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Surrogacy and some uncomfortable feelings about it


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  #21  
March 23rd, 2012, 08:31 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I don't really have an issue with surrogates being compensated for what they do. Many work, will miss days due to the pregnancy. Many can't return to work, or they could end up on bed rest. I don't think that those should be "hazards of the situation", I do think that if you are going to give someone a chance to have their own child just in your uterus, they should be responsible to cover both medical and any income issues that may arrive.

I'm not sure how a SAHM would be compensated though.

I could not surrogate for someone. I have offered to donate eggs to a family member (she has a recessive gene that's fatal.. her 8 year old died today) in the past. I could handle her raising someone with half my genes, I could not handle birthing the child myself and then handing it over to her... I couldn't do it if it wasn't even my dna
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  #22  
March 23rd, 2012, 10:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Tithen~ View Post
I don't really have an issue with surrogates being compensated for what they do. Many work, will miss days due to the pregnancy. Many can't return to work, or they could end up on bed rest. I don't think that those should be "hazards of the situation", I do think that if you are going to give someone a chance to have their own child just in your uterus, they should be responsible to cover both medical and any income issues that may arrive.

I'm not sure how a SAHM would be compensated though.

I could not surrogate for someone. I have offered to donate eggs to a family member (she has a recessive gene that's fatal.. her 8 year old died today) in the past. I could handle her raising someone with half my genes, I could not handle birthing the child myself and then handing it over to her... I couldn't do it if it wasn't even my dna
Honestly, reading about your family member's 8yo dying just makes me so sad. Unfortunate circumstances and terrible tragedies is why surrogacy is done in the first place. It isn't an easy process by any means, but for me, I felt no maternal connection to the child; you always love them of course, but not the same as children you raise yourself. I don't know what else to say in light of your post. I sure hope your family member and all of you heal soon and the little one will be in my thoughts.
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  #23  
March 24th, 2012, 01:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GSLynn View Post

Surrogacy takes a HUGE toll on your body, your family, your life. That compensation is for going through such a big...huge...thing FOR someone else to have a family. IT IS SELFLESS regardless if you are a paid surrogate or non-paid surrogate. It is ALWAYS altruistic unless you have someone that is only doing it for moneyand not for any other reason. There are a LOT of better/easier/much less exhausting or painful ways to "make money" trust me. We're not Uterine Rentals, we're people, providing a service. Surrogates are PEOPLE with feelings. True honest, Surrogates have to pass extensive medical and psychological screenings. (Yes there are SOME bad ones, but the norm is not that).
I am not buying that surrogacy is a completely SELFLESS act. I also don't know how you could possibly claim that it is "ALWAYS altruistic unless someone is doing it for money and not for any reason". The idea of surrogacy doesn't bother me. Please don't think I am bashing it by any means. I just believe you are making broad statements that might apply to yourself and are applying them others. Another poster has already said that she loved being pregnant but her husband has no interest in having more children. Surrogacy seemed like a good idea to her. That is not altruistic. She is getting something out of that. People do selfish things all of the time that don't include money.


That last sentence was worded poorly. I am not mean to imply that PP did or considered something selfish for money.
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  #24  
March 24th, 2012, 03:56 AM
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I'm not so sure you actually know the definition of the word altruistic...

Quote:
Pure altruism consists of sacrificing something for someone other than the self (e.g. sacrificing time, energy or possessions) with no expectation of any compensation or benefits, either direct, or indirect (for instance from recognition of the giving).
Surrogacy in and of itself can be (and often is) a very selfless act, but it's not altruistic if you're receiving ANY sort of compensation. The fact that it's not altruistic doesn't make it a bad thing. The two aren't mutually exclusive.
But you also can't pretend that there aren't people out there who do such things, for selfish reasons as well. You may not know them, or ever run across them,(or even be one of them) but that doesn't change the fact that they exist. It also doesn't change the fact that there are plenty of them out there.

