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Not supporting the NCB choice


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  #1  
April 29th, 2007, 02:57 PM
Cereal Killer's Avatar I'm climbin' in yo window
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Some statements in the NCB discussions got me to thinking. Why do women doubt the abilities of another woman? Why is it when a woman says that she wants to have an unmedicated birth, many will tell her she will never be able to do it? I was told that while I was pregnant, "don't even try, that is why we have drugs" or "why would you want to, that is crazy". There were no drugs for centuries and yet somehow the human race managed to survive and thrive. Women will tell other women that they will never be able to endure the pain, that they don't know what they are considering. Why not, instead of doubting and spewing all of the horror stories we can muster about a friend of a friend's-aunt's-best friend's-second cousin's-daughter who wanted a NCB, but then screamed the whole time and finally got the drugs and she is the strongest person you know, stories, don't we give a pat on the back and support that? Why is the first instinct to instill that sense of fear and doubt? I know I have been guilty of it, not conciously, not maliciously, but still, suddenly I am aware of it.

This is not to be misconstrued as an "I regret my experience", because I wouldn't change a single moment of my experience with meeting my beautiful babies. Maybe, and I am only speaking for myself, I have (subconciously) planted the seed, because I was unable to do it. Because I let those lies and the fear make my decision for me. Maybe, because I allowed them to make me doubt myself and my abilities and I still believe those lies.

Have you ever noticed this? How when you or someone you know is pregnant, you will hear every birth horror story ever told? Why do we do this?
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  #2  
April 29th, 2007, 03:32 PM
::er!ca::'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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When my best friend became pregnant, the moment she found out she started worrying and being scared about giving birth. She was already asking people about their experiences, and it was really freaking her out. I told her to forget what everyone else was telling her, because each experience is different and she will be just fine.

I definitely know where you are coming from! If someone asks me how my labor & delivery went... I will tell them (it didn't go as planned, but I wouldn't consider it bad). But honestly, I would never sum up my L&D as anything scary or to be fearful about to another pregnant woman, especially a first time pregnant woman.

I don't get it either
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  #3  
April 29th, 2007, 03:56 PM
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horror stories helped me with my first. i was expecting the contractions from hadees and so when i had them and was in labour i didnt know so i didnt wnat to do pain meds bc i figured the pain would get worse.
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  #4  
April 29th, 2007, 04:11 PM
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I am more of a believer in "to each his own." I think if a woman wants NCB then I certainly wouldn't try to talk her out of it. I also believe that if a woman wants drugs then that is also her personal choice.

I think you are right though about how a lot of women feel the need to talk someone out of something.

I try not to ask anyone's advice on what to do in the delivery room because I know that everyone's experience is different. I don't want to compare myself to someone else.
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  #5  
April 29th, 2007, 04:29 PM
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i dont know why ppl do that, my mom did it to me.. i got the drugs.. they didnt work. i know that it IS possible to have a nearly painless birth without meds.. they gave me nubain early on n i regret that cause up until the last hour or so.. i felt DRUNK!

anyways.. after i slept through most of the last few sets of contractions and "convinced" my cervix to dilate and my body to move Gracey down further.. my mom was in shock.

i think its UNREALISTIC to say PAIN FREE.. before you pitch a fit.. all i mean is the pain is there for a reason.. so you know when and where to push.. i guess instead of PAIN you can call it EXTREME PRESSURE. i know personally that what i considered PAIN before, i just calmed down and was able to stop feeling it as a BAD thing.. and feel it as a GOOD thing. i screamed and cried during pushing.. not cause it HURT.. cause it felt GOOD. the contractions felt GOOD. that is my idea of "pain free"
i think a lot of women hear you say pain free n think that means you expect to feel nothing.. i dont think thats what it means at all IMO.

i have been helping my neighbor go through with her choice to have a NCB!

i think its great for anyone who WANTS to try.. its amazing what your body can do with a lil deep concentration and control! you just have to be focused and really WANT IT.. orrr have no other choice! i dont think its for everyone...before drugs..no one had a choice...now u have a choice n like i said..now u have to WANT IT!
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  #7  
April 29th, 2007, 05:00 PM
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I would never tell anyone what is best because each person is different.

But I will tell you this. I was in labor with my first and having problems because he was not coming down (24 hours of labor) and the woman in the next room was having natural child birth and scared me to death with her screams ... I thought someone was in there with a knive killing her. I never want to hear someone scream like that again. I ended with a C-Section and it was a highly emotional time for me in general no less the screams in my head of the room next store.
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  #8  
April 29th, 2007, 05:25 PM
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If one of my friends chose NCB I would congratulate them wholeheartedly! It's not my place to say what her body can and should do, that's for her to know, and I would be there for her the entire way. I can't imagine how empowering a successful NCB could be!

On another note though, my cousin had a NCB b/c she labored so quickly that her son was crowning once she got to the hospital (first baby too). I don't say anything about it to her b/c she fully intended on having the epi ASAP and now that it didn't happen that way she walks around and blatantly condescends those of us in the family who had medicated births, or in my case, a c/s I don't want to take away from her feeling of strength from her birth so I just keep my mouth shut, as difficult as it is when she brings up her baby's 9/9 Apgars for the 1900th time!
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  #10  
April 29th, 2007, 06:11 PM
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I had two natural births. The first was unintentional.. basically it was because i was ready to push coming into the hospital.. the second was becasue i knew i could do it.. so why not try again.

let me tell you i was soo scared with my first... i had no idea what was going on.. I begged for drugs just because if i had the drugs then it would be one less thing to think about, to be scared of.... but the doctor and nurses told me that there was going to be no drugs.. i freaked out even more. I was told horror stories.. and they scared me. Now my sort of SIL is pregnant and is wanting a NCB.... because i was told the horror stories and scared out of my mind because of them.. i refuse to do the same to her. So when she asks me.. I tell her the truth. That yes labour did hurt, but that I survived through it and that the pain ended up being something i could handle after I calmed down. Why scare her? There is no need to. Telling the truth without the theatrics is a better plan... that why she can understand and have no fear.

but you are right.... women tend to want to bring other women into the same boat.... so if for one woman the birth was HORRIBLE... then they want someone to feel that way to...

