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Breastfeeding vs. Formula Feeding


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  #1  
December 26th, 2011, 02:05 PM
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This one really bugs me.

Before I had my first son (he's 7 now) I was adamant that I was going to breastfeed. I was sure that since my mom had been able to do it three times for each of her kids for a year each and had no problem with it whatsoever it would work for me. Unfortunately, when the time came it didn't work like that. I was young (19) and unmarried. The nurses in the hospital made me feel like I wasn't doing it properly and even took him from me the first night (we don't have nursuries babies sleep in in hospitals - the baby is in the room with the mom the entire time) and fed him formula without my permission. I struggled for eight weeks hating every single second of breastfeeding. My son had colic and I never could tell how much he was getting so I was constantly stressed that he was not getting enough. When we switched to formula it was like day and night. Suddenly I could calm down because I knew precisely how much he was getting. I also finally felt like I had control of my body again. Not having control of my body was a huge issue for me. I did not feel as though some bond had been broken between my child and myself, in fact I felt closer to him. From eight weeks on my son was fed formula and I'm happy to say he thrived, has no allergies, and is a very healthy boy.

Since this experience I now feel very differently about breastfeeding. I'm pregnant again nearly eight years later. I feel that while breastfeeding does work for many and I'm sure the health benefits are fantastic, it is simply not for everyone. I dislike the pressure put on women by other women to breastfeed. Let the mother decide, if they try and it doesn't work out when they've been made to believe it is the BEST POSSIBLE THING for their child they may feel like they've failed their child when in reality this is not true.

I will not be breastfeeding my child this time and there really isn't a person in the world who could make me change my mind. I feel confident with my decision. I also am prepared for what I know will be coming my way from other women and my midwife. I hope I am wrong.

Has anyone else had a similar experience or share my opinion ?
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  #2  
December 26th, 2011, 02:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by XxxJenxxX View Post

Has anyone else had a similar experience or share my opinion ?
I think if this is the question you're asking, then you're posting on the wrong board.

Tbh, it sounds like you're looking for support more than for debate. The formula-feeding board might be able to help you. You might not get what you're looking for here (just warning you).

Good luck with whatever you decide.
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  #3  
December 26th, 2011, 02:45 PM
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I was like you before I had my first. I was adamant that I was going to breastfeed. That formula was the devil. Boy was I wrong lol. After months of trying and a screaming colicky/reflux baby my first was formula fed. She's never suffered from being formula fed. However there was a lot of negativity toward me for not breastfeeding. LLL made me feel like complete garbage, as did a lot of the moms who I think now really were just trying to help. All the "breast is best" propaganda really fed into my feeling of inadequacy and failure.

I swore I would never do that to myself again and wouldn't even try to breastfeed my second.

Well my best friend talked me into at least trying it. She told me (and was right) that I could at least try, but to take the pressure of myself and that I already knew formula wasn't as evil as some would have you believe.

I'm eternally grateful to that friend because I did try again, and while I still struggled, it wasn't like the first time. My child wasn't colicky, she did eat well and slept well.

After a few bumps (some pretty big ones) I was able to successfully breastfeed my second DD for nearly 3 years.

I honestly think I got the best of both worlds in a way. I've been on both sides of the fence. Both sides have their ups and downs. Both sides have their people who know everything. At the end of the day though its up to the mom and baby.

My opinion is that breastfeeding is medically the best route to go (in most cases) but that in the end whats best is dependent on those involved and each mom and baby must find that for them self. I advocate for breastfeeding for so many reasons, but I support formula feeding because I know what its like to be persecuted for it and to be made to feel less of a mom.
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  #4  
December 26th, 2011, 03:20 PM
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I formula fed my first. I wanted to BF prior to his arrival. When he got here the nurse showed me how to latch him on, but it was incorrect, so it didn't signal to my body to release more milk. Therefor, my milk dried up after a few weeks. At the hospital where I had him the Lactation Consultant was very busy and I wasn't able to get an appointment with her before my milk dried up. If I would have known about relactation back then I would have done that. My son was VERY colicky from being fed formula because he was sensative to cow's milk, which is what the formula was made out of. I would never fed soy milk to any of my kids.

