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how do ff moms feel?


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  #1  
April 30th, 2007, 01:23 AM
KBeans's Avatar Believe in your body
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do FF moms feel envious that BFing moms are able to BF? if you gave up BFing early or didn't even try, do you ever feel guilty or regretful?

these are ligitamate quesitons, so do not be offended. i have done both so i have my thoughts, but i want to hear others as well.
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  #2  
April 30th, 2007, 06:59 AM
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When I was a formula feeding mom for the firt 3 weeks...I was very bitter and jealous of brestfeeding moms. I hated seeing pictures of it and I felt like the breastfeeders thought they were soooo much better than me. I got even more angry when I heard about moms who could breastfeed, but decided to quit for whatever reason. I thought the whole universe was stacked against me. I was very angry, depressed...I was just a mess. I should add that I had severe PPD at this time. I'm sure most FF moms don't feel this way...
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  #3  
April 30th, 2007, 07:02 AM
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i regret not doing it when i had the chance. i dont resent anyone for the choices they make as long as the baby is getting feed.
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  #4  
April 30th, 2007, 07:32 AM
paganempath
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I knew from the beginning that I would formula feed. I felt no desire to breastfeeed. I didn't feel guilty about it or feel that I was being selfish for not BF'ing. And I was in no way jealous of women who BF. It made no difference to me. I don't see what the big deal is. I feed my baby and BF'ing moms feed their babies. What's the distinction between the two?
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  #5  
April 30th, 2007, 07:38 AM
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Because I only BF Anthony for 5 weeks I had so much guilt. I really wanted to continue, but I couldn't. And I did feel jealous of other BF mothers. And thats part of the reason why I made sure I could BF longer this time around (9 months tomorrow!!)
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  #6  
April 30th, 2007, 08:11 AM
irishxrose
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I have a lot of guilt and regret. When I would see BF pictures in the first year of Joshua's life, I would feel sad and horrible that I wasn't able to do that. It still gets me down that I was unable to give my son the best start in life.
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  #7  
April 30th, 2007, 08:13 AM
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Quote:
I have a lot of guilt and regret. When I would see BF pictures in the first year of Joshua's life, I would feel sad and horrible that I wasn't able to do that. It still gets me down that I was unable to give my son the best start in life.[/b]


Even though I only experienced it for a short time, I totally remember that feeling...Please don't beat yourself up Andrika! Joshua is a beautiful baby so you must have done something right!
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  #8  
April 30th, 2007, 08:18 AM
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Awww, thank you Rebecca. You just made my day.
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  #9  
April 30th, 2007, 09:35 AM
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Quote:
I feed my baby and BF'ing moms feed their babies. What's the distinction between the two?[/b]

You don't know the difference between the two?
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  #10  
April 30th, 2007, 09:44 AM
paganempath
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Quote:
Quote:
I feed my baby and BF'ing moms feed their babies. What's the distinction between the two?[/b]

You don't know the difference between the two?
[/b]
How can you honestly ask such a completely asinine question?! It was not literal. If people are unable to see that, it's truly pathetic. The point was that there should not be a question of guilt. If you feed your child, then you are are not doing anything wrong-- regardless of whether it's from BF or FF. Why is there such a rift between the two? It's all food!! Starving your child would make you a bad mother. Get it?
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  #11  
April 30th, 2007, 09:53 AM
Cereal Killer's Avatar I'm climbin' in yo window
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
I feed my baby and BF'ing moms feed their babies. What's the distinction between the two?[/b]

You don't know the difference between the two?
[/b]
How can you honestly ask such a completely asinine question?! It was not literal. If people are unable to see that, it's truly pathetic. The point was that there should not be a question of guilt. If you feed your child, then you are are not doing anything wrong-- regardless of whether it's from BF or FF. Why is there such a rift between the two? It's all food!! Starving your child would make you a bad mother. Get it?
[/b]
Settle down there! You made a statement, don't get your panities in a bunch because you were not clear. You asked what is the distinction between BF and FF, if you meant something else, then I suggest that you convey your thoughts better in your posts.
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  #12  
April 30th, 2007, 10:31 AM
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Quote:
Because I only BF Anthony for 5 weeks I had so much guilt. I really wanted to continue, but I couldn't. And I did feel jealous of other BF mothers. And thats part of the reason why I made sure I could BF longer this time around (9 months tomorrow!!)[/b]
ditto. i only BFed ricky for 2 months and felt bad about it deep in somewhere...and so with christian i practiced child-led weaning and he just finished his last of feedings a couple weeks ago almost 22 months

