Thank you notes

*Jillian* · #21 February 7th, 2012, 06:36 PM

I got a box of 100 personalized thank you notes for cheap as crap and they are gorgeous. I think you may be overestimating on the cost of thank you's.

And save the dates aren't necessary. It's some new thing and isn't even required for etiquette or being gracious or anything. I find it silly if you are doing invites anyway.

And I have never NOT gotten a thank you note for a wedding or baby shower gift. I don't require anything for birthday's because they are always so casual and small.

K.A.T · #22 February 7th, 2012, 06:57 PM

Same here Jillian. I've always received notes for weddings and showers. My thank you notes were dirty cheap and custom made by snapfish. I used pictures of us at the wedding came up with a nice thank you and got a bunch for less than 20 bucks with shipping. My invites were pretty cheap too only 100 bucks for 125 or 150 invites, again all custom with reply cards and envelopes. It's not that expensive to do things the proper way sometimes. You just have to be willing to search for them.

*Jillian* · #23 February 7th, 2012, 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by K.A.T

Same here Jillian. I've always received notes for weddings and showers. My thank you notes were dirty cheap and custom made by snapfish. I used pictures of us at the wedding came up with a nice thank you and got a bunch for less than 20 bucks with shipping. My invites were pretty cheap too only 100 bucks for 125 or 150 invites, again all custom with reply cards and envelopes. It's not that expensive to do things the proper way sometimes. You just have to be willing to search for them.

Yes! I also think it's awesome for someone to budget it in because I'm having to budget YOUR gift in too. Ya know? I could buy myself something or use it for a bill, but if I love you I am going to get you a gift. The least you could do is write a little note of appreciation.

plan4fate · #24 February 7th, 2012, 09:51 PM

Save the dates were necessary unfortunately, because I couldn't book anything like a venue until I knew if I was going to be able to even leave the US before our wedding date. I can't leave, with out having to refile for Immigration to get back. So I couldn't actually send out an invite until the middle of June at the earliest (roughly when I expect to have my travel restrictions lifted) wedding was August 11th. Not enough time to book holiday, flights, boat tickets, save money, find places to stay etc for guests (partly my fault, I chose the high point of tourist season to get married) . I'd have designed them myself, had them printed.. and then proceeded to spend $300 in postage to send them out.

I actually have all my invites stuff... I was excited to make them, 250 of them would cost $33+ envelopes (thanks to my momma's good eye at a sale, 100 sheets of Vellum for $5). And then... $300 in postage. Thank god it was all scrapbooking stuff so it'll get used.

and theoretically probably $15 to make the thank you's, if I didn't run out of printer ink... and $300 in postage if everyone invited attended or sent a gift.

That's just short of $1000... and most of it would have been postage. I wasn't spending big money on any of it, it was the stupid postage. Curse of the big family and lots of friends I guess. It costs a lot to send out 250-300 envelopes via mail when most of them are going to other countries.

Normally I'd have enlisted my mother to do a lot of that work (printing at walmart, addressing envelops, paying 1/2 the price to send them from Canada) but her life's too busy these days to help out her kid in another country (whole other very bitter story).

Our situation was different than the norm. We couldn't throw a wedding and expect anyone to be there. Not even his family, who lives 8 hours from us. I couldn't even arrange for my mother and grandparents to be there for our elopement because they don't have passports. Not to mention the cost of flying to the US, getting hotels.. my family just doesn't have that kind of money. We had to go to them. I watched the dollar signs wrack up. Driving over there. Paying Canadian prices. Duties at the border on items.... Thank you notes were at the low end of my list of things. I'm so glad we called off the wedding. Officially it's postponed, but I don't want the stress of it. We'll throw a big bbq this summer as a "reception" of sorts instead.

had the wedding been run of the mill and not 2000 miles away, in a different country, I'd probably have taken great joy in doing them and being really over the top crafty about it. But, really low on the priority list when everything we were doing was for the benefit of those invited and not us. As DH said "So I have to wear a penguin suit, say vows I already said, give you another ring, listen to music I don't like with people I dont know, sweat the entire time and watch you stress yourself to the point your hair starts falling out? Why are we doing this again?".

The only part of the wedding we had that I'll regret is I couldn't find a white dress, so I wore a skirt instead and that my grandparents weren't there.

But I've still never received a thank you card from a wedding, and I'm sure they've not all gotten lost in the mail.. one or two maybe, I do move a lot. Oh, and I've def never gotten one from a shower of any kind except the baby shower where the mom didn't show cause her water broke in the car on her way there.

