Log In Sign Up

Having Kid*S* Before Marriage


Forum: Heated Debates

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Heated Debates LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
April 4th, 2007, 07:41 AM
Pure Innocence
Guest
Posts: n/a
I know we've had the debate about having a baby and not being married. This debate is about relationships where they aren't married but continue to have children (ttc). Is that making sense? Hm...ok...DEBATE!!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
April 4th, 2007, 07:43 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,780
I don't see anything wrong with it. Marriage doesn't mean you won't get divorced five years down the road. Marriage is no guarantee of anything really.
If two people are committed to being parents then I say go for it.
__________________



Reply With Quote
  #3  
April 4th, 2007, 07:48 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 5,120
Not everyone believes in marriage. If the couple is in a stable, loving relationship I see no issue.
__________________
Those who love me know how to reach me...it's been real ladies, peace and love!!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
April 4th, 2007, 07:48 AM
irishxrose
Guest
Posts: n/a
I have no problem with it.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
April 4th, 2007, 07:54 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Hudson, FL
Posts: 1,696
whatever floats your boat. a piece of paper doesn't make any relationship stronger or better.
__________________
<div align="center"></div>
<div align="center"></div>
<div align="center"></div>
Reply With Quote
  #7  
April 4th, 2007, 08:07 AM
eash's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,969
I personally would not do it. I understand that a marriage doesn't make a relationship and the last few debates on this subject has truly changed my opinion so whatever floats your boat.

For those who have been through break-ups with kids, is it easier to deal with the legal system, custody, child support when a marriage exists then when a marriage never existed? Just curious.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
April 4th, 2007, 08:15 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Hudson, FL
Posts: 1,696
Quote:
Quote:
whatever floats your boat. a piece of paper doesn't make any relationship stronger or better.[/b]
My "piece of paper" means the world to me thanks. It also made MY relationship better after we did get married.
[/b]

maybe i worded that incorrectly. a piece of paper doesn't make every relationship better or stronger.
__________________
<div align="center"></div>
<div align="center"></div>
<div align="center"></div>
Reply With Quote
  #10  
April 4th, 2007, 09:48 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,925
Im not married to my daughters father,we are just as committed.


I know someone is going to come and post some stats. I have my own opinions on why these stats says what they do and it does not worry me one little bit.
__________________
Mum to Ross, Elliot, Jack, Jasmine and Evie
Reply With Quote
  #11  
April 4th, 2007, 09:58 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Gainesville, FL
Posts: 2,306
I don't see anything wrong with it, although it wouldn't be my way of doing it. But I know people who have done it that way and are very happy and raising happy, well-adjusted kids. So who would I be to say that it's wrong for them?

Here's one situation I didn't understand, though. Many years ago I was working with a girl who got pregnant by her boyfriend. It was accidental, and they chose to keep/raise the child. They were still in a relationship, and someone asked her if she and the boyfriend were going to get married. Her reply was laughter, followed by, "Oh no, I'm not ready for that kind of commitment!" And I thought to myself:

1) Raising a child is a commitment unto itself, and a huge one at that.
2) It's not just a commitment to the child - it's also one to the person with whom you're raising the child. You'll be tied to this person forever, no matter what, and will have to work with him in so many aspects of parenting. If that's not a commitment, I don't know what is.

So it just seemed odd. It wasn't that she didn't believe in marriage or "that piece of paper" everyone talks about. It was that she would be afraid of the commitment of marriage, even though she was staying with this man and raising a child with him. I don't see the logic or reasoning behind that.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
April 4th, 2007, 10:16 AM
*kyle*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 5,117
Quote:
Here's one situation I didn't understand, though. Many years ago I was working with a girl who got pregnant by her boyfriend. It was accidental, and they chose to keep/raise the child. They were still in a relationship, and someone asked her if she and the boyfriend were going to get married. Her reply was laughter, followed by, "Oh no, I'm not ready for that kind of commitment!" And I thought to myself:

1) Raising a child is a commitment unto itself, and a huge one at that.
2) It's not just a commitment to the child - it's also one to the person with whom you're raising the child. You'll be tied to this person forever, no matter what, and will have to work with him in so many aspects of parenting. If that's not a commitment, I don't know what is.[/b]
I get what she was saying. She didn't ask for the commitment of the child, but she handled the situation to her best ability when it did occur. However, she is still in control of whether she gets married. I think it has more to do with this girl wanting to feel that she is in control of her life and choices. I mean, she made the choice to keep the baby too. I personally think this young woman sounds very mature. Others might disagree but I think there are MUCH worse ways to handle an out-of-wedlock oops, and jumping into a marriage one isn't ready for does not strike me as the more mature option.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #13  
April 4th, 2007, 10:43 AM
LaceyMommy2B
Guest
Posts: n/a
if ppl are in a stable relationship n want to ttc-i think its fine as long as they ARE commited.

