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SAHMs irresponsible?


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  #1  
May 3rd, 2007, 11:53 AM
picklesmama's Avatar <;,><
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Let's see what everyone thinks of this POV....
http://www.macleans.ca/article.jsp?content...7_105084_105084

ETA still thinking about my response to this

Fixed the link - I think
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  #2  
May 3rd, 2007, 12:01 PM
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Not sure where the article is - the link seems to point to a main page or something.
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  #3  
May 3rd, 2007, 12:03 PM
Pure Innocence
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ditto
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  #4  
May 3rd, 2007, 12:19 PM
Mom2DavidandAaron's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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OK, first of all... we need a puke emoticon, I could really use it about now

Now for my opinions on this... This idiot just shows why marriages around the Western world are failing at alarming rates: She promotes the idea that marriage is a competition. I'm sorry to tell her that it's not: it's a partnership. It's stupid ideas like this that make women think they have to win and impose themselves over their husbands to be happy. Sure, I depend on my husband economically, but he depends on me on so many aspects that are just as, if not more important than money: I turn this house into a home, I raise and educate my children, and'm the one that decideas how that money that dh earns will be spent. Irresponsible? Yeah, right.
Second, I'm not failing to provide my children with food and shelter. We're a family, and I'm making sure- by supporting my husband and administering our income- that my children have everything they need. Irresponsible?? If this is my first obligation (which I disagree with, anyway) then it's being fulfilled and who in the family earn the money to do it is irrelevant. Once again, her stupid idea that a marriage is just a couple of people having sex under the same roof, but that should be completely independent from what another is what's creating so many unhappy, unsatisfued marriages. Just the perfect example of a person unwilling to commit.
Finally, what kind of idiot just asumes that everyone is the same, has the same needs and desires? Some women need the challenge of work. I know many of them. Other don't. I don't. I have a master's degree, I used to work, but I felt more fulfilled and happy staying at home with my children. Is she honestly saying that I'm deluded or wrong?? We're all different, what makes me happy and fulfills me may not be enough for someone else and viceversa. Why can't she just let people do what they feel happy doing and stop being such an insuferable know-it-all.

And that was my opinion

Sharon

Quote:
Not sure where the article is - the link seems to point to a main page or something.[/b]
It happened to me, but if you write "stay at home" on the search feature, you'll find an article: "Interview with Leslie Bennetts". My guess is that's the one. If not, I just made this heated comment for nothing...

Sharon
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  #6  
May 3rd, 2007, 12:20 PM
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Quote:
OK, first of all... we need a puke emoticon, I could really use it about now

Now for my opinions on this... This idiot just shows why marriages around the Western world are failing at alarming rates: She promotes the idea that marriage is a competition. I'm sorry to tell her that it's not: it's a partnership. It's stupid ideas like this that make women think they have to win and impose themselves over their husbands to be happy. Sure, I depend on my husband economically, but he depends on me on so many aspects that are just as, if not more important than money: I turn this house into a home, I raise and educate my children, and'm the one that decideas how that money that dh earns will be spent. Irresponsible? Yeah, right.
Second, I'm not failing to provide my children with food and shelter. We're a family, and I'm making sure- by supporting my husband and administering our income- that my children have everything they need. Irresponsible?? If this is my first obligation (which I disagree with, anyway) then it's being fulfilled and who in the family earn the money to do it is irrelevant. Once again, her stupid idea that a marriage is just a couple of people having sex under the same roof, but that should be completely independent from what another is what's creating so many unhappy, unsatisfued marriages. Just the perfect example of a person unwilling to commit.
Finally, what kind of idiot just asumes that everyone is the same, has the same needs and desires? Some women need the challenge of work. I know many of them. Other don't. I don't. I have a master's degree, I used to work, but I felt more fulfilled and happy staying at home with my children. Is she honestly saying that I'm deluded or wrong?? We're all different, what makes me happy and fulfills me may not be enough for someone else and viceversa. Why can't she just let people do what they feel happy doing and stop being such an insuferable know-it-all.

