Log In Sign Up

Friends of the opposite sex (spinoff)


Forum: Heated Debates

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Heated Debates LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
April 30th, 2007, 06:51 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,780
Do you think it is okay to have friends of the opposite sex? Are you ok with your SO having friends of the opposite sex?

Would you be more inclined to be ok with it, if the "friend" is unattractive/too old/taken?

Would you think it was okay if the two of them spend time together without inviting you along? Or only if you all did things together as a group?
__________________



Reply With Quote
  #2  
April 30th, 2007, 07:04 AM
chloe82
Guest
Posts: n/a
I think its ok but only to a certain degree and is something that needs to be handled with caution. i don't mind if dh has female friends but to be honest I prefer them to be more on the level of "casual acquaintance" friends and not like his BEST friends. I think certain levels of emotional intimacy can lead to temptation, especially if/when times are tough in your relationship, and if they are spending time together just the two of them. Just seems like an open door i'd rather not have there all the time. And while its superficial and I know it, if he did have a close female friend, it would probably bother me even more if she was super-hot and available. But i realize that shouldn't really matter that much! That's just my own insecurities coming into play, i know it!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
April 30th, 2007, 07:17 AM
Gina1978's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Mallorca (Spain)
Posts: 8,652
Both DH and I agree that having friends of the oposite sex is not an option in our marriage.He is a jelous person and wouldent accept it,and although Im not as jelous as he is,I wouldent want him having any female friends either.
I just think its not ok kwim? We beleive that having a close friend of the oposite sex could be a bad thing in the long run..it would be like having temptation hanging around around all the time.
I mean,what if we were having a small crisis or had a big argument and we decided to turn to our "friends" for comfort and something more happened?
No way...
__________________


Thank you SO much for my new siggy Julia (Julka)!




Reply With Quote
  #4  
April 30th, 2007, 07:17 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 24,588
I think each person would need to lay down the rules and expectations up front - I have made it clear to my dh that simple chit chat about day to day stuff is okay like how's the family, things of that nature - if there starts to be personal issues and chats then that's off limits as far as I'm concerned.
I have good friends and of course I am friends with their husbands but would never have a private call with them or talk about personal issues and I would expect the same from my husband.
I do have several email addresses for male friends but it's never, ever chit chat about personal things - it's sending the kids pictures or how is the family, things like that.
I guess what I'm trying to say is if it's a conversation that you can have right in front of your spouse (or SO) then it's fine I'm sure but if you start getting into deeper things then that's wrong in my opinion.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #5  
April 30th, 2007, 07:34 AM
frgsonmysox's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Offutt AFB, NE
Posts: 19,799
Send a message via AIM to frgsonmysox Send a message via MSN to frgsonmysox Send a message via Yahoo to frgsonmysox
It doesn't bother us, unless the other person is constantly hanging out with that person, or that person is flirting or acting shady around the other spouse. Chris has a lot of friends who are girls, but most of them are married and we happen to be friends with the husbands as well.
__________________
~Beth~ Wife to my Airman Chris, and mommy to: Anthony Nathaniel (8/31/04), Anastasia Fae (8/01/06), Baby C (lost on 10/12/07), David Cillian (7/31/08), Charles George (4/29/10), and Alan Christopher (2/22/12)





My BLOG - A Day In The Life of a Freg (it's a little bit of everything!)
Reply With Quote
  #6  
April 30th, 2007, 07:37 AM
glasscandie's Avatar What I make is what I am
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Near Washington, DC
Posts: 15,982
Send a message via AIM to glasscandie Send a message via Yahoo to glasscandie
DH and I are a-okay with opposite sex friends. 90% of the people I hung out with in high school were guys - it's ridiculous that I'd be expected to just not be friends with people I've been friends with for YEARS, just because I got married. I hardly ever hang out with another guy ALONE, usually it's in a group of friends (DH does the same with friends he has that are girls).

IDK. I trust DH and he trusts me.
__________________
I predict a riot.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
April 30th, 2007, 07:41 AM
irishxrose
Guest
Posts: n/a
I used to have a big problem with DF having friends of the opposite sex, but I really could care less now. I know he's with me, I trust him, and I don't see it to be a big deal.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
April 30th, 2007, 08:24 AM
mommyKathyX3
Guest
Posts: n/a
Quote:
I think its ok but only to a certain degree and is something that needs to be handled with caution. i don't mind if dh has female friends but to be honest I prefer them to be more on the level of "casual acquaintance" friends and not like his BEST friends. I think certain levels of emotional intimacy can lead to temptation, especially if/when times are tough in your relationship, and if they are spending time together just the two of them. Just seems like an open door i'd rather not have there all the time.[/b]
I agree with this, and also, it is a BREEDING GROUND for gossip, which can cause lots of problems not only in your marriage, but also in a work situation and other friends. I think in casual situation and groups, of 3 or more, its not a big deal but to spend lots of time one on one, is not the best idea. A friendship is not unworkable, but I'm going to say a close friendship is not in either parties best interest.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
April 30th, 2007, 08:46 AM
SusieQ2's Avatar Jersey Girl
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 39,051
My husband doesn't have female friends but he didn't really have any before I came along. He has a few close male friends and other acquaintances but that is about it.

I have a few male friends. One is a former boyfriend (back from when I was 16 so it was long ago). He spends a lot of time in and out of the hospital because he has a bad heart and a brain tumor. My DH doesn't mind when I see him. He knows how much this guy means to me (in terms of friendship).