After my son was about a year I decided to get certified in breastfeeding education because I knew what I was told in the hopsital was wrong and I wanted to help other women out. Then I had my second son and he is 20 months old and we're still BFing. He had a little colic, not for long though, because through my education I was able to figure out what was wrong right away and change it.

Now that I'm educated on breastfeeding and have helped many women to breastfeed successfully, I personally believe it is silly to say you're not going to BF your next child based on your previous experience. Getting good help from a skilled breastfeeding educator or lactation consultant would be wonderful. Breastmilk is the best thing for babies as it is designed just for them. Formula is the 4th best thing. Not being able to breastfeed is actually very rare, as majority of women can. You don't need to know how much your baby is eating in terms of ozs. You can tell by wet diaper output. It would be really nice if nurses and Doctors would let moms know that so they wouldn't worry like so many do today, it is really uneeded worry. I also think there should be more skilled educators for moms out there. We're lacking in that department.
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  #5  
December 26th, 2011, 05:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyHippy View Post
I formula fed my first. I wanted to BF prior to his arrival. When he got here the nurse showed me how to latch him on, but it was incorrect, so it didn't signal to my body to release more milk. Therefor, my milk dried up after a few weeks. At the hospital where I had him the Lactation Consultant was very busy and I wasn't able to get an appointment with her before my milk dried up. If I would have known about relactation back then I would have done that. My son was VERY colicky from being fed formula because he was sensative to cow's milk, which is what the formula was made out of. I would never fed soy milk to any of my kids.

After my son was about a year I decided to get certified in breastfeeding education because I knew what I was told in the hopsital was wrong and I wanted to help other women out. Then I had my second son and he is 20 months old and we're still BFing. He had a little colic, not for long though, because through my education I was able to figure out what was wrong right away and change it.

Now that I'm educated on breastfeeding and have helped many women to breastfeed successfully, I personally believe it is silly to say you're not going to BF your next child based on your previous experience. Getting good help from a skilled breastfeeding educator or lactation consultant would be wonderful. Breastmilk is the best thing for babies as it is designed just for them. Formula is the 4th best thing. Not being able to breastfeed is actually very rare, as majority of women can. You don't need to know how much your baby is eating in terms of ozs. You can tell by wet diaper output. It would be really nice if nurses and Doctors would let moms know that so they wouldn't worry like so many do today, it is really uneeded worry. I also think there should be more skilled educators for moms out there. We're lacking in that department.
ITA with the bolded. I had a bad experience with DD and she wound up being FF. DS was BF until 18 months AFTER I became educated.

To the OP, you are not going to get what you want here. You need a support board, this is not it.
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  #6  
December 26th, 2011, 06:27 PM
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No, I do not share your opinion. If I'm being honest, I think it's silly to not breastfeed or even try just because your first experience wasn't that great. I think you could most definitely be successful if you got help from an experienced lactation consulted, not those silly hospital nurses. Let's be honest here, they're not the best supporters, and they most often don't know a whole lot about breastfeeding.

I don't love breastfeeding 110% of the time, but I know it's the best I can do for my daughter, so I put my own feelings aside, and I do it for her. Don't give up before you even start, there's too many benefits for you AND him/her to just not try.
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  #7  
December 26th, 2011, 06:40 PM
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I want people to feed their babies.

While I wish more would become blind to the propaganda that is fed to them by formula companies (whom I think should not be allowed to put up a sign in a doctors office or hospital), I respect their right to formula feed.

That said, my body is designed a specific way for a reason. I make milk, for the offspring that comes from my womb. And until my body can prove to me (by way of a baby who is not well), it's going to be sucked on and bitten by my child. I may not nurse as long as some women, but I plan on giving a good go of it.
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  #8  
December 26th, 2011, 06:47 PM
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Is this really your 3rd post on JM? Talk about jumping in head first......
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  #9  
December 26th, 2011, 09:38 PM
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Nope, don't have a similar experience. Was this your only question?
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  #10  
December 26th, 2011, 11:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Tithen~ View Post
I want people to feed their babies.

While I wish more would become blind to the propaganda that is fed to them by formula companies (whom I think should not be allowed to put up a sign in a doctors office or hospital), I respect their right to formula feed.

