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  #1  
April 27th, 2007, 07:46 AM
chloe82
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Hi, something someone said on a thread about the View got me wondering....I remember the episode where Elisabeth got everybody all riled up because she was insisting that you can't be a good parent if you are cheating on your spouse....so what do you guys think???

I guess on the surface I would say yes you can, cheating on your spouse doesn't mean you're going to treat your children any differently than if you weren't, HOWEVER, when I really think about it, I think I actually agree with Elisabeth. I think being a good parent is more than just your direct interactions with your children...and how you treat your spouse is a HUGE part of being their parent. You are responsible for modelling healthy and loving relationships to them, particularly romantic/marriage relationships, and also for being a moral example to them. I know you can cheat on your spouse and figure your kids will never find out, but truth has it's way coming out into the open and even if they don't find out exactly what happened, you are taking part in something that is very likely to destroy the happiness, peace and security of their home.

Opinions?
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  #2  
April 27th, 2007, 07:53 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,780
I think the two have nothing to do with one another. What kind of parent you are, and what kind of spouse you are, are two seperate things. This was brought up in one of the custody/visitation threads a while back. If dad cheats on mom, and mom hates him, that doesn't mean he should not be able to spend time with his kids. He could still be a good dad anyway.
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  #3  
April 27th, 2007, 07:59 AM
ahixon
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Okay, first of all let me say that I am a true blue cheater, it was the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life. When I cheated I only had one child at the time, he was 15 months old. Do I think I was a bad Mom? In some way's yes, and in some way's no. I didn't think of the effect it would have had on my sons life if my husband and I were to divorce, but at the same time I didn't think of the effect it would have had on me for my son not to be with me every day if we had divorced. But, I loved my son very much, as a matter of fact he was the only person on the face of this Earth that I did love. So, I guess if I had to pick one way or the other I would say yes, even though I cheated (one time only) I think I was still a good parent, maybe a little stupid, and completly out of my head, but a very good parent still.
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  #4  
April 27th, 2007, 08:01 AM
mommyKathyX3
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I dont think they have NOTHING to do with each other, but i think its a very VERY bad roll model. That shows a bad example to your children, but doesnt make you a bad parent. If everytime I did something bad it made me a bad parent, I guess my kids should be taken away from me. Nobody is perfect, but I do think it does effect your kids a lot, so you cant say it has NOTHING to do with each other.
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  #5  
April 27th, 2007, 08:13 AM
ahixon
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I totally agree, I think it has something to do with parenting, and I have been there, so when I say this I am saying it about myself. Cheating is soooooo selfish, when I cheated, I wasn't thinking about anyone but myself, I was feeling way sorry for myself, and I had lots of reasons to feel soory for myself, but when you have a child that should be you number 1 priority, and when I cheated Walker was not my priority, I was, and that is wrong. Plus, lets say my husband and I had divorced, my son would have only had one parent at a time, and he would have had all the problems that go along with having divorced parents. I know that I still loved Walker, and at the time I would have told you that I would never do anything to hurt him, but by cheating I was doing something that would hurt him, so I would say yes they have something to do with each other.
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  #6  
April 27th, 2007, 08:21 AM
::er!ca::'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I do not think that marital issues have anything to do with if you are a good parent or not. Well, to a certain extent... but this issue I think have nothing to do with each other.
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  #7  
April 27th, 2007, 09:10 AM
lschultz's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 341
to the first post.
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Kayden Alaina Brian
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  #8  
April 27th, 2007, 09:14 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
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my husband is a great parent but a horrible husband. He has been cheating on me for awhile
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  #9  
April 27th, 2007, 09:31 AM
::er!ca::'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
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Quote:
my husband is a great parent but a horrible husband. He has been cheating on me for awhile[/b]
I'm really sorry you are going through that. I hope that things work out for you.
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  #10  
April 27th, 2007, 01:39 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,524
Quote:
Quote:
my husband is a great parent but a horrible husband. He has been cheating on me for awhile[/b]
I'm really sorry you are going through that. I hope that things work out for you.
[/b]
thanks. Karma is a b***h, i hope he realizes that.
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  #11  
April 27th, 2007, 01:51 PM
Lesliemck86's Avatar Super Mommy
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Posts: 613
I pretty much agree here actually. You aren't neccessarily a bad parent for cheating, but i wouldn't say you are the best parent you could potentially be.
I think the foundation of a family starts with the marriage. One mistake that many of us make is putting our kids first when in fact i believe its the marriage that comes first. I know some of you think thats terrible but think about it: the whole starting point of the family was falling in love with your spouse/SO and that creates the foundation or the outline of the family to secure happy and healthy children.
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  #12  
April 27th, 2007, 01:57 PM
Pure Innocence
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srry, lowercase, i am holding kailey......