*Jillian* · #25 February 7th, 2012, 10:09 PM

June invites to an August wedding is completely normal and enough time. And anyone that couldn't book travel plans that close to the date probably would still send a gift.

And let's be realistic. Not everyone is going to come to a destination wedding, especially if the majority (your description) of the invites went to other countries. So there is little to no chance you would spend that much on postage.

But if anyone traveled to your wedding that cost them a pretty penny and you should shell out some postage. Sorry...it's just not a grateful attitude to have for people that spend money to be apart of YOUR day.

And since this is a debate I can comment on your etiquette. You don't have to listen to me though.

I just ditto Tiffany, and say you can never show TOO much gratitude. Weddings and showers are self absorbed events so at least send a thank you. Nobody is that busy or broke.

plan4fate · #26 February 7th, 2012, 10:27 PM

*sigh* WE are the ones traveling to the destination. With the exception of about 100 invites (his family who would never come, and my extended family who would, and 20ish American/ Australian friends) all live within a 30 minute - 1hour drive of the venue I was hoping to book.

but thanks, I'll be done with now since I'm not going to convince you that $300 extra in postage was just more than I could put into the budget. We were already going out of our way for the wedding, and paying for things so the people we desired to be there with us could be. If that isn't being gracious, then I'm extra glad that we called it off.

*Jillian* · #27 February 7th, 2012, 10:37 PM

No need to sigh. Dramatics aren't necessary. I missed the part that said you were the one that would be traveling. I guess it was because you said that other people (most of them) needed time to book travel.

And you don't have to convince me of anything. I'm just saying your excuses for not paying for thank you's don't add up. You just said 100 of your invites would be know shows. Take those off the postage list.

Frackel · #28 February 8th, 2012, 02:27 AM

I paid a lot in postage to send invites to a crap ton of people who wouldn't go to our wedding. I paid a lot in postage, over time, to send thank you notes, to those who either sent gifts/cards, or attended the wedding. Yep, even folks who didn't give a gift, got a thank you note. Our actual wedding was tiny-not too many people there. The reception was larger, but still not necessarily huge. We did receive cards and gifts in the mail for a week or so after the wedding. And a little over a month later we got a few combination wedding card and a congratulations on the birth of your baby card, from people who didn't/couldn't attend the wedding.(mostly international relatives/friends)
We didn't have a huge budget(not even $1k), I had been taken off work too so that cut it down even more, but there are some things I thought should be non-negotiable. A thank you, is non negotiable in this situation, imo. A written thank you, is the most appropriate for this situation, too. But it's even more appropriate when someone gave you a gift. In fact I think it's a bit shallow and disrespectful to not offer a written thank you-just my personal feeling. It costs you nothing to write a note, on a blank card(heck even decorated cards with blank insides are dirt cheap). You didn't have to send all the thank you notes out at once either. You can easily balance that $300 in postage budget over a few weeks. I'm fairly certain people would be just as grateful to see a thank you a month, or more, after the wedding as they would the week after. Plenty of ways to make all things doable, really. You just have to want to. No reason to try and justify it if you just didn't want to though. It would probably sound better to simply say "I didn't want to send them", or "I don't think I needed to send them" or something, than to try and come up with all kinds of reasons why you couldn't. Because the fact is, you could have, and it could have cost you only postage, and not taken from your wedding budget at all to do it.

Both the invites, and thank you notes I sent out were hand written on the inside of some printed cards I bought at a dollar store. They were gorgeous on the outside. My handwriting isn't perfect, but, eh, the thought counts more than the appearance, imo. I was about 5 months pregnant when I wrote the invites, and 7 1/2-almost 8 months pregnant, and on bed rest, when I wrote the thank yous, so yeah it was a lot of handwriting for someone who probably didn't really always feel like doing it. I was a bit crabby by the end of my pregnancy, lol, just about everything pissed me off at that point.
(That's my long winded way of saying there is no excuse to not send a thank you note

in case it isn't obvious)

Was it necessary? Maybe not to some, but to me it very much was. Common courtesy, manners and such, are all quite important to me. I can't expect to instill them into my children if I don't have them myself.
But that's my take

fluffycheeks · #29 February 8th, 2012, 06:23 AM

I've also never NOT gotten one for a shower or a wedding. I think it's just something you have to do. If you have no intention of sending out thank you's, I think you should say "No gifts" on the invitation.