That said, my body is designed a specific way for a reason. I make milk, for the offspring that comes from my womb. And until my body can prove to me (by way of a baby who is not well), it's going to be sucked on and bitten by my child. I may not nurse as long as some women, but I plan on giving a good go of it.
Enfamil actually puts on their cans of formula that "Breastfeeding is best". Would you like someone to be blind to that propaganda fed to people by formula companies?

Also, not everyone's body "makes milk for the offspring that comes from their womb". I hope that when you have children you are able to BF and have no trouble with it, but that is not the case all the time. A lot of women do not make milk, or are unable to BF. The attitude of "this is what my body should be doing" and "this is what is best for my baby" is what causes moms who have to FF to have so much guilt over it.

My first daughter was FF and thrived on it. I tried BFing but it greatly hurt our bond and our first few weeks were filled with frustration and tears (from both of us). I will be FFing my second daughter from day one because it is what works for my family. I only have a few weeks off work to be with her, and what's best for us is to build that bond without wasting a few weeks with frustration and tears like I did with DD1. I can never get those weeks back with her. She is just as smart (if not above average), loved, and healthy as any BF baby.
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  #11  
December 26th, 2011, 11:18 PM
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I too was adamant about breastfeeding my son. Then he was born and he wouldn't latch. So I rented the hospital pump and produced barely a 1/4 of container of milk. I never got engorged, never leaked, nothing. The milk just wasn't there.

However, I hugely disagree with choosing not to at least try to breastfeed your second child. Yes, you had a bad experience the 1st go around, but that doesn't mean you will have a bad experience with the second. If you do find it to be something that you just cannot do, that is fine. At least you tried.

Personally, I regret not having tried harder to breastfeed. Being that I will be having only one child, my chance to do that is gone, and, quite frankly, it saddens me. (Sorry - nothing to do with you, but felt good to get it out)
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  #12  
December 27th, 2011, 01:19 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by XxxJenxxX View Post
This one really bugs me.
Before I had my first son (he's 7 now) I was adamant that I was going to breastfeed. I was sure that since my mom had been able to do it three times for each of her kids for a year each and had no problem with it whatsoever it would work for me. Unfortunately, when the time came it didn't work like that. I was young (19) and unmarried.
Perhaps some of the reason you had issue was because you lacked prep by assuming it would be trouble free?
(crossed young & unmarried since other than lacking confidence I am not sure that matters too much.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by XxxJenxxX View Post
The nurses in the hospital made me feel like I wasn't doing it properly and even took him from me the first night (we don't have nurseries babies sleep in in hospitals - the baby is in the room with the mom the entire time) and fed him formula without my permission. I struggled for eight weeks hating every single second of breastfeeding.
Unless you were medically incapacitated or had an issue of questionable parental rights there is no reason for them to remove your baby against your will. Did you ask for her back? THAT is not about *what* you feed your baby – that shouldn’t be permitted or tolerated – period. The formula no doubt could have very well set you up to have a very rough start. If you never got latch established or if you were not adequately prepared for normal nursing behavior that is no doubt a recipe for disaster. Many many newborns nurse what feels like non stop for the first few days. Their stomach is tiny & colostrums is slow flowing, so it’s common. That is meant to sort of help the baby get the hang of the suck, swallow, breathe rhythm before the full fast flow starts. After that, many still nurse often – especially since there are growth spurts at around 7-10 days, 3 weeks, 6 weeks & then it generally starts to even out again until 3 mos & 6 mos.
Quote:
Originally Posted by XxxJenxxX View Post
My son had colic and I never could tell how much he was getting so I was constantly stressed that he was not getting enough. When we switched to formula it was like day and night. Suddenly I could calm down because I knew precisely how much he was getting.
Colic is unrelated to breastfeeding UNLESS you flip flop between breasts too often in a single feed. Then it’s possible to develop breastfeeding colic due to getting too much foremilk & not enough hindmilk. Other than that colic is colic. Most babies outgrow it by 12 weeks-ish.
There is NO need to stress about whether your baby is getting enough or not when nursing. That really is a Western world worry because we all get asked “how much” way too often by Doctors very used to formula feeding & with minimal & often antiquated nursing info. If you were to ask most Dr’s how much training they go regarding breastfeeding you’d likely find the answer abysmal. Just count diapers. It is really simple. You cannot possibly poo & pee out what you do not take in. If it were important for us as humans to know precisely how much is going in at the moment it goes in, God, or nature, or evolution, or the universe would give you breasts with measurement markers & a clear window to see it. Knowing output is plenty of info to tell you about input.
Quote:
Originally Posted by XxxJenxxX View Post
I also finally felt like I had control of my body again. Not having control of my body was a huge issue for me.
I am not sure why you ever feel like you have control over your body when you have an infant. They puke on you, pee & poo, they drool, wake you up as often as they please. That doesn’t make me feel “in control” and I don’t know how anyone else could. LOL The only other thing I could think you are talking about here is some of the myths surrounding how you have to eat or drink or what you need to avoid while nursing. Most everything said about that is not true. While there are some meds that aren’t compatible there is usually a breastfeeding friendly alternative. You do not have to wholly abstain from having a drink or two, you do not have to eat well balanced or avoid caffeine. Those things are all good ideas for your own health, but have very little to do with nursing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by XxxJenxxX View Post
I did not feel as though some bond had been broken between my child and myself, in fact I felt closer to him.
Well – you also did get all the hormones associated with nursing before you stopped as well. All that release of oxytocin & prolactin that is meant to help assist with early bonding already happened by the time you stopped, so there is no knowing. Also – breastfeeding helps with early bonding chemically as does vaginal birth – I am not sure people generally accept that as the end all be all of bonding with your baby. I certainly don’t.
Quote:
Originally Posted by XxxJenxxX View Post
From eight weeks on my son was fed formula and I'm happy to say he thrived, has no allergies, and is a very healthy boy.
I am happy for you as well. NO ONE wishes for ANY baby fed any way to not thrive, be allergy free & be healthy. If someone does wish that on an infant they are sick in the head. I also have to say that your child did get colostrums & 8 weeks of nursing. I would never say that has nothing to do with his health or the foundation of his immune system. ANY amount of nursing is good for a baby. This article give a nice breakdown on “if you breastfeed for a few days, for 4-6 weeks, for 3-6 mos” & so on as far as benefits to baby: Breastfeeding Benefits: How They Add Up | Breastfeeding Basics

