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I can't wait for some of these people to come aboard and "rip us a new one" and school us ignorant and jealous folks on things that are opinion based. That would really increase my respect for surrogates. This debate is purely opinion. There are no facts to be brought to the table on a subject such as this. Clearly, people are involved in it and that shapes their opinion on the matter. That makes your views highly biased, just like those who haven't done it or had a bad experience may be biased in the opposite direction.
Just a few points I want to clear up.
*No one is saying that surrogacy is bad.
*No one is saying that all surrogates do this for selfish reasons.
*Some people do surrogacy for less than stellar reasons (but that doesn't make them any less a surrogate, or "real" shall we say), that's just a pissing match that some of you apparently have amongst yourselves.
*I don't care if a surrogate gets paid, in fact, if someone wanted to make it their job, I wouldn't care. What I do find funny is that some people seem to have a problem with women getting paid big money, which apparently excludes themselves because of some magical cut off amount.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AdrianaV
I can't believe how much judging is going on!! I wouldn't say much except that:
My sister, and 2 of my best friends are/have been surrogates! They would probably rip you all new ones for the things you're saying.
You for real that surrogates who get paid are selfish? Doesn't seem like I see many parents on here who had to use a surrogate, so.............
I think my sister and my bff's are awesome people. They don't do it to be recognized or for money. They don't do it for any reason but to help someone else. They get joy out of it, and satisfaction from watching someone have completed their family. I get joy out of seeing the people I love do something for society that isn't just donating money or related to a cause. My sister isn't rich from it as she got LESS than $17K, my BFF's, though they took more compensation, aren't rich either. Why can't some of you admit that you're nothing but jealous? Those who do surrogacy have big and giving hearts. I could never do it myself but I definitely don't assume that those who do it don't have true intentions.
To the two surrogates: Don't bother responding to these people, some people like to live in ignorance and judgement.
Oh please, this is a debate board, debating points is what it is here for. This isn't all sunshine and rainbows.
If they don't do it for money, I'm assuming they don't get paid anything outside of medical costs?
Please, tell me what I'm supposed to be jealous of because I am really confused.
As far as the debate on selfish, that came about after the word altruism was used and I am not in a greement that surrogacy is purely altruistic. There is usually always something in it for ourselves in pretty much everything we deven if its the good feeling we get for helping somone else so selfish is not always a negative word.
As far as "real" surrogates....reminds me of the "actual parent" debate.
please disregard typos. I am on my cell.
__________________
Tammy, Mom to
Abby (19), Kacie (13), Chase (11), & Jacob (7)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "...They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!" ~ Bobby ~ Supernatural
I can't believe how much judging is going on!! I wouldn't say much except that:
My sister, and 2 of my best friends are/have been surrogates! They would probably rip you all new ones for the things you're saying.
You for real that surrogates who get paid are selfish? Doesn't seem like I see many parents on here who had to use a surrogate, so.............
I think my sister and my bff's are awesome people. They don't do it to be recognized or for money. They don't do it for any reason but to help someone else. They get joy out of it, and satisfaction from watching someone have completed their family. I get joy out of seeing the people I love do something for society that isn't just donating money or related to a cause. My sister isn't rich from it as she got LESS than $17K, my BFF's, though they took more compensation, aren't rich either. Why can't some of you admit that you're nothing but jealous? Those who do surrogacy have big and giving hearts. I could never do it myself but I definitely don't assume that those who do it don't have true intentions.
To the two surrogates: Don't bother responding to these people, some people like to live in ignorance and judgement.
Who exactly would they rip a new one? I'm still trying to figure out who is out judging people besides Lynn.
Who exactly would they rip a new one? I'm still trying to figure out who is out judging people besides Lynn.
really?? go back and read all the crap together and try to understand that the original post was about judgement of surrogates...so....there you go. How is it that you only see my posts anyway, and not anyone else's. I'm aware it's a debate board, to whoever said that. No s*it, so thanks for pointing that out. I guess I must have not realized
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tammyjh
As far as the debate on selfish, that came about after the word altruism was used and I am not in a greement that surrogacy is purely altruistic. There is usually always something in it for ourselves in pretty much everything we deven if its the good feeling we get for helping somone else so selfish is not always a negative word.
