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Accomodating others' children


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  #1  
May 6th, 2007, 08:35 PM
lotus86's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ok, so the S/O of the Bratz/Barbies thread got me thinking. If you allowed your child to play with toys that one of their friends were not allowed to play with, would you put them away during a playdate to accomodate the other child? Would you be bothered by this request?What if there were more than 1 friend present, and everyone else was able to play with the "forbidden" toy except this one child? I have a feeling this won't get too heated but you never can tell
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  #2  
May 6th, 2007, 08:38 PM
thepinkleprechaun's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think if one child was not allowed to play with something I would discreetly make it disappear for that playdate. The other parents wishes should be respected but you don't want the child to feel left out.
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  #3  
May 6th, 2007, 08:39 PM
Wolfmama09's Avatar " He's a marshmallow!"
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i would put it up while the child is @ my home to respect the parents wishes.
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  #4  
May 6th, 2007, 08:43 PM
glasscandie's Avatar What I make is what I am
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In the day-to-day, I hope that I'll encourage my DD to be a generous host: because a friend is their guest, it's polite to let their friend pick the game, at least to begin with. DD would be informed (if she were old enough to understand) that so-and-so's parents' don't like X toy, so the mature thing is to decide not to play with it, and I would hope that she would take on the responsibility of being a good host.

If she wasn't quite old enough to understand that, then, yeah I'd just put it away without comment lol And no, I wouldn't be bothered by it.
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  #5  
May 6th, 2007, 11:44 PM
irishxrose
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I ditto the other girls. I would discreetly make it disappear.
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  #6  
May 7th, 2007, 07:26 AM
EmilysMommy04's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I wouldnt make them disappear. If they are coming to my house then they know my kids play with them, those are my kids fav things to play with. Some may see it as rude . But it is not. I wont take things away from my children that they love for someone else. Now if I were going to someones house and they didnt let there kids play with them , my girls wouldnt be bringing there dolls.
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  #7  
May 7th, 2007, 07:29 AM
lotus86's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
I wouldnt make them disappear. If they are coming to my house then they know my kids play with them, those are my kids fav things to play with. Some may see it as rude . But it is not. I wont take things away from my children that they love for someone else. Now if I were going to someones house and they didnt let there kids play with them , my girls wouldnt be bringing there dolls.[/b]
Doesn't it teach kids to be a good host to their friends if they agree to play with something else for the time that the other child is there? I wouldn't have a dinner party with a friend that's vegetarian and serve steak, KWIM? It's not polite.
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  #8  
May 7th, 2007, 07:36 AM
EmilysMommy04's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I wouldnt make them disappear. If they are coming to my house then they know my kids play with them, those are my kids fav things to play with. Some may see it as rude . But it is not. I wont take things away from my children that they love for someone else. Now if I were going to someones house and they didnt let there kids play with them , my girls wouldnt be bringing there dolls.[/b]
Doesn't it teach kids to be a good host to their friends if they agree to play with something else for the time that the other child is there? I wouldn't have a dinner party with a friend that's vegetarian and serve steak, KWIM? It's not polite.
[/b]
It teaches my kids they shouldnt change who they are for anyone. They should be allowed to be themselves. As I said before they are coming to my house they know what my kids play with. I dont have this problem because all the little girls that come over here play with bratz at home. My kids should beable to be free to like what they like and be themselves. As for the vegetarian remark. thats funny a girl i went to school with came here for dinner I said we are having chicken. She said ok . Well she gets here we sit to eat I notice she has eaten her chicken. Then she says I went vegatarian lol. I am a big meat eater all my friends know it. Everyone of them eats meat except for this one friend. Now when I have dinners over here, I make the meat meal then i make her something vegetarian. I see it as rude if someone wants to come over for a play date then expect my kids to give up what they love. My kids come first .
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  #9  
May 7th, 2007, 07:47 AM
Tofu Bacon
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I would absolutely put away the toy or turn off the TV show that the child isn't allowed to watch/play with, and would be grateful to other parents for doing the same. I do not want to be a stumbling block for someone else.
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  #10  
May 7th, 2007, 07:54 AM
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I would respect the other parents' wishes and I hope that they would do the same for me.
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  #11  
May 7th, 2007, 08:03 AM
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Quote:
Quote:
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I wouldnt make them disappear. If they are coming to my house then they know my kids play with them, those are my kids fav things to play with. Some may see it as rude . But it is not. I wont take things away from my children that they love for someone else. Now if I were going to someones house and they didnt let there kids play with them , my girls wouldnt be bringing there dolls.[/b]
Doesn't it teach kids to be a good host to their friends if they agree to play with something else for the time that the other child is there? I wouldn't have a dinner party with a friend that's vegetarian and serve steak, KWIM? It's not polite.
[/b]
It teaches my kids they shouldnt change who they are for anyone. They should be allowed to be themselves. As I said before they are coming to my house they know what my kids play with. I dont have this problem because all the little girls that come over here play with bratz at home. My kids should beable to be free to like what they like and be themselves. As for the vegetarian remark. thats funny a girl i went to school with came here for dinner I said we are having chicken. She said ok . Well she gets here we sit to eat I notice she has eaten her chicken. Then she says I went vegatarian lol. I am a big meat eater all my friends know it. Everyone of them eats meat except for this one friend. Now when I have dinners over here, I make the meat meal then i make her something vegetarian. I see it as rude if someone wants to come over for a play date then expect my kids to give up what they love. My kids come first .
[/b]
I see what you are getting at, but doesn't that encourage selfishness, if your children do not have to respect other children and what toys they are not allowed to play with? How would you feel if you were the other parent, and your DDs were not allowed to play with a toy and the other parent refused to put it away for the time your child is there, because "her kids come first"?
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  #12  
May 7th, 2007, 08:12 AM
mommyKathyX3
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Here is a twist though. You guys are all talking about young kids where you have prior warning of "playdates" Say you have a 10 yr old who frequently goes over a neighbors house. Just goes over and knocks and says "hey can (blank) come over?" Should that STILL work that way?