Quote:
Originally Posted by XxxJenxxX View Post
Since this experience I now feel very differently about breastfeeding. I'm pregnant again nearly eight years later. I feel that while breastfeeding does work for many and I'm sure the health benefits are fantastic, it is simply not for everyone. I dislike the pressure put on women by other women to breastfeed.
Pressure meaning what? Do you mean the same pressure we put on moms to rear face longer than the minimum required one year or the pressure put on them to not smoke, not smoke in the house, not allow others to smoke around their kids, to avoid TV before age two, to feed their children less processed foods, etc, etc? The fact is that mommas get pressure from many angles on all sorts of issues involving what is best for their kids – this is but one of them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by XxxJenxxX View Post
Let the mother decide, if they try and it doesn't work out when they've been made to believe it is the BEST POSSIBLE THING for their child they may feel like they've failed their child when in reality this is not true.
If a mother tries & cannot make it work, then hats off to her for trying. This is NOT what you are talking about here. You are talking about deciding based on a different birth, a different baby & what amounts to almost a different momma – since I assume a LOT has changed for you in 7 yrs time & you aren’t exactly who you were at 19 yrs old. I agree that when a momma cannot make it work she has not failed her child. More often the culture & the healthcare system have completely failed her. Most mommas who can’t make it work lack support at home, from Dh/SO, family & friends, lack good info from healthcare workers, get misinformation thrown at them left & right, etc. I have no idea what kind of support your mom even was since a good deal of the advice given out in her generation has actually been found to be more problem causing then problem helping. For instance, at that time they told women to toughen up their nipples. They now know that causes more problems than it cures. The ONLY person in my family who breastfed long term besides me was the biggest source of backward info I got – she is just lucky her body tolerated the way she nursed & she could still do it. For MANY women it would have caused major issues. Her one big thing was scheduling feeds every 4 hrs from birth, no binkies AND no comfort nursing. I know plenty of women who would have had failure of supply.
Quote:
Originally Posted by XxxJenxxX View Post
I will not be breastfeeding my child this time and there really isn't a person in the world who could make me change my mind. I feel confident with my decision. I also am prepared for what I know will be coming my way from other women and my midwife. I hope I am wrong.
Has anyone else had a similar experience or share my opinion ?
I am not here to change your mind. That is your job to do or not. I will say it is very strange that you are gearing up to have confrontations about it with “other women & your midwife” when you don’t even know what the deal would be this time around. If you absolutely believe there is nothing in this world wrong with giving a newborn formula from the get go, then why would you skip even attempting nursing with the option open to switch the minute you decided it wasn’t going better this time? Do you understand the importance of colostrum? It is only present for a few days & your milk will come in whether you nurse or you don’t – so you DO have the option to nurse through that phase even & stop after your milk comes in & still give this baby a boost to its immune system. It seems odd to me to skip that because you didn’t like how it went before. That would be like having a bad relationship with your first BF & deciding to never date again. I had a friend who said the same thing her whoel second pregnancy. I think she was trying ot get a rise out of me. I would just respond by saying things like “seems kind of silly to throw in the towel before you give it another go…it’s free, it’s healthy & it never runs out at 2am. If you give it a shot you can always change over JUST like you did last time, so I guess I don’t see the big whoop in trying it.” She ended up giving it a shot & nursing her 2nd to about 18 months. No one could have been more chocked by that than her. Life is full of twists & turns & things don’t always go the way we think they will – then we get older & wiser &have more options available just due to even that alone. If you are going to skip to formula, then you will do so. I don’t get it & don’t expect me to. I didn’t get it when my friend said it & I understand that thinking no better today than I did 2 yrs ago.
Info on colostrum:
LLLI | What is colostrum?
LLLI | The Importance of Colostrum
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  #13  
December 27th, 2011, 02:22 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by -Anna- View Post
Enfamil actually puts on their cans of formula that"Breastfeeding is best". Would you like someone to be blind to thatpropaganda fed to people by formula companies?


