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  #81  
November 20th, 2011, 06:34 PM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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But what if it doesn't make them sick? What if they just plain don't like it? There are foods I hate, but they won't make me sick to eat them.

And who doesn't have time to make a sandwhich? It doesn't take me longer than a minute to spread peanutbutter on a piece of bread, and a sandwhich isn't an entire meal. It's part of a meal. I'd rather my kids refuse the food I give them but will eat the alternative and actually have a balanced meal then to say "too bad, should of ate your dinner".
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  #82  
November 20th, 2011, 07:34 PM
KimberlyD0
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Originally Posted by MommaBee View Post
But what if it doesn't make them sick? What if they just plain don't like it? There are foods I hate, but they won't make me sick to eat them.

And who doesn't have time to make a sandwich? It doesn't take me longer than a minute to spread peanutbutter on a piece of bread, and a sandwhich isn't an entire meal. It's part of a meal. I'd rather my kids refuse the food I give them but will eat the alternative and actually have a balanced meal then to say "too bad, should of ate your dinner".
Then they need to eat what they DO like. I wont be rewarding them by giving in to their demands and making a new meal or sandwich. I also make a note of things I know they don't like and simply not serve them those foods, as I mentioned in a previous post. Neither of my girls like tomato's so I don't give them to them.

As I said there is a difference in adjusting what I am already making and making something entirely different.

Frankly I don't have the time or energy to be catering them by making new meals or sandwiches. If there is a food they don't like and they've tried it then thats fine, they're more then welcome to have more of what they DO like, but I will not now nor will I ever be making them something completely new.

I just haven't the time. By the time I get home from school with the girls its past 5, we usually eat by 5:30-6pm and they're in bed for 7pm, so they can be up and rested for 6:30am, so no I don't have the time to make new meals or extras when we have to fit in dinner, homework, some quality time, baths and bedtime routines. Its not practical in my house.

I have foods I don't like too, I think everyone does, but I don't expect the world to adjust around my likes and dislikes. My kids shouldn't expect that either.

Constantly caving in and making them a new meal or a sandwich is counter productive in my opinion. How do you expect them to really try new foods if they know all they have to do is say "I don't like it" and they suddenly have a whole new meal or a sandwich. Well if someone made me my favorite food everytime I said I didn't like something I would say it a lot more.
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  #83  
November 20th, 2011, 07:38 PM
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You can fix an alternative or buy something else to eat. They can't. That's the advantage you have as an adult and they don't get to do that because they aren't self sufficient. They depend on you for meals and care.

But you don't have picky children so you really don't understand how it is to see your child gag and be disgusted by a food. If you saw it then I would hope you would show them some compassion. The last thing they want is to get sick from food. Who would want to be like that?
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  #84  
November 20th, 2011, 08:01 PM
KimberlyD0
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Originally Posted by *Jillian* View Post
You can fix an alternative or buy something else to eat. They can't. That's the advantage you have as an adult and they don't get to do that because they aren't self sufficient. They depend on you for meals and care.

But you don't have picky children so you really don't understand how it is to see your child gag and be disgusted by a food. If you saw it then I would hope you would show them some compassion. The last thing they want is to get sick from food. Who would want to be like that?
Your right my kids are not picky eaters, because they've never been allowed to be. I DO make adjustments (LOOK AND ALTERNATIVE..weird ) for them for foods they really don't like, because like ALL people, they do have foods they don't like, so I know what not to give them, and I don't.



Your right they are dependent on me and I wont allow them to get away with not eating when I KNOW they like a food.

Again you assume I am being mean and forcing them to eat foods that make them sick or they don't like. I am not.

What I am doing is adjusting what I am already making to suit their tastes, while not allowing them to get away with not eating.

I DO know what its like to have a child gag on foods, DD#2 has done so several time, I no longer serve her those foods, which is why I make sure there is ALWAYS food she DOES like and CAN eat. Its not like I am force feeding them until they're sick you know. I simply expect my children to try things and to eat what they would normally eat.

How many times do I have to repeat that I don't expect them to eat foods they don't like or that make them sick?

I still will not now or ever make a whole new meal or sandwich, I will continue to do what works, which is to make foods I KNOW they will eat while still introducing new foods, or even foods that they haven't liked before so they can try it again.

I see no need to make a sandwich when they have foods they like and can eat without issue and they just decide that that day they don't want to eat it. To bad.

Its one thing to not eat something they don't like, and thats fine I wont force them, but its a whole other issue to decide that they just don't want what I have given them so they want something else. Its not going to happen.

