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Custody/visitation with a newborn


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  #141  
April 6th, 2007, 02:13 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 5,120
Quote:
Quote:
I was totally kidding with that comment...but I knew that people would take it seriously so I added the edit[/b]
I saw the edit after I posted, but I knew you were kidding. I just didn't know if others reading it would know you were kidding. I was saving people the time of skimming through the thread looking for the insult.

Quote:
I didn't say the mother set the conditions-In this hypothetical situation I have no idea who would, or how the arrangement would come to be. I simply said I feel that is the best possible scenerio for the child [/b]
The mother? Why is the mother the best possible situation for the child? I am a huge advocate of BFing, but let's be honest, at the end of the day, that is not the end all-be all of parenting. It is more important for a child to have a healthy upbringing fostered by two loving and supportive parents, that it is for a baby to be BF. There are ways to still give baby BM while allowing the child to develop a relationship and bond with both parents.
[/b]
**Sigh**

Again, I'm not saying that the father should not be involved. I'm not saying that ANYTHING should stand in the way of them developing a relationship. I actually think the arrangement I am talking about MIGHT technically be joint custody
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  #142  
April 6th, 2007, 05:04 PM
*kyle*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 5,117
Quote:
DH was a SAHP, and Nellie was clearly more bonded with him for a while than me. To this day, her "comfort scent" is her dad's armpit. When she's overtired or cranky or just needs comfort, she'll wriggle her little face into his armpit and lay there with her nose pressed against his skin. His smell is comforting to her, his voice is comforting to her. She's a total "daddy's girl".[/b]
I just had to comment on how cute this is! According to DH (who's in the medical field), he learned in grad school that the armpit is one of the main release areas of pheromones. Pheromones are like our individual scent imprint and is the reason we grow hair under our arms -to spread the pheromones around. They're not just for sexual attraction, they're also for knowing who's family and who's familiar/safe. TMI coming up here, but I have anxiety that can get pretty severe sometimes, and DH's armpit works better than a benzodiazepine for short-term anxiety relief.
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  #143  
April 6th, 2007, 05:09 PM
Pure Innocence
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Posts: n/a
Quote:
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE
Quote:
DH was a SAHP, and Nellie was clearly more bonded with him for a while than me. To this day, her "comfort scent" is her dad's armpit. When she's overtired or cranky or just needs comfort, she'll wriggle her little face into his armpit and lay there with her nose pressed against his skin. His smell is comforting to her, his voice is comforting to her. She's a total "daddy's girl".[/b]
I just had to comment on how cute this is! According to DH (who's in the medical field), he learned in grad school that the armpit is one of the main release areas of pheromones. Pheromones are like our individual scent imprint and is the reason we grow hair under our arms -to spread the pheromones around. They're not just for sexual attraction, they're also for knowing who's family and who's familiar/safe. TMI coming up here, but I have anxiety that can get pretty severe sometimes, and DH's armpit works better than a benzodiazepine for short-term anxiety relief.
[/b][/quote]
Teehee, that isn't TMI I don't think. Makes complete sense to me....dh's scent puts me in a content mood at times and I've never understood why until now.
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  #144  
April 6th, 2007, 06:18 PM
Deanna in CA's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 530
[/quote]

**Sigh**

Again, I'm not saying that the father should not be involved. I'm not saying that ANYTHING should stand in the way of them developing a relationship. I actually think the arrangement I am talking about MIGHT technically be joint custody
[/quote]


I believe if two ADULTS are involved both parties can work out something amicably. I asked my DH about this and he agrees the during the first 6 months the baby should spend the night at moms house and the father can get the hotel and visit (if he happens to live out of town). After 6 months maybe an agreement can be worked out where the breast milk is expressed, bottled and fed to the little one at dads house if both parties feel comfortable with he/she spending the night at dads house.

I would think most people would want what is in the best interest of the baby and put aside any differences they may have.
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  #145  
April 7th, 2007, 07:27 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Hudson, FL
Posts: 1,696
Quote:
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE
Quote:
DH was a SAHP, and Nellie was clearly more bonded with him for a while than me. To this day, her "comfort scent" is her dad's armpit. When she's overtired or cranky or just needs comfort, she'll wriggle her little face into his armpit and lay there with her nose pressed against his skin. His smell is comforting to her, his voice is comforting to her. She's a total "daddy's girl".[/b]
I just had to comment on how cute this is! According to DH (who's in the medical field), he learned in grad school that the armpit is one of the main release areas of pheromones. Pheromones are like our individual scent imprint and is the reason we grow hair under our arms -to spread the pheromones around. They're not just for sexual attraction, they're also for knowing who's family and who's familiar/safe. TMI coming up here, but I have anxiety that can get pretty severe sometimes, and DH's armpit works better than a benzodiazepine for short-term anxiety relief.
[/b][/quote]


I definitely hear ya, and that's not weird at ALL. I sleep in DH's armpit. Just face-smushed in there. And when I'm upset or cranky or tired, I take a whiff of pit. It's comforting. He does the same to me; if he had a long workday or something upsets him, he snuggles up in my armpit. Haha we thought we were total weirdos!

But I have to say, his armpit is like THE best smell in the world..
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  #146  
April 7th, 2007, 07:19 PM
mrobinson
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Posts: n/a
Quote:
I feel that breastfeeding is a childs birthright and just because their right to a intact family was taken away doesn't mean that another right should suffer. Dad should absolutely have total access to his child and ample time to bond-but you don't need overnight visits or weeks of undivided attention to bond. To deprive a child of their right to stability and the right to be breastfed for the sake of being "fair" is cruel and selfish.[/b]
Ok, I know you're point is dad doesn't have to be out of the picture.. I read your POV on your experience as a child visiting one parent to another and among other things..

I think where you feel like people are pigeon-holing your pov as a sexist man-hater (tongue in cheek) you seem to not understand there are many people who can work out a great arrangement with stability without staying at mom's full time and not depriving a child breastmilk. There is a happy medium.

Quote:
I would think most people would want what is in the best interest of the baby and put aside any differences they may have.[/b]
God knows that what I wish for.. I've seen it too many times where either parent believes they are the better choice when that isn't the case.. Where they can't see how equal treatment is the way to go.

Quote:
Quote:
TMI coming up here, but I have anxiety that can get pretty severe sometimes, and DH's armpit works better than a benzodiazepine for short-term anxiety relief. [/b]
I sleep in DH's armpit. Just face-smushed in there. And when I'm upset or cranky or tired, I take a whiff of pit. It's comforting. He does the same to me; if he had a long workday or something upsets him, he snuggles up in my armpit. Haha we thought we were total weirdos!

But I have to say, his armpit is like THE best smell in the world..
[/b]
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