As far as "real" surrogates....reminds me of the "actual parent" debate.
please disregard typos. I am on my cell.
Ok ok, if that's the case, then here you go: there can't be a such thing as pure altruism then...but that doesn't make a surrogate "selfish"
Re-read about real surrogates (replace the word "real" with good, in fact I will go correct my posts with that now). Read the threads that I posted for you to read so you can understand the difference between those who do it right and those who do not.
__________________ Lynn
Mom to many
2nd time surrogate & pregnant
Traditional surrogacy isn't allowed in my state, but I know a girl who did TS and she just did an "adoption" and didn't disclose the "intent". That is wrong in my opinion, because there was no way to know she'd actually follow through and not get attached.
For ME, I would NEVER use my own eggs nor would my husband allow it. This is because that baby would be our kids 1/2 sibling and they would have to watch me give him/her up and I just couldn't intentionally get pregnant with my own baby and then give them up. I also would not give up my own child for adoption. Being a gestational surrogate, you take out all those factors, and perhaps that's why there is no maternal connection.
To the other PP- If it's a (correction)**GOOD*** surrogate, it is altruistic in nature, regardless of how you want to pick that word apart.. We go through intensive screenings to make SURE we're not in it for money or other reason than to help a family. As I had already pointed out, SOME people may not be honest or may fake, but MOST surrogates **correction** are doing it with the intent to build a family And if we feel "good" about doing something, it is still altruistic, because there is no way anyone who does something BIG for someone else, doesn't get SOMETHING out of it (i.e. fullfilling feelings, happiness, etc.)**correction** and if that isn't something that is altruistic to most of you, then maybe there isn't a such thing as PURE altruism***I doubt people who go to Africa for a mission trip, for example, expect anything when they go there but to work hard, but they GET the feeling of having helped people, happiness that they have saved a life, etc. Those feelings are benefits, yes, but not necessarily "expected".
And unless you've been a surrogate, you could NEVER EVER speak about how selfless it actually is or isn't or say you're experienced, you're not. You could have known a surrogate, and still not know anything about how it really works. You could have HIRED a surrogate, and still wouldn't know what the surrogate goes through. You DO NOT have experience. Reading up on it, talking to friends about it, etc...does NOT make you experienced on this subject. That's the equivalent of me calling myself a doctor because I googled diagnoses and was correct about something. You give your body, your life, everything up to help someone else, when you don't HAVE to do it. I'm very glad you guys aren't on any surrogacy websites, you'd get eaten alive for some of the things posted here.
Here: my corrections with no emotion attached. I just corrected the wording to make more sense and added that there is no such thing as pure altruism then. Because if we really going to take it apart, NOTHING can be "altruistic" if anyone will ever get anything out of it (not money, but ANYTHING). Therefore, your argument makes sense in that light. But, that said, surrogates (good ones) go into this with good intentions, and never bad; they do it the right ways, they don't cut corners, they follow their orders,they follow their IP's wishes to a "T" as well as doctor orders, they go through hell and back sometimes, all for the sake of helping someone they don't always know, have a family they so desperately want. Think of yourselves having to hire a surrogate and how you would feel in an IM's shoes and could not conceive. Not just waited several years, or went through infertility and was blessed enough to actually finally get pregnant, but literally could NOT conceive, EVER, without the help of a surrogate. Sure, I could change the wording, it still means the same things to me, but you cannot deny the fact that surrogates do not choose to BE surrogates for their health or out of nowhere. And I don't presume every mother/father should "just adopt" either (Yep, have been asked "why don't the IP's just adopt?? many times). I believe they all deserve an equal chance at becoming parents and if I can help, why not?
__________________ Lynn
Mom to many
2nd time surrogate & pregnant
Lynn, I appreciate you going back to correct this. I have to say, much of the problem I had with your arguments had to do with what a "real" surrogate did and their reasoning for it. I still think we will have disagreements on the matter though.
To be honest, it doesn't make one lick of difference to me why a person is a surrogate. If their reasons aren't altruistic, I don't have a big problem with it. Like a pp stated, she enjoys being pregnant. I think it sounds like a great deal for everyone. A family gets something they want and a someone gets to be pregnant again. Some people might do it for money. I have a job that I get paid for. I teach high school students. I love it most days. If they took away my paycheck and my summer, you better believe I would be finding something else to do.