Just because I wont make a whole new meal or a sandwich (which btw is not the most balanced thing to have all the time) doesn't mean I don't have an alternative. I do. I adjust the meal I am already making for them. So they have the same meal, but its how they like it. Like not using seasonings or making DD#2's potato's just boiled and not mashed. Those are the only adjustments, (any similer count) that I am willing to do.

Last edited by KimberlyD0; November 20th, 2011 at 08:05 PM.
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  #85  
November 20th, 2011, 08:06 PM
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See there you go again with the "caving in" talk. We're not talking about when a kid asks for a cookie instead of their meal, or a kid who is jumping up and down shouting "I WANT CANDY, ICE CREAM, CAKE, AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH". We're talking about when a kid says "I don't like that". It's ok to not like something, it's ok for them to make a choice on what they'd like to eat. I generally make what *I'm* hungry for because my kids are still a little young to be able to pick out an entire meal, and my DH is normally sleeping (he works nights). So if my DH doesn't like what I've made then he can make himself something else. My kids can't. And you know what? It's ok for them to not be hungry for what I've made. The world will still keep moving, and my kids won't become horrible creatures because they ate a sandwich instead of my gnocci. And no one is talking about "constantly caving in". Unless you're saying that you'd have to constantly cave in because your kids don't like your food, because no one else is saying we make a sandwhich all the time or even a lot.

I don't think you want to get into who has less time in a day, unless you do, because I can play that game. And seriously, you can't take 1 minute out to make a sandwhich? Not saying you have to, but if your child asked for a sandwhich instead you couldnt' take out one tiny minute to do it?

Also, um, making a sandwhich isn't a reward, atleast not for my kids. And I do not eat foods I do not like, that's part of having choices. I do not have to eat foods I do not like, I give my kids that same respect. It also typically takes 12 times for a child to like a new food. When we do new foods I'll have ds1 try a small bite and see if he likes it. If I can clearly tell he doesn't like it at all whatsoever, that's that. But if he says he doesn't like it but still has that think'n face on, oh yeah, he's getting it again for dinner in a few nights. And if you always make food you know they like, well then they won't have the chance to try new foods.
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  #86  
November 20th, 2011, 08:06 PM
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Your kids aren't picky eaters because they just aren't picky eaters. You didn't do anything special, trust me.
I get what you're saying. I still think your original statement about setting them up for failure by offering alternatives was going WAY overboard and ridiculous.
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  #87  
November 20th, 2011, 08:10 PM
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If I made a sandwich for every time my children said they didn't like something they would be living on grilled cheese sandwiches(their favorite sandwich and usually what they do ask for when they decide they don't like what I have made). Sorry not going to happen.
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  #88  
November 20th, 2011, 08:17 PM
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You do realise that your kids just have that personality right? It has nothing to do with you "not allowing" them to be picky eaters. Your kids are what many Pediatricians call "normal". In that they try to test the limits, but will settle for what you made them.

Your children are very different than a picky eater like my child and DH. In fact, it's technical term is selective eating. Their eating habits come with a behavioral disability, and it can actually change within weeks or months (but they do have the foods that they will never eat no matter how much time goes by). It has nothing to do with me allowing it or not, it is nothing I can control. I think it's extremely rude the wording you use because it assumes that mother's like myself are allowing my child to be the way he is, rather than the very real disability he has that makes him the way he is.
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  #89  
November 20th, 2011, 08:29 PM
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My child isn't that manipulative. He also hasn't tried every food out there so sometimes I'm not sure if he would like what I make. If he does like it he would never want anything else..he would eat what we have.

I get really tired of picky eaters being treated like spoiled brats. That's your opinion and not AT ALL the way most of us are. It is really hard to not like foods that other people like. I would always feel guilty that the foods were gross to me because it wasn't like I wanted to hurt anyone's feelings. I just couldn't help it. I'm 33 and I'm still struggling to eat new things and it isn't going very well for me. I'm waiting on that "everyone's tastes change" time in my life.

Nobody made me this way. Nobody. Actually some of us by genetics are "tasters" and that causes us to be more sensitive to foods than others. That's just some facts for the debate though. Sorry to mix facts into this when some act like they know how everyone got to be the way they are.
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  #90  
November 20th, 2011, 08:29 PM
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And catering to kids is kinda what parents do
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  #91  
November 20th, 2011, 08:37 PM
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DOH!
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  #92  
November 20th, 2011, 09:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Jillian* View Post
My child isn't that manipulative. He also hasn't tried every food out there so sometimes I'm not sure if he would like what I make. If he does like it he would never want anything else..he would eat what we have.

