We pride ourselves on having the friendliest
and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment
for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers.
If you have any problems registering please drop an email to email@example.com.
Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!
Ok, you have a certain way you discipline your child. Your child goes over to....a friends house, or a relatives house and you ask the adults in charge that if your child does such and such they get this punishment. And, those ppl don't agree with that punishment and don't do it.
What should be done? Should the parents respect the wishes of the adults watching their child if they don't feel comfortable with certain forms of punishment? If it's the adults house should they be able to punish how they see fit as long as it's not abusive (obviously) since it's their house and they are the ones watching your child? OR, should they do what the parents of the child said to do even if they don't agree with it.
No, this is not a spinoff from the bratz debate (I haven't even read that debate) NOR is this a spinoff of the spanking debate.
I voted that the parents should discipline, but I think that discipline within reason can be carried out by the person watching the child. I will not be spanking so I don't foresee it being an issue, but I would not be comfortable asking someone else to spank my child as punishment, nor would I be comfortable spanking another person's child. If I was having a playdate or babysitting and I was asked to spank someone else's child I would decline and I would probably tell them that me watching their child is not a good idea if that is how they wish for their child to be disciplined. I do believe the person caring for the child can carry out other forms of discipline, such as time outs, but nothing physical.
I wouldn't suggest another person doing something physical to my child. Although I am planning to spank my child, I would rather me or daddy do this. I wouldn't mind a close family member, such as Grandma and Grandpa since I know he will be very close to them and looked after by them frequently, and I agree with their parenting and I know they will respect my decisions.
If he was being baby sat by another person other then me, dad, grandpa, or grandma.. I would ask them to sternly tell him that they will be talking to Mom and Dad when we come to pick him up, about his miss behaving and that he will be dealt with accordingly. They can use time outs, taking away scertain priviledges, etc. But the threat of daddy and mommy will be used lol.
Generally when I was younger and I got into trouble at someone else's house, the parent's of my friend would call my mom/dad immediately. So I wouldn't forsee Julia's friend's parents' punishing her for something she did, aside from maybe making her sit on a couch or at a table until DH or I came to get her...
IMO - both. I do not think that anyone other than the parents should spank, whether or not the parents do it. I do believe that the responsible party should be able to do time outs, remove toys or privileges during the visit, etc - and that the parents should be made aware either when the visit is over or immediately depending on the severity of what the child has done, so they can add to it if they feel the need. However, to me, if Eric is playing at a friend's house and does something worthy of a time out and has served one, , and it isn't a recurring problem, I couldn't see myself punishing again just because I'm the parent - KWIM?
If my child went to a friends house, I'd say what discipline NOT to do. Like, please dont spank my child. Discipline him some other way and when I come to pick him up, I'll decide what to do from there. If I feel what he did warranted a spanking, then that's what I'd do (at home).
I choose other. Any family member could discipline the boys. Spanking is only for the parents though. If I leave them with an adult that is not a relative (which I hardly ever do) they would be expected to listen to what they were told and the adult would give me a report after the fact and they would be punished then if they did not behave. We have not had a problem so far.
Now Dani will be another story becaue dh is very protective of her and probably everyone else will be also. She is definitely gonna be a handful when she is older.
If my child has done something bad enough to be disciplined, I expect the adult in charge to call me. Not to carry out whatever punishment they see fit.
~Beth~ Wife to my Airman Chris, and mommy to: Anthony Nathaniel (8/31/04), Anastasia Fae (8/01/06), Baby C (lost on 10/12/07), David Cillian (7/31/08), Charles George (4/29/10), and Alan Christopher (2/22/12)
I guess it comes down to what we mean by "discipline." If my kids are misbehaving at someone elses' house then I have no problem with the parent correcting them, but I do take issue with another parent punishing them, especially if its a method we don't use at home. I have an afterschool care kid and I was shocked when his mother specifically requested that I spank him if he misbehaves. It made me very uncomfortable, not just because we don't spank, but because I don't believe its my place to discipline someone elses' child unless its a situation where he is putting himself in danger. I just told the mom that I will let her know if we have an issues, but that I am leaving the discipline up to her. She kept insisting "No its okay, I want him to know that you are in charge." Sorry lady. I won't do it.
Ok as for spanking a child that should be the parents. I flip If someone tries to or does spank my kids. As for time outs a babysitter can sit them in time outs no longer then 5 minutes at a time. But babysitters never have a problem with my girls.
I have always thought that discipline and punishment were two different things, but I may be wrong. I've always thought of discipline as someone correcting inappropriate behavior and punishment to be consequences for the inappropriate behavior.
I wouldn't have a problem with someone correcting my child, but I think punishment is often something that has to be agreed upon by all that will be in charge of the endeavor so as to keep things consistent for the child/ren.[/b]
I feel the same way, unfortunately a lot of the "discipline debates" get muddied because the two terms are often used interchangeably. I have no issues with a someone disciplining (correcting) my kids, but I do have issues with them punishing my kids.
I put Other. I think correcting and redirecting is fine, maybe even setting the child in time-out. However, anything beyond that, the parent needs to be called. I've read so many discipline books for work that I have an exact plan on how my DD is to be put in time-out between the ages of 2 and 5 and a totally different plan for when she is 5 and up. So, I will probably instruct the parents to tell me of any problems so I can deal with them when we get home.