Lynn, I appreciate you going back to correct this. I have to say, much of the problem I had with your arguments had to do with what a "real" surrogate did and their reasoning for it. I still think we will have disagreements on the matter though.
To be honest, it doesn't make one lick of difference to me why a person is a surrogate. If their reasons aren't altruistic, I don't have a big problem with it. Like a pp stated, she enjoys being pregnant. I think it sounds like a great deal for everyone. A family gets something they want and a someone gets to be pregnant again. Some people might do it for money. I have a job that I get paid for. I teach high school students. I love it most days. If they took away my paycheck and my summer, you better believe I would be finding something else to do.
NP correcting the wording and taking a few to sit and think instead of lash back irritated. I guess my thing was that just because she likes being pregnant, it didn't take away from what she's doing. That's really not something surrogates like to hear at all.
I AM looking for a new job, lol, and I get paid decent now. I just hate it, so I kinda get what you are saying there...lol Except I don't deal with kids. I deal with adults....all. day.
__________________ Lynn
Mom to many
2nd time surrogate & pregnant
I can't wait for some of these people to come aboard and "rip us a new one" and school us ignorant and jealous folks on things that are opinion based. That would really increase my respect for surrogates. This debate is purely opinion. There are no facts to be brought to the table on a subject such as this. Clearly, people are involved in it and that shapes their opinion on the matter. That makes your views highly biased, just like those who haven't done it or had a bad experience may be biased in the opposite direction.
Just a few points I want to clear up.
*No one is saying that surrogacy is bad.
*No one is saying that all surrogates do this for selfish reasons.
*Some people do surrogacy for less than stellar reasons (but that doesn't make them any less a surrogate, or "real" shall we say), that's just a pissing match that some of you apparently have amongst yourselves. *I don't care if a surrogate gets paid, in fact, if someone wanted to make it their job, I wouldn't care. What I do find funny is that some people seem to have a problem with women getting paid big money, which apparently excludes themselves because of some magical cut off amount.
Oh please, this is a debate board, debating points is what it is here for. This isn't all sunshine and rainbows.
If they don't do it for money, I'm assuming they don't get paid anything outside of medical costs?
Please, tell me what I'm supposed to be jealous of because I am really confused.
I don't have a problem with surrogates who are compensated more than what I chose to accept. For me, it was a number that I morally felt comfortable with because I knew that it wasn't going to completely stress my IPs out or strap them financially. I could never bring a child into a family that was unstable because of money they gave to me as compensation, if that makes sense. Some IPs have more money to throw around, so for some surrogates, they may feel more comfortable accepting a higher amount in compensation.
__________________
Jenn Transplant RN & wife to J Mama to A (3) , J (5) , T (5) & hoping to add 1 more in 2013!
*Voted Most Entertaining Mommy in the January 10 PR!* 8.27.10 1.30.11 3.18.13 Don't believe in God? You're not alone!
I'm not sure how I feel about it. If I couldn't have my own children, I know for sure I wouldn't use surrogate.
I know a couple who used one, and became close friends with the lady carrying their baby. They payed all the surrogates medical costs and personal expenses, organised for her to go for spa treatments to unwind before the labour and paid for babysitters etc for her children.
Then the surrogate changed her mind, decided she was keeping the baby (she used her own eggs), and just to rub salt in the wound, took the couple to court for child support. Oh, and to top it all off, the couple filed for joint custody of the baby, but were declined, due to my friends fragile state of mind from the trauma of losing what she felt was "her" baby to the surrogate.
So sad. I know most cases don't end like this but it certainly put me off ever being one, or using one. I think its great that some people have a positive experience but its not for me.
And unless you've been a surrogate, you could NEVER EVER speak about how selfless it actually is or isn't or say you're experienced, you're not. You could have known a surrogate, and still not know anything about how it really works. You could have HIRED a surrogate, and still wouldn't know what the surrogate goes through. You DO NOT have experience. Reading up on it, talking to friends about it, etc...does NOT make you experienced on this subject. That's the equivalent of me calling myself a doctor because I googled diagnoses and was correct about something. You give your body, your life, everything up to help someone else, when you don't HAVE to do it. I'm very glad you guys aren't on any surrogacy websites, you'd get eaten alive for some of the things posted here.
