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Using other peoples kids pictures for tickers/siggies


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  #1  
March 1st, 2012, 04:08 PM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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What do you think about the girlfriend/wife using her boyfriends/husbands kids pictures in her siggy or ticker? What about using their first and middle name in a ticker?
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  #2  
March 1st, 2012, 05:02 PM
Poncho06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I probably wouldn't be okay with it with my kids. It would depend on if everyone was okay with it and the type of relationship the boyfriend/girlfriend is in with the child's parent. Long term step parent type role = fine and normal to me ;they've been dating for two weeks and she joins a mommy site posting pics of his kids=creepy and weird.
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  #3  
March 1st, 2012, 05:16 PM
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To me, it depends on how long they've been in the relationship, and where the relationship is headed. If you are casually dating someone you don't have a right to claim any parental privilege. If you've been dating a long time, thinking of getting engaged or stepping into a more parental type of role, then i think it's fine.

There is no question on stepparents, they are parents to child now, and while they don't have all the parental privileges, they do have the right to claim that child.
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  #4  
March 1st, 2012, 05:54 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I agree with the above.



This is my first signature featuring DSS, and I wasn't yet ready to put his cute little face on it. I did ask BOTH parents before I did it, I might be able to lay claim to him.. but he's not my kid and I don't get to make decisions that go beyond the here and now for discipline. His mom just asked me to make sure there's no pictures of him in his undies, which I'd never do anyway. I will probably save using his face until we're pregnant or until after our vacation next summer.
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  #5  
March 1st, 2012, 06:18 PM
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For me I probably wouldn't want their faces or first and middle names in someone else's signature, even if they were now married to my DH. I'd still be the primary caregiver, I'm still the mom, and I just wouldn't want them all over the internet like that. I'm very selective of where I put pictures of them, and I rarely give out their middle/full names.
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  #6  
March 1st, 2012, 06:21 PM
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I have one pic of my stepdaughter up. I could never imagine having her in a pic and then cutting her out of it just because she's not mine biologically. I have been in her life for 10 years. I never introduce her as my step child. She has always been my daughter. The details are no body's business. I may not have as much claim to her as her mom or dh, but I still have some claim none the less.

With that being said, if I were just some girl my husband was dating, like 10 years ago, and I put pics of his child on a website, I would find that creepy. I think once the parental dynamics have been established and you've been in a child's life as that stepparent for a very long time, it's a different ball game. For all we know that stepparent might be the only parent they know in that roll. Take my DD, her bio sperm donor has nothing to do with her. My DH has been the only male father figure she has known. There is no one on the planet that can tell my DH he has no claim to her. He has just as much claim as I do, IMO.

Forgot to add something about names. I only use nicknames for all my kids, that goes for my DSD as well. No one on the net knows her full name. They might know DDs and DSs but even that is limited to a post or private board. That never goes on a siggy, ever.
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Last edited by K.A.T; March 1st, 2012 at 06:27 PM.
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  #7  
March 1st, 2012, 07:13 PM
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I post on my facebook about my stepson and post pictures there, but it is locked down. I don't on the open net and wouldn't be comfortable doing so. His "mom" is pretty much useless but she would throw a fit so it wouldn't be worth it. He knows I love him as much as my son and I know it, so I don't see the point in potentially causing drama if it can be avoided.
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  #8  
March 2nd, 2012, 12:58 PM
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I would never use my DSS's picture in my siggy without his mom's permission. I don't see his mom all that often and it'd just be weird if I walked up and asked that.
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  #9  
March 2nd, 2012, 05:20 PM
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I think if you have permission, it's fine.


I would NOT want another person using MY kids faces on their siggies just because they are "stepmoms' and I would certainly not want them pretending that MY kids are THEIR kids. My children are mine. If one is a step parent, they should introduce themselves as such. I hate when people say they have 5 kids, but really, they have one child and the other 4 are their stepkids. THE ONLY EXCEPTION? If the step parent has MORE of a parenting role to the kids than their own natural mother/father. But, I can't imagine the bio moms who ARE actually parenting their kids want to see the ex husband's new wife claiming her kids as theirs.

I don't believe in claiming kids that don't actually belong to you.
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  #10  
March 2nd, 2012, 05:24 PM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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^ May I ask if you have permission to use your surro baby in your siggy? (and I'm not asking to be snarky or rude, just generally curious)
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  #11  
March 2nd, 2012, 05:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyHippy View Post
^ May I ask if you have permission to use your surro baby in your siggy? (and I'm not asking to be snarky or rude, just generally curious)
Sure no problem

Yes, I had and still have permission to post her first name only, and baby pictures. I do not have permission to add her middle/last name or details about my IP's. I will request permission 1x per year, because that's what they asked me to do (understandably, as most babies kind of look alike, while children as they grow tend to look very different)
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  #12  
March 2nd, 2012, 06:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GSLynn View Post
I think if you have permission, it's fine.