Enfamil & all manufacturers put that on their can because they have to. I am not sure you are aware of that. It's like the cigarette companies do with their warnings. It is mandated, not voluntary...so nothing to pat them on the back about & certainly not "propaganda" from the formula company. Formula companies do ONLY what they have to. Ever notice there are NO babies on formula packaging? None. It is also mandated that they cannot put a baby on the label. They aren’t good Samaritans making sure you know that breast is best – they are “for profit” companies with an absolute hope you do not breastfeed or that if you do, it’s not for long. It’s not so much evil as it’s “just business”.

Quote:
Originally Posted by -Anna- View Post

Also, not everyone's body "makes milk for the offspring that comes fromtheir womb". I hope that when you have children you are able to BF andhave no trouble with it, but that is not the case all the time. A lot of womendo not make milk, or are unable to BF. The attitude of "this is what mybody should be doing" and "this is what is best for my baby" iswhat causes moms who have to FF to have so much guilt over it.
Firstly if you take every mom who truly cannot breastfeed for various reasons the final total number *would* be "A lot of women" as you say . Obviously that is true. If you took 1/2 of 1% of the mommas who gave birth this year in the US alone that makes up "a lot of women" just by sheer volume - about 15,000. So when you take enormous numbers (like total live births ) and take ANY percentage - it will be a LOT of people it ends up effecting. However, those who truly cannot medically nurse make up a VERY small number of the overall mommas who can. There are also MANY more who wrongly *believe* they can't or have been misled to believe they cannot than the number of those who truly have no options. The number of women statistically who truly do not make any milk is very low, most say it is less than 2%. No doubt that low milk supply IS common in the US - coincidentally one of the biggest reasons for low supply is the belief that one's supply is low & the subsequent beginning of supplements. Milk works on supply & demand, so if you do not give adequate stimulus because you are supplementing, you WILL dry up 7&therefor prove yourself right all along...or not. ?

