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  #1  
May 7th, 2007, 04:40 AM
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I'm not sure what the laws are on telling kids that they are adopted, but it came up in convo with my sis this weekend and I wanted to post it.

Should parents have to tell their child they are adopted? If so, by what age? Do you think it's a parents decision whether or not to tell their child they are adopted? Do you think ppl who are adopted shouldn't know they are adopted?
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  #2  
May 7th, 2007, 04:54 AM
rose198172's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I personally think it's wrong not to tell kids they are adopted. My cousin knew at age 5, I think. He's never had a problem with it, unlike others I know who found out in their late teens. Kids have a way of figuring these things out.
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  #3  
May 7th, 2007, 04:56 AM
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As far as I am aware, there are no laws stating you HAVE to tell a child they are adopted.

I don't think there should be a law stating when adopted parents have to tell their children - it should be up to the family how the situation is handled. I DO believe that adopted parents have a responsibility to tell their children by the time they are 18 and the records open (assuming a private/closed adoption), because as an adopted person myself I can't imagine finding out I was adopted because my birth mother came into my life. I just don't think it's something the law should have a say over.
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  #4  
May 7th, 2007, 05:45 AM
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There are different types of adoption -- open and closed, foreign or not that could affect when or if the child is told and at what age.

I don't know that there should be a LAW, but I think out of respect for the child, it would be nice for them to hear it from the parents, then find out on there own.
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  #5  
May 7th, 2007, 05:56 AM
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I don't think there should be a law that dictates when an adoptive parent must tell the child they are adopted, that should be left up to the family. If it were me, I would probably let the child know early on, when they were capable of understanding what adoption was.
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  #6  
May 7th, 2007, 06:33 AM
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Quote:
I don't think there should be a law that dictates when an adoptive parent must tell the child they are adopted, that should be left up to the family. If it were me, I would probably let the child know early on, when they were capable of understanding what adoption was.[/b]
Ditto.
If it were me,Id let the child know he/she is adopted from the start,because through experience,I think they understand and take it alot better when its something they have always known.When they see it as something natural and something they have always been able to talk about,then you save having to give them one big talk and a possible bad reaction that could last for weeks kwim?
What I certainly wouldent do is spring it on the child once he/she hits puberty.I think thats not fair and such a shock to the child.
My son is from another relationship and although he only knows my husband as his daddy (because his SD was never around),he knows that he is not his biological father.We have never kept it from him and these days,we can awnser his questions with total honesty and he´s fine with everything.
I certainly wouldent want his SD to come into his life in 10 years time and say "Hi there,Im your dad" without my son knowing anything kwim?
I think its best to be as open as possible in these cases
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  #7  
May 7th, 2007, 08:03 AM
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I do not think there should be laws requiring adoptive parents to disclose this information at a certain age, or even ever if that is what they choose. It should be up to them.

HOWEVER, it seems to me that it is good sense to be open and honest about the child's background from the very beginning, even before they are old enough to understand the concept of "adoption". Just as very young children love stories and pictures from the day they were born... having been adopted should be just as naturally spoken of.
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  #8  
May 7th, 2007, 08:07 AM
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I think it should be required to have the children know they are adopted by the age of 18. I just think it's their right....adoption isn't a bad thing, and I don't see it as something that should be hidden from a child forever and ever. Plus, what if they needed their actual family medical history for some condition they get in the future? Isn't that pretty important?
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  #9  
May 7th, 2007, 09:27 AM
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I don't think laws should dictate what and when you should tell your child because it is a very personal thing.

I do believe that adopted children have the right to know that they are adopted. However, I think how and when that information is given is totally dependent on the individual situation. The parent should tell the child when they feel that the child is ready to hear what has to be said.
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  #10  
May 7th, 2007, 09:29 AM
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I think as long as the child is a minor the parents have a right to tell them whenever, but once they become an adult they have a right to know.
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  #11  
May 7th, 2007, 10:02 AM
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Should parents have to tell their child they are adopted? Yes!
If so, by what age? soon as possible
Do you think it's a parents decision whether or not to tell their child they are adopted? yes, but I think it's not a good idea to keep the secret.
Do you think ppl who are adopted shouldn't know they are adopted? no! it's important for everyone to know where you come from.
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  #13  
May 7th, 2007, 10:38 AM
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Quote:
Quote:
I think as long as the child is a minor the parents have a right to tell them whenever, but once they become an adult they have a right to know.[/b]
Ditto.

What about medical history? Don't they have a right to that?
[/b]
This is what I asked earlier, but no one responded. I wonder though, if during the adoption process if the adoptive parents have to gather family medical history from the biological family. I have no idea though...
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  #14  
May 7th, 2007, 12:15 PM
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I honestly don't know what the policy is in the US. In Canada, however, the birth parents are provided a packet that includes the age, race, and medical history of both parents and their family. They also note how the mother treated herself during the pregnancy - for example, my packet included notes that stated my birth mother drank occasionally while pregnant and smoked socially.

I have heard that, in closed adoptions in the US, this information isn't provided - but I can't tell you that for certain. I also don't know if anything has drastically changed in Canada in the past 24 years.
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  #15  
May 7th, 2007, 12:59 PM
rose198172's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Sorry... I meant to say that I don't think that there should be a law dictating that parents HAVE to tell their children, but I think that it's in the parents' best interests, so that when the child does find out, there isn't so much resentment.
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  #16  
May 7th, 2007, 07:17 PM
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I think they should be told, but I do think it's better to do it while they're younger becuase being told as a teenager or young adult would be a lot more traumatizing. Just IMO anyways. It reminds me of that movie "Relative Strangers" lol...
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  #17  
May 7th, 2007, 08:47 PM
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Quote:
I do not think there should be laws requiring adoptive parents to disclose this information at a certain age, or even ever if that is what they choose. It should be up to them.

HOWEVER, it seems to me that it is good sense to be open and honest about the child's background from the very beginning, even before they are old enough to understand the concept of "adoption". Just as very young children love stories and pictures from the day they were born... having been adopted should be just as naturally spoken of.[/b]


My brother and sister are adopted (twins). They are/were so proud about it from a very young age. They would introduce themselves "Hi, I'm Allen and this is Sara, and we're adopted." They loved to brag about it, lol.
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