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SAHM or working mom?


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  #1  
May 1st, 2007, 10:57 PM
KBeans's Avatar Believe in your body
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has there been a discussion/debate about this already? i do NOT intend for this to turn into a bashing marathon, i am just interested in how others feel on the subject.

how do you feel about the working moms (not ALL working moms, just the few like this) that say they work because they can't stand to be home with their children all day? and how do you feel about the SAHM that says working moms aren't spending enough time with their kids?

^^this doesn't involve my POV, just stuff i have been reading and hearing IRL lately that got me thinking....i wonder how other moms feel on this subject.
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  #2  
May 1st, 2007, 11:30 PM
SusieQ2's Avatar Jersey Girl
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Well I have a tremendous amount of respect for women who are SAHM or working moms.

It bothers me when working moms say they work because they can't stand being with their kids. I mostly feel bad for their kids. We all have moments that we need to get away but I think it is sad to say that you work because you can't stand to be with them.

As for SAHM I think it's wrong of them to say working moms don't spend enough time with their kids.

As women we should all be doing whatever the situation calls for and allows us to do. There is no wrong or right answer to suit the whole population.
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  #3  
May 2nd, 2007, 03:19 AM
the_elmel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It's hard for me to understand why women go to work because they "can't stand" to be home with their kids all day. Why did they have kids in the first place? It makes me sad. I realize kids are overwhelming and it's nice to get away for a while but intentionally working just to avoid the kids? So strange to me.

I think it's wrong for SAHM to say working mommies don't spend enough time with their children. My Mom had four kids and worked full time. We all got the attention we needed, probably too much attention! I have a lot of respect for SAHM but I think working mommies can definitely spend just as much quality time with their kids too.

Overall whether a mom works or not it's a personal and family choice. Lots of women have to work in order to support their little ones. I respect every woman for her choice to work or not but I definitely dislike the fact that women will work just to avoid spending time with their kids.
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  #4  
May 2nd, 2007, 07:24 AM
quietsong's Avatar Just Another Slacker Mom
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IMO, a mom is a mom. Working, SAH, tall, short, single, married, BF, FF, whatever. I think both working and SAH are something to be proud of, and I think both are just as committed to their children.

Not everyone is cut out to be a SAHM.

(And no, I do not work because I "can't stand" to be with my son. I just need adult interaction as well, not to mention the money to help support us.)
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  #5  
May 2nd, 2007, 08:48 AM
rose198172's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Personally, if a mom is working for the right reasons, there is nothing wrong with that. I get offended by comments from working moms who say they can't stand their children... why in the world did they have them in the first place? That's just crazy! And I think it's compltely wrong for SAHMs to say that working moms don't spend enough time with their children... it's a personal choice, not something that anyone should judge.
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  #6  
May 2nd, 2007, 10:14 AM
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All moms are working moms.
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  #7  
May 2nd, 2007, 10:21 AM
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I work because I enjoy my job. It's not the staying home with the children all day that I can't stand, it's all the accessory BS that goes along with it.

If I did not work we could not afford a maid. So instead of playing with my children, I'd be cleaning a home after 6 people. If I did not work we would not be able to afford to eat out as much, or buy convenience foods nor could I expect my dh to cook which he does regularly. So then I'm cooking for 6 people.

As it stands now, we split the duties and I can do the "must do" chores after my children go to bed. I love my children and by having the 2 younger ones in the daycare attached to my work, I often have lunch with them, and frequently work from home.

So I really doubt it's the children the parents can't stand, but the cleaning, cooking, laundry and lack of adult interaction that I have found to be stifling.

E
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  #8  
May 2nd, 2007, 10:29 AM
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Quote:
I really doubt it's the children the parents can't stand, but the ...........lack of adult interaction that I have found to be stifling.[/b]
Staying home can be bad for someone's social life if they refuse to leave the house and do something about it.

