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  #1  
May 4th, 2007, 03:24 PM
donomama
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What do you think about getting married because you are pregnant? I'm not talking about moving up a wedding because there is a baby on the way, I'm talking about a couple who hadn't really talked about getting married and suddenly found themselves pregnant and decide that the best thing to do is get married. What do you think - good or bad idea?
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  #2  
May 4th, 2007, 03:28 PM
Caeden'sMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Bad, bad, bad idea... A child is not enough to sustain a relationship. Marriage should be because of the love between two people, not because of their shared love for their child. In the long run, i think it would hurt the child more... and that's even if it lasted.
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  #3  
May 4th, 2007, 03:32 PM
MJ27
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I don't think it is a wise decision.
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  #4  
May 4th, 2007, 03:32 PM
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I don't think it's a good idea. I could have run to the JOP and gotten married when I found out I was p/g but we both felt it was the more responsible choice to wait and not rush into things. Sometimes, having a child can have a really strong impact on a relationship for the worse, and if you haven't been with someone for long before the child is born, you may be in for a wake up call, KWIM?
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  #5  
May 4th, 2007, 03:35 PM
irishxrose
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Definetely not a good idea. A friend of mine did that at 16. She was pregnant, and they decided to get married after knowing each other for two months. They are now seperated, although they stayed friends for the sake of their daughter. But yeah, NOT a good idea!
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  #6  
May 4th, 2007, 03:38 PM
Caeden&#39;sMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Forgive me for going off topic slightly here, but this has got me thinking... Why is it pretty much agreed on that people shouldn't get married for the kids, but it's much more controversial about STAYING together for the kids? Or am i just way off base with what i've seen here?
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  #7  
May 4th, 2007, 03:41 PM
irishxrose
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Quote:
Forgive me for going off topic slightly here, but this has got me thinking... Why is it pretty much agreed on that people shouldn't get married for the kids, but it's much more controversial about STAYING together for the kids? Or am i just way off base with what i've seen here?[/b]
I am one who does not agree with staying together for the kids. I am from a divorced family, and trust me it was far better that my parents divorced then stay together.
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  #8  
May 4th, 2007, 03:42 PM
lotus86's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Forgive me for going off topic slightly here, but this has got me thinking... Why is it pretty much agreed on that people shouldn't get married for the kids, but it's much more controversial about STAYING together for the kids? Or am i just way off base with what i've seen here?[/b]
You know, that's a really good point. I guess if you have made it to the point in your marriage where your kids are old enough to know what's going on (like 5 and up I guess) then people (at least here) believe you should stay married for the children's sake. I don't personally believe in staying together for the kids if there are serious issues in the marriage, but I'll just leave it at that so this doesn't go o/t.
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  #9  
May 4th, 2007, 03:44 PM
donomama
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I agree with you guys. I think that, most of the time, it is a terrible idea. I wish I was bringing up this debate just for fun, but I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I just visited my sister out of state. She has been married for 9 years, and had a shotgun wedding (although she didn't admit that she was pregnant at the time). While I was at her house, she admitted to me that she hasn't really been happy the whole marriage, that she didn't love her husband, that she would have never married him if she hadn't been pregnant, and that she has just stayed with him for the sake of her kids. I think that is probably pretty typical of someone who gets married just because they are pregnant. Anyhow, I just wanted to hear what you all thought about them.
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  #10  
May 4th, 2007, 03:48 PM
lotus86's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Quote:
Forgive me for going off topic slightly here, but this has got me thinking... Why is it pretty much agreed on that people shouldn't get married for the kids, but it's much more controversial about STAYING together for the kids? Or am i just way off base with what i've seen here?[/b]
I am one who does not agree with staying together for the kids. I am from a divorced family, and trust me it was far better that my parents divorced then stay together.
[/b]
Yep, me too. It was so much better to see my parents apart and happy than together and miserable.
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  #11  
May 4th, 2007, 03:48 PM
Caeden&#39;sMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
I agree with you guys. I think that, most of the time, it is a terrible idea. I wish I was bringing up this debate just for fun, but I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I just visited my sister out of state. She has been married for 9 years, and had a shotgun wedding (although she didn't admit that she was pregnant at the time). While I was at her house, she admitted to me that she hasn't really been happy the whole marriage, that she didn't love her husband, that she would have never married him if she hadn't been pregnant, and that she has just stayed with him for the sake of her kids. I think that is probably pretty typical of someone who gets married just because they are pregnant. Anyhow, I just wanted to hear what you all thought about them.[/b]

