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Is it ethical to leave your child's father off the birth certificate?


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  #1  
February 27th, 2013, 05:33 AM
MindyRambo's Avatar Super Mommy
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If so is it always unethical? Do the variables matter?

I can see someone wanting to leave their child's father off the birth certificate if he's abusive, but isn't this a slippery slope?

So that basically anyone can get mad and decide to leave him off the bc?

Do you feel fathers get the short end of the stick a lot of the time? What about the kids who have no choice in the matter?
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  #2  
February 27th, 2013, 10:24 AM
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Whether's he's on or off the birth certificate doesn't really matter. The fact that he's left off doesn't keep him from excerting his parental rights. All he needs to do is prove paternity.
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  #3  
March 5th, 2013, 05:15 AM
MindyRambo's Avatar Super Mommy
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I realize he still has rights... The question is whether or not it's ethical to leave him off.
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  #4  
March 6th, 2013, 11:23 AM
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Once again I said it doesn't matter.... So it's neither ethical or unethical in my opinion - since it makes no difference & changes nothing.
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  #5  
March 25th, 2013, 07:37 AM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
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I don't see it as an ethical issue. To be honest, a majority of the time it isn't the mother's choice anyway. My son's father is not on the birth certificat, not because I left him off but because he refused to sign. I realize that is a different issue entirely, but I wanted to make the point that the father being on the birth certificate is not entirely the mother's choice.

If a father is left off the birth certificate, he always, in every state, has the full capability to petition to be added. It often can require a paternity test, but in many states, any father not married to the child's mother either needs a paternity test or an affidavit of parentage before his name can be put on a birth certificate any way. It isn't as if the mother can not put the father's name on the birth certificate and then he has no possible way of being added. He just needs to take the initiative to put himself on it. And if he doesn't go through the fairly simple process, well then I honestly would assume it isn't that big of a deal to him anyway.
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  #6  
April 13th, 2013, 11:25 AM
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I don't think it's unethical. If he's not in the picture and isn't there to sign it, that's his problem, not mine. Usually if you get paternity done and a court order later, that's part of the agreement, to add his name.
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  #7  
April 13th, 2013, 03:05 PM
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I don't think this one is really about ethical or unethical. It really more of matter of what is going on. I left my daughter's father off because I knew in my heart (and right mind) he was never coming to us. I wanted the man who was going to love me and keep me to be able to adopt my daughter when we were ready.

Its more of what is needed for the family at the time.
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  #8  
April 13th, 2013, 03:05 PM
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I don't think this one is really about ethical or unethical. It really more of matter of what is going on. I left my daughter's father off because I knew in my heart (and right mind) he was never coming to us. I wanted the man who was going to love me and keep me to be able to adopt my daughter when we were ready.

Its more of what is needed for the family at the time.
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  #9  
April 17th, 2013, 08:06 AM
MindyRambo's Avatar Super Mommy
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Ok let me rephrase the OP, since I realize there are too many variables, so I will give a more specifics but still a hypothetical situation.

Mom and Dad plan a baby... 2 months before baby is born, they break up. No one is *really* at fault, it didn't work out (they probably shouldn't have planned the baby, but there you have it)

Dad continues to call mom to see if she needs anything throughout the remainder of pregnancy, and comes to the hospital for the birth. Mom let's him see baby for a few minutes, but doesn't want him to sign the birth certificate and makes him leave...

Is this unethical?
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  #10  
April 17th, 2013, 11:51 AM
*Jennifer*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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In the situation you describe, yes it is unethical. Breaking up does not mean the man is no longer the father.
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  #11  
April 23rd, 2013, 03:31 PM
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I only WISH I kept my ******* of an ex off the BC... and he wasn't that bad until after she was born.I wish I kept him off, that's for **** sure!
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  #12  
July 7th, 2015, 07:08 AM
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As this website is called 'JustMommies', i'm probably out of place right now. I'm a new dad. His mother was (and still is) controlling, selfish, and simply vile the majority of the time throughout her pregnancy (understandable to a point), and still is, 3 weeks after giving birth, and refusing to let me be there at the birth. From hitting me for no reason, to avoiding me and keeping me away from midwife appointments and from her completely, while i was absolutely desperate to be a part of not only the pregnancy, but my sons life. I was blamed for literally everything bad that had happened to her throughout the pregnancy, from things like pains in her feet and legs, to almost losing the baby over an infection. All my fault, somehow? All of this, and i still made the journey to her house every single time she needed something. I'd do everything i could for her, bought everything the baby would need, supported her completely. Fast forward, and she decided it would be best to keep me OFF my sons birth certificate, for no other reason, other than selfishness, and to get at me. I find it absolutely disgusting how a new mother can pick and choose, if the father of their child should or should not be on the birth certificate, unless there is a **** good reason for it. She hit me, called me every name under the sun, spread rumors to her parents and friends, and made my life absolute hell for months, and she gets to decide that i'm not allowed to be on my own sons birth certificate? Like im not fit to be his father. What part of that is fair? That its better that i wasn't on my sons birth certificate. It is selfish. That right there is wrong. I'm 20 years old, and i stuck around unlike a lot of guys these days, through her making my life hell, because i want to be a part of my child's life, and she is allowed to tell me i'm not allowed to be on the birth certificate? I should NOT have to go through court, and spend time, and money that should be going towards looking after my son, on court dates/ costs, to get rights over my child so i can actually see him. I agree that when dads don't want to bother with their children, then they should have no rights, but when one genuinely wants to be a part of a childs life, and is refused through nothing more than childish selfishness, that's when its wrong. Anyone that chooses to keep a dad off the birth certificate for any reason other than one that could affect the childs life negatively, is disgusting.

Last edited by Connah Tilley; July 7th, 2015 at 07:09 AM. Reason: curse word star'd out.
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