Log In Sign Up

The appropriate way to teach kids about religion


Forum: Heated Debates

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Like Tree10Likes

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Heated Debates LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #61  
August 8th, 2012, 05:53 PM
AMDG's Avatar Margaret
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Denver metro area
Posts: 2,988
Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
I'm curious here. For the posters who feel that their religion is the one true religion, how would you react if your children decided that the didn't agree with your religion and either turned towards another religion or became a complete non believer? The way I see things, having your children go with you to church as long as they live with you is the same as forcing your religion on them. That "forcing" can backfire in the end. Just look at the adults that have strayed from their parents religion. The usual reason is because they felt forced into it, not because they no longer had faith is said religion.
I would agree that if someone forces children to go to church that it can back fire. In my opinion, that is very different than someone who actively lives their faith. If you asked my children about their faith or what their religion is or means - going to church would certainly not be the first thing mentioned.

I force my children to be respectful to adults - but I don't live in fear that this will somehow backfire and that they will grow up to be rude, annoying and obnoxious adults. I also teach them why they should be respectful to adults and why it is important and so on. I force my children to pick up their toys but I don't live in fear that they will grow up to be slobs and live in filth - along with forcing them to pick up their toys I also teach them why toys need to be put away and why we don't live in a filthy, clutter filled house.
I know it isn't pc to talk about forcing your kids to do things because it seems poplular to let kids dictate everything but there was a day where it was pretty common for kids to be expected to do chores, kids were expected to act a certain way, kids were expected to do their homework, kids were expected to go to church. My kid still has to be reminded and yes, sometimes forced, to brush his teeth and yet people get up in arms at the notion that a parent would make her kid go to church with the family. My kid doesn't wipe his own *** yet but how dare I not let him make his own decisions about whether he wants to learn about our faith or not.
__________________


"Authentic love is not a vague sentiment or a blind passion. It is an inner attitude that involves the whole human person. It is looking to the other, not to use but to serve. It is rejoicing when the other rejoices and suffers when the other suffers. Love is the gift of self." JPII
Reply With Quote
  #62  
August 8th, 2012, 06:13 PM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pavia, Italy
Posts: 5,959
I have decided that I'm not going to bother with providing links on religion being flawed as I know it will just be explained away or not even looked at (as seen in previous debates).
__________________
Mama to G, L & twins F & M
Started off 2013 homebirthing suprise twins Fia Celesta & Maddalena Isabella
Reply With Quote
  #63  
August 8th, 2012, 06:42 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
I don't see a problem with raising kids to follow your religion. I see a problem when the child begins to protest and the parent still forces the child to follow. If the kid doesn't want to go to church because they simply don't feel like it, by all means drag them anyway. But if a child protest with good reason, why still make them follow?
__________________

❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11



Reply With Quote
  #64  
August 8th, 2012, 06:46 PM
Frackel's Avatar DOh!
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: In my house :p
Posts: 1,288
There is a difference between taking a young child to church and telling them your religion, your beliefs, your opinions are the only truths.

Going to church doesn't a religion, or religious person, make...period. Thinking so, imo, is a huge disservice to one's religion.

My kids don't always like grocery shopping with me either(heck, even I don't) but there are some things we must do. At times, making your child attend church just might be one of those things you "have" to do, I suppose. I am assuming attending a service is really that important to you, hence why you'd want/need your family to attend together. I totally get that, 100%. I do not agree with the opinion, but I do understand why others have it.

What I don't get, is what some people teach their children about faith, and religion, and how they cannot see that is IS indeed forcing something upon them. But my other post better explains why it makes no sense to me, as the two are not synonymous to me.

Sometimes things are forced that we'd rather not, but we have to, for all kinds of reasons. I don't believe your faith, your beliefs, your opinions, will always fall under that umbrella. When it comes to religion, even less so-never even. I don't believe it should be so utterly important that others share their faith, or you share yours. I really don't. It's a personal thing.