I won't knock others for choosing surrogacy-either as person looking to be one, or looking for someone to do so, for them. My own personal opinions on the entire matter come from a more emotionally driven place that is likely more jaded than others' are. That's why I'm not likely to share my opinion on a public forum-where it's often extremely misconstrued and taken completely out of context by those who have a vested emotional interest(in other words, people who do it, or want it, will likely snap at anyone who dare utter an opinion that's not all flowers and roses and praise). I don't lack the experience or knowledge of surrogacy, and everything it can and does entail, though. It's really not wise to assume anyone who disagrees, or has a differing opinion just HAS to lack the knowledge.
Not every opinion comes from assumptions.
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  #25  
March 24th, 2012, 06:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by peace.love.audrey View Post
I have pondered the idea of being a surrogate for years. I love being pregnant but my SO doesn't want anymore children right now and when my friend mentioned wanting to have a baby with her new DH, I jumped at the chance....I felt it was a win/win situation. That fell thru like I mentioned before and it left me with this unfinished feeling. After I met this new couple, it just felt right from the beginning. My heart really goes out to them because they both suffered big losses at a young age (her, a hysterectomy at 25 and him, testicular cancer at 30). I put myself in their shoes and I remember hating the feeling of knowing I could potentially never have a family of my own. In my state, the type of surrogacy I'm doing isn't recognized so we will have to jump thru some hoops to get all the proper papers signed. As far as compensation, it was really only an issue for a hot minute. They initially said an amount and it kinda made me feel like they were taking the situation to lightly I guess so we talked about it and they came back to me with a different amount and I accepted. Money has never been my main concern but I do want to feel like the effort that I am putting in to the process isnt being taken advantage of...I don't know if that makes sense, it's hard to describe. And the amount isn't something that will break their bank, which makes me happy.



Idk, it just seemed like you were really angry and aggressive like something had happened to you in the past.



That map is a little outdated but still interesting. As far as the money, I would feel completely uncomfortable accepting anything close to 12,000 or higher.
Thanks a lot for sharing. You really helped me understand a little better, I appreciate it And no, nothing in the past, it's just been something that has been on my mind lately, especially since I know a girl in real life who is considering being a surrogate.
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  #26  
March 24th, 2012, 07:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GSLynn View Post
Ok, let me say this as calmly as possible. There are A LOT of misconceptions about surrogacy. Some you have not brought up but others have, so I'll post about it.


I became a surrogate after 4 years of TTC my first child and finally conceiving my own children over time. After becoming pregnant with #5, and then suddenly losing her, I decided I would NO LONGER pursue ttc my own baby, but since I know I can carry full-term and healthy babies, I decided to look into surrogacy after I saw a friend do it. I had no idea at the time you got paid anything, except expenses.

Then she told me why she accepted compensation (this was a TWO year long decision, not something I did overnight or for money)...We discussed in length this very issue.

Surrogacy takes a HUGE toll on your body, your family, your life. That compensation is for going through such a big...huge...thing FOR someone else to have a family. IT IS SELFLESS regardless if you are a paid surrogate or non-paid surrogate. It is ALWAYS altruistic unless you have someone that is only doing it for moneyand not for any other reason. There are a LOT of better/easier/much less exhausting or painful ways to "make money" trust me. We're not Uterine Rentals, we're people, providing a service. Surrogates are PEOPLE with feelings. True honest, Surrogates have to pass extensive medical and psychological screenings. (Yes there are SOME bad ones, but the norm is not that).

We are not babyselling, either, the compensation is FOR THE PREGNANCY ONLY, and paid throughout the pregnancy. We do not accept any additional compensation upon relinquishment of the child or "for" relinquishment of the child.

The baby I carried has never been/never will be mine. She is unrelated biologically, so I'm not selling my kid, giving anything up, etc.

I went through an agency and they did all the work, including setting my comp amount. I never asked for anything, but looking at surrogacy as a whole, I certainly am very glad to have had that compensation. Being pregnant with my surrobaby was difficult. I went through a very difficult 1st trimester with morning sickness. IN my last trimester, I had a broken rib and went late and delivered after a very long labor, a very large baby, which all has had an effect on my body. Knowing all of this, it IS a gift and there's not a price on life, so some compensation isn't a bad thing nor does it take away from the gift of surrogacy. It's a thank you for giving something so big of yourself because as my IP's put it "We can't thank you enough and we want to do something for you, anything" and "We love you for all you've done and you are no doubt a part of our family forever"

It is a FAMILY effort, not just a one-person show. My IP's and their daughter and myself and my family are all family now, connected through surrogacy, regardless of either receiving or not receiving pay.

