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I agree with mayandsofiasmommy. He's most likely in a gang, and until she gets him out of that situation, he won't change. He can't. This is one of those situations where I'd be scraping together every last penny I had and pleading to anyone I knew in order to get together enough money to move far away. Get the kid a new start where he's not expected to be a thug and can move on without looking over his shoulder scared because he left the gang.
There used to be such a thing as public shaming, a type of legal punishment where individuals would be humiliated in public for their mistakes. It's been gaining some traction, as petty thieves and other criminals have been getting shamed for minor wrongdoings.
I'm kind of dreading the point when my kids hit their teens. I know I am going to find it really hard to react/punish/guide them in an age appropriate way. Teens are so sensitive and whilst my impulse may be to do something public to show them consequences, they can be so fragile. I definitely was.
I always have this feeling in the back of my mind that when I critique parenting that i'm somehow going to jinx myself! So i'll begin with a general disclaimer that there are no absolutes in parenting which is something I think we all know anyways... so here goes...
I think there is a difference between stigma and downright humilliation. Like everything in life there is a balance... I see a disturbing trend in many parents now wanting to shield their precious suzy Q from ever thinking that they have any morsel of responsibility for making a bad age appropriate decision. Instead, it's the teachers fault, societies fault, the school, a mysterious undiagnosed illness etc. it drives me insane! I'm a big believer in short term pain = long term gain. if that involves a little public stigma now and then - so be it.
Yes, I have doled out a public punishment to my nephews after they've been fairly warned. It was embarassing to them and I hated to do it- but it was effective. Sometimes we have to play on someones outright fear of embarassment. It's a surprising but effective way to not just TELL but SHOW someone what is right and wrong. Sometimes the feeling they had of being called out on their behavior is what really teaches the lesson.
Now, if you ALWAYS resort to some sort of public humilliation as your number one route to discipline, then to me it is just as ineffective as any other method that is the sole and only method of discipline. If you ALWAYS yell at your kid the same way regardless of a minor or major infraction... well the kid is eventually going to learn that whether it's a little screw up or a big one they're gonna get yelled at big time. so may as well go big or go home meaning may as well push the boundaries as far as you can.
In this instance, who knows if it is too little too late. So much info that we don't know. Was mom absent with her kid early on and ineffective at disiplinning him as a small child which is why he was committing so many crimes at such an early age? If so - i dont blame her for doing what she is doing, but one could argue that it is probably too little too late. But us moms never give up on our kids so why can really say?
Best post in the entire thread. I 100% that there needs to be healthy doses of humiliation.
I guess it would depend on the severity of the action that caused it. if its something like theft or drugs, I may do that. but minor things like talking back, missing curfew, etc, I think it would cause more of an issue than a solution.