How sad for your sister...
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  #12  
May 4th, 2007, 03:49 PM
MJ27
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Quote:
Forgive me for going off topic slightly here, but this has got me thinking... Why is it pretty much agreed on that people shouldn't get married for the kids, but it's much more controversial about STAYING together for the kids? Or am i just way off base with what i've seen here?[/b]
Perhaps because people assume that most people who marry do so for the right reasons whereas those who marry due to pregnancy are automatically marrying for the wrong reasons. So in the former case they feel that there is more to fight for so to speak.
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  #13  
May 4th, 2007, 03:51 PM
Caeden&#39;sMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Quote:
Forgive me for going off topic slightly here, but this has got me thinking... Why is it pretty much agreed on that people shouldn't get married for the kids, but it's much more controversial about STAYING together for the kids? Or am i just way off base with what i've seen here?[/b]
Perhaps because people assume that most people who marry do so for the right reasons whereas those who marry due to pregnancy are automatically marrying for the wrong reasons
[/b]

That's a good point... But i think people can change, and so can relationships. Just because something starts off good, doesn't mean it will end that way. And vice versa. I dunno... Interesting to think about!

(And donomama, i'm really sorry if i'm hijacking your thread. I'll make a spin-off if you want... )
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  #14  
May 4th, 2007, 03:56 PM
MJ27
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Forgive me for going off topic slightly here, but this has got me thinking... Why is it pretty much agreed on that people shouldn't get married for the kids, but it's much more controversial about STAYING together for the kids? Or am i just way off base with what i've seen here?[/b]
Perhaps because people assume that most people who marry do so for the right reasons whereas those who marry due to pregnancy are automatically marrying for the wrong reasons
[/b]

That's a good point... But i think people can change, and so can relationships. Just because something starts off good, doesn't mean it will end that way. And vice versa. I dunno... Interesting to think about!

(And donomama, i'm really sorry if i'm hijacking your thread. I'll make a spin-off if you want... )
[/b]
Yeah I don't agree with my point either but I thought that it may be a factor for others
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  #15  
May 4th, 2007, 03:56 PM
donomama
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(And donomama, i'm really sorry if i'm hijacking your thread. I'll make a spin-off if you want... )[/b]
No worries, I think it's just a natural path of the topic.
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  #16  
May 4th, 2007, 10:33 PM
rose198172's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think this whole situation depends on the length and level of committment of the relationship. for example, if you've been with someone for five years and haven't really talked about marriage, but knew that it was in your future, and suddenly found yourself pregnant, then I don't see anything wrong with it. But for a couple who's only been together a short period of time and don't even know whether their relationship will last or not (not that we ever REALLY know), I think it's an unwise decision.
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  #18  
May 5th, 2007, 06:18 AM
chloe82
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Quote:
Forgive me for going off topic slightly here, but this has got me thinking... Why is it pretty much agreed on that people shouldn't get married for the kids, but it's much more controversial about STAYING together for the kids? Or am i just way off base with what i've seen here?[/b]

I think getting married just because you got pregnant is a VERY bad idea. It doesn't fix anything. I think if the couple KNEW they wanted to get married anyways and decided to get married sooner, not so much of a big deal....but dedicating the rest of your life to someone becuase they got you pregnant accidentally....not a wise move. Getting married should be a decision that you make because you're in love and you know that each of you will be a good thing in the life of the other.

As for the staying together for the sake of your kids question....I don't think people should stay married for the sake of the kids, I think they should stay married for the sake of the commitment that they chose to make. (once married)(I realize there are situations where this cannot be done). And, if there are kids in the mix as well, that is all the more reason to make every effort to keep the home together.
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  #19  
May 5th, 2007, 06:31 AM
Pure Innocence
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Not a great idea.
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  #20  
May 6th, 2007, 10:35 AM
Ms.Michelle
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Quote:
What do you think about getting married because you are pregnant? I'm not talking about moving up a wedding because there is a baby on the way, I'm talking about a couple who hadn't really talked about getting married and suddenly found themselves pregnant and decide that the best thing to do is get married. What do you think - good or bad idea?[/b]
I think it's a bad idea. Marriage is supposed to be about final and full commitment, not about the new pregnacy.

Quote:
I agree with you guys. I think that, most of the time, it is a terrible idea. I wish I was bringing up this debate just for fun, but I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I just visited my sister out of state. She has been married for 9 years, and had a shotgun wedding (although she didn't admit that she was pregnant at the time). While I was at her house, she admitted to me that she hasn't really been happy the whole marriage, that she didn't love her husband, that she would have never married him if she hadn't been pregnant, and that she has just stayed with him for the sake of her kids. I think that is probably pretty typical of someone who gets married just because they are pregnant. Anyhow, I just wanted to hear what you all thought about them.[/b]


Quote:
Quote:
Forgive me for going off topic slightly here, but this has got me thinking... Why is it pretty much agreed on that people shouldn't get married for the kids, but it's much more controversial about STAYING together for the kids? Or am i just way off base with what i've seen here?[/b]
Perhaps because people assume that most people who marry do so for the right reasons whereas those who marry due to pregnancy are automatically marrying for the wrong reasons. So in the former case they feel that there is more to fight for so to speak.
[/b]

I agree!
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