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Spanking (something I saw)


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View Poll Results: Spanking
Yes 11 18.03%
No 50 81.97%
Voters: 61. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
May 5th, 2007, 06:50 AM
Pure Innocence
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Ok, one of the threads here made me remember something I saw a few weeks ago that really p'ed me off.
I live in an apartment complex and I was standing outside one day and I saw a few buildings down a woman outside with a friend and their little kids running around. This one womans daughter was like, maybe 1..she was walking, but still had the "baby" look to her. Anyway, the little girl was running out into the street and the mother went and grabbed her arm and spanked her once.
Now, I don't spank, but I totally see why this woman did it. The thing is...EVERY time I see this woman outside with her kids she is spanking the SAME little girl for some reason or other.
So, even though I was like "aw poor little girl she's crying now" I could see why the mom did that. The mom then walks back to where the little girls is sitting on the ground crying and she grabs her arm/wrist and yanks her up on her feet (hard) and walks her over to behind the stairs, lays her down and hits her like 4-5 times (spanking).
I was talking/yelling out loud about this but I don't think the woman heard me. That is not spanking to teach a lesson or w/e...that is abuse IMO.

So, would you consider this regular spanking? Do you agree with spanking? Do you not spank but tap on the hand?
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  #2  
May 5th, 2007, 07:04 AM
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Gee, who's post was this a spinoff of?
Quote:
So, would you consider this regular spanking?[/b]
I didn't see it, I can't make an assumption.
Quote:
Do you agree with spanking?[/b]
Under certain circumstances, yes.


Now, I do not use spanking as my first line of discipline, it is an absolute last resort. People assume all spankers just fly off the handle and start beating their children. I utilize spanking, maybe, once a month. For instance, the most recent spanking was about 3 weeks ago. DD was playing at her friends house down the street and I walked over to their house to tell get her to come home for dinner. I knock on the door and the grandmother answers. "I am here for Macey", I said. She said "well they were right outside here. I had to go to the bathroom and told the girls to stay in the driveway.". Well, they were not in the driveway, they were not in the house or the backyard. By this time I am in complete panic and I run over past the next two houses, where there is a bayou, and look out and there is Macey and her friend about 200 yards down in the bayou. This is a place that is not only dangerous because of what it is, it is also where the teenagers go hide and smoke and do God knows what else. I called her and told her to get up here, and they came scampering up the hill. We walked home and sat and talked to her about how wrong it was to disobey me and her friends grandmother (they have been told they are not allowed near the bayou) and, again, how dangerous the bayou is and how scared I was when I couldn't find her. Her punishment was a spanking and a loss of TV and computer privelages. She is also not allowed back at her friends house because there is an appearant lack of supervision.
Normally, I use loss of privelages and corner time. DS has never been spanked or tapped on the hand or elsewhere. He is too young to understand that and he also responds very well to simple redirection and "no".
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  #3  
May 5th, 2007, 07:11 AM
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I do not spank nor do I plan to, but I do not see it as abuse. It's just not for me. Then again, I can't really say that since I only have an almost 10-month old, but most likely we will not be spanking. I don't see spanking as something done in anger, as abuse generally is. Spanking, when not taken to the extreme, is a form of discipline that can be done in a calm and rational manner. And, correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think most forms of spanking are meant to inflict pain.
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  #4  
May 5th, 2007, 07:13 AM
Pure Innocence
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Quote:
Gee, who's post was this a spinoff of?
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE
Quote:
So, would you consider this regular spanking?[/b]
I didn't see it, I can't make an assumption.
Quote:
Do you agree with spanking?[/b]
Under certain circumstances, yes.