Other assumptions everyone can just put to rest: No, I didn't sleep with my IP's, I didn't meet some guy in a parking lot and get knocked up, we went through this with a contract, the best of the best IVF doctors. No, if it's twins, I don't keep one. No, I'm not doing it for strangers, these people have become friends. We met and spoke and got to know each other first....no different than dating or forming friendships. No, I don't get paid $40,000 and no it's not for celebrities and no I don't live in a box and live off welfare either. I work and pay my OWN way without the help of any surrogacy money. I do not believe anyone should EVER EVER EVER be a surrogate if they cannot support themselves without any state aid or aid from friends/family. Either you can stand on your own two feet or you can't, and if you can't? Surrogacy isn't for you. Surrogacy isn't a "get rich" deal...at all.
I think that sums up most of the ridiculous questions or assumptions I have heard over time.


Surrogacy is CLEARLY not for everyone, but it has helped build many, many families. Who is to say the child doesn't have any relationship with the surrogate? Many IP's tend to keep the surrogate in the loop with updates/pictures/visits. It is not "anonymous" in most cases (again there are SOME cases). We don't just cut anyone out of our lives once we deliver and the IP's don't usually hide this from their children...if you pick the right ones, of course.

Also, where I live surrogacy is completely legal and contracts are constantly in favor of the IP's, without a doubt. My agency ensured that (to cover themselves) they only work with surrogates from states where it is legal.

I think people sometimes have no idea what goes into the whole process and assume the worst things and assume surrogates are money-hungry, broke-on-welfare uterine ****** who sleep around or something. I've HEARD this many times, I have been ASKED **** like this, so it's not coming out my azz.
Ok wow, I can see why you are upset if those are some misconceptions people have. While I may have had some judgemental feelings, I never heard of those misconceptions in bold., nor were those thoughts I had about surrogacy. I think anyone who thinks that really knows nothing about it, even less than me.

So where you live, contracts are enforceable in favor of the IP's. Does that work the same if the surrogate uses their own eggs? I can see where that might complicate things legally. I think I have even heard of surrogates who used their own eggs ending up not wanting to give up the baby, and I'm not surprised because I can imagine that until you have been there, you have no idea what it's going to be like to give up a baby you carried for 9 months. Can I assume you would not use your own eggs?

I'm also very interested to know how you don't end up having motherly feelings towards the baby. Do you think it's because it's not biologically related to you? Do you think you would feel different if you had used your own eggs?
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  #27  
March 24th, 2012, 09:26 AM
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Originally Posted by MindyRambo View Post
I have heard the same complaints from children of anonymous sperm donors. I firmly believe everyone deserves to know where they came from, and their own heritage, it's one of the reasons I support ******* Nation and other organizations that work hard to have adoptees original birth certificates unsealed. There are many reasons I support this, but medical history alone is enough to make me believe everyone deserves this as a birthright. Sadly there are situations where that's impossible, but wherever possible, I think it's important.
I rarely post but wanted to pop in because I think your view on this is a bit simplistic. My son was adopted from overseas. Typically, the birth mothers face great shame in being pregnant outside of marriage. By opening up the records, you take away their choice and right to privacy. Adoptions are often kept secret from future husbands and children and having an adopted child show up on their doorstep could cause serious shame and issues. These are different cultural norms.
I respect, more than you know, not knowing medical history for an adopted child. However, sometimes you just don't know things. Life isn't always fair and adoption isn't perfect, everyone suffers in the equation but there is no better solution. Medical history is not a birthright for most in this world.
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  #28  
March 24th, 2012, 09:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GSLynn View Post
Honestly, reading about your family member's 8yo dying just makes me so sad. Unfortunate circumstances and terrible tragedies is why surrogacy is done in the first place. It isn't an easy process by any means, but for me, I felt no maternal connection to the child; you always love them of course, but not the same as children you raise yourself. I don't know what else to say in light of your post. I sure hope your family member and all of you heal soon and the little one will be in my thoughts.
Thank you Lynn.. been a hard few years.. they cannot have more children, they've already tried IVF with PGD and every embryo ended up with the disorder... I don't necessarily believe the 1/4 chance these days.






I could see some things about a surrogate selfish in the harmless way. If a couple is done wanting their own children, but she is wanting to carry more babies.. perfect way for her to satisfy her desire to be pregnant, with out adding more children to their family. *nod*


One of the reasons I feel I could NOT be a surrogate is because I do not have children of my own. I might feel different about it when I have a few little miracles running around under my own feet and still want to feel kicks and heartburn.
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  #29  
March 24th, 2012, 10:41 AM
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Originally Posted by MindyRambo View Post
Ok wow, I can see why you are upset if those are some misconceptions people have. While I may have had some judgemental feelings, I never heard of those misconceptions in bold., nor were those thoughts I had about surrogacy. I think anyone who thinks that really knows nothing about it, even less than me.