That is where the internet, mom groups, playgroups, family, neighbors, etc, come into the picture for many SAHM's.
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  #9  
May 2nd, 2007, 10:33 AM
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Quote:
Quote:
I really doubt it's the children the parents can't stand, but the ...........lack of adult interaction that I have found to be stifling.[/b]
Staying home can be bad for someone's social life if they refuse to leave the house and do something about it.

That is where the internet, mom groups, playgroups, family, neighbors, etc, come into the picture for many SAHM's.
[/b]
I live in the middle of nowhere NJ, my neighbors are a nursing home. And if I'm on the internet, who's watching my brood? It really does become a sticky wicket. I did it, shortly after we moved to NJ, my dh and I both agreed it was better for the family if I worked outside the home.

E
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  #10  
May 2nd, 2007, 10:49 AM
babiesrus
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All moms are working moms.[/b]

I applaud that.

Having done each for several years, my experience has shown me that both situations are tough. As for those who say the need to work because they don't like being home, well, it can be terribly taxing at times and there are moments when I wish I was still working and someone else had the day-to-day stuff. I don't believe this is because I love my children any less or hate being a mom, I think it's because I know how nice it is to go out into the world and have something that is entirely my own, that isn't mom related, which gives me some sense of self and it's something that I can see accomplishment immediately via a paycheque. That said, I wouldn't change being a mom at home for the world.
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  #11  
May 2nd, 2007, 10:57 AM
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The only type of working mom I generally try to keep away from (as in, not make friends with because our priorities are often very different) is when they voluntarily work more than they see their children, when they financially don't have to. I don't see children as fashion assessories or consider childbearing to be something you must do because it's expected of you if you're over 25 and married. After nannying for a family like that, I honestly don't know if I can go back to nannying. It really tainted my perception of some things.

Anyway. I'm a SAHM for the time being, my husband and I both agreed before we were even married that one of us would stay home; it's very important to us to have an available parent, as our moms were growing up.

However, I've been a SAHM for just about two years now, and I'm going a little stir-crazy. The first year was taken up a lot by Julia's doc appointments and skin-care, but not that aspect has calmed down, and I'm going a little nuts wiping down the same counters everyday. I find myself becoming more and more of a germaphobic because I have too much time on my hands to clean the house - seriously, it's clean by noon, and what do we do with the rest of the day, particularly when Julia naps for 2-3 hours every afternoon? Then she'll be going to pre-K next fall, and then full-time school...

Anyway, so I'm going to be going back to school (online) part-time this coming fall (just got accepted into the U of MD as a psych major! Whoohoo! ...yes, changed my major again, if you've been keeping up with my school saga lol), so I don't feel quite so much like I'm rotting away in the house.
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  #12  
May 2nd, 2007, 11:06 AM
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Ok this is a touchy subject for me. I was a stay at home mom for 2 years and now I am a full time working mom and it kills me not to be with my kids. I miss them every second of the day I want to be there but right now I need to work so I can keepa roof over thier heads..... I think what people mean when they say this is yes I love my children but work gives me that outlet to be away from them and in turn makes me more paitent when I get home. I don't think the really mean they are glad to be away from the kids....that being said I want to stay home more than anything but I am alot more paitent when I have been at work all day and I valuse my short time everyday with them
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  #13  
May 2nd, 2007, 11:09 AM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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there are many subjects on the debate boards that I am polarized on... I feel strongly about one side or the other. This is one of those subjects that is just personal to me, meaning it doesnt matter if you are either one to me, I dont feel strongly about either for other people. I want to be a SAHM for awhile, and we are waiting just for that fact (and financial reasons but putting them in daycare or paying someone to watch them sure doesnt help financial situations either). But its not something I think is better than the other
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  #14  
May 2nd, 2007, 11:27 AM
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  #15  
May 2nd, 2007, 11:32 AM
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I'm a working mom, but I feel I have one of the best jobs for a working mother because I'm home at a decent time, I have the weekends off and I'm free during the summer.
I can understand why some moms would say that they need to "get away" for a few hours (all moms need that if they are being realistic), but I don't understand the mentality of working to get away from your kids. I would love to stay at home with my son, but that's just not possible for us to achieve the goals that we have set for our life and our family.
What I don't like is moms who stay at home, but still are not plugged in to their kids...they are not staying home for the right reason.
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  #16  
May 2nd, 2007, 11:39 AM
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Ok this is a touchy subject for me. I was a stay at home mom for 2 years and now I am a full time working mom and it kills me not to be with my kids. I miss them every second of the day I want to be there but right now I need to work so I can keepa roof over thier heads..... I think what people mean when they say this is yes I love my children but work gives me that outlet to be away from them and in turn makes me more paitent when I get home. I don't think the really mean they are glad to be away from the kids....that being said I want to stay home more than anything but I am alot more paitent when I have been at work all day and I valuse my short time everyday with them [/b]