there are so many aspects of being a good parent. failing in one department of parenting does not make the rest of your parenting abilities null and void.
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  #13  
April 27th, 2007, 02:01 PM
::er!ca::'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
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Quote:
I pretty much agree here actually. You aren't neccessarily a bad parent for cheating, but i wouldn't say you are the best parent you could potentially be.
I think the foundation of a family starts with the marriage. One mistake that many of us make is putting our kids first when in fact i believe its the marriage that comes first. I know some of you think thats terrible but think about it: the whole starting point of the family was falling in love with your spouse/SO and that creates the foundation or the outline of the family to secure happy and healthy children.[/b]
I don't agree with this.

Your statement kinda directs to a family having to have a mother and a father who are married, and a child. Yes, I know this debate is about cheating... so maybe that is the basis of your comment. But I believe a family can have a great foundation even if it is just the mother/child or father/child. There are plenty of single parents out there that would disagree that the foundation of a family starts with marriage. Your statement basically says there is no family foundation if the parents aren't married.

Quote:
srry, lowercase, i am holding kailey......

there are so many aspects of being a good parent. failing in one department of parenting does not make the rest of your parenting abilities null and void.[/b]
I personally don't think it has anything to do with parenting in the first place! Unless, you consider your relationship with your spouse as one like being a parent.
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  #14  
April 27th, 2007, 02:02 PM
Pure Innocence
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Quote:
Quote:
I pretty much agree here actually. You aren't neccessarily a bad parent for cheating, but i wouldn't say you are the best parent you could potentially be.
I think the foundation of a family starts with the marriage. One mistake that many of us make is putting our kids first when in fact i believe its the marriage that comes first. I know some of you think thats terrible but think about it: the whole starting point of the family was falling in love with your spouse/SO and that creates the foundation or the outline of the family to secure happy and healthy children.[/b]
I don't agree with this.

Your statement kinda directs to a family having to have a mother and a father who are married, and a child. Yes, I know this debate is about cheating... so maybe that is the basis of your comment. But I believe a family can have a great foundation even if it is just the mother/child or father/child. There are plenty of single parents out there that would disagree that the foundation of a family starts with marriage. Your statement basically says there is no family foundation if the parents aren't married.

Quote:
srry, lowercase, i am holding kailey......

there are so many aspects of being a good parent. failing in one department of parenting does not make the rest of your parenting abilities null and void.[/b]
I personally don't think it has anything to do with parenting in the first place! Unless, you consider your relationship with your spouse as one like being a parent.
[/b]
I do. You are setting an example for your children of how to love and respect your SO, and by cheating, you are not fulfilling that role model.
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  #15  
April 27th, 2007, 02:06 PM
Lesliemck86's Avatar Super Mommy
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It has nothing to do with being single or not. If in fact you ARE married, then respect for your spouse matters 100% to the child, believe it or not.
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  #16  
April 27th, 2007, 02:08 PM
::er!ca::'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 36,283
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
I pretty much agree here actually. You aren't neccessarily a bad parent for cheating, but i wouldn't say you are the best parent you could potentially be.
I think the foundation of a family starts with the marriage. One mistake that many of us make is putting our kids first when in fact i believe its the marriage that comes first. I know some of you think thats terrible but think about it: the whole starting point of the family was falling in love with your spouse/SO and that creates the foundation or the outline of the family to secure happy and healthy children.[/b]
I don't agree with this.

