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Can your child be an equal?


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  #1  
December 26th, 2011, 09:15 PM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Can your child be an equal to you? At what age is someone granted the equal status?
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  #2  
December 26th, 2011, 09:50 PM
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Hmm. Good question.

I think it takes living a certain amount of life to be an equal to your parents. That's just me. This doesn't mean I don't already treat my child like I expect to be treated. I always do my best to respect him while still letting him know I'm the boss. lol
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Last edited by *Jillian*; December 27th, 2011 at 11:54 AM.
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  #3  
December 27th, 2011, 03:42 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I guess it depends on your definition to equal. I think my children deserveall the same respect & consideration as any other family member. I do mybest to stick to that even if what is being asked is ridiculous - I have tothink he only asks because he genuinely doesn’t understand. I also expect himto do what he can do at his age...so he has "equal" duties to thefamily based on ability. I wouldn’t expect him at 4 to be changing the oil inmy car or to scrub out the toilets (I am sure I would regret it) - but he doeshave responsibilities.

To be a true equal by MY definition, he would need to be able to do mosteverything I do & to actually do it & to support himself. Until then heis a dependent & requires help from me & as such is not equal to.Whether I choose to exercise my power & control or HOW I exercise it is notreally relevant. If I am responsible for the roof over your head, the clotheson your back, the food in your belly, on & on, then you cannot by MYdefinition be truly equal to me since I hold the actual control. I may CHOOSE not to flex that control, but inthe end it still belongs to me. When you pay your own way & have your OWNthings, then you are in the driver’s seat. If that isn't happening, then poweror control is usually a delusion. Heck - at this moment I am fairly financially powerlesssince Dh is the only one employed. I have a little money stowed for a rainy day& I could go get employed, but at THIS moment - he could walk out - emptythe accounts & freeze the credit cards & I would be in a moment ofpanic. Things probably wouldn't go any better for him if I up & abandonedhim & the boys tomorrow (and emptied the accounts) either. The man can'teven ever remember where the socks are kept or which kid hates what foods, etc. So being financially dependent alone isnot what makes you unequal (as I do feel equal with Dh) it’s the reciprocity(or lack of) of the whole situation.
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  #4  
December 27th, 2011, 09:02 AM
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Hmmm I would have to say once they could provide for themselves and no longer need my support, I would consider them an equal. That could be as early as 18 or as late as 30. It's really on them.
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  #5  
December 27th, 2011, 11:49 AM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Eventhough I asked the question I honestly don't have an answer. It's a really tough question. I agree with PPs. My kids deserve respect and all, but I don't think they are my equal yet. Maybe when they get a job and they contribute to the household financially they will be.
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  #6  
December 27th, 2011, 12:24 PM
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My child is not my equal until she can pay her own bills and support herself. When the kid's in college, then they're *closer* to equals, but we'll still likely be helping with bills and housing, and when our money is contributing, she doesn't get to do whatever the heck she wants like she would if she were completely on her own - in this situation, I might still have to pull the parent card, KWIM? E.g. if she wasn't keeping her grades up.
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  #7  
December 27th, 2011, 01:47 PM
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Ummm...this is a tough question....I respect my kids and treat them like I would like to be treated but I do not see them as equal...they have so much to learn and do before they get to that point.

I have a question along these lines....Do you feel you are equal to your parents? How do they feel(do they treat you like an equal)?
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  #8  
December 27th, 2011, 02:06 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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I am completely equal to my mom and she treats me as such.
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  #9  
December 27th, 2011, 02:29 PM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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^ Same as my mom and my MIL.
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  #10  
December 27th, 2011, 03:37 PM
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My father treats me like an equal. My mother did too before she died (I was 23 at the time).

Once I got out on my own and took care of all my responsibilities without their help, I was treated like an equal.

I know adults that have financial help from their parents and wonder why they have to answer to them. Well, if you accept outside help, then expect to be under their thumb, to an extent. Parents financially supporting/helping their children puts them in a superior role.
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  #11  
December 27th, 2011, 03:54 PM
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If the definition of "equal" is "being able to contribute on an equal footing to the financial needs and/or other responsibilities of the household," then are adults who are physically and/or mentally incapacitated and thus unable to contribute not to be considered 'equal'?

(I'm genuinely asking, since it seems like the definition that some of you are proposing has some problems if you carry it to its logical extent).
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  #12  
December 27th, 2011, 04:00 PM
*Jillian*'s Avatar Baby #3 on the way
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I don't think they are truly equal. That doesn't mean that they aren't treated with respect or still treated like children. They just have to answer to others because they are unable to do everything for themselves.
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  #13  
December 27th, 2011, 06:31 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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Hmmm honestly not sure but I can agree with Jillian's answer so far.
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  #14  
December 27th, 2011, 06:55 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I agree with everyone else, well said ladies.

And ditto jillian on her answer about the handicapped question.
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  #15  
December 27th, 2011, 11:01 PM
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What about the elderly?
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  #16  
December 28th, 2011, 12:54 AM
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I think children are equal in a respect sense, there is no human being that is more equal than another. But as far as financially equal, then no.
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  #17  
December 28th, 2011, 01:41 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quantum_Leap View Post
What about the elderly?
As a girl who watched her 55 year old father suffer with a disease that tends to impact the elderly (dementia), no he was NOT equal to my mother. He couldn't even shower on his own at one point. My 80 year old grandmother.. not an equal either, she needs help with the most basic of things as of late.

If you need someone to help you with day to day living things because you cannot do them then no, you would not be completely equal.
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  #18  
December 28th, 2011, 07:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quantum_Leap View Post
What about the elderly?
If they are in their proper state of mind, then yes they are equal. However, if they're suffering from dementia or Alzheimer's, they cannot be treated equally. It sucks but in essence they have the mind frame of a child if they're ill like that.
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  #19  
December 28th, 2011, 08:48 AM
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this has been an interesting thread because everyone went in a different direction than I did...equality being essentially a mutual respect from a common skillset (taking care of oneself, etc) and requiring a certain amount of age or experience first.

when i saw this question initially my reaction was that Savannah's already my equal...but i'm defining "equal" from perspective of a life/soul - i put no less value on hers than i do my own (hence meets my definition of being my equal), even though it will be many years before she can contribute equally from a societal/productivity perspective.
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  #20  
December 28th, 2011, 10:59 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L-SBB View Post
this has been an interesting thread because everyone went in a different direction than I did...equality being essentially a mutual respect from a common skillset (taking care of oneself, etc) and requiring a certain amount of age or experience first.

when i saw this question initially my reaction was that Savannah's already my equal...but i'm defining "equal" from perspective of a life/soul - i put no less value on hers than i do my own (hence meets my definition of being my equal), even though it will be many years before she can contribute equally from a societal/productivity perspective.
That is why I wasn't sure your definition of equal. I think all people of all ages & abilities deserve the same respect & compassion & considerations as all other human beings. In fact, those with lesser baility to defend themselves & lesser ability to make informed choices for themselves may in fact, in MY book, deserve a bit more compassion & consideration than those who are capable of doing more for themselves, changing their own situation & predicting/understanding potential outcomes.
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We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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