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Yelling is the new spanking


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  #1  
January 17th, 2012, 05:17 PM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Screaming is the New Spanking | Modern Home Modern Baby

Do you think parents today yell more?
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  #2  
January 17th, 2012, 05:42 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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If parents of today yell more, I'm glad I'm a child of yesterday.. cause my mom yelled.. ALL THE TIME. And currently still does. My husband says "They don't talk in Ashley's house" ... come to think of it.. I think all my ex's said the same thing at one point or another.

Yelling wasn't more effective in our house... it was just often so loud that it was the only way someone could hear you (or someone had on headphones). Spanking worked in our house, it only took a couple spankings and you didn't do it again... Yelling was just yelling. Probably did more damage to my ears than it did anything else. *shrug*

We don't yell here unless he's about to hurt himself. Same with spanking, it's reserved for the big things (been done twice in the 7 months I've been step mom - but never by me.). That doesn't mean we don't raise our voice at him, but we don't "yell" like our mother's did.
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  #3  
January 17th, 2012, 06:10 PM
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I'm definitely a yeller more than I want to be. I wish I didn't yell much, but I do lose my cool a bit. I grew up in a physically abusive household, and while there was yelling and belittling there was a lot more physical aggression. I avoid spanking as much as much as possible because of it (I won't lie, I have spanked on occasion, and each time I do I feel so dang awful about it), and I resort to yelling more than anything else.
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  #4  
January 17th, 2012, 06:38 PM
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I cant stand yelling. However it can have it's time and place.... im sensitive to it having been around family (thankfully not my parents) that yell at their kids for even the most minor of infractions. It's insulting and can definitely cross into the territory of abuse for sure!
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  #5  
January 17th, 2012, 06:57 PM
Poncho06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Eh. I probably yell more than I had ever intended to. Strange how giving birth to twin honey badgers can do that to you.

I think so long as you are implementing a variety of correction techniques than some yelling isn't going to have long term psychological effects on a child.
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  #6  
January 17th, 2012, 07:02 PM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I really don't know if yelling has become more common, like blogs like these imply. I guess I still see a mixture of both. But I know I've heard people saying yelling is the new spanking for years now. So I don't know. I don't yell or spank my kids. My brother was yelled at a lot when we were kids (he was a drug addict at a very early age so I do understand the frustration my parents had with him, but it didn't help at all) and so I've always been turned off by that. And we weren't spanked, so I guess I don't see the point in it. I like to use guidence instead of punishment. ds1 does get breaks some times, which are I guess like time outs but it's not a time out chair or spot, and that works. It helps him calm down and focus and allows me to talk to him. All kids are different though, obviously, so what works for one doesn't work for all. When I do see someone yelling or scolding loudly at their kids in public it does look like the mom has had her buttons pushed.
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  #7  
January 17th, 2012, 07:10 PM
BittyBugsMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I do my best not to yell, and I do not spank. My mom yelled all the time so I don't think its some new parenting trend unless they are talking about yelling out in public, which seems to be more common in the last few years.
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  #8  
January 17th, 2012, 08:02 PM
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I can see why yelling may have become more common among parents. When you live in a society where the government thinking that a spanking is abuse, they could feel like they're left with no other choice. While, yes, there are many different ways to discipline a child, many only feel that yelling or spanking are the only ways to go. I know I find myself yelling more than I would like to be. But I guess I would rather let out a yell over a spanking in frustration. It can work in some cases, just like spanking can work in some case, just like redirection can work in some cases. We all have to find what works best for us that isn't abusive to the child.
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  #9  
January 17th, 2012, 10:27 PM
Tofu Bacon's Avatar Enigma... or oxymoron?
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I live in NY. Yelling is how we talk here.
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  #10  
January 18th, 2012, 06:35 AM
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lol SO true
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  #11  
January 18th, 2012, 11:23 AM
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I pretty much only raise my voice in frustration of telling him something 200 times. I'm perfecting my "evil eye" that I hopefully inherited from my dad. It's starting to work with him and I'm very grateful. lol