You make way too many assumptions lady. Way too many. And this isn't the first post of yours that does that, you do it all the time, lol. You really have absolutely no idea what others have, or have not, been through, unless they tell you. So, it's a wise move to stop assuming you do.
Your own post shows EXACTLY(ooh, capitals) why surrogacy in and of itself, is not altruistic. I was not picking apart the word, I listed it's actual definition. If you call that nitpicking, then perhaps you need to also look up that word. Pointing out a fact is not picking apart anything.
Altruism can and does exist-I suggest looking it up, because I am honestly not certain you really DO understand it and how it can and does exist, yet is not applicable here.
You clearly have a jaded opinion of anyone who does not share yours. I quite clearly, and simply, stated that surrogacy is not a bad thing in and of itself. In fact, most of the posters have done the same. Yet you seem to believe everyone has said the opposite. Pointing out, once again, exactly what I already said. Those who have an emotional vested interest often simply cannot see beyond their own opinions on this subject, and are more likely to snap at anything anyone else says. Assuming something is an insult, before it actually is one, doesn't bode well for anyone.
ETA: I shouldn't have to do this, but this seems to be one of those threads where we MUST tread lightly.
I will add that while I won't share my entire life story to explain my opinions, or even share all of my opinions on the matter...I would never say surrogacy is a bad thing, or that those who choose that route(on either side) are bad people. Regardless of their reasoning, personally, I don't much care what their actual reasoning is. In fact, my post-which you jumped all over-didn't even actually say anything at all negative about surrogacy. So you really don't even know WHAT my opinion is. How you can make a judgment call on it, when you haven't read it, is beyond me. But if you're going to play around in my brain can you move a bit to the left, I've got an itch, just mind your step, it's a bit bumpy in there.
You've gone and proven exactly why this is a topic many cannot discuss openly(which also fuels why there are so many assumptions made, on both sides). There is never a meeting of the minds, because you(and yes, that's a personal you, not general) have a very emotionally driven vested interest. You can't see the words on the screen for what they are.
Ftr, I don't believe you lack comprehension skills, but you are choosing not to employ them at this time.
Although the OP was sharing her ignorance(again, the actual definition, lol) on the topic and coming across potentially judgmental, she was doing so to have a better understanding, not tear into surrogates or IPs. I think she did a pretty fine job of exactly that too. Helps to see where people are coming from sometimes. I actually haven't seen anyone else state anything even remotely close to those statements, yet you (and others) lump everything that's been said into a great big pile of "everyone is against surrogacy". That's not even remotely the case.
You, however, Lynn, have done far more judging in this thread alone than everyone else combined. Both of those who choose surrogacy and anyone who doesn't share your opinion.
As far as the debate on selfish, that came about after the word altruism was used and I am not in a greement that surrogacy is purely altruistic. There is usually always something in it for ourselves in pretty much everything we deven if its the good feeling we get for helping somone else so selfish is not always a negative word.
As far as "real" surrogates....reminds me of the "actual parent" debate.
please disregard typos. I am on my cell.
LOL, I knew as I typed the word altruistic that it would be defined several times, and then still argued about.
It reminds me of the episode of friends where joey challenges phoebe to find a truly selfless deed, and she couldn't because every time she did, she got joy out of it, and so it wasn't truly selfless
You think the only people who are people, are the people who look and think like you, but if you walk the footsteps of stranger, you'll learn things you knew... you never knew.
I actually had high hopes that this one wouldn't become a train wreck, any one else surprised by the fact that it did? I do think its funny that Lynn is the only one being called out as judgmental though, must be one of those can't see the forest through the trees kind of situations.
You make way too many assumptions lady. Way too many. And this isn't the first post of yours that does that, you do it all the time, lol. You really have absolutely no idea what others have, or have not, been through, unless they tell you. So, it's a wise move to stop assuming you do.
Your own post shows EXACTLY(ooh, capitals) why surrogacy in and of itself, is not altruistic. I was not picking apart the word, I listed it's actual definition. If you call that nitpicking, then perhaps you need to also look up that word. Pointing out a fact is not picking apart anything.
Altruism can and does exist-I suggest looking it up, because I am honestly not certain you really DO understand it and how it can and does exist, yet is not applicable here.