Ashley, you are going to be up in Canada for the wedding? Could you pre address the envelopes and then write and send them while you are there to save on postage?

SusieQ2 · #30 February 8th, 2012, 08:22 PM

I just checked on the USPS site. It costs .85 cents to mail a postcard to Canada from the US. That would be a fairly inexpensive way to send thank yous or like Tiffany suggested you could take care of it while you're in Canada. You say you have people who are coming to the wedding who live there. Couldn't you send one of them a package with your thank yous in it and have them drop the envelopes in the mail for you.

Honestly though, if you can't afford to send a thank you to the people who took the time out of their lives to shop for a gift for you and come to your wedding than you probably can't afford the wedding that you're having. Invite fewer people, scale back somewhere else but it's rude to not send thank yous. It's not typical to open gifts at a wedding so people aren't going to get to see you open your gifts. The least you could do is to send a thank you.

lesliek0211 · #31 February 9th, 2012, 01:17 PM

If they aren't important enough to send thank you's to, they aren't important enough to invite to the wedding.

We send them for showers and weddings and expect to get them for showers and weddings. We don't do birthdays and don't expect birthdays.

Hey... Where's Perry? · #32 February 9th, 2012, 07:24 PM

What if someone has writer's block and can't write the thank you cards....

Frackel · #33 February 10th, 2012, 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hey... Where's Perry?

What if someone has writer's block and can't write the thank you cards....

They probably make an antidote for that

or an app

or something

K.A.T · #34 February 10th, 2012, 06:47 AM

Most thank you card come with blurbs in them already. So a simple thank you for being there or thank you for the gift should suffice.

lesliek0211 · #35 February 10th, 2012, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hey... Where's Perry?

What if someone has writer's block and can't write the thank you cards....

Or, someone broke a fingernail and it hurt too bad to write a thank you card? The possible excuses err... I mean reasons, are endless.

BittyBugsMama · #36 February 10th, 2012, 05:07 PM

I sent thank yous for our showers, wedding and baby shower and even then, I thought they were a waste of money. Didn't send them for the baby's birthday and can't remember if I sent them for my son's birthday or not. I don't care about getting thank yous from events of any kind because really, they just aren't that important to me. I'd rather someone say thanks while I'm there and then we are good, feels more genuine to me that way. Thank you cards seem so formal and forced to me, like people are sending them because they have to and not because they want to.

Ashley, if you don't have the money to send them, then just don't send them and make sure you personally thank people through phone calls. Its your wedding, its your prerogative and most people are pretty understanding about situations like this. You guys are tight on money like most couples starting out and spending $300+ out of your budget for paper that will get thrown out 10 seconds after its read seems like a waste of resources that would be better spent elsewhere. Do what is true to you, not what some etiquette book requires you to.

Poncho06 · #37 February 11th, 2012, 06:13 AM

I send them for big events. Weddings, showers and I did send them for the girls 1st birthday because it was a larger party with extended family invited. I don't know about others but we didn't open any gifts during our wedding so when I gave personal thank yous there, it was for them being there not any gift they may have given.

I've also NEVER not gotten one for similar events and last time I checked the dollar store sold stationary dirt cheap. There is no expectation it will be fancy but a personal thank you note seems like proper manners to me, especially for formal events.

SusieQ2 · #38 February 11th, 2012, 08:46 AM

Quote:

I'd rather someone say thanks while I'm there and then we are good, feels more genuine to me that way. Thank you cards seem so formal and forced to me, like people are sending them because they have to and not because they want to.

How do you thank someone for your wedding gift while they're there? I've never been to a wedding where the people opened their gifts at the wedding.

I send the thank you not only to make sure that I express my gratitude but also so that they know that I did receive their gift since they didn't see me open it.

BittyBugsMama · #39 February 11th, 2012, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SusieQ2

How do you thank someone for your wedding gift while they're there? I've never been to a wedding where the people opened their gifts at the wedding.

I send the thank you not only to make sure that I express my gratitude but also so that they know that I did receive their gift since they didn't see me open it.

When they say thank you for coming, it covers everything in my opinion.

Tammyjh · #40 February 11th, 2012, 10:47 AM

When you think about it, celebrations(not just weddings) are a terrible waste of paper. From the invitations, TY notes, wrapping paper, etc... all things that are proper etiquette and look nice but just go in the trash soon after the occasion. I'm not saying people shouldn't send invites, TY's, or wrap gifts. I'm just as wasteful as anyone else because we didn't just buy invites/TY's, we made our own. Just thinking out loud.