Like I said, I attended church for years. In fact I didn't even voluntarily leave the church, despite the fact that I did not believe all of their teachings. I was asked, not so politely, to leave. Because of my actions, or rather, inactions regarding my actions, I was no longer welcome. But that's really neither here nor there. What I was getting at is the people who took me to church never once tried to convince me their way is the right way. The church did, as most do, but they certainly did not. They shared what they could with me, giving me ample opportunity to go, or not go, once I could make those decisions for myself-as before then it's simply one of those outings we needed to do, imo. I think it's kinda like that for all little kids, they don't fully understand it all they just know this is something they have to do because mommy/daddy/whoever said they do. The family that took me shared their thoughts, beliefs and their faith with me. All the while doing their best to give me as much room as possible to explore my own. They still injected their own into my life, because it's impossible to avoid. But they did a pretty bang up job of leaving the slate open for me to write my own story.
I actually thank them to this day for that. Knowing how absolutely zealous some people get about their religion, without even realizing they are doing it(and people tend to get pissed when you tell them too, again, I don't understand). This family, is a rarity. They hold very fast to their beliefs and their faith, but still can recognize that it's theirs and not mine, or any other person's. I think that takes a helluva lot of faith in and of itself.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #65  
August 8th, 2012, 07:23 PM
Frozenoj's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: West Florida
Posts: 3,556
Quote:
Originally Posted by AMDG View Post
So, I'm still trying to figure out what you are saying. Are you saying you believe that it is a truth that men and women are equal but because we can't ever know the truth until we die you won't claim that to be a truth to your kids - just that you believe it to be the truth? Or are you saying that the fact that men and women are equal is a truth that you can be sure of before you die but other truths you cannot know? If that is the case, how do you determine what truths you can know and which ones you can't? And are you claiming to know what truths can be understood by everyone and which ones can't or are you just saying that some truths YOU feel comfortable teaching as such and others you aren't so sure about?
I'm saying that some things can be figured out pretty well using a few axioms, reason, and logic. Other things (such as regarding the supernatural) cannot be determined the same way because there is not enough evidence of them. Faith by it's very definition means that there is no proof. I'm not saying that all the things we currently don't know, we can't know until we die. I'm saying that specifically about religion because the only way to prove it is to die and find out what happens. For other things we may find new evidence that leads to us discovering the truth (like with the Higgs Boson).

I am not claiming that I know which truths we can be certain of and which ones we can't on a large scale. I'm sure there are things I think are true based on the given evidence that may prove to be otherwise. But if someone shows me I do not have enough evidence, or that my evidence or reasoning is flawed, I'm not afraid to change my mind as necessary.
__________________

Thanks Bokkechick for my wonderful siggy!
TTC Blog
10-21-12
Reply With Quote
  #66  
August 8th, 2012, 08:37 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
Posts: 19,173
Send a message via AIM to melkissa2004 Send a message via Yahoo to melkissa2004
We do the last one because it's right for our family. To each their own, though. I was raised Christian but I'm not anymore and haven't been for several years, though I do wish my parents had at least educated me about other religions just so I wasn't clueless until high school.
BTW, welcome back Margaret!!
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #67  
August 8th, 2012, 09:33 PM
AMDG's Avatar Margaret
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Denver metro area
Posts: 2,988
Quote:
Originally Posted by melkissa2004 View Post
BTW, welcome back Margaret!!
Thanks
__________________


"Authentic love is not a vague sentiment or a blind passion. It is an inner attitude that involves the whole human person. It is looking to the other, not to use but to serve. It is rejoicing when the other rejoices and suffers when the other suffers. Love is the gift of self." JPII
Reply With Quote
  #68  
August 8th, 2012, 11:12 PM
Keepin' it real!
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,656
Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
I'm curious here. For the posters who feel that their religion is the one true religion, how would you react if your children decided that the didn't agree with your religion and either turned towards another religion or became a complete non believer? The way I see things, having your children go with you to church as long as they live with you is the same as forcing your religion on them. That "forcing" can backfire in the end. Just look at the adults that have strayed from their parents religion. The usual reason is because they felt forced into it, not because they no longer had faith is said religion.
I disagree with this statement. This is primarily because I feel that just because parents take the kids with them, doesn't mean that they're making them 'learn' anything.

I know that when I take my kids, they have the option: Do they want to play outside with the helper? Do they want to go to nursery? Do they want to go to Sunday school? in the pews? If they told me, "Mom I don't want to go to church anymore" then I wouldn't take them. WHY? Because, I want them to WANT to go and not feel pressured. Of course, as a parent, you don't want to see your child stray, but I also know if I push them into anything they rebel. It's as simple as potty training. LOL NEVER PUSH! Just let them be.
__________________
Lynn
Mom to many



1 Girl 2011 and 1 Boy 2013. Their family is COMPLETE!

Surrogacy # 3 for new family?: 2014??
Reply With Quote
  #69  
August 9th, 2012, 01:17 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
Yes, but they're still forcing the child to go. That's my point, it's the forcing to go. It's not about teaching, it's about forcing. You yourself wouldn't force your kid to go if they don't want to. I have nothing against teaching your religion. I just don't like the idea of forcing it and making the child feel like it's something they must do. Religion is something very personal. Something that a person needs to feel deep down inside. So why try to force that feeling on our kids? Wouldn't one want our children to find that feeling on there own? I would have more confidence in their faith if they arrived there out of their own free will.
__________________

❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11



Reply With Quote
  #70  
August 9th, 2012, 01:46 PM
AMDG's Avatar Margaret
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Denver metro area
Posts: 2,988
Quote:
Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
Yes, but they're still forcing the child to go. That's my point, it's the forcing to go. It's not about teaching, it's about forcing. You yourself wouldn't force your kid to go if they don't want to. I have nothing against teaching your religion. I just don't like the idea of forcing it and making the child feel like it's something they must do. Religion is something very personal. Something that a person needs to feel deep down inside. So why try to force that feeling on our kids? Wouldn't one want our children to find that feeling on there own? I would have more confidence in their faith if they arrived there out of their own free will.
I guess it depends on what age you are talking about. I'm just reading this discussion keeping my own family and kids in mind. I'm not going to pay a babysitter to stay home with my 5 year old sunday morning because he doesn't want to go to church and hasn't "found that feeling" own his own yet.
__________________


"Authentic love is not a vague sentiment or a blind passion. It is an inner attitude that involves the whole human person. It is looking to the other, not to use but to serve. It is rejoicing when the other rejoices and suffers when the other suffers. Love is the gift of self." JPII
Reply With Quote
  #71  
August 9th, 2012, 02:51 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
No, at 5 that's young. I wouldn't expect them to have a true legit reason to not agree with religion yet. I'm talking older kids. Kids that you know have a good head on their shoulders and are old enough to question things with true intelligence. Not to just question something because they're at that stage. But to have real thought provoking questions.

Perfect anecdotal example, my eldest, she was baptized RC, did her first Holy Communion and I was set to have her continue. However, when I asked her how she felt about religion, she had legit doubts. I understood that because I felt the same at her age. So I left the choice in her hands and she decided to not continue. If later one she wants to continue, great, I'll support her. If not, I'll support that too. DSD has never been baptized, did her communion, or even gone to church. This past year she was admitted to a Catholic school for about 2 months before coming to live with us and now she has questions. She wants to read a bible and learn more about religion before she makes a choice. I respect that will give her the bible I have for her to read. I'll completely support whatever choice she makes. That's what I like to see in regards to faith and children.
__________________

❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11



Reply With Quote
  #72  
August 9th, 2012, 02:55 PM
fluffycheeks's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3,207
This debate always cracks me up. Religious parents who teach their kids religion are painted as zealots who are basically taping their kids' eyes open in front of faith promoting films 24/7, while non-believers are portrayed as the open minded good parents. It's definitely a stretch on both sides. I have yet to meet a parent, religious or not, that truly gives equal time to all religions. Generally, parents teach what they believe to be the truth. I definitely am teaching my kids in my religion, but the majority of our friends from school and the neighborhood, hubby's work, etc are not of our faith, so they are not raised in a bubble. We talk about what others believe. They know our way is not the only way. But I do make them go to church on Sunday with us. So far, we haven't had any complaints, but once they reach an age where they can safely stay home alone, if they refuse to come to church, I'm not going to make them. But as AMDG said, I'm also not going to get a babysitter because my 2 year old doesn't want to go (she so far loves it by the way) or because my 6 and 9 year olds would rather watch television (also haven't complained yet).

The way I see it, if a parent whole-heartedly believes in a religion, I think it's actually wrong for them to NOT teach it. Yes, it is a matter of opinion, but a lot of what parents teach our children is a matter of opinion. I am teaching my kids that they absolutely need to graduate high school AND college. Sure, there are people out there who don't and are fine, but IMO, it will make their lives better and easier. Same with our religion. I teach it because I believe it will bring them the most happiness in their lives. If they get to be a certain age and decide it's not for them? Sure, I'll be sad about it, but I won't force them to stay in. I'll support whatever they decide.

And as for the post saying it's one poster's "BIGGEST PET PEEVE EVER?" Are you freaking kidding me? Teaching a child about Jesus or Buddah or Allah or whatever is your biggest pet peeve ever? How about parents who don't buckle their babies in car seats? Parents who feed their kids McDonald's every day of their lives? People who take their small children to midnight showings of violent movies? Nope, doesn't even register on your radar because teaching a child what a parent believes to be right is way worse? Come on!
Tammyjh likes this.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:45 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0