You clearly have a jaded opinion of anyone who does not share yours. I quite clearly, and simply, stated that surrogacy is not a bad thing in and of itself. In fact, most of the posters have done the same. Yet you seem to believe everyone has said the opposite. Pointing out, once again, exactly what I already said. Those who have an emotional vested interest often simply cannot see beyond their own opinions on this subject, and are more likely to snap at anything anyone else says. Assuming something is an insult, before it actually is one, doesn't bode well for anyone.
ETA: I shouldn't have to do this, but this seems to be one of those threads where we MUST tread lightly.
I will add that while I won't share my entire life story to explain my opinions, or even share all of my opinions on the matter...I would never say surrogacy is a bad thing, or that those who choose that route(on either side) are bad people. Regardless of their reasoning, personally, I don't much care what their actual reasoning is. In fact, my post-which you jumped all over-didn't even actually say anything at all negative about surrogacy. So you really don't even know WHAT my opinion is. How you can make a judgment call on it, when you haven't read it, is beyond me. But if you're going to play around in my brain can you move a bit to the left, I've got an itch, just mind your step, it's a bit bumpy in there.
You've gone and proven exactly why this is a topic many cannot discuss openly(which also fuels why there are so many assumptions made, on both sides). There is never a meeting of the minds, because you(and yes, that's a personal you, not general) have a very emotionally driven vested interest. You can't see the words on the screen for what they are.
Ftr, I don't believe you lack comprehension skills, but you are choosing not to employ them at this time.
Although the OP was sharing her ignorance(again, the actual definition, lol) on the topic and coming across potentially judgmental, she was doing so to have a better understanding, not tear into surrogates or IPs. I think she did a pretty fine job of exactly that too. Helps to see where people are coming from sometimes. I actually haven't seen anyone else state anything even remotely close to those statements, yet you (and others) lump everything that's been said into a great big pile of "everyone is against surrogacy". That's not even remotely the case.
You, however, Lynn, have done far more judging in this thread alone than everyone else combined. Both of those who choose surrogacy and anyone who doesn't share your opinion.
Well, your post, in it's entirety is a huge miss. Who have I judged? I would stop putting YOUR foot in YOUR mouth here. And when I posted, it was not all about YOUR post. You must have a complex here, for some reason. I just don't multiquote that well, excuse me.
And, FTR, since "I don't know you" have you actually been a surrogate? You don't wanna post your business, but yet you have a lot of opinions about me being wrong. So, again, HAVE YOU BEEN A SURROGATE before? Yes or No? If not, then you have no right to talk to me about what being a surrogate is like!!!
__________________ Lynn
Mom to many
2nd time surrogate & pregnant
WHAT?!!! This is a debate board? Really? I had no idea, my goodness, thank you for edumacating me!
Some of you are really bitter.
Frackel-No one knows what the heck you're thinking because you refuse to talk about anything. You're so uber-secretive and yet you seem to have so many opinions that you can't back up at all. If you don't want to say anything about your super-secret life because it's nobody's business, why would you bother saying anything at all?
Please tell me why everyone's ganging up on ONE girl, who just so happens to be the surrogate. I haven't seen her attack anyone, actually. Yet, she gets judged. Then someone jumps on me because I'm being honest about what other surrogates are saying about you? You are SO lucky that they are not allowed to come to Just Mommies just to pick fights.
None of you know enough about surrogacy to be able to judge it. If you do, then SAY SO! It's like Frackel, who seems to have lots of expert knowledge about the subject is ashamed of whatever she thinks she knows. I don't get it?? I'm genuinely confused. :shrug:
__________________
I have nine children but have never given birth, until January 2010 to baby girl Elysa!
I am a step mom and an adoptive mom.
WHAT?!!! This is a debate board? Really? I had no idea, my goodness, thank you for edumacating me!
Some of you are really bitter.
Frackel-No one knows what the heck you're thinking because you refuse to talk about anything. You're so uber-secretive and yet you seem to have so many opinions that you can't back up at all. If you don't want to say anything about your super-secret life because it's nobody's business, why would you bother saying anything at all?