And that was my opinion

Sharon[/b]
ITA! The article was just more of the same drivel about how women are stupid, idiotic and worthless unless they are out chasing a dollar.
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  #7  
May 3rd, 2007, 12:22 PM
Mom2DavidandAaron's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
How did you read that article? I can't get to it when I click it....[/b]
search for "stay at home". It's the first one
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  #8  
May 3rd, 2007, 12:27 PM
SusieQ2's Avatar Jersey Girl
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http://www.macleans.ca/article.jsp?content...7_105084_105084

That link should go right to the article I think.

While I don't agree with it I think there were some valid points. I do agree that some women intend to go back to work when there children are older not realizing how hard it is to reenter the work force after many years of not working outside the home. Unfortunately, many employers look at long absences in employment poorly. They don't take into consideration the excellent reasons that women have chosen to stay home.

I did think it was appalling that they would say that women who stay at home are risking their children's lives. Puh-lease!
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  #10  
May 3rd, 2007, 12:42 PM
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Sorry, will fix the link.
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  #11  
May 3rd, 2007, 12:43 PM
MrsCalhoun's Avatar Ryan Lover
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Quote:
http://www.macleans.ca/article.jsp?content...7_105084_105084

That link should go right to the article I think.

While I don't agree with it I think there were some valid points. I do agree that some women intend to go back to work when there children are older not realizing how hard it is to reenter the work force after many years of not working outside the home. Unfortunately, many employers look at long absences in employment poorly. They don't take into consideration the excellent reasons that women have chosen to stay home.

I did think it was appalling that they would say that women who stay at home are risking their children's lives. Puh-lease![/b]
that was the part that got me as well. And while some woman may have a hard time going back into the work force, who's fault is that. Imo it the companies not hiring a woman, because she chose to sah with her children should be seriously looked into. In the day and age whe degrees mean everything, this is beyond redicuous.
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  #12  
May 3rd, 2007, 01:02 PM
mrobinson
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I think this article is bang on right.
Quote:
It's unfair to say that I'm calling people's life choices a mistake as if this were a qualitative judgment. It's a question of facing the facts. If I had done investigative reporting and found out that there's some kind of poison in their water supply that's going to make their children sick, I think women would want to know about it, they'd probably agitate to solve the problem. And yet when it comes to questions of a family's finances, all the financial planners and investment people that I talked to said it's really difficult to get women to step up to the plate. Women will say things like, "Oh, my husband has a life insurance policy, so if something happens to him, we'll be okay." They haven't really sat down to do the math, and haven't thought through the fact that the husband's life insurance policy would carry the family for three or four years; if they're 40 years old, they may live for another 50 years! I'm not saying that their lives are a mistake, I'm saying that it's a mistake to depend on a man to support you. If this is your life plan, it probably won't work out.[/b]
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  #13  
May 3rd, 2007, 01:08 PM
rose198172's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I read this article a few weeks ago and I just could not believe some of the statements she made.

I do not think I'm irresponsible for staying at home with my children. I think that I'm doing what's best for my family. My husband works, and he enjoys working -- he gets fulfillment from that. I don't, and it would cost more for us to put the children in daycare than I would make working, so what would be the point?
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  #14  
May 3rd, 2007, 01:13 PM
mrobinson
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I want to answer every single person here with their questions but like the article, it wouldn't been seen with an open attitude. The title of the thread is SAHM's irresponsible? People won't read this article or my posts, just justify why the title is wrong.
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  #16  
May 3rd, 2007, 01:19 PM
Pure Innocence
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Being a SAHM is not irresponsible. In response to having your husband die and living off of their life insurance policy...no one is an idiot. Of course you would get a job to take care of your family and not expect it to last forever. And you also don't have to have a college degree or make 100,000 a year to support your family, so to imply that a SAHM with no "proper education for a REAL career" is irresponsible is terribly terribly sad.