Quote:
I knew from the beginning that I would formula feed. I felt no desire to breastfeeed. I didn't feel guilty about it or feel that I was being selfish for not BF'ing. And I was in no way jealous of women who BF. It made no difference to me. I don't see what the big deal is. I feed my baby and BF'ing moms feed their babies. What's the distinction between the two?[/b]
did you make an educated decision? because denying your baby the better of the 2 choices (formula or BM), you didn't even give you or your baby a chance. and there is obviously a difference.
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  #13  
April 30th, 2007, 10:35 AM
Mom2DavidandAaron's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
do FF moms feel envious that BFing moms are able to BF? if you gave up BFing early or didn't even try, do you ever feel guilty or regretful?

these are ligitamate quesitons, so do not be offended. i have done both so i have my thoughts, but i want to hear others as well.[/b]
My feelings have nothing to do with what other moms choose to/are able to do. I had to stop bf my first son earlier than I would've wanted. My feelings towards bf mothers were exactly the same. I felt disappointed because I wanted to go longer, but certainly not guilty or regretful or envious. My sil managed to bf her baby (he's 3 months older than mine) for 9 months and the thought of feeling envious towards her didn't even cross my mind. My son started gaining weight again after I started to FF and he was healthy and happy. What's to feel jealous or guilty about?
With my second son I was able to bf longer. I felt happy that this time I could accomplish what I wanted, but again, my happiness and pride have nothing to do with what other moms do or don't do.

Sharon

Quote:
did you make an educated decision? because denying your baby the better of the 2 choices (formula or BM), you didn't even give you or your baby a chance. and there is obviously a difference.[/b]
Yikes! that's uncalled for. Just because she made a different choice it's not up to any of us to question her motives or her education. She chose differently, for whatever reason she thought that was the best choice and who are we to attack her choice by questioning her motives and education? Tsk, tsk.. not nice. She made her choice, she's happy with it, good for her.
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  #14  
April 30th, 2007, 11:03 AM
KBeans's Avatar Believe in your body
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Quote:
My son started gaining weight again after I started to FF and he was healthy and happy. What's to feel jealous or guilty about?[/b]
was it just because of poor weight gain? or were there underlying reasons, i juse wonder cause my son is very petite and we were told to try formula and we didn't not listen because ididn't see the reason to just have him gain weight. im just curious if other moms are bullied into thinking their children are unhealthy because they gain weight slower than others their age?

Quote:
QUOTE(pregodego2 @ Apr 30 2007, 12:31 PM)

did you make an educated decision? because denying your baby the better of the 2 choices (formula or BM), you didn't even give you or your baby a chance. and there is obviously a difference.



Yikes! that's uncalled for. Just because she made a different choice it's not up to any of us to question her motives or her education. She chose differently, for whatever reason she thought that was the best choice and who are we to attack her choice by questioning her motives and education? Tsk, tsk.. not nice. She made her choice, she's happy with it, good for her.[/b]
why is a question uncalled for? it's a real question. did she know the differences, was she educated or supported to BF? for me, i personally was NOT informed on BFing and gave up after 2 months with my son, but after educated myself more on BFing, i BFed my second son for almost 22 months. so my question is not rude, it is real and genuine.

tsk tsk on you for jumping down my throat before asking me if that was meant in a condesending way. i have been very civil and honest in my questions and responses. to debate is not to argue. thank you...next.
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  #15  
April 30th, 2007, 11:55 AM
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Well, maybe you should have worded your post a little better if you were not being condescending, because to say that a woman "didn't give her baby a chance" is not being civil, it's being judgemental. I am hesitant to even answer this question, since you stated you were not asking to be offensive and then nitpicked others' choices when they responded.

