we discussed that late last night between us. There is nowhere in the hall to put them, it's a pretty tiny hallway. They'd have died on the balcony, it was in the low 60's or high 50's last night, and was in the low 50's the night before, and Reme would have told his mommy we did it. He's not tattler, he just hasn't learned how to omit unnecessary information when he tells a story.
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Multiple miscarriages
Polypectomy - 08/21/14 Laproscopy - 12/05/2014
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Cycle 1: Clomid cd3-7 ~ bfn
Cycle 2: Clomid cd 3-7 ~ beta negative (< 3)
Cycle 3: Lap on cd 2 - Femara cd 3-7 - Testing Christmas Day
Reply With Quote
  #15  
September 11th, 2011, 10:05 PM
Earthy.Mama's Avatar .*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 14,029
Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
If I had seen them first, I would have taken them and said thank you. But if she just had asked me about it, like she did to you, I would have done the same thing and told the truth.
Agree.
__________________

Co-Host July 2014 DDC









Reply With Quote
  #16  
September 11th, 2011, 10:26 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,595
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
If I had seen them first, I would have taken them and said thank you. But if she just had asked me about it, like she did to you, I would have done the same thing and told the truth.
yeah she set them outside the door where none of us could see them when she came in. She had Reme bring in a giant ol chocolate chip cookie a few hours ago. Gave me heart burn like no tomorrow, but it was freaking gooooooooood. Can't wait for this stupid kidney stone to go away. My pain meds give me nausea so bad I just wanna suffer.
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Multiple miscarriages
Polypectomy - 08/21/14 Laproscopy - 12/05/2014
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Cycle 1: Clomid cd3-7 ~ bfn
Cycle 2: Clomid cd 3-7 ~ beta negative (< 3)
Cycle 3: Lap on cd 2 - Femara cd 3-7 - Testing Christmas Day
Reply With Quote
  #17  
September 12th, 2011, 07:52 AM
Keepin' it real!
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,656
I would have told her thank you for the flowers, they are so beautiful, but I'm allergic. Tell her that you really appreciate them anyhow and that she was very thoughtful to get them for you and she's a great friend. She probably had her feelings hurt after likely carefully picking out something for you and not realizing that you have an allergy. I'd likely sit down with her and say "look the other night, I know I hurt your feelings and I am sorry. I just felt it is important that you know I'm allergic." Then ask her if SHE's allergic to anything and make it about HER. You might be surprised what you find out. People like to give my kids chocolates, the mini boxes, as stocking stuffer. My poor son can't have them. He's very allergic to nuts. We are honest about it because frankly, he could stop breathing over his allergy. People STILL give him those things and he's just not allowed to eat it (so the husband and I have our "backup candy" lol). We feel that because his condition can be life-threatening (and has been in the past) we don't care how many times we have to remind someone. We'd much rather they don't buy a thing for him than to get him something he cannot have.
__________________
Lynn
Mom to many



1 Girl 2011 and 1 Boy 2013. Their family is COMPLETE!

Surrogacy # 3 for new family?: 2014??
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:47 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0