Honestly I would say if the kid is maybe 5 and under then yes you should accomidate them, but when they are older than that, I think its YOUR responsibility to teach your kids what they should and shouldnt play with, and if they go over someones house who has say Bratz, or for boys toy guns, then encourage your kids (the host family)to play with something else, but dont forbid it.
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  #13  
May 7th, 2007, 08:23 AM
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(EmilysMommy04 @ May 7 2007, 09:26 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
<div class='quotemain'>
I wouldnt make them disappear. If they are coming to my house then they know my kids play with them, those are my kids fav things to play with. Some may see it as rude . But it is not. I wont take things away from my children that they love for someone else. Now if I were going to someones house and they didnt let there kids play with them , my girls wouldnt be bringing there dolls.[/b]
Doesn't it teach kids to be a good host to their friends if they agree to play with something else for the time that the other child is there? I wouldn't have a dinner party with a friend that's vegetarian and serve steak, KWIM? It's not polite.
[/b]
It teaches my kids they shouldnt change who they are for anyone. They should be allowed to be themselves. As I said before they are coming to my house they know what my kids play with. I dont have this problem because all the little girls that come over here play with bratz at home. My kids should beable to be free to like what they like and be themselves. As for the vegetarian remark. thats funny a girl i went to school with came here for dinner I said we are having chicken. She said ok . Well she gets here we sit to eat I notice she has eaten her chicken. Then she says I went vegatarian lol. I am a big meat eater all my friends know it. Everyone of them eats meat except for this one friend. Now when I have dinners over here, I make the meat meal then i make her something vegetarian. I see it as rude if someone wants to come over for a play date then expect my kids to give up what they love. My kids come first .
[/b][/quote]

I see what you are getting at, but doesn't that encourage selfishness, if your children do not have to respect other children and what toys they are not allowed to play with? How would you feel if you were the other parent, and your DDs were not allowed to play with a toy and the other parent refused to put it away for the time your child is there, because "her kids come first"?
[/b][/quote]