In response to the OP, yes, I do have guilt and sometimes feel resentful towards others, but I live with it because I made the choice to stop bf'ing and I have to deal with the consequences. I gave up at 3 weeks, and yes, I was educated on BFing, but unfortunately the LCs and nurses I dealt with were not helpful, and when I started to feel resentful towards my daughter when things got very difficult, I saw the red flags of PPD and nipped it in the bud. I feel that there is more than one way to do the best you can for your child. For me, stopping BFing in order to maintain my mental health was doing the best I could.
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  #16  
April 30th, 2007, 12:08 PM
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Quote:
tsk tsk on you for jumping down my throat before asking me if that was meant in a condesending way. i have been very civil and honest in my questions and responses. to debate is not to argue. thank you...next.[/b]
I know that you weren't trying to be condescending, but I can see why others thought you were. The statement "you didn't even give you or your baby a chance. " seemed rather condescending IMO, even if you didnt intend it to be. So I can see why some people had gotten offended.

...Just sayin...
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  #17  
April 30th, 2007, 12:35 PM
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I knew from the beginning that I would formula feed. I felt no desire to breastfeeed. I didn't feel guilty about it or feel that I was being selfish for not BF'ing. And I was in no way jealous of women who BF. It made no difference to me. I don't see what the big deal is. I feed my baby and BF'ing moms feed their babies. What's the distinction between the two?[/b]
this sums up exactly how I feel. I could have written that post myself!!!
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  #18  
April 30th, 2007, 01:44 PM
Mom2DavidandAaron's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
was it just because of poor weight gain? or were there underlying reasons, i juse wonder cause my son is very petite and we were told to try formula and we didn't not listen because ididn't see the reason to just have him gain weight. im just curious if other moms are bullied into thinking their children are unhealthy because they gain weight slower than others their age?[/b]
See? this is why I "jumped" on you. Apparently no one can even consider FF without you judging their choice and assuming it was a wrong choice, that it was for the wrong reasons, or that it was done out of ignorance. Not that I have to justify myself to you or anyone, but my son was sensitive to something I was eating. I had to be on a very strict diet and start adding foods one by one to see what was affecting him. A couple of weeks into that and my milk didn't have a good nutritional value. My son stopped gaining weight and he was constantly hungry despite the fact that he was BF all the time. To me that was a good enough reason to supplement with formula. After a month, my milk was still the same and I decided to FF full time. I wasn't "bullied" or brainwashed or anything. I saw my child crying all day long, being constantly hungry and unsatisfied with exclusive BF. I don't need to be "educated" (which, BTW, I am) to know that my doctor suggested what was best for my child and I did as he suggested.

Quote:
tsk tsk on you for jumping down my throat before asking me if that was meant in a condesending way. i have been very civil and honest in my questions and responses. to debate is not to argue. thank you...next.[/b]

Asking someone if they were "educated" for making a choice YOU find wrong and telling her that she didn't give her baby a chance isn't being honest and civil. It's being judgmental and, yes, VERY condescending. Why does she owe you an explanation for making the choice she thinks was right? Why do you assume that her (and me) made the choice in an uneducated way, bullied, brainwashed or simply not giving our babies a chance?
Maybe you should rephrase what you meant, because to me (and apparently to others, as well) it didn't sound civil at all. It sounded judgmental and the kind of holier-than-thou attitude I see many formula feeders complain about.

Sharon

edited for a couple of typos
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  #19  
April 30th, 2007, 04:17 PM
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If we're asking honest questions and taking a beating anyway... I have one, and I'm prepared to be tied to the whipping post...

Why would a mother, after reading all the facts, studies, personal antidotes, gathering all the information, etc... STILL deceide not even to give breastfeeding a go???

*edited for some serious typos!
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  #20  
April 30th, 2007, 04:27 PM
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I initially did not want to breastfeed, I had no desire to do so. Then after reading things and talking to people I considered giving it a go. But I just never could put myself totally 100% into it. I can't even really pinpoint why, I just didn't really want to. Yes I was very educated on it, but I just didn't feel for some reason that it was the best choice for me and my DD. I have never felt guilty for it, nor do I regret FFing. I don't envy anyone that decided the opposite of what I chose. Same goes for other parenting choices. I don't envy those that co-sleep, breastfeed,cio, or don't wear their baby. If I felt guilty it would be because I felt I didn't make the right decision, and I felt I did.
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