So where you live, contracts are enforceable in favor of the IP's. Does that work the same if the surrogate uses their own eggs? I can see where that might complicate things legally. I think I have even heard of surrogates who used their own eggs ending up not wanting to give up the baby, and I'm not surprised because I can imagine that until you have been there, you have no idea what it's going to be like to give up a baby you carried for 9 months. Can I assume you would not use your own eggs?

I'm also very interested to know how you don't end up having motherly feelings towards the baby. Do you think it's because it's not biologically related to you? Do you think you would feel different if you had used your own eggs?
Traditional surrogacy isn't allowed in my state, but I know a girl who did TS and she just did an "adoption" and didn't disclose the "intent". That is wrong in my opinion, because there was no way to know she'd actually follow through and not get attached.

For ME, I would NEVER use my own eggs nor would my husband allow it. This is because that baby would be our kids 1/2 sibling and they would have to watch me give him/her up and I just couldn't intentionally get pregnant with my own baby and then give them up. I also would not give up my own child for adoption. Being a gestational surrogate, you take out all those factors, and perhaps that's why there is no maternal connection.


To the other PP- If it's a (correction)**GOOD*** surrogate, it is altruistic in nature, regardless of how you want to pick that word apart.. We go through intensive screenings to make SURE we're not in it for money or other reason than to help a family. As I had already pointed out, SOME people may not be honest or may fake, but MOST surrogates **correction** are doing it with the intent to build a family And if we feel "good" about doing something, it is still altruistic, because there is no way anyone who does something BIG for someone else, doesn't get SOMETHING out of it (i.e. fullfilling feelings, happiness, etc.)**correction** and if that isn't something that is altruistic to most of you, then maybe there isn't a such thing as PURE altruism***I doubt people who go to Africa for a mission trip, for example, expect anything when they go there but to work hard, but they GET the feeling of having helped people, happiness that they have saved a life, etc. Those feelings are benefits, yes, but not necessarily "expected".

And unless you've been a surrogate, you could NEVER EVER speak about how selfless it actually is or isn't or say you're experienced, you're not. You could have known a surrogate, and still not know anything about how it really works. You could have HIRED a surrogate, and still wouldn't know what the surrogate goes through. You DO NOT have experience. Reading up on it, talking to friends about it, etc...does NOT make you experienced on this subject. That's the equivalent of me calling myself a doctor because I googled diagnoses and was correct about something. You give your body, your life, everything up to help someone else, when you don't HAVE to do it. I'm very glad you guys aren't on any surrogacy websites, you'd get eaten alive for some of the things posted here.
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  #30  
March 24th, 2012, 10:56 AM
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I've never heard of the surrogates receiving money, but I know donating eggs can make you up to $10,000 or somewhere around there.
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  #31  
March 24th, 2012, 11:01 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eash View Post
I rarely post but wanted to pop in because I think your view on this is a bit simplistic. My son was adopted from overseas. Typically, the birth mothers face great shame in being pregnant outside of marriage. By opening up the records, you take away their choice and right to privacy. Adoptions are often kept secret from future husbands and children and having an adopted child show up on their doorstep could cause serious shame and issues. These are different cultural norms.
I respect, more than you know, not knowing medical history for an adopted child. However, sometimes you just don't know things. Life isn't always fair and adoption isn't perfect, everyone suffers in the equation but there is no better solution. Medical history is not a birthright for most in this world.
This is true anyway, because just because you weren't adopted, doesn't mean that your parents disclose everything either, or what if they passed away before you could ask any ??'s and didn't leave anything behind? With HIPAA, any pertinent medical info couldn't be given out anyway. So even for non-adoptive families, there are a lot of families who have no idea of their parents/grandparents (or earlier) medical history.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hey... Where's Perry? View Post
I've never heard of the surrogates receiving money, but I know donating eggs can make you up to $10,000 or somewhere around there.
I didn't make any $10K donating eggs. I guess there could be clinics that allow it, but I think the ASRM frowns on more than $3-$5K and that's for pain/suffering/missed time off work/etc; not to "make bank"