No Its not selfish. My children will continue to play with there favorite toys. There are other toys the other children can play with. There parents are the ones to make sure they dont play with them. If I went to another persons house and there were toys my children werent allowed to play with ot. I wouldnt mind. They probably have other toys that my kids can play with. So my kids will play with the other ones. I think its rude to expect someone to put away there childrens toys because they dont allow there children to play with them. Everyone knows what my girls play with if they want them put away thats not my problem they knew before they came here.
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  #14  
May 7th, 2007, 08:24 AM
Tofu Bacon
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Here is a twist though. You guys are all talking about young kids where you have prior warning of "playdates" Say you have a 10 yr old who frequently goes over a neighbors house. Just goes over and knocks and says "hey can (blank) come over?" Should that STILL work that way?

Honestly I would say if the kid is maybe 5 and under then yes you should accomidate them, but when they are older than that, I think its YOUR responsibility to teach your kids what they should and shouldnt play with, and if they go over someones house who has say Bratz, or for boys toy guns, then encourage your kids (the host family)to play with something else, but dont forbid it.[/b]


^^Yes, it definitely gets more complicated as they get older. For me, I'm not too keen on letting my kids play at anyone else's house unless I know them EXTREMELY well. Not just because I worry about them being allowed to play objectional video games or look at porn on the computer, but also for my kids' own safety. I can't trust that every parent is a responsible one, and won't "run up to the store real quick" and leave them alone, have accessable alcohol, have a gun that properly locked up and secure...or worst still, molest my kid at a sleepover.
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  #15  
May 7th, 2007, 08:28 AM
glasscandie's Avatar What I make is what I am
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Quote:
Here is a twist though. You guys are all talking about young kids where you have prior warning of "playdates" Say you have a 10 yr old who frequently goes over a neighbors house. Just goes over and knocks and says "hey can (blank) come over?" Should that STILL work that way?

Honestly I would say if the kid is maybe 5 and under then yes you should accomidate them, but when they are older than that, I think its YOUR responsibility to teach your kids what they should and shouldnt play with, and if they go over someones house who has say Bratz, or for boys toy guns, then encourage your kids (the host family)to play with something else, but dont forbid it.[/b]
Hm at the first situation. I remember my mom having a problem with one of the neighbor's values (they had a kid my age, IDK, I was 8 or 9 years old at the time, maybe) and she told me that she would rather I didn't go over their house anymore, so I didn't. I'd still see the kid around, but I'd just not interact with her. I also remember when I was a lot younger, there was a kid who lived next door (different neighborhood, we moved) and he was really mean - I'd be playing outside with my sister and stuff, and he'd throw sticks at us, or ruin whatever pretend game we were playing, so eventually my mom just started bringing us in the house whenever he was outside (talking with his mom didn't help, she didn't discipline him).

Anyway, I can't imagine hating a toy so much that I wouldn't allow my child over the kid's house. I don't agree with, for instance, playing "guns" (or cops and robbers, whatever the game's called lol), and it won't be allowed as a game in my house, or anywhere where I can see it. If they end up playing it at someone else's house, that's fine. But that's not something that's allowed in mine. I wouldn't NOT let DD play with someone b/c they *might* play a game of cops and robbers lol
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  #16  
May 7th, 2007, 09:00 AM
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If I know a child is coming over and mother strongly disagree's with a particular type of toy I would put it away. I would not allow the other kids to play with something in front of that child if he/she cant play too.
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  #17  
May 7th, 2007, 09:05 AM
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to all the above, I like the way Courtney stated it.
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  #18  
May 7th, 2007, 09:20 AM
donomama
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I wouldnt make them disappear. If they are coming to my house then they know my kids play with them, those are my kids fav things to play with. Some may see it as rude . But it is not. I wont take things away from my children that they love for someone else. Now if I were going to someones house and they didnt let there kids play with them , my girls wouldnt be bringing there dolls.[/b]
Doesn't it teach kids to be a good host to their friends if they agree to play with something else for the time that the other child is there? I wouldn't have a dinner party with a friend that's vegetarian and serve steak, KWIM? It's not polite.
[/b]
It teaches my kids they shouldnt change who they are for anyone. They should be allowed to be themselves. As I said before they are coming to my house they know what my kids play with. I dont have this problem because all the little girls that come over here play with bratz at home. My kids should beable to be free to like what they like and be themselves. As for the vegetarian remark. thats funny a girl i went to school with came here for dinner I said we are having chicken. She said ok . Well she gets here we sit to eat I notice she has eaten her chicken. Then she says I went vegatarian lol. I am a big meat eater all my friends know it. Everyone of them eats meat except for this one friend. Now when I have dinners over here, I make the meat meal then i make her something vegetarian. I see it as rude if someone wants to come over for a play date then expect my kids to give up what they love. My kids come first .
[/b]