The fact that breastmilk is better to feed your infant than formula & people say so is not what makes moms feel guilt. Guilt is something you absorb or deflect, but it comes from the inside in the end. No one can “make” you feel guilty if what you feel you are doing is good & know it. I have been accused of “nursing for my own issues” and have read a ton of comments that women who nurse a child older than 1, 2 , or whatever are "sick", "perverts", etc. I nursed my 1st to past 3 yrs old. Nothing said to me or that I have read could be further from the truth. So when I hear it or read it, I don’t feel bad. The only thing that happens internally is I end up thinking the other person is ignorant & misinformed. It does not make me feel anything about ME – ever. There have been MANY debates I have seen here about rear facing car seats over the years. I turned my child forward at a year due to him being legal to do so and a miserable passenger & screaming the entire ride whether it was to the corner or across the country. For us it helped & I felt safer not distracted. I have been told how much more dangerous that was, etc & I have seen those same studies that are cited to show me the dangers of it - but I do not feel guilty at all or question myself at all about that decision because I feel totally at peace with it. I was not so quick to turn baby #2 though since he is a different baby & rides fine rear facing.

Moms who "have to" formula feed have no reason to feel guilty, none. If nursing is truly not an option for a particular momma, then it's not an option. If the momma switches due to personal preference or not liking it or because she wants to be able to leave the baby overnight once a week with a sitter, then she may feel internal conflict or judgment when someone says something about formula risks or the disparity between nursing & formula feeding. No one has a *reason* to feel bad when they try their butt off & can't make it work. I get it that some people DO have deeply painful feelings about it though – I am not saying they don't, I am just not convinced it is guilt they are feeling. Ages ago we had a talk about this in a debate & the consensus seemed to be that most moms (myself included) that there should be more support for grief over the loss of the breastfeeding relationship. I do think THAT is more likely what happens. Mom is hurting & that hurt gets interpreted as someone else causing/inflicting it. I think it is not too dissimilar to when I was going through my miscarriages & things out in the world hurt me - things like women not wanting to be pregnant & then complaining about it, etc. - THOSE women didn’t make ME feel bad - my situation did & because I was not at peace I FELT like it came at me externally. I think moms who really wanted to nurse & could not internalize in a similar way & blame others for inflicting their own painful feelings & misinterpret other’s intentions. I think it would be much more productive to have a safe place to talk about all the feelings of frustration, anger & sadness that things didn’t go as they had hoped, that they feel robbed or stripped of something that should have been theirs & hopefully find some peace with it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by -Anna- View Post

My first daughter was FF and thrived on it. I tried BFing but it greatlyhurt our bond and our first few weeks were filled with frustration and tears(from both of us). I will be FFing my second daughter from day one because itis what works for my family. I only have a few weeks off work to be with her,and what's best for us is to build that bond without wasting a few weeks withfrustration and tears like I did with DD1. I can never get those weeks backwith her. She is just as smart (if not above average), loved, and healthy asany BF baby.
Like I said to the other momma - you don't have to sign up for some predetermined amount of time like it's a contract. That would be silly. Your milk is coming whether you nurse or not, so why not TRY it and give the baby some colostrum at least? What are you so scared of? Do you think you won't be able to quit somehow if you decide it's no better this time? I am not following that thinking at all. If you are fine with FF from day one then why not from day two or three or day 7 or whenever YOU decide? You are NOT giving yourself freedom by doing this - quite the opposite - you are pigeon holing yourself into ONE decision without any flexibility actually. Being OPEN to trying & open to switching IS as open minded as you can get. And again, like I said to the other momma - you cannot know what your colostrum did for your DD or how her health would have been impacted had she not been given it. It IS the building blocks for the infants immune system. Your baby was NOT a formula fed baby - she was a breastfed AND formula fed baby. Not the same thing. Studies even show that & make differentiations for it. Colostrum is some pretty awesome stuff for a baby with nearly no immune system of their own.

FWIW - I did return to work at 6 weeks with baby #1 & it wasn't "easy" to continue with nursing, but it was worth it. You do not have to choose formula because you have to go back to work. There are ways to work around it or you can just nurse until you go back to work if that is what you decide. Rigidly deciding not to nurse at all is very odd. It leaves you in another position that is powerless. Power is in having a real choice. Deciding to not even see what it is like this time around is not making an empowered choice. An empowered choice is between two known options & feeling FREE to choose either. Since nursing is so different from one baby to the next, there is no way for you to "know" what it will be like until the baby is here & attempting. Otherwise it's nothing but a guess & a knee jerk reaction.
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We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #14  
December 27th, 2011, 06:11 AM
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Thanks for the replies ladies, I do appreciate it. Yes It really was only my 3rd post I'm a long time reader though. I however, don't need a support board as someone suggested. I don't know a lot of other moms and I simply wanted to hear some responses to my opinion. believe me I'm not offended, it would take a lot more than this to offend me.