Ashley-The fact you don't have any biological kids yet, you wouldn't likely be approved for a surrogacy anyway. They want to ensure that you have been able to carry at least 1 healthy pregnancy to term before they sign you up. I do not blame you for not wanting to be a surrogate at the present time.
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  #32  
March 24th, 2012, 11:27 AM
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Obviously, everybody is different. I would not use my eggs for any random person but for this couple, I feel ok with it.
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  #33  
March 24th, 2012, 12:08 PM
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I think it's quite a stretch to say that most are being altruistic. We've already had one person in this thread point out that they like being pregnant, but didn't want to raise anymore kids. So, we are at least 1 for 2 that are admitting that their intentions weren't 100% altruistic. And I want to point out that I think there is nothing wrong with that. Your guess is that MOST are altruistic, but my guess is that most are not. I don't think that doing it for altruistic reasons needs to be a per-requisite for it, nor do I think that those that are doing it for other reasons are any better or worse for it. You focused on the happiness of doing it for others as being a norm, which I believe it is, but how do you explain away doing it and getting compensated. I can see getting pregnancy expenses covered and still calling it altruistic, but nothing beyond that. I didn't get paid when I had morning sickness, so while it is a toll on your body, you can't put a price tag on that. Someone said they would never take $12,000 dollars for it, but what about the people that take 11 or 13 thousand. Where does your altruism meter cut off?
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  #34  
March 24th, 2012, 12:25 PM
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Surrogacy is an individual situation. You can't say that someone who accepts more than $12K Is being any more selfish than someone who isn't. This is why most surrogates do not discuss money with their IP's and a lawyer does all this or an agency (general rule---keep reading where I am stating that MOST, and SOME so that you can stop assuming I am saying things for ALL surrogates).

Liking being pregnant doesn't mean Jennifer is being selfish. You have to somewhat enjoy pregnancy in order to even consider doing it. IF you had horrible pregnancies, you would never be allowed to do it because no doctor in their right mind would approve a surrogate who said "Yeah, pregnancy sucks, but I want to help a family". I see what Jennifer is wanting to do as a very selfless act. Who cares if she enjoys the pregnancy? With surrogacy, you don't know what's going to happen. Sure, she enjoyed HER pregnancies, as did I. with mine but surrogacy is unpredictable (pregnancy is unpredictable)......I had a very rough pregnancy with my surrogate baby, when my IP's asked for a sibling for their child, I couldn't say no. I felt that they are as deserving of a sibling for their daughter as I was for all my children, and why make them go through the expense and emotional stuff of starting all over with someone else if they don't have to? I'm still healthy and I have no problem helping them again...even though I don't have to. I am sure that Jennifer, if I am correct, wouldn't be doing it just to be pregnant willy nilly...she enjoys pregnancy, sure, but she's doing it to help a family. That's what she said, and I believe her.

And when you say you didn't get paid for morning sickness (or pregnancy) that was YOUR OWN baby. And FTR: You could look at it this way: You didn't have to worry about anyone else to conceive your own child. Not everyone is like you and that lucky, they have to have help. It isn't right to say that families that get paid or people that like pregnancy are being selfish for doing surrogacy journeys. You have never been a surrogate (from what I can tell), so how would you KNOW what it's like?

Julia-I do appreciate your being open minded and for your starting this thread, because I didn't realize (until now) I and others like me were viewed as selfish people or the other things mentioned.

ETA: ALL persons considering surrogacy should be done with their families. You risk all kinds of things during the surrogacy process, including your own fertility...therefore Jennifer is SMART to have chosen to do it after they were done completing their family.
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  #35  
March 24th, 2012, 12:35 PM
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Originally Posted by GSLynn View Post


To the other PP- If it's a REAL surrogate, it is altruistic, we do not "expect" anything at all. We go through intensive screenings to make SURE we're not in it for money or other reason than to help a family. As I had already pointed out, SOME people may not be honest or may fake, but MOST surrogates are being altruistic. And if we feel "good" about doing something, it is still altruistic, because there is no way anyone who does something BIG for someone else, doesn't get SOMETHING out of it (i.e. fullfilling feelings, happiness, etc.) I doubt people who go to Africa for a mission trip, for example, expect anything when they go there but to work hard, but they GET the feeling of having helped people, happiness that they have saved a life, etc. Those feelings are benefits, yes, but not necessarily "expected".
I never said a surrogate couldn't be altruistic. My point was that you cannot make sweeping statements about all surrogates not getting anything in return for their services. I am curious what makes a person a REAL surrogate? Why are REAL surrogates always altruistic?
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  #36  
March 24th, 2012, 12:41 PM
Tammyjh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GSLynn View Post
Being a gestational surrogate, you take out all those factors, and perhaps that's why there is no maternal connection.
.
You must have some maternal connection though. You have a ticker that reads "my surrobaby".
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  #37  
March 24th, 2012, 12:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hannah79 View Post
I never said a surrogate couldn't be altruistic. My point was that you cannot make sweeping statements about all surrogates not getting anything in return for their services. I am curious what makes a person a REAL surrogate? Why are REAL surrogates always altruistic?
SOME and MOST are not saying anything about ALL of anything. A real surrogate is a person who goes into this, knowing they give up at least 1-2 years of their life, knowing that they will go through screenings, shots, transfers (or IUI's), pregnancy & birth, losses, possible failed transfers, etc...and still wants to do it. There is so much more I couldn't begin to explain to you. You just don't know if you're not there.