I think i know what I'm talking about. anyways... I agree with you.. but for myself... I'm not continuing this odd little tradition.
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  #11  
April 29th, 2007, 06:16 PM
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I already tell moms to please not tell me any horror stories, and we aren't even pregnant. If it went bad for them and they truly are just trying to help me out (most of the time I swear this is the only reason they are telling you their horror story) then I"ll just let the midwife/doc tell me the advice I need. If I relied on everyone to give me advice, I"d never learn from my own experiences, and I"d let their birth color mine, so I'm trying to head that off now!
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  #12  
April 29th, 2007, 06:20 PM
Cereal Killer's Avatar I'm climbin' in yo window
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Quote:
I already tell moms to please not tell me any horror stories, and we aren't even pregnant. If it went bad for them and they truly are just trying to help me out (most of the time I swear this is the only reason they are telling you their horror story) then I"ll just let the midwife/doc tell me the advice I need. If I relied on everyone to give me advice, I"d never learn from my own experiences, and I"d let their birth color mine, so I'm trying to head that off now![/b]
It is good practice for when you are pregnant, Lauren, so train yourself to deflect it. When I was pregnant cashiers would tell me every horrible birth story they had ever heard. Perfect strangers want to approach you and try to scare the living daylights out of you. I wish I had been prepared for that part of pregnancy, I was just blindsided by people's horror stories.
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  #13  
April 29th, 2007, 06:23 PM
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I think you ladies have prepared me enough! can I get a shirt that says "I swear if you tell me your pregnancy horror story I will hit your in your face!!"

The second we bring up baby issues though around people, just talking in general, I get the stories and "you'll learn the hard way, you'll never be able to do it, yeah right whatever, you'll be begging for an epi, let me tell you about my 6090395454 hour labor where I crushed my husbands hand and my eyes popped out of my head.. oh yeah and good luck"
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  #14  
April 29th, 2007, 06:25 PM
rdhdtrue's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Now Now Now ... I guess this has nothing to do with NCB but I tore from hole to hole and it never effected me (middle pregnancy). So I am not all boo hoo and such.

I am all for sound proof labor rooms though.
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  #15  
April 29th, 2007, 06:36 PM
Cereal Killer's Avatar I'm climbin' in yo window
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Quote:
I think you ladies have prepared me enough! can I get a shirt that says "I swear if you tell me your pregnancy horror story I will hit your in your face!!"

The second we bring up baby issues though around people, just talking in general, I get the stories and "you'll learn the hard way, you'll never be able to do it, yeah right whatever, you'll be begging for an epi, let me tell you about my 6090395454 hour labor where I crushed my husbands hand and my eyes popped out of my head.. oh yeah and good luck"[/b]
You will need this shirt:
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  #16  
April 29th, 2007, 06:39 PM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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seriously I"m buying that shirt today. I'll post a pic when I get it in the mail!!!! I love you Stacey!! you... umm? what is it again? something about rocks, or is it dirt? rock and roll?

oh yeah, where did you get it? cafepress?
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  #17  
April 29th, 2007, 06:40 PM
Cereal Killer's Avatar I'm climbin' in yo window
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Quote:
seriously I"m buying that shirt today. I'll post a pic when I get it in the mail!!!! I love you Stacey!! you... umm? what is it again? something about rocks, or is it dirt? rock and roll?

oh yeah, where did you get it? cafepress?[/b]
YOU BETTER SAY IT!!!

Quote:
seriously I"m buying that shirt today. I'll post a pic when I get it in the mail!!!! I love you Stacey!! you... umm? what is it again? something about rocks, or is it dirt? rock and roll?

oh yeah, where did you get it? cafepress?[/b]
Here is the link to the shirt:
http://www.cafepress.com/evilgeniusstore/1993389
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  #18  
April 29th, 2007, 06:43 PM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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ok fine... STACEY ##### ROCKS! AND AOT!!

ok here is another. I am such a "boundaries" person so I NEED this shirt, not just want it, but need it to stay sane
http://www.cafepress.com/buy/pregnancy/-/p...opt_/c_362/pg_1
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  #19  
April 29th, 2007, 06:49 PM
Cereal Killer's Avatar I'm climbin' in yo window
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Quote:
ok fine... STACEY ##### ROCKS! AND AOT!!

ok here is another. I am such a "boundaries" person so I NEED this shirt, not just want it, but need it to stay sane
http://www.cafepress.com/buy/pregnancy/-/p...opt_/c_362/pg_1[/b]
GET IT!! I was amazed at how many people feel it is okay to come and touch a perfect stranger just because she is pregnant! I am a real boundaries person too and it would drive me insane! Get several! You will need a clean one for every time you leave your house after you start showing!! My friend, Keely, actually had a woman come up to her and grab her belly and start chanting/praying in a different language, it really upset her.
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  #20  
April 29th, 2007, 06:50 PM
lotus86's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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The horror stories do seem to come with the territory. My mom's delivery was my main source of fear of labor, and I heard about it LONG before I got pregnant so I had a lot of time for it to sink in. She (according to her) had a 72 hour labor with no drugs with me and because of me decided not to have any more children I was mainly afraid of that because I was worried, what if my pelvis is the same shape, what if I have the same problem, blah blah blah. My mom failed to tell me she has a significantly retroverted uterus until I was about 38 weeks along Thanks a lot mom!
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