I'm not disagreeing that breast milk is healthier. I can't do that, obviously. What I'm attempting to get at is the negative (extremely stressful and emotional) situation that I dealt with while nursing and how it affected my ability to bond with my son. I suffer from panic attacks and I went through some terrible moments while nursing. I question how great of a mom I was (even though I was breastfeeding) during the time I was nursing.

The reason I've already made this decision is because the idea of breastfeeding again brings me back to a very dark time in my life and I associate a lot of negativity with it. I actually hated breastfeeding... every moment. Perhaps this sounds awful but it's true. I've come a long way and I determined to not go back there. I don't know if it's possible for that to make sense to everyone.

I am wondering at what point the mother's mental health being affected by nursing (yes this can happen) overrides the health benefits associated with breastfeeding.

I'm not afraid of any type of response, it's interesting to hear other sides. I was also wondering if anyone understood my side.
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  #15  
December 27th, 2011, 07:02 AM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chloe'sMommy View Post
No, I do not share your opinion. If I'm being honest, I think it's silly to not breastfeed or even try just because your first experience wasn't that great. I think you could most definitely be successful if you got help from an experienced lactation consulted, not those silly hospital nurses. Let's be honest here, they're not the best supporters, and they most often don't know a whole lot about breastfeeding.

I don't love breastfeeding 110% of the time, but I know it's the best I can do for my daughter, so I put my own feelings aside, and I do it for her. Don't give up before you even start, there's too many benefits for you AND him/her to just not try.
I would have to agree. I have low prolactin levels, yet I tried to breast feed both times, and I plan on trying again this time around. One past experience will never dictate future experiences. Now if you chose to formula feed simply because you feel like, that's great. But try not to use the past as an excuse not to this time around. That's like saying I had a bad relationship last time so I will never have one again.
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  #16  
December 27th, 2011, 07:08 AM
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I've never seen formula propaganda???? hmmmm Yes they advertise but not that much & I don't think advertising is propaganda nor did I ever feel the pressure to use it because of advertising.

I did however feel extreme pressure to breastfeed. And get constant criticism on boards like this because I didn't. Comments in the form "your kids are dumber, sicker, not as good as breastfed kids"

Well for me I tried with my 1st. I had to go back to work when she was 6 weeks old & couldn't stand pumping. So I didn't even start with my 2nd - also had to go back to work.

My kids are daycare kids & are NEVER sick. I can't tell you the last time my 9 year old even had the sniffles. Both kids are very intelligent - top of their classes in school. They are both athletically gifted despite the fact that neither parent is Neither had issue with formula - no colic, acid reflux or anything.

Do what's right for you whatever that is! Your baby will be fine either way.
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  #17  
December 27th, 2011, 07:52 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by XxxJenxxX View Post
Thanks for the replies ladies, I do appreciate it. Yes It really was only my 3rd post I'm a long time reader though. I however, don't need a support board as someone suggested. I don't know a lot of other moms and I simply wanted to hear some responses to my opinion. believe me I'm not offended, it would take a lot more than this to offend me.

I'm not disagreeing that breast milk is healthier. I can't do that, obviously. What I'm attempting to get at is the negative (extremely stressful and emotional) situation that I dealt with while nursing and how it affected my ability to bond with my son. I suffer from panic attacks and I went through some terrible moments while nursing. I question how great of a mom I was (even though I was breastfeeding) during the time I was nursing.

The reason I've already made this decision is because the idea of breastfeeding again brings me back to a very dark time in my life and I associate a lot of negativity with it. I actually hated breastfeeding... every moment. Perhaps this sounds awful but it's true. I've come a long way and I determined to not go back there. I don't know if it's possible for that to make sense to everyone.