BUT- i do have a prob with ppl who TTC while in a rocky relationship or one they arent POSITIVE is going somewhere... why subject your children to that? why not wait until you are in a stable relationship. i get SO upset when i hear that a couple that fights all the time or separates frequently-is ttc. (Edited to clarifyi would much rather see a seperated couple that have a civil relationship stable int he fact that they are NOT together-raising a child, than a couple that fights all the time or is seperated a good bit on n off-knowing full well that they are not in a stable relationship-TRYING to have babies to bring into that situation. i dont know if the original post is referring to cases like that also, but thats my views. and argh, situations like that are a lot more common than i ever knew til i found this site among others.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
April 4th, 2007, 11:07 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Gainesville, FL
Posts: 2,306
Kking, that makes a lot of sense - thanks!
Reply With Quote
  #16  
April 4th, 2007, 11:39 AM
frgsonmysox's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Offutt AFB, NE
Posts: 19,799
Send a message via AIM to frgsonmysox Send a message via MSN to frgsonmysox Send a message via Yahoo to frgsonmysox
I have no issue with it. I was 4 months pregnant when Chris and i got married. It wasn't planned, and we didn't get married because we got pregnant. I loved Chris just as much as I did before we got married that I did after. I don't agree with getting pregnant to trick someone into getting married.
__________________
~Beth~ Wife to my Airman Chris, and mommy to: Anthony Nathaniel (8/31/04), Anastasia Fae (8/01/06), Baby C (lost on 10/12/07), David Cillian (7/31/08), Charles George (4/29/10), and Alan Christopher (2/22/12)





My BLOG - A Day In The Life of a Freg (it's a little bit of everything!)
Reply With Quote
  #18  
April 4th, 2007, 11:54 AM
LaceyMommy2B
Guest
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Quote:
I have no issue with it. I was 4 months pregnant when Chris and i got married. It wasn't planned, and we didn't get married because we got pregnant. I loved Chris just as much as I did before we got married that I did after. I don't agree with getting pregnant to trick someone into getting married.[/b]
Oh no...that is a HUGE 'no-no'. Tricking anyone to stay with you (whether getting married or just staying in the relationship) by getting pregnant is NEVER a good thing....
[/b]
im still shocked that ppl think it works...or that ppl have multiple kids with a guy hoping this NEXT ONE will make him stay/marry me/etc...babies make relationships harder, if anything-IMO.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
April 4th, 2007, 12:07 PM
SusieQ2's Avatar Jersey Girl
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 39,051
I honestly am not a big advocate for having children out of wedlock. Most of the people I know who have had kids before marriage intentionally say they want kids but aren't ready for the commitment of marriage.

I just don't understand why someone would think that if they aren't ready to commit to marriage that they are ready to commit to a child. When a couple decides to have a child together they are linked forever. They will have to deal with each other throughout the child's life whether they stay together or not.

I also work in an elementary school. Within the first week of school I can usually tell which children are being raised in that type of a situation or by a single parent without looking at their file or asking them questions about home.

For the most part I feel to each his own but it isn't a choice I would make for myself.
__________________





Reply With Quote
  #20  
April 4th, 2007, 12:38 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: *queen city* of North Carolina
Posts: 9,497
Quote:
Quote:
whatever floats your boat. a piece of paper doesn't make any relationship stronger or better.[/b]
My "piece of paper" means the world to me thanks. It also made MY relationship better after we did get married.
[/b]
I used to believe it was just a "piece of paper", but it took our relationship to another depth.

Back on topic:
Marriage isn't thought of as "perminance" as it once was. Divorce is "easy" to get, its easier to "be done with it" then work it out or at least try to work it out. More states are passing laws to make divorce harder. NC requires a 1 year waiting period. Another state [forget which state], requires 2 year waiting period, with madatory couseling, and such. Anyways, I guess my point is, marriage doesn't have the stability that it once had, and there is a movement to try to change that. Personally, for me marriage brings a higher sense of stablity, and security. I wouldn't want to TTC outside marriage personally.
__________________
Proud Mommy To My Princess (5)
Watching over us -- August 2005, March 2010, October 2010, July 2011
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:57 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0