I get really tired of picky eaters being treated like spoiled brats. That's your opinion and not AT ALL the way most of us are. It is really hard to not like foods that other people like. I would always feel guilty that the foods were gross to me because it wasn't like I wanted to hurt anyone's feelings. I just couldn't help it. I'm 33 and I'm still struggling to eat new things and it isn't going very well for me. I'm waiting on that "everyone's tastes change" time in my life.

Nobody made me this way. Nobody. Actually some of us by genetics are "tasters" and that causes us to be more sensitive to foods than others. That's just some facts for the debate though. Sorry to mix facts into this when some act like they know how everyone got to be the way they are.
Personal curiosity clarification question... by "Tasters" do you mean being more sensitive to flavors therefor sometimes avoiding a specific set of items to avoid a sensory over load?



I never ask DSS to try new things. Last time I tried it was a horrific experience and I'm not ready to try again. If he wants to try it, he can try it standing as close to a clear garbage can as humanely possible with out me sticking his head in it. He's thrown up on me/my plate twice.. and I'm a bit gun shy.



Momma Bee, I can eat yogurt. Selectively. It either has to be totally smooth, or contain large enough pieces of fruit that I can chew them. I've yet to find a type of yogurt down here with that type of fruit DH on the other hand.. finds it yogurt slimy and can't touch it.. but he has tried. He had a short love affair with Vanilla Whips by Yoplait.. but do you think I can find it ANYWHERE?!
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  #93  
November 20th, 2011, 09:29 PM
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PTC: GENES AND BITTER TASTE
Here is info on a test for "tasters" and we did this in my 10th grade biology class. I could barely put the paper to my tongue because it was so bitter. Some people could chew it up and not taste a thing.

This is Wiki, but it's still good info.
Phenylthiocarbamide - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I've read and seen a show on the discovery health channel about supertasters and how some are so severe they eat maybe 1-5 different foods total. My nephew has Aspergers and he displays the same behavior. It's more than just not liking something because you would rather eat something else.
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  #94  
November 21st, 2011, 04:59 AM
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You're right. This is a debate. We have the right not to agree with other's viewpoints or attitudes towards something. So excuse me for not agreeing with some of the posts. After all, IT'S A DEBATE.
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  #95  
November 21st, 2011, 05:29 AM
Tofu Bacon's Avatar Enigma... or oxymoron?
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So, is it CPS-worthy that my kids know how to use a butter knife and can make their own dang sandwich?
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  #96  
November 21st, 2011, 06:51 AM
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Originally Posted by KimberlyD0 View Post
Frankly I don't have the time or energy to be catering them by making new meals or sandwiches. If there is a food they don't like and they've tried it then thats fine, they're more then welcome to have more of what they DO like, but I will not now nor will I ever be making them something completely new.
...
Constantly caving in and making them a new meal or a sandwich is counter productive in my opinion. How do you expect them to really try new foods if they know all they have to do is say "I don't like it" and they suddenly have a whole new meal or a sandwich. Well if someone made me my favorite food everytime I said I didn't like something I would say it a lot more.
First, as far as the time thing, that's a ridiculous excuse. It takes 2 seconds to throw together a sandwich or grab a yogurt or something equally easy from the fridge or cupboard. I think people have been using sandwich as an EXAMPLE, not a rule. For my son, his go to if he won't eat what I make is a cheese stick and apple or applesauce. Honestly, in most cases, it's FASTER to grab the alternative than to force them to sit there forever trying to get them to try/eat the food that they don't want.