I would NOT want another person using MY kids faces on their siggies just because they are "stepmoms' and I would certainly not want them pretending that MY kids are THEIR kids. My children are mine. If one is a step parent, they should introduce themselves as such. I hate when people say they have 5 kids, but really, they have one child and the other 4 are their stepkids. THE ONLY EXCEPTION? If the step parent has MORE of a parenting role to the kids than their own natural mother/father. But, I can't imagine the bio moms who ARE actually parenting their kids want to see the ex husband's new wife claiming her kids as theirs.

I don't believe in claiming kids that don't actually belong to you.
How is a step parent pretending? They may not be in that child's life as often as the bio parent is, but they still have a hand in raising that child. Especially if they've been around for many years. Some children have known their step parent literally their entire lives. Should they be considered less of a parent to that child or that child less of a child to that parent?

It's easy to say what you're claiming when one has never been there. Step parenting is hard on both the adult and child and is almost never understood by those who have never experienced it. By always saying these are my kids xyz and that's my step child xyz, you're alienating that child. They may and most likely feel left out and could feel like they are less loved by that adult because of the lack of biology. It takes more than biology to be a parent, I think almost all of us here can agree on that.

When it comes down to it, the truth of the entire matter is that family dynamics is not the business of the world. So it should not have to be put out there for the world to know and judge. If that were the case, then we should all sit back and have knowledge and judge adoptive parents, parents who use donor eggs or sperm, parents who use surrogates, like yourself, because for one reason or another one of them or both couldn't have a child of their own dna mixture.

I do have one pic of DSD and I can really get that using a child's picture in a siggy can not sit well with the bio parents. However, lots of step parents love and are just as proud of their step kids as they are their own kids. In turn they want to display those feelings, sometimes with a picture in a siggy. As I said in my original post, I just can't imagine cutting out DSD from a "family" pic of my kids because of biology. I'm care for her and love her the way I do all my kids. She's no different and will never be in my eyes. And if that makes the bio mom upset, too bad for her. It would be sad that a person cannot be happy that the partner their ex has chosen loves and cares for their child as they would.
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  #13  
March 2nd, 2012, 09:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
I have one pic of my stepdaughter up. I could never imagine having her in a pic and then cutting her out of it just because she's not mine biologically. I have been in her life for 10 years. I never introduce her as my step child. She has always been my daughter. The details are no body's business. I may not have as much claim to her as her mom or dh, but I still have some claim none the less.

.
This. My DSD is almost 17. I started dating her dad when she was 3 and we got married when she was 5 so I've been in her life for a long time. Her dad and I have 2 children together and she's as much a part of this family as they are. I certainly wouldn't cut her out of a photo that I posted her or somewhere else just because she's not biologically mine. As long as her dad is fine with it that's all that really matters. I do not and would not ask her mother for permission. Her father is her parent too and he has the right to make those decisions. Her mother doesn't clear every single thing she does through us either.

I've never used her middle name online but I've never had a reason too. I've posted my kids' first and middle names here. But that's because I'm not one of those OMG TEH INTERNETS ARE COMING TO GET ME!!!!! kind of people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
How is a step parent pretending? They may not be in that child's life as often as the bio parent is, but they still have a hand in raising that child. Especially if they've been around for many years. Some children have known their step parent literally their entire lives. Should they be considered less of a parent to that child or that child less of a child to that parent?

It's easy to say what you're claiming when one has never been there. Step parenting is hard on both the adult and child and is almost never understood by those who have never experienced it. By always saying these are my kids xyz and that's my step child xyz, you're alienating that child. They may and most likely feel left out and could feel like they are less loved by that adult because of the lack of biology. It takes more than biology to be a parent, I think almost all of us here can agree on that.

When it comes down to it, the truth of the entire matter is that family dynamics is not the business of the world. So it should not have to be put out there for the world to know and judge. If that were the case, then we should all sit back and have knowledge and judge adoptive parents, parents who use donor eggs or sperm, parents who use surrogates, like yourself, because for one reason or another one of them or both couldn't have a child of their own dna mixture.

I do have one pic of DSD and I can really get that using a child's picture in a siggy can not sit well with the bio parents. However, lots of step parents love and are just as proud of their step kids as they are their own kids. In turn they want to display those feelings, sometimes with a picture in a siggy. As I said in my original post, I just can't imagine cutting out DSD from a "family" pic of my kids because of biology. I'm care for her and love her the way I do all my kids. She's no different and will never be in my eyes. And if that makes the bio mom upset, too bad for her. It would be sad that a person cannot be happy that the partner their ex has chosen loves and cares for their child as they would.
A big fat ditto to every word of this.
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  #14  
March 3rd, 2012, 12:31 AM
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I agree with KAT on this.

If step-parents should always introduce themselves as the step-parent/the child as a step-child, then should I have to introduce myself as Avery's adoptive Mom? Her as my adoptive daughter? That's my choice to share or not, not anyone else's. And should I introduce myself as Olivia and Madison's foster mom, thereby violating the law in exposing them as foster children when not necessary? They're not legally mine, and may never be. Their parents are still technically their parents. They are their's, not mine; however, I introduce them as my daughters every day. It's what I have to do to protect them (and myself). Yet I'm sure their parents would be livid to find out we have to do so. But we have to do it because of them.