I am wondering at what point the mother's mental health being affected by nursing (yes this can happen) overrides the health benefits associated with breastfeeding.

I'm not afraid of any type of response, it's interesting to hear other sides. I was also wondering if anyone understood my side.
I have to say if it's been seven years & "because the idea of breastfeeding again brings me back to a very dark time in my life and I associate a lot of negativity with it" then why haven't you sought out counselling to resolve those issues? No doubt it is normal to have feelings for a while after something difficult occurs, but to hold such severe feelings for this long is something that obviously has not been dealt with or put to rest then. I don't say "you need cousenling" as in you are a nut job - I mean it as in all people who have unresolved feelings over a lengthy period of time ought to go seek out assistance at putting those things to rest. I have gone myself - not for this particular issue, but still.

And no - you are not alone in hating nursing, far from it. All women who do nurse, don't inherently love it, far from it. I think in fact I had undiagnosed DMER. I think it is a common misconception that those who do nurse a- had few problems, b- had good nursers without latch issues or who didn't nurse non stop, etc & c - actually love doing it. None of that is true. There are certainly moms who hit a, b & c - but there are probably just as many that have not hit ANY of them and then there are the majority who fall somewhere in between.
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We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #18  
December 27th, 2011, 08:05 AM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yeah, my first BF experiece was terrible. I had very bad PPD. I did not like my DD, it took a long while for me to bond with her. My birth had a major role in how I felt at the time. I cried every moment she was on the breast for 6 weeks. I did not wish her harm, but I did not like her. I slowly put her on formula and at the time, I needed that. She was so so wanted and prepared for, but hormones and situation put me in a very bad place that I did not expect and being a first time mom without knowing anybody that had BF IRL, it was to much for me. I was afraid of hurting my child (not that I ever had the feelings too) and I recognized what was happening. I was a much happier person after I switched, but I still have that guilt, but I know that I did the best I could at the time. I was just thrown for a loop and checked out after she was born.

I am very glad that I got some help and with my next child, I successfully BF for 18m and this time I hope to go further. I would have never understood the BF relatiohship. I actually loved it and I was sad for months after we weaned. I cannot wait to do it again.

To me, not trying again is giving up and that it just not me.
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  #19  
December 27th, 2011, 08:13 AM
angelsailor288's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Breastfeeding was incredibly hard for me for a good month and a half. Nicholas had lots of problems latching and because of his jaundice the hospital didn't have patience waiting for him to learn and fed him formula. So I started pumping. We tried nursing at home but he was so used to the bottle it didnt work. I also was not prepared for the cluster feedings... if he was nursing with the nipple shield for more than 30mins I felt like something was wrong and gave him the bottle. (now I know this is normal, at the time I was so stressed I could not just sit there for 30 mins, it drove me insane). So I pumped for a good 6-7 weeks exclusively, got thrush twice, mastitis twice, and it hurt like hell. I remember screaming in the shower and crying like a baby it hurt so bad. I never gave up because I knew it was best for my baby, and quite honestly, because of all the negativity surrounded by formula feeding.

Around 7 weeks, I offered Nicholas my breast, and he took it! I weaned him off the nipple shield in a week and it's been smooth sailing from there. While pumping I wanted to breastfeed for 6 months, now that he is nursing, I want to go at least a year and half. Its such an amazing bond.. I absolutely love it.

All I can say to any mom not wanting to nurse because of a previous bad experience, it cant hurt to give it a try. The first few weeks are not easy, for anyone. Just sit back and relax and try the bonding experience. its so worth it. Once you get over the first few weeks its pretty easy.
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  #20  
December 27th, 2011, 08:19 AM
Tammyjh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by XxxJenxxX View Post
Has anyone else had a similar experience or share my opinion ?
No. I had the opposite experience. I was planning on formula feeding my oldest but one of my nurses encouraged me to at least try bf. She was very nice about it and I did give it a try. Due to lack of knowledge and a very stressful situation, I only made it 6 weeks. But I think that,s not too bad, given that it was over 18 years ago.

My worst experience was just over 10 years ago, when my third child was born. The LC at the hospital told me that as my son lost a few ounces, I "obviously don't know how to bf." This was after successfully bf my second child for 11 months.
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