And it's not constant, it's when a true need arises. As far as your favorite food comment, don't make their favorite food! I'm not trying to say that you HAVE to change. If your way is working for you and your family, that's fantastic! Keep doing it. Just try to understand that your way is NOT the perfect way for everyone. You're kids aren't necessarily good eaters because of this. For some of us, an alternative isn't caving or the easy way. It's either we offer an alternative or they don't eat at all. It's offering an alternative or risking long term effects on how they view food.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KimberlyD0 View Post
If I made a sandwich for every time my children said they didn't like something they would be living on grilled cheese sandwiches(their favorite sandwich and usually what they do ask for when they decide they don't like what I have made). Sorry not going to happen.
Again, just don't make grilled cheese the option. If you feel forced to make grilled cheese every time they dislike something, yeah, it's time consuming. Offer a non-grilled cheese sandwich, a turkey sandwich, yogurt, instant oatmeal, a bowl of cereal, something that they would chose over a meal they truly dislike or are turned off by that night, but not necessarily something that they would choose over any meal you make. I guarantee you could find something if you were so inclined.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MommaBee View Post
It's ok to not like something, it's ok for them to make a choice on what they'd like to eat. I generally make what *I'm* hungry for because my kids are still a little young to be able to pick out an entire meal, and my DH is normally sleeping (he works nights). So if my DH doesn't like what I've made then he can make himself something else. My kids can't. And you know what? It's ok for them to not be hungry for what I've made. The world will still keep moving, and my kids won't become horrible creatures because they ate a sandwich instead of my gnocci. And no one is talking about "constantly caving in". Unless you're saying that you'd have to constantly cave in because your kids don't like your food, because no one else is saying we make a sandwhich all the time or even a lot.
Thank you! I think this is a HUGE point! We all have days that we just don't like the way something tastes, even if it's something we normally enjoy! Maybe the kid has a stuffy nose, which can affect the way food tastes. Maybe they just aren't in the mood for something. It happens to ALL of us. I am the exact opposite of a picky eater (I love everything!), and even I have days that a certain food that I normally enjoy just sounds really gross. Some days, celery sounds great and refreshing, and other days, the thought of eating it makes me gag. Everyone deserves the respect to know their bodies and minds and not be forced to choke down something that sounds gross to them, even if it's something they might have really liked the previous day.
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  #97  
November 21st, 2011, 07:08 AM
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My kids love PB sandwiches so much that they'd refuse every meal if that was an option.

My DD1 will sometimes just say, "I hate vegetables" and refuse to taste anything on her plate that is a vegetable. Usually if we talk her into taking a bite she'll love it so it's just a stubbornness thing. When she's just being stubborn we don't offer another option (of course, that veggie isn't the only thing on her plate so she can eat everything else).

If they are willing to try it or if DD1 AND DD2 have an issue then we offer the PB sandwich solution (they can make their own and love to do so)

We don't have any super picky eaters so it's never gone farther than that.

I do think that many kids are picky eaters because their parents allow them to be, though. Not all of them, of course. There are always exceptions like sensory issues. But if kids can get away with refusing to eat anything but chicken nuggets and french fries then most will. And some parents (surely none of us here) will just use the "picky eaters" label as an excuse for lazy parenting (giving the kid whatever they want without trying to find healthy foods that the kid will eat). That gives people with real eating issues a bad name and can lead to childhood obesity.
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  #98  
November 21st, 2011, 08:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justarandomname47 View Post
My kids love PB sandwiches so much that they'd refuse every meal if that was an option.

My DD1 will sometimes just say, "I hate vegetables" and refuse to taste anything on her plate that is a vegetable. Usually if we talk her into taking a bite she'll love it so it's just a stubbornness thing. When she's just being stubborn we don't offer another option (of course, that veggie isn't the only thing on her plate so she can eat everything else).

If they are willing to try it or if DD1 AND DD2 have an issue then we offer the PB sandwich solution (they can make their own and love to do so)

We don't have any super picky eaters so it's never gone farther than that.

I do think that many kids are picky eaters because their parents allow them to be, though. Not all of them, of course. There are always exceptions like sensory issues. But if kids can get away with refusing to eat anything but chicken nuggets and french fries then most will. And some parents (surely none of us here) will just use the "picky eaters" label as an excuse for lazy parenting (giving the kid whatever they want without trying to find healthy foods that the kid will eat). That gives people with real eating issues a bad name and can lead to childhood obesity.

I'm a picky eater as well as having sensory issues. I'll fully admit to being picky, and I went hungry many nights growing up because my mother did not make exceptions. And if you didn't eat dinner, there was no bowl of cereal before bed either. Some foods I don't eat because of the ick factor... there was a night where Chicken Hearts were on the menu... and I'm sorry.. *GAG*... I refused. She actually did not let me up from the table until I had eaten one. I had to wrap it in cold mashed potatoes and swallow it whole. At the time I didn't like mashed potatoes either. I coudln't have been any older than 9, since we moved out of that apartment shortly after my birthday that year.

And there have been many examples. I do not like shepherds pie (ground beef, peas, corn, carrots and mashed tatoes for us). Why? I don't like my peas warm, I don't like my mashed potatoes baked and don't like canned carrots. But if you put the items on my plate separately? I WILL mix them all together and eat them as long as the carrots were fresh and the peas are cold. It's not a sensory thing (other than the peas) it's the sheer fact that. I DO NOT LIKE THIS DISH. That's being a picky eater. But that did not stop my mom from preparing it weekly, or more than once a week during soccer season. And while at 15 I was more than capable of preparing a full Turkey feast on my own.. I wasn't allowed. If I did not eat, I wasn't allowed anything else.