Your statement kinda directs to a family having to have a mother and a father who are married, and a child. Yes, I know this debate is about cheating... so maybe that is the basis of your comment. But I believe a family can have a great foundation even if it is just the mother/child or father/child. There are plenty of single parents out there that would disagree that the foundation of a family starts with marriage. Your statement basically says there is no family foundation if the parents aren't married.

Quote:
srry, lowercase, i am holding kailey......

there are so many aspects of being a good parent. failing in one department of parenting does not make the rest of your parenting abilities null and void.[/b]
I personally don't think it has anything to do with parenting in the first place! Unless, you consider your relationship with your spouse as one like being a parent.
[/b]
I do. You are setting an example for your children of how to love and respect your SO, and by cheating, you are not fulfilling that role model.
[/b]
I kind of, in a very very small way, agree with this..... but not really. Life is about learning, making decisions, making mistakes, growing as a person. Everyone make smistakes, but that doesn't necessarily make them bad role models.
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  #17  
April 27th, 2007, 02:10 PM
Pure Innocence
Guest
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Lesliemck86 @ Apr 27 2007, 03:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
<div class='quotemain'>
I pretty much agree here actually. You aren't neccessarily a bad parent for cheating, but i wouldn't say you are the best parent you could potentially be.
I think the foundation of a family starts with the marriage. One mistake that many of us make is putting our kids first when in fact i believe its the marriage that comes first. I know some of you think thats terrible but think about it: the whole starting point of the family was falling in love with your spouse/SO and that creates the foundation or the outline of the family to secure happy and healthy children.[/b]
I don't agree with this.

Your statement kinda directs to a family having to have a mother and a father who are married, and a child. Yes, I know this debate is about cheating... so maybe that is the basis of your comment. But I believe a family can have a great foundation even if it is just the mother/child or father/child. There are plenty of single parents out there that would disagree that the foundation of a family starts with marriage. Your statement basically says there is no family foundation if the parents aren't married.

Quote:
srry, lowercase, i am holding kailey......

there are so many aspects of being a good parent. failing in one department of parenting does not make the rest of your parenting abilities null and void.[/b]
I personally don't think it has anything to do with parenting in the first place! Unless, you consider your relationship with your spouse as one like being a parent.
[/b]
I do. You are setting an example for your children of how to love and respect your SO, and by cheating, you are not fulfilling that role model.
[/b][/quote]

I kind of, in a very very small way, agree with this..... but not really. Life is about learning, making decisions, making mistakes, growing as a person. Everyone make smistakes, but that doesn't necessarily make them bad role models.
[/b][/quote]
yea....that's what i said the 1st time i posted....
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  #18  
April 27th, 2007, 02:11 PM
::er!ca::'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 36,283
Quote:
It has nothing to do with being single or not. If in fact you ARE married, then respect for your spouse matters 100% to the child, believe it or not.[/b]
I'm not saying anything about your statement above. My issue is with your statement about having a foundation in a family.... which is a TOTALLY different debate. Maybe we'll have a spinoff
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  #19  
April 27th, 2007, 02:22 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,925
What about the flip side?

I cheated on my boys bio father,it doesn't make me a bad parent. Am I a bad role model? not in the slightest,in fact I think I am a good one. I plan to sit my kids down when they are older and tell them the situation,I will tell them how I never should have married at 17 and how at that age *I* was not mature enough to be making decisions like that. I will also tell them how cheating made ME feel,the guilt I felt,I will tell them what I should have done and hopefully they will learn from my mistakes or at least take them into consideration if they ever find themselves in the same situation.

I am a good parent and I was then too.
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  #20  
April 27th, 2007, 02:51 PM
ahixon
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So, and I am not trying to be mean but do you not think you were being selfish? I am just asking because I know that I was, and by being selfish I think I was in some way's being a bad parent.
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