Please tell me why everyone's ganging up on ONE girl, who just so happens to be the surrogate. I haven't seen her attack anyone, actually. Yet, she gets judged. Then someone jumps on me because I'm being honest about what other surrogates are saying about you? You are SO lucky that they are not allowed to come to Just Mommies just to pick fights.
None of you know enough about surrogacy to be able to judge it. If you do, then SAY SO! It's like Frackel, who seems to have lots of expert knowledge about the subject is ashamed of whatever she thinks she knows. I don't get it?? I'm genuinely confused. :shrug:
Oh, why do you even bother? You'll just get picked on and bashed because you called someone out...
Bring your sister and your BFF's here, that would be a help if there were more surros on the board
__________________ Lynn
Mom to many
2nd time surrogate & pregnant
WHAT?!!! This is a debate board? Really? I had no idea, my goodness, thank you for edumacating me!
Some of you are really bitter.
Frackel-No one knows what the heck you're thinking because you refuse to talk about anything. You're so uber-secretive and yet you seem to have so many opinions that you can't back up at all. If you don't want to say anything about your super-secret life because it's nobody's business, why would you bother saying anything at all?
Please tell me why everyone's ganging up on ONE girl, who just so happens to be the surrogate. I haven't seen her attack anyone, actually. Yet, she gets judged. Then someone jumps on me because I'm being honest about what other surrogates are saying about you? You are SO lucky that they are not allowed to come to Just Mommies just to pick fights.
None of you know enough about surrogacy to be able to judge it. If you do, then SAY SO! It's like Frackel, who seems to have lots of expert knowledge about the subject is ashamed of whatever she thinks she knows. I don't get it?? I'm genuinely confused. :shrug:
We have been called jealous, ignorant, told that we are against surrogacy (when in fact no one here is and it's been pointed out several times), and it's presumed that these almighty surrogates would come and school us based on their opinion. We've been told we lack reading comprehension skills, when that's something that is clearly happening on the other side. Lynn is the one who started the real vs. non-real surrogate debate which is what started most of this. She was the one creating a competition among surrogates yet non-surrogates are supposed to be 100% supportive of a practice that people in the community apparently fight over.
We aren't lucky at all. We've been around here a long time and we come with our big girl panties. We don't care if someone disagrees with us, being that this is the nature of the board and all. Some people aren't seeming to grasp that these days.
I'm Adriana's sister. Bear with me because this is my first post here.
I don't know how a group of women who have never been a part of surrogacy can even have an opinion on this subject.
Imagine yourself as an infertile couple, trying for years and years to conceive. Or a gay couple who, all you want out of your lives is a baby. Now imagine being told, or knowing, you cannot ever have a child. Imagine being told that you have cervical cancer, or imagine yourselves having multiple miscarriages finding out it's your uterus. Imagine having a hysterectomy and your dreams disappearing before your eyes. Imagine the emotions.
We're not talking about infertility, where you have struggled for a few years, but finally get your baby. We're talking about people who will NEVER be able to overcome that infertility without a surrogate stepping in and helping.
I have been a surrogate twice. I am going to do it again after my third child is born. I feel a sense of joy handing the child to his or her parents and the look on their face, the tears in their eyes, and the happiness my help has brought them.
I don't know why you ladies are having a semantics fight. Altruism, selflessness---those things don't really exist, not 100%. Everyone does something with SOME benefit, but it's not always money. I was a paid surrogate each time.
Let me tell you why:
There is a ton of things that surrogates go through. We begin with the matching phase, then waiting for contracts to be drawn and agreed upon, which takes months sometimes. We then must go in for a medical and psychological screening. This involves having things stuck up our uterus to make sure it's healthy. Then we are put on Birth Control, whether we usually use it or not. It's part of the process. Then we're given a drug called Lupron when it's time to begin cycling. We go through a very similar process to IVF, but without the egg retrieval. Then we have to give ourselves daily shots of progesterone and at least twice-weekly shots of estradiol. all to build up our lining. Things we don't do normally when getting pregnant with our own kids.
After this, we are sent off to the fertility clinic, which involves 5-9 days away from our families, for the transfer of embryos. Then we take a bedrest for 3-4 days and go through the agony of waiting to see if we are pregnant or not. Along with the IP's calling daily to see if any symptoms happen.