If DH tried to keep me from seeing this guy and then something happened to him (we don't think he'll live much longer) I think I'd really resent DH.
__________________





Reply With Quote
  #11  
April 30th, 2007, 08:47 AM
Laney21's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: NB, Canada
Posts: 21,661
Quote:
DH and I are a-okay with opposite sex friends. 90% of the people I hung out with in high school were guys - it's ridiculous that I'd be expected to just not be friends with people I've been friends with for YEARS, just because I got married. I hardly ever hang out with another guy ALONE, usually it's in a group of friends (DH does the same with friends he has that are girls).

IDK. I trust DH and he trusts me.[/b]
^ditto.

If you are in a committed relationship, then I don't see a problem at all. If I didn't trust him I wouldn't be with him, simple as that.

Why does a friend become "temptation" just because they are of the opposite sex? I don't think of my friends that way.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #12  
April 30th, 2007, 08:49 AM
irishxrose
Guest
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Quote:
DH and I are a-okay with opposite sex friends. 90% of the people I hung out with in high school were guys - it's ridiculous that I'd be expected to just not be friends with people I've been friends with for YEARS, just because I got married. I hardly ever hang out with another guy ALONE, usually it's in a group of friends (DH does the same with friends he has that are girls).

IDK. I trust DH and he trusts me.[/b]
^ditto.

If you are in a committed relationship, then I don't see a problem at all. If I didn't trust him I wouldn't be with him, simple as that.

Why does a friend become "temptation" just because they are of the opposite sex? I don't think of my friends that way.
[/b]
I don't either.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
April 30th, 2007, 08:56 AM
mommyKathyX3
Guest
Posts: n/a
Maybe not for YOU, but sometimes the other person may develop them, and can cause an akward situation.

I still stand by my main reason is to avoid uncomfortable situations because of rumors.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
April 30th, 2007, 09:03 AM
Gina1978's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Mallorca (Spain)
Posts: 8,652
Quote:
Quote:
DH and I are a-okay with opposite sex friends. 90% of the people I hung out with in high school were guys - it's ridiculous that I'd be expected to just not be friends with people I've been friends with for YEARS, just because I got married. I hardly ever hang out with another guy ALONE, usually it's in a group of friends (DH does the same with friends he has that are girls).

IDK. I trust DH and he trusts me.[/b]
^ditto.

If you are in a committed relationship, then I don't see a problem at all. If I didn't trust him I wouldn't be with him, simple as that.

Why does a friend become "temptation" just because they are of the opposite sex? I don't think of my friends that way.
[/b]
A friend can become a temptation..Iv seen it happen and I guess thats why Im so against DH having friends of the oposite sex (just as he is against it).
Iv had friends (girls) who were in relationships and had male friends.Everything was fine until they had an argument with their partners..then they would go crying to their friend and OOOPS,they´d end up having sex
Thats how they would explain it too..they would say "I dont know what happened..he was hugging me and tellling me everything would be ok,and suddenly we were in bed".Some of those guys were in relationships too...
Now,back then,I thought that something like that must be so romantic! (I was in my early 20´s..what can I say lol) but after seeing it happen over and over again,my thoughts on the subject have changed and I wouldent want my husband to be there for anyone else that wasnt me..just as he wouldent want me getting too close to another guy (for the same reason).
I know that when a couple argues,they can do something stupid in the heat of the moment (thats what happened in the cases of the people I reffered to) so I am uncomfortable with that sort of thing.
I have issues with trust and so does DH..it works fine for us
__________________


Thank you SO much for my new siggy Julia (Julka)!




Reply With Quote
  #16  
April 30th, 2007, 09:17 AM
glasscandie's Avatar What I make is what I am
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Near Washington, DC
Posts: 15,982
Send a message via AIM to glasscandie Send a message via Yahoo to glasscandie
Quote:
Maybe not for YOU, but sometimes the other person may develop them, and can cause an akward situation.

I still stand by my main reason is to avoid uncomfortable situations because of rumors.[/b]
Do you dictate your life by how other people perceive you?

Not wanting opposite sex friends because of past experiences or trust issues, I can understand. I'm not in that situation, but I can understand.

But no opposite sex friendships JUST BECAUSE someone might make up a rumor? That doesn't make any sense to me.
__________________
I predict a riot.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
April 30th, 2007, 09:20 AM
Laney21's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: NB, Canada
Posts: 21,661
Quote:
I think it's about every marriage's comfort level and trust level. When a marriage is working on coming back from one partner betraying the other's trust then even though we're in a committed relationship it will take time (if ever) he gets that same level of trust from me again.[/b]
I completely understand that. Re-building trust after it has been lost is extremely difficult.

But if your (general you) DH or SO has never been unfaithful, never given any reason not to trust him, do you still think it makes sense to say no female friends just because one of them could possibly develop feelings for him?
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #18  
April 30th, 2007, 09:44 AM
EmilysMommy04's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Horseheads NY
Posts: 1,997
Send a message via AIM to EmilysMommy04
I see nothing wrong with it. I have many guy friends my bf has female friends. He knows my guy friends I know his female friends. We all actually hang out. I have that much trust in him and He has in me. I get along with guys better then i do girls. I personally have no problems with it . If there is no trust there is no relationship JMO
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #19  
April 30th, 2007, 10:10 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,925
Not in our relationship no.
__________________
Mum to Ross, Elliot, Jack, Jasmine and Evie
Reply With Quote
  #20  
April 30th, 2007, 10:17 AM
jodi16ss's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,210
I am completely okay with my Dh having female friends and he is fine with me having male friends. We trust eachother completely.
__________________


Proud Mommy to Jackson (5/1/03) & Isabella (6/16/06)
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:50 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0