Toys don't define who my kids are. I will teach them to be respectful of the needs of others. If that means putting a toy away that they are not allowed to play with, not eating a certain food that they are allergic to, or turning off the tv if they are not allowed to watch it, we will do it. I hope that the parents where I send my kids will be just as accomadating. My kids come first too, but it is my responsibility to teach them to respect others and be a good friend and host.
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  #19  
May 7th, 2007, 10:24 AM
SusieQ2's Avatar Jersey Girl
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If I had prior warning I would try to make sure the toy was put away and maybe try to plan out other fun things for the kids to do.

I do feel bad for the kid who isn't allowed to play with certain things though because the other kids usually end up finding out and then sometimes don't want to play with that kid anymore.

When I was about 13 my friends and I started playing with a Ouija board for fun. We would always get it out when we had sleepovers or if we wanted to ask it if a boy liked us! We had one friend who wasn't allowed to play with them so she slowly stopped getting invited places. Maybe it wasn't right but at the same time the rest of us were allowed to do it.
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  #20  
May 7th, 2007, 11:38 AM
EmilysMommy04's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Quote:
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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(EmilysMommy04 @ May 7 2007, 09:26 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
<div class='quotemain'>
I wouldnt make them disappear. If they are coming to my house then they know my kids play with them, those are my kids fav things to play with. Some may see it as rude . But it is not. I wont take things away from my children that they love for someone else. Now if I were going to someones house and they didnt let there kids play with them , my girls wouldnt be bringing there dolls.[/b]
Doesn't it teach kids to be a good host to their friends if they agree to play with something else for the time that the other child is there? I wouldn't have a dinner party with a friend that's vegetarian and serve steak, KWIM? It's not polite.
[/b]
It teaches my kids they shouldnt change who they are for anyone. They should be allowed to be themselves. As I said before they are coming to my house they know what my kids play with. I dont have this problem because all the little girls that come over here play with bratz at home. My kids should beable to be free to like what they like and be themselves. As for the vegetarian remark. thats funny a girl i went to school with came here for dinner I said we are having chicken. She said ok . Well she gets here we sit to eat I notice she has eaten her chicken. Then she says I went vegatarian lol. I am a big meat eater all my friends know it. Everyone of them eats meat except for this one friend. Now when I have dinners over here, I make the meat meal then i make her something vegetarian. I see it as rude if someone wants to come over for a play date then expect my kids to give up what they love. My kids come first .
[/b][/quote]


Toys don't define who my kids are. I will teach them to be respectful of the needs of others. If that means putting a toy away that they are not allowed to play with, not eating a certain food that they are allergic to, or turning off the tv if they are not allowed to watch it, we will do it. I hope that the parents where I send my kids will be just as accomadating. My kids come first too, but it is my responsibility to teach them to respect others and be a good friend and host.
[/b][/quote]


they dont define who my kids are. But No they wouldnt be putting them away . Why should my kids be made to put up there fav toys the only toys they play with because of someone else. I find it rude that people expect this. They will be good hosts in there homes but they will knoiw they dont need to try to make everyone else happy.
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