I wouldn't say caving in and giving a sandwich, or heck a few nuked nuggets are going to cause a major food problem. Rather, not giving them anything else to eat might. It can cause kids to hide food, and they aren't hiding carrots and apples... junk food.. chips, chocolate bars, granola bars. I learned to NOT eat my full lunch at school, and to hide it in my room as soon as I got home so if I didn't like dinner I wouldn't be awake all night with hunger (and yes being hungry was better than chicken hearts and mashed potatoes any day). I STILL do this, and I have all the food I could ever want in my house, I can make what ever I want, but there is still a bag of chex mix under my bed.

So, I will "cave" and "set my kids up for failure" and give them a slice of bread with peanut butter on it. Because the true failure would be MINE if my child developed an eating disorder because of my feelings on dinner.




And thanks Jillian. I remember doing that test in school myself.. but I don't recall my results. I'm going to assume that meant it was tasteless for me since something bitter would probably stick in my mind. But I'd put money on DH being sensitive.. since he can taste things in food that I can't... and I keep telling him he's crazy.
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  #99  
November 21st, 2011, 09:02 AM
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Ashley, have you ever seen Wallaby Yogurt? It's an organic brand and should be in a co-op or whole foods type store. They ones that say "fruit on the bottom" and it usually has large chunks of fruit. The caramel apple one is the most chunky I have noticed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LifeToTheMax View Post
First, as far as the time thing, that's a ridiculous excuse. It takes 2 seconds to throw together a sandwich or grab a yogurt or something equally easy from the fridge or cupboard. I think people have been using sandwich as an EXAMPLE, not a rule. For my son, his go to if he won't eat what I make is a cheese stick and apple or applesauce. Honestly, in most cases, it's FASTER to grab the alternative than to force them to sit there forever trying to get them to try/eat the food that they don't want.

And it's not constant, it's when a true need arises. As far as your favorite food comment, don't make their favorite food! I'm not trying to say that you HAVE to change. If your way is working for you and your family, that's fantastic! Keep doing it. Just try to understand that your way is NOT the perfect way for everyone. You're kids aren't necessarily good eaters because of this. For some of us, an alternative isn't caving or the easy way. It's either we offer an alternative or they don't eat at all. It's offering an alternative or risking long term effects on how they view food.



Again, just don't make grilled cheese the option. If you feel forced to make grilled cheese every time they dislike something, yeah, it's time consuming. Offer a non-grilled cheese sandwich, a turkey sandwich, yogurt, instant oatmeal, a bowl of cereal, something that they would chose over a meal they truly dislike or are turned off by that night, but not necessarily something that they would choose over any meal you make. I guarantee you could find something if you were so inclined.



Thank you! I think this is a HUGE point! We all have days that we just don't like the way something tastes, even if it's something we normally enjoy! Maybe the kid has a stuffy nose, which can affect the way food tastes. Maybe they just aren't in the mood for something. It happens to ALL of us. I am the exact opposite of a picky eater (I love everything!), and even I have days that a certain food that I normally enjoy just sounds really gross. Some days, celery sounds great and refreshing, and other days, the thought of eating it makes me gag. Everyone deserves the respect to know their bodies and minds and not be forced to choke down something that sounds gross to them, even if it's something they might have really liked the previous day.
Exactly. I actually made a big batch of chilli the other day because I was hungry for it when I decided to make it. But it took 5 hours to cook (in a slow cooker) and by the time it was done I was no longer hungry for it. So I put it in the feezer. It happens.
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  #100  
November 21st, 2011, 09:39 AM
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I have to say to all the moms who are patting themselves on the back for doing things the right way and not having a picky eater -- I used to be just like you. My first child would eat ANYTHING. Seriously, she was, and still is, the best eater ever. She hates one food - cottage cheese, and will basically eat anything else. But from the time she started solids she would down any and every vegetable and fruit I would give her, along with grown up foods like sushi, or spicy stuff. I totally congratulated myself. After all, I had introduced baby foods in the correct order, I introduced her to other foods at the proper time, and in the proper way, so of COURSE she loved them. And most of all, I didn't allow her to be picky like lots of parents I knew. I was an AWESOME parent. So imagine my surprise when my DS came along. I introduced foods in exactly the same way as I did to my DD, yet he hates EVERYTHING! I feel like it's easier to say what he WILL eat than it is to list off the things DD WON'T eat.

So if you have a good eater - congratulations! But I'm not congratulating you on your fantastic parenting skills, I'm congratulating you on the fact that you were blessed with an easy kid when it comes to meal times. Enjoy it while it lasts, or quit while you're ahead, because your next kid may be a whole different story.
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