My parents didn't yell much and I've never had a spanking in my life. My dad was abused and didn't believe in spankings. He really could just look at us and we would do whatever (well, not my brother cause he was a challenge and still is).
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  #12  
January 18th, 2012, 01:27 PM
Repti.Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I yell, I don't spank much at all, hardly ever in fact. I don't think my yelling is that bad, it's not screaming at the kid, but it's loud enough for everyone to hear. I even yell at the neighbor kids once in a while. Of course I wouldn't have to if their parents used ANY discipline at all...
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  #13  
January 18th, 2012, 01:51 PM
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I have yelled, but I prefer not to. I never spank. We do the counting thing here more often, at least when they're little. Older kids get the look, or the look and a sigh, they know they've gotten on my nerves at that point, lol. Every once in a blue moon they get a raised voice, but that's a rarity. In the last 13 years as a parent, I've gotten to three twice. The result was a lengthy timeout, and something being taken away. Usually before I even make it to two, the behavior has stopped. I'm not real sure why it works to be honest. My kids have never had a spanking, maybe they assume three means a spanking, I don't really know. I've never asked them, lol. I just know they understand the look, counting and can simply tell when they're frustrating me. Of course when they're younger the counting more often than not got them counting too, which pretty much diffused any situation in and of itself. Now it's more of a joke to count, because they're older and fully understand when they're annoying someone. We do it to each other too, ds starts getting annoyed by dd2, and he'll start counting at her. It's a great tool. Stops a lot of bickering between them(I pray it still works when both girls are teens, lol)

I do believe yelling is becoming somewhat more common simply because people find it the lesser of two evils when compared to spanking. That said, it's not a ton more common, imo, just more openly heard. People have always yelled, they've always spanked, but not quite as much in public. But because so many find spanking to be wrong, you'll likely see far more yelling in public than spanking.
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  #14  
January 18th, 2012, 08:02 PM
WineKeepsMeSane's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I swear, sometimes yelling is the ONLY thing that finally gets it through my kid's head! She doesn't like being yelled at (understandable) so now I will warn her that if she doesn't do ___ the next time I have to tell her she'll be yelling. The warning usually comes after I've already told her something several times, like to get dressed because we need to leave.

I won't yell in public. Honestly, I'd rather give her one swat to the butt in public. I've warned her before that I'd do it, and the threat of it is usually enough to get her to smarten up.
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  #15  
January 18th, 2012, 10:31 PM
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Yelling and spanking has been around forever. I don't know why everyone "pretends" that things are any different today than they were years ago when it comes to things like this. Just because we didn't *hear about things as often in the old days, doesn't mean that things are happening any *more often today.
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  #16  
January 19th, 2012, 08:05 AM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We do the counting thing too, which is weird because I always hear how it doesn't work. But I've only gotten to 3 once in the past almost 5 years. Usually I only have to say 1 and then the behavior stops. I don't think that would work for all kids, but it works for mine. ds1 gets the look now too sometimes, and he gives ds2 the look when ds2 is doing something he doesn't want him too But it doesn't work on ds2 yet.
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  #17  
January 19th, 2012, 11:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyHippy View Post
We do the counting thing too, which is weird because I always hear how it doesn't work. But I've only gotten to 3 once in the past almost 5 years. Usually I only have to say 1 and then the behavior stops. I don't think that would work for all kids, but it works for mine. ds1 gets the look now too sometimes, and he gives ds2 the look when ds2 is doing something he doesn't want him too But it doesn't work on ds2 yet.
US TOO!!! Exactly!! I am not sure what he thinks will happen at 3, but he assumes it isn't going to be good and straightens right up. I started it really young though so he knows that he will be sent to his room (which has no toys) if he doesn't behave, but he reacts to it so well you would think he was SCARED of what is going to happen if I get to 3.
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  #18  
January 19th, 2012, 11:39 AM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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I wish counting still worked for us, it used to but then he got to the point where he would finish the count for you. Ugh I have one stubborn strong willed child on my hands.
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  #19  
January 19th, 2012, 11:43 AM
Poncho06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My kids just count with me and cackle
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  #20  
January 19th, 2012, 12:29 PM
Frackel's Avatar DOh!
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When they were younger, especially, they'd start counting too. But, while counting, they'd also stop whatever it was I wanted them to stop doing. So it was a win, well for me.
Now they're older and I don't really need to count, but if I do, they'll finish the counting just to be a smartypants(yet still also stopping whatever it was, still a win). The look is sufficient enough now for most things.
When they're a bit older, I expect some things won't work the same, anymore, lol. Right now they're only 13, 10 and 8, so what has worked all their lives, still does. I just adapt a bit as they get older.

I have to admit that even with the issues they do have, my kids are pretty darn well behaved(and I don't thank just myself and my parenting for that, they're pretty easy going kids 90% of the time and always have been). That makes the real bad times, easier to swallow. Their worst offense(the one that annoys me I should say) these days is the bickering. Those are times counting still works, if they hear me counting they know they better knock it off, and they're done by 2, assuming I get to 2. They're learning to just walk away and not try and win every argument under the sun. I hope they perfect it before they all hit the teen years.

For the most part they stop bickering before it gets to the point of annoying me, though. I tend to block it out and try and let them deal with it on their own.
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