Now, I do not use spanking as my first line of discipline, it is an absolute last resort. People assume all spankers just fly off the handle and start beating their children. I utilize spanking, maybe, once a month. For instance, the most recent spanking was about 3 weeks ago. DD was playing at her friends house down the street and I walked over to their house to tell get her to come home for dinner. I knock on the door and the grandmother answers. "I am here for Macey", I said. She said "well they were right outside here. I had to go to the bathroom and told the girls to stay in the driveway.". Well, they were not in the driveway, they were not in the house or the backyard. By this time I am in complete panic and I run over past the next two houses, where there is a bayou, and look out and there is Macey and her friend about 200 yards down in the bayou. This is a place that is not only dangerous because of what it is, it is also where the teenagers go hide and smoke and do God knows what else. I called her and told her to get up here, and they came scampering up the hill. We walked home and sat and talked to her about how wrong it was to disobey me and her friends grandmother (they have been told they are not allowed near the bayou) and, again, how dangerous the bayou is and how scared I was when I couldn't find her. Her punishment was a spanking and a loss of TV and computer privelages. She is also not allowed back at her friends house because there is an appearant lack of supervision.
Normally, I use loss of privelages and corner time. DS has never been spanked or tapped on the hand or elsewhere. He is too young to understand that and he also responds very well to simple redirection and "no".
[/b][/quote]

Gah, Stacey this wasn't an attack on you sheesh chill out. I read your post and it reminded me of this happening a few weeks ago, and I was going to post it THEN but I had forgotten about it until I saw your reference of spanking. This has nothing to do with you personally, your post just reminded me of something.
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  #5  
May 5th, 2007, 07:13 AM
EmilysMommy04's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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A spank on the but is not abuse. Now losing control and spanking really hard is. My 3 and 5 yr old get warned 5 times before they get a spank. I give them a pop on there butts just one pop to let them know im serious. After this they know im serious and they stop. Maybe this womens child is they type that repeats what she does. Its the mothers job(bad word I chose but oh well) to make her children mind and know there limits. If she didnt they would grow up and think anything they did was ok and probably end up in jail. a pop on the bum is not abuse. Now beating your child is and thats a huge no no with me I go off.
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  #6  
May 5th, 2007, 07:15 AM
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Quote:
So, would you consider this regular spanking?[/b]
No, from what you have told us, I would consider this abuse. The woman made her point and then went back and continued it. It sounds as if this was done in anger, which I would consider abuse.

Quote:
Do you agree with spanking?[/b]
Not for me, but if it is done in a calm and rational manner I do not consider it abuse.

Quote:
Do you not spank but tap on the hand?[/b]
I don't do either, and I don't plan to. I personally do not want to associate anything physical with discipling my children, but that is JMO.

ETA: Part of the reason I have changed my view on spanking has to do with a personal experience I had. When I was pregnant, I was on the way home from dropping DF at work, and at the time he worked about 30 minutes away. I was behind a small truck on the highway, and there were two small children in the front seat, I'm guessing 1 and 3, not in a car seat or restrained. Well, I am just keeping my eye on this truck, and suddenly, the man in the passenger seat picks up the baby, flings him upside down and starts violently spanking him on the behind for about 3 minutes until he threw him back in the seat and got in his face. He then did the same to the 3 year old. To me, that is abuse. I followed them and called the cops. There is no excuse for doing that to a baby, and I was also worried for their safety because the mother was driving very erratically and those kids weren't even buckled in I still wonder to this day if the police ever did anything about it.
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  #7  
May 5th, 2007, 07:17 AM
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I have not spanked DD. I feel that she is too young for her to really understand it - I don't think it would do anything now but hurt her feelings. However, I think that when used sparingly and calmly in combination with talking to them about what they did and why they will get a spanking, it can be an effective way to discipline. So, I am not ruling out spanking later on.
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  #8  
May 5th, 2007, 07:20 AM
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Coming from an abusive background I have really gone back and forth on the spanking issue. No, I do not choose to spank my children anymore, but neither do I believe it is child abuse. There is a wrong way to spank, and there is a right way to spank. Unfortunately, my experience has almost exclusively been with the wrong way (both as a child getting the spanking and a young parent administering it).

Just from what is described, it doesn't sound like the mother in the OP used spanking in an appropriate manner.
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  #9  
May 5th, 2007, 07:46 AM
chloe82
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Quote:
Quote:
So, would you consider this regular spanking?[/b]
No, from what you have told us, I would consider this abuse. The woman made her point and then went back and continued it. It sounds as if this was done in anger, which I would consider abuse.

Quote:
Do you agree with spanking?[/b]
Not for me, but if it is done in a calm and rational manner I do not consider it abuse.

Quote:
Do you not spank but tap on the hand?[/b]
I don't do either, and I don't plan to. I personally do not want to associate anything physical with discipling my children, but that is JMO.