Then you get to Beta Day, and find out it didn't take. And you start over. Then you find out that this one did take, but something's wrong and you have lost the baby. Then you hope take 3, also usually the last attempt in one contract, takes, but worry and worry it won't, and it's not only your dream to see it work for your IP's dream, it's the dream of the IP's that you don't want to see dashed. When try # 3 doesn't work, your IP's sometimes move on and so do you. Other times you keep trying, but your hope diminishes a little each time.
If you do re-match, you hope it works the first time. If it doesn't work the first time, then you begin to wonder if it's you. Then you find out the bad news: It's the embryos, and the IP's need to make new ones...then you wait.
You cannot have sex during any of your cycles with your own husband. You have to abstain for several weeks, usually to equate to 2 months to 3 months EACH time.
These aren't things that surrogates always know when signing up> They find this out during contract phase, and then STILL we decide to say "yeah, we'll sacrifice a bit of ourselves to help someone else" and we do it.
If you DO get pregnant, then you go through months of testing, morning sickness, pain, aches, things that pregnancy brings on. Sometimes, you have complications, sometimes you do not. You are pregnant 24/7, until that child is born. Sometimes, you find yourself having a c-section when you never had one before. That's scary! And painful. BUT for my choice to be a surrogate, I'd never have a c-section because at that time, I was done having children and didn't expect to have another pregnancy of my own. ---this one is a fluke--- You go through the pain and agony of labor, and being poked and prodded....all for the sake of someone else.
You may get $12,000 for it; you might get $20,000 for it. Since you're devoting AT least a year of your life, YOU all can break this down to an hourly rate. In fact, you can do that for just the 9 months of pregnancy, and you'll see that surrogates "make" less than the cost of a loaf of bread per hour! You will never get rich off being a surrogate. Surrogacy isn't a 'job'.....It's not something just anyone can even handle doing. It's a gift, a responsibility, an offer of love and life.
But then, as someone here posted, you do have people who do it for all the wrong reasons and end up hurt over it. You have people who use surrogacy as a crutch. You have people who use it to scam. You have people who use it for all the things I read in the links that were posted and I found even more things.
At the end of the day, if you have not been a surrogate yourself---not a 'birthmother' who gave their child up for an adoption, but a surrogate---who intentionally got pregnant for the sole purpose of giving that baby to his/her parents, you cannot possibly understand nor comprehend what surrogacy is about. You cannot possibly judge it; you have never walked a day in our shoes.
All I can tell you is that some of you are truly misguided and lost...If you want to know about surrogacy or be a part of it, RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH. But if you don't want to truly ever have any involvement in it, then it's wise to keep your mouth closed, because you have no idea and never will.
WHAT?!!! This is a debate board? Really? I had no idea, my goodness, thank you for edumacating me!
That sarcastic response is pretty old. Try something else.
Some of you are really bitter.
You have that backwards. You are a 2009 member that had what, 9 posts.
I'm guessing you and Lynn know each other on another board. You signed up in 2009, found no interests in justmommies, met her on some adoption/surro board, and here you are now to rescue her. You chimed in with a shhitastic attitude.
Frackel-No one knows what the heck you're thinking because you refuse to talk about anything. You're so uber-secretive and yet you seem to have so many opinions that you can't back up at all. If you don't want to say anything about your super-secret life because it's nobody's business, why would you bother saying anything at all?
Please tell me why everyone's ganging up on ONE girl, who just so happens to be the surrogate. I haven't seen her attack anyone, actually. Yet, she gets judged. Then someone jumps on me because I'm being honest about what other surrogates are saying about you? You are SO lucky that they are not allowed to come to Just Mommies just to pick fights.
Nobody is ganging up on her. She made the decision to participate and therefore will be responded to. And the "threats" of these tough "other" surrogates you speak of... We are still waiting for them. Seriously, empty threats make you a moron.
None of you know enough about surrogacy to be able to judge it. If you do, then SAY SO! It's like Frackel, who seems to have lots of expert knowledge about the subject is ashamed of whatever she thinks she knows. I don't get it?? I'm genuinely confused. :shrug:
You don't need to be a master of something in order to know a little about it. You can have facts and opinions on the matter without needing to experience it. All first time parents who have never been through childbirth do research, gather opinions, and other judgments on how they want their child birth experience to be like without going through it first.