ITA!!!!!
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  #17  
May 2nd, 2007, 11:43 AM
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I think WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOUR FAMILY is best!

I was a SAHM for the first 2 months...and honestly, while I LOVED spending time with my DD, there were aspects of it I couldn't stand. I am, for example, not a naturally structured person. And while I know that some people are very good at scheduling themselves and finding things to do during the day, I was not. So my day was very all over the place and disorganized...I get distracted really easily (I have ADD) so I would seriously just be all over the place, get sucked into doing menial little tasks (like scrubbing my bathroom floor with a toothbrush while the rest of my house was filthy-I get compulsions like that! ) and by the end of the day my house would be a disaster and I would be super stressed out, which rubbed off on Mattea, I would have had zero social interaction with other adults and generally, I would just be batty And much as I ADORE my daughter, you need to bear in mind I'm a single mom so when I am a SAHM I don't get a break...I am with her and her alone allll day! I'm sorry and maybe I'm a horrible mom for even saying this, but yes, she did often drive me crazy when I was spending 24 hours a day with her I knew it was a problem when I started rocking her a liiiiitle harder than necessary So while I hate putting her in daycare so young, I would not trade being a working mom, because for me it makes my life so much more manageable. And it makes me appreciate and cherish my time with my daughter so much more. And I have an awesome daycare-its very small (only 6 babies) and the girls are wonderful with her! She is such a happy and social baby, and I think her being in daycare has a lot to do with that...

So I guess, for me, being a working mom is bittersweet. Bitter because I have to be away from my baby 8 hours a day, but there is nothing that lifts my heart more than when 3:30 rolls around and I go to pick her up and see that sweet melt-me-where-I'm standing smile again
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  #18  
May 2nd, 2007, 11:45 AM
quietsong's Avatar Just Another Slacker Mom
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Quote:
So I guess, for me, being a working mom is bittersweet. Bitter because I have to be away from my baby 8 hours a day, but there is nothing that lifts my heart more than when 3:30 rolls around and I go to pick her up and see that sweet melt-me-where-I'm standing smile again [/b]
That is SO the best part of every single work day for me.
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  #19  
May 2nd, 2007, 11:55 AM
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Quote:
So I guess, for me, being a working mom is bittersweet. Bitter because I have to be away from my baby 8 hours a day, but there is nothing that lifts my heart more than when 3:30 rolls around and I go to pick her up and see that sweet melt-me-where-I'm standing smile again [/b]
That is SO the best part of every single work day for me.
[/b]
Isn't it though? I swear to God I've almost mowed down many a slow motorist trying to get to her
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  #20  
May 2nd, 2007, 12:01 PM
~*Dina*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I've been both a SAHM and a working mom. I'm a working mom right now. I try to spend as much time as I can w/my children in the evenings and on the weekends. I work because it takes 2 incomes to live now days.
Being a SAHM was harder for me, but because of the lack of adult conversation and I was alone all day w/no vehicle to go anywhere , it really took a toll on me. Going back to work had nothing to do with "not" wanting to be w/my kid but more for needing the extra money and the adult conversation.
I hope to go part-time in 2 years when my oldest dd is in 6th grade, so I can be home w/her after school.

ITA w/the mom who said all moms are working moms. So true!!
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