ETA: Part of the reason I have changed my view on spanking has to do with a personal experience I had. When I was pregnant, I was on the way home from dropping DF at work, and at the time he worked about 30 minutes away. I was behind a small truck on the highway, and there were two small children in the front seat, I'm guessing 1 and 3, not in a car seat or restrained. Well, I am just keeping my eye on this truck, and suddenly, the man in the passenger seat picks up the baby, flings him upside down and starts violently spanking him on the behind for about 3 minutes until he threw him back in the seat and got in his face. He then did the same to the 3 year old. To me, that is abuse. I followed them and called the cops. There is no excuse for doing that to a baby, and I was also worried for their safety because the mother was driving very erratically and those kids weren't even buckled in I still wonder to this day if the police ever did anything about it.
[/b]

Violently smacking an infant for 3 minutes (!!!) and then getting in his face is not spanking. It's abuse. Good on you for calling the cops! It's too bad that THAT incident changed your view on spanking, though, since what you witnessed was not actually a spanking. I feel for you for being terribly upset by seeing something like that, but I hope you didn't change your views because you equate "spanking" in your head with that kind of child abuse.
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  #10  
May 5th, 2007, 07:54 AM
lotus86's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
So, would you consider this regular spanking?[/b]
No, from what you have told us, I would consider this abuse. The woman made her point and then went back and continued it. It sounds as if this was done in anger, which I would consider abuse.

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE
<div class='quotemain'>Do you agree with spanking?[/b]
Not for me, but if it is done in a calm and rational manner I do not consider it abuse.

Quote:
Do you not spank but tap on the hand?[/b]
I don't do either, and I don't plan to. I personally do not want to associate anything physical with discipling my children, but that is JMO.

ETA: Part of the reason I have changed my view on spanking has to do with a personal experience I had. When I was pregnant, I was on the way home from dropping DF at work, and at the time he worked about 30 minutes away. I was behind a small truck on the highway, and there were two small children in the front seat, I'm guessing 1 and 3, not in a car seat or restrained. Well, I am just keeping my eye on this truck, and suddenly, the man in the passenger seat picks up the baby, flings him upside down and starts violently spanking him on the behind for about 3 minutes until he threw him back in the seat and got in his face. He then did the same to the 3 year old. To me, that is abuse. I followed them and called the cops. There is no excuse for doing that to a baby, and I was also worried for their safety because the mother was driving very erratically and those kids weren't even buckled in I still wonder to this day if the police ever did anything about it.
[/b][/quote]


Violently smacking an infant for 3 minutes (!!!) and then getting in his face is not spanking. It's abuse. Good on you for calling the cops! It's too bad that THAT incident changed your view on spanking, though, since what you witnessed was not actually a spanking. I feel for you for being terribly upset by seeing something like that, but I hope you didn't change your views because you equate "spanking" in your head with that kind of child abuse.
[/b][/quote]

I should have clarified that. I used to think any kind of spanking on the butt was not a big deal, but that made me realize that spanking done in anger is taking it to the extreme and it is abuse.
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  #11  
May 5th, 2007, 08:47 AM
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I spank my boys, but only when they are doing something that can cause them harm. For example, before we moved, we lived across the street from a pasture that had horses in it. Mikey LOVES horses and when we would go outside, he would make a bee-line for the horses. After talking to him and making him go inside didn't work, we finally popped his bottom. The other methods didn't work....he kept trying to cross the street, but popping his bottom got his attention. Another example, last summer, we were all outside; Daniel came inside to potty and was in here for a LONG time, so I came in to check on him. When I walked in the door, I found him on the counter with a box of matches, trying to light one. He got a pop on the bottom for that. In those types of situations, I pop them to let them know that I'm serious about something. But if you spank for every little thing, then it loses its effectiveness, KWIM? And when I pop them, I use my hand and only pop them twice on the bottom. I do think that hitting a child anywhere besides the bottom or the hand is abusive.
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  #12  
May 5th, 2007, 08:53 AM
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I think what that woman did would qualify as abuse and not spanking.

I don't see anything wrong with spanking but I do believe that there is a right and a wrong way to go about it just the same as there is a right and wrong way to go about punishing your child in any manner.