Sorry, but I think being HOME with my children and not sending them off to someone else is MORE important than having a little extra money to buy more crap. Being a SAHM is not about living off a man....that's taking it in a whole different direction. This is about raising children not about a womans independence from a man.
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  #17  
May 3rd, 2007, 01:21 PM
Mom2DavidandAaron's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
that was the part that got me as well. And while some woman may have a hard time going back into the work force, who's fault is that. Imo it the companies not hiring a woman, because she chose to sah with her children should be seriously looked into. In the day and age whe degrees mean everything, this is beyond redicuous.[/b]
I'm with you!
Why is it that then we SAHM moms should change OUR priorites and OUR desires because some sexist pigs will not give a job later on? THEY should be the ones ashamed of themselves, not us. They're the ones (together with this "lady") perpetrating the idea that SAHM have nothing to offer but diapers and nap times. Would a SAHD encounter the same problems if he looked for a job? Probably this woman says no, then why is it that she's fighting agianst women being SAHM moms instead of fighting for a fairer treatment of women? What a pathetic, sorry excuse for a feminist this woman is.

Sharon
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  #18  
May 3rd, 2007, 01:26 PM
glasscandie's Avatar What I make is what I am
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I only halfway agree with the article, I vehemently disagree with her on the other half.

What I agree with is:
Quote:
So I'm sorry, when the rent cheque comes due, or the grocery bill has to be paid, it doesn't matter that you worked hard doing housework. You can't pay it if you don't have an income! And if you were depending on a man, and he left or just died, and you haven't thought through how you're going to provide for your kids, it doesn't matter how much housework you did.[/b]
I do think it's a little irresponsible and maybe even a bit lazy, to just marry someone, pop out kids, and expect that you'll always be taken care of. Go to school and get a degree, or at least have a fall-back position if something SHOULD happen to your husband. For example, I do not have a degree at the moment (going back to school in the fall!) but I have plenty of experience as a nanny (which pays well enough that I could live off of it and support my DD) so if DH *were* to just disappear off the face of the planet, I wouldn't be jumping on welfare. I in fact would make more at a nanny job than what he makes now in the military.

I do NOT agree with the statement that being a SAHP is somehow irresponsible or damaging to the child. And I especially don't agree with what she was saying, that a child is no better off with a SAHP or working parents.

Here's a link that paraphrases one study by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development: http://homeparents.about.com/library...y/aa111699.htm

And I could find plenty more.

She sounds really bitter, IMO. And I think to a degree that if you can't trust the person you're marrying to not leave you while you're SAH with the kids, then you probably shouldn't be marrying them. You especially shouldn't (IMO) be marrying if you can't carry your own weight, should the need arise. Where would you be if your husband didn't leave you, but got injured so he couldn't work? I'd hope that most SAHMs would say "Well, I'd be able to go back into the workforce and pull the weight of the family".
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  #19  
May 3rd, 2007, 01:28 PM
mrobinson
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ok then!

Quote:
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE
Quote:
A parent's first obligation is to provide food and shelter for their children, and if a mother does not maintain the ability to do that, I would question whether she's really being a responsible parent.[/b]
This lady is way off!! Our accountant in our office didn't work for 12 years while her children were young, got a degree and found this job in no time. Calling a SAHM irresponsible is crazy
[/b][/quote]
Well, look at the numbers of women in poverty with kids.. Incidence of Child Poverty Among Children in Female Lone-parent Families, by Province, Canada, 1990-1996 Those numbers are outrageous. I would say that's a good case to question how responsible women are to have kids without a plan.

Quote:
This is about raising children not about a womans independence from a man.[/b]
It's not about being independant of men. It's about being realistic.
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  #20  
May 3rd, 2007, 01:29 PM
Pure Innocence
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Wow I'm so disgusted and angry. Adios.
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