We all know there are surrogates who get into things not knowing what's up. They see "OMG $$" or I have seen cases where they see "OMG instant family, because My IP"s will be sure to love me", or even cases where one "surrogate" wanted to have a baby and got herself pregnant with twins in a state where it was illegal, decided she wanted them both and kept them. Some people go into it for recognition, or excitement or because their friends are doing it. Those people are not normal surrogates. Those people are going to be in for disappointments.

Surrogacy is often a very long, difficult process and there are many ups and downs. No one in their right mind does it because they feel they'll get something out of it....read where I say "right mind" Yes, I know some people aren't in their right mind, but when I say REAL surrogates, I mean people who are doing it for the sake of building a family.

That's the whole point of doing it at all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tammyjh View Post
You must have some maternal connection though. You have a ticker that reads "my surrobaby".
surrobaby. i.e. not mine. It distinguishes the children that are mine from the ones that aren't mine. You already know I don't like people claiming kids that aren't their. This surrogate baby was birthed by me, therefore she's my surrobaby, not my actual child. She belongs to her parents.
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  #38  
March 24th, 2012, 12:50 PM
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This is a SNIPPET of the things surrogates do during a cycle Surrogate mother consultants, Egg donating and experts in In vitro Fertilization including egg donor screening.
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  #39  
March 24th, 2012, 12:55 PM
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A real surrogate is someone that has a baby and gives it to the other parents to raise. Regardless of the reasons, the end result is the same (except in situations where they don't give the child to the parents when it is born). You keep saying "real" as though you and others like you are a step above "non-real" surrogates, just because of their reasoning for doing it. I think people do it for a variety of reasons, but really I won't begrduge anyone for doing it at all. I may think someone is an attention-*****, but the result is the same, they gave a child to someone who couldn't have one. I think really the only problem that people have is that people act like they are doing it 100% for others, and I don't believe that to be the case in the majority of situations.
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  #40  
March 24th, 2012, 12:57 PM
hannah79's Avatar A little bit wicked
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GSLynn View Post
SOME and MOST are not saying anything about ALL of anything. A real surrogate is a person who goes into this, knowing they give up at least 1-2 years of their life, knowing that they will go through screenings, shots, transfers (or IUI's), pregnancy & birth, losses, possible failed transfers, etc...and still wants to do it. There is so much more I couldn't begin to explain to you. You just don't know if you're not there.

We all know there are surrogates who get into things not knowing what's up. They see "OMG $$" or I have seen cases where they see "OMG instant family, because My IP"s will be sure to love me", or even cases where one "surrogate" wanted to have a baby and got herself pregnant with twins in a state where it was illegal, decided she wanted them both and kept them. Some people go into it for recognition, or excitement or because their friends are doing it. Those people are not normal surrogates. Those people are going to be in for disappointments.

Surrogacy is often a very long, difficult process and there are many ups and downs. No one in their right mind does it because they feel they'll get something out of it....read where I say "right mind" Yes, I know some people aren't in their right mind, but when I say REAL surrogates, I mean people who are doing it for the sake of building a family.

That's the whole point of doing it at all.



surrobaby. i.e. not mine. It distinguishes the children that are mine from the ones that aren't mine. You already know I don't like people claiming kids that aren't their. This surrogate baby was birthed by me, therefore she's my surrobaby, not my actual child. She belongs to her parents.
This whole post has me confused. At the top, you are telling me that most and some don't equal all, but I am not referring to any of those words in any of your previous posts. In fact, the sentence I am referring to is

Quote:
If it's a REAL surrogate, it is altruistic, we do not "expect" anything at all.
Then at the very end, you say that you mean real surrogates are "those that are doing for the sake of building a family". So the term real surrogate must not be technical. You are just determining who you believe to be a good surrogate and who isn't, right?
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