I use different names for my foster kids online, to protect their identity. I legally cannot share pictures of them in which they can be identified, so would never do that. As for step-children, I think established step-parents have the right to disclose the child's first name at the least. I'm un-sure on middle names. It's a little more identifying; however, most people are not identified by their middle names. As far as pictures, I feel that the bio parent the step-parent is married to should give permission for that. The other bio-parent's permission is not needed IMO. Divorced parents make seperate decisions regarding their children everyday.
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  #15  
March 3rd, 2012, 04:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
How is a step parent pretending? They may not be in that child's life as often as the bio parent is, but they still have a hand in raising that child. Especially if they've been around for many years. Some children have known their step parent literally their entire lives. Should they be considered less of a parent to that child or that child less of a child to that parent?
I agree.
No, they should not be considered less than a parent and in some cases, they are more of a parent then their bio parent.
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  #16  
March 3rd, 2012, 08:30 AM
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It's a situational thing to me. If I'm married to a man with a child, I'm not just going to crop one kid out of the picture because I didn't give birth to them. That child is still part of my family.
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  #17  
March 3rd, 2012, 08:58 AM
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I think it should always be up to both parents with the pictures, so if it involves a stepchild, then both parents should give permission. DH and I agree on pictures of our bio-kids as a pair, and I think the decision on my DSS's pics should be the same. She is his residential parent after all. Of course, if the stepparent is the main parent in their life, then this could be a different situation.

When people ask about my children, I tell them that I have 2 girls and a stepson. It's what feels natural to me. His mom is the one that has him the majority of the time, and while I have been in his life for 5 years, we aren't super close. Do I treat him any different, no. But is he MY child, no. He is my stepchild, I didn't birth him nor did I adopt him or raise him. I don't think there is a "wrong" way, and I certainly don't care how other people handle it because I don't live their life. This is just what works for us.
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  #18  
March 3rd, 2012, 09:05 AM
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I'm going to steal everyone's kid pictures and put them in my siggy.
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  #19  
March 3rd, 2012, 09:16 AM
*Leslie*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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[QUOTE=K.A.T;25701064]How is a step parent pretending? They may not be in that child's life as often as the bio parent is, but they still have a hand in raising that child. Especially if they've been around for many years. Some children have known their step parent literally their entire lives. Should they be considered less of a parent to that child or that child less of a child to that parent?

It's easy to say what you're claiming when one has never been there. Step parenting is hard on both the adult and child and is almost never understood by those who have never experienced it. By always saying these are my kids xyz and that's my step child xyz, you're alienating that child. They may and most likely feel left out and could feel like they are less loved by that adult because of the lack of biology. It takes more than biology to be a parent, I think almost all of us here can agree on that.

When it comes down to it, the truth of the entire matter is that family dynamics is not the business of the world. So it should not have to be put out there for the world to know and judge. If that were the case, then we should all sit back and have knowledge and judge adoptive parents, parents who use donor eggs or sperm, parents who use surrogates, like yourself, because for one reason or another one of them or both couldn't have a child of their own dna mixture.

I do have one pic of DSD and I can really get that using a child's picture in a siggy can not sit well with the bio parents. However, lots of step parents love and are just as proud of their step kids as they are their own kids. In turn they want to display those feelings, sometimes with a picture in a siggy. As I said in my original post, I just can't imagine cutting out DSD from a "family" pic of my kids because of biology. I'm care for her and love her the way I do all my kids. She's no different and will never be in my eyes. And if that makes the bio mom upset, too bad for her. It would be sad that a person cannot be happy that the partner their ex has chosen loves and cares for their child as they would.[
/QUOTE] I don't think it's about loving her and caring for her any less, it's about saying it is your child to other people. When people do that, it takes the mom out of the equation, essentially saying that the kids are yours and DH's bio kids. For me, that's not something I would want to do. Just because you identify yourself as a stepmom doesn't mean people see you as not loving them as much, it just means they have more people that love them.
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  #20  
March 3rd, 2012, 09:57 AM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't think those who do not share pictures or first and/or middle names is about the internet coming after them. I think it is about privacy. Just like on Facebook or anywhere else, we share with those who we feel comfortable with and most parents keep their kids pictures only to those on their friends list and not public. There has been people on here and other parenting forums that do in fact steal pictures and try to claim those kids as theirs.

For me what it would come down to is if I'm the primary caregiver of my children (bio children) then I should be allowed to decide what kind of privacy they should have. I wouldn't think it would be ok for the stepmom to take that out of my hands and display my children on the internet without me knowing or consenting to it. To me I'd still be the one who calls the shot, I'm still the mom and the primacy caregiver of them, they are still living mostly in my home, and it's more than privacy but protection also.

Now if I was completely out of the picture and the stepmom had adopted them and she was the primary caregiver, than that is different. I also don't think it has anything to do with loving them less or anything like that, it's about respecting the mother.
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