My dad had a quick temper and was always mad about something. My dad spanked us but he also yelled and screamed. Believe me, there were times I would have preferred the quick spanking to the yelling and screaming.

I think it's important to try to teach your kids by talking to them but that doesn't always work. Very often those little talks or lectures go in one ear and out the other.
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  #13  
May 5th, 2007, 09:21 AM
mommyKathyX3
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Is spanking abuse? No

CAN it be abuse? yes

Was OP situation abuse? not sure, but I think it was uncalled for no matter what, so maybe it is abuse.

Do we spank? On occasion, but not as a normal thing. I dont like doing it in anger, and its always just one or two swats.

SOOOOOO where are the anti-spanking its abuse moms? This is ALWAYS a heated debate! Come out come out wherever you are!
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  #14  
May 5th, 2007, 09:28 AM
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I don't think spanking is abuse, when done correctly. I don't like spanking. Chris, however, has spanked Anthony. It's not something that is done often, or as a first line of discipline. It's generally reserved for extremely dangerous things, or when nothing else is working. Anthony is a very laid back child, and sometimes time outs don't phase him.
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  #16  
May 5th, 2007, 09:41 AM
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I don't agree with spanking, I think there are very effective, different ways to discipline your child. I don't think it's abuse (in general), I just don't think it's the best way to go about getting respect from your children, in that they'll listen to you and be able to choose what's right and wrong from what they know and what they fear Anyway, I'm not really up for a spanking/not spanking debate, because I was just in one a few weeks ago lol Besides, I respect anyone's decision on how to discipline their child, even if I don't agree with it.
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  #17  
May 5th, 2007, 09:42 AM
Cereal Killer's Avatar I'm climbin' in yo window
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Quote:
Quote:
Gee, who's post was this a spinoff of?[/b]
Gah, Stacey this wasn't an attack on you sheesh chill out. I read your post and it reminded me of this happening a few weeks ago, and I was going to post it THEN but I had forgotten about it until I saw your reference of spanking. This has nothing to do with you personally, your post just reminded me of something.
[/b]
Sorry, I didn't mean that as a personal attack outcry. I was just joking. I should have added the to indicate that. I didn't take it personally nor was I offended by the thread, I was just joking about it because I had made the post prompting this just minutes before.

I am going to the mods, I want this thread closed!
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  #18  
May 5th, 2007, 10:06 AM
donomama
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I don't think the first spank was abuse (although the child sounds a little young to be spanked). I think taking the child and spanking them several times may have been. We spank, but do so very seldomly, only in certain situations and/or after other methods haven't gotten through to her.
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  #19  
May 5th, 2007, 11:33 AM
tevinsangel
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I do not think spanking is abuse, although done improperly it can be. I try to never spank when I am angry, I wait until I am calm. I also do not use my hand ( my mother always taught me that hands were for loving), so I use a small wooden kitchen spoon and give them a little smack on the bottom. I've swatted my own leg with it (very hard to see how bad it hurt) and it was the equivalent of a swat (the kind that gets attention more than hurts). I really only use a spanking if everything else has failed - taking away XBOX, computer time, cartoons, free time, bike ride for the day, etc. To me it sounds like the mom the OP was talking about was out of control and she should have waited to discipline her child when she was calm.
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  #20  
May 5th, 2007, 11:40 AM
Pure Innocence
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Gee, who's post was this a spinoff of?[/b]
Gah, Stacey this wasn't an attack on you sheesh chill out. I read your post and it reminded me of this happening a few weeks ago, and I was going to post it THEN but I had forgotten about it until I saw your reference of spanking. This has nothing to do with you personally, your post just reminded me of something.
[/b]
Sorry, I didn't mean that as a personal attack outcry. I was just joking. I should have added the to indicate that. I didn't take it personally nor was I offended by the thread, I was just joking about it because I had made the post prompting this just minutes before.

I am going to the mods, I want this thread closed!
[/b]
Oh sorry LOL!

Ok, back on topic now, the lady wasn't just spanking her child, she was raising her arm above her head and coming down on the little girl. FTR, I also didn't see WHAT body part she was hitting (they were behind stairs), but I just assumed it was her bottom. I definetly thought it was abuse, the first spank? No, but the others did not look like spankings, it was hitting.
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