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  #1  
May 7th, 2007, 10:23 AM
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OK, so I almost hesitate to post this because I'm sure I'll get ripped a new one but here goes

My little sister drinks. Not heavily, not daily, but she does socially and has for some time now. She's 17.

I found out that she drank because I overheard a conversation she had with one of her friends. In it she said that she was an "awesome drunk driver" I immediately talked to her about it. I came to find out that her friends were doing very dangerous things. Not only were they driving under the influence, they were drinking WHILE driving, because that was the only time they could get privacy to do it. They were also doing "blunt rides" (smoking pot while driving) And I found out that they were buying alcohol and pot in the city, basically the ghetto.

I tried to talk to her, I tried to tell her my experiences and that she was going down a bad path. She is very headstrong and doesn't really see what she is doing as a problem-and I will give her credit, she is somehow able to balance her, uh, social activities with her school work and the rest of her life, and seems to be doing great. But I love my sister and the thought of her-a little girl who wieghs 90 lbs soaking wet-going to the ghetto to buy weed and bootlegged alcohol scares the crap out of me. As does the thought of her drinking and driving. So I made a deal with her. When she wants to drink, I buy her the alcohol. When she wants to smoke pot, I get some from my friend who grows his own (so that not only does she NOT go to the ghetto to buy it, I know it's not going to be laced with God knows what) I also allow her and her friends to drink at my house occasionally. I don't drink with them, I make sure that they are not drinking excessive amounts, make sure they are safe, and drive them home. I am also the designated driver to and from parties for her and many of her friends. They also know to call me if they ever need a ride-and they have many times.

I know this is, to say the least, morally grey. I know I am breaking the law, and I do not feel wonderful about it. But at the same time, I feel like I have no choice. My parents and her friends parents KNOW that they drink, they just choose to look the other way and pretend it isn't happening. I feel like it's setting them up for disaster-that they will end up killing themselves or somebody else. So this is what I do. What would you do if you were in my situation, if it was someone YOU loved? Is this wrong?
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  #2  
May 7th, 2007, 10:26 AM
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You know, this is often something I think about. Teenagers have a mind of their own, and they will find ways to do what they want no matter how much you tell them no and show them the consequences and how bad it is....So if you tell them no and don't advocate it and they still do it...and the only way for them to do it is to do it dangerously.....what do you do? Is it better to keep telling them no no no and have them sneak around and be dangerous or is it better to monitor and make sure they are safe while they are doing it?

editing::: in just a few seconds...

I was that little girl once. I was 100 lbs, 4 11 couldn't hold my own. While I personally didn't go out and buy alcohol and drugs, I was with ppl who did and I once went to a bootleggers house with friends for them to buy their stuff. I'd drink at parties....and I was nearly raped. I didn't drink at a party since then. My parents live in the country and every summer we would have a ton of bonfires and everyones friends would come over and we'd drink and then crash in the living room on the floor. We'd all wake up the next morning and all us "kids" would go outside and clean up the backyard while my parents made biscuits and gravy and scrambled eggs. Oh, and it was just drinking at the bonfires, no drugs (although my mom was a closet pot head, but that's a different story). And no one was allowed to leave, my mom took everyones car keys. Was this irresponsible of my parents? Maybe...but because of them allowing this my brother, sister and I and most our friends never went to another party and did stupid things and risked driving home drunk etc etc... We were under the supervision of adults who monitored what we did, what we drank, how much we drank, where we were, where we WEREN'T going etc...
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  #4  
May 7th, 2007, 10:32 AM
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I should add that when I was 16 I was doing the same thing...and I would run away and put myself in dangerous situations all the time so that I could do what I wanted to do. I ended up getting raped and almost killed...so this is where I am coming from. I would die if anything happened to my sister.
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  #5  
May 7th, 2007, 10:34 AM
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That is a tough position to be in. I know that you want to protect your sister but you are also putting yourself at a great risk. If you were caught doing these things or if one of those kids or their parents turned you in you could face very serious consequences.

I would normally say you should tell your parents but if they already know and aren't doing anything I guess that won't do any good.

I think maybe you should spend more time showing your sister why these things are so dangerous. I wouldn't want to be in your position.
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  #6  
May 7th, 2007, 10:35 AM
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This is a bad situation that I hope I'm never in. Just know that if one of the parents of the underage friends of her's wants to press charges against you for doing this, they can at any time. You might be taking her out of harms way (for now) but you are putting yourself in just as much harms way.[/b]
Very true, this is another major downfall to it. But which side is more important? Keeping kids from hiding what they are doing, being out on the streets and getting raped/killed etc...or risking the possibility of being charged yourself?
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  #8  
May 7th, 2007, 10:45 AM
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I think your heart is in the right place but I do think it i wrong what you are doing. You may think you are helping your sister but you are not.
My mom felt like you. She thought that since I was going to drink and try drugs anyways, if I was doing it at home at least she would know I was safe. If my dad bought the beer at least they would know what I was drinking, and that I wasn't hanging around outside the beer store trying to get a boot. If my dad rolled joints for me and my friends, they knew it wasn't laced. They thought they were helping me by being the cool parents, being my friend.
They weren't helping me though, they were enablong me on a road to alcohol abuse and drug addiction that took me a long time to overcome and caused me to put myelf in dangerous situations and like you bad things happened to me that I have never fully recovered from despite their efforts to provide me with what they thought were safe partying options. And they were putting themelves in danger liability-wise and risking prosecution.
I think I can understand where you are coming from but I think it's a bad idea.

eta my dad grew the pot himself as well.
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  #9  
May 7th, 2007, 10:48 AM
Laney21's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think I would do the same thing. If you know you are not going to change her ways, at least you can help keep her safe.
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  #10  
May 7th, 2007, 10:48 AM
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I think your heart is in the right place but I do think it i wrong what you are doing. You may think you are helping your sister but you are not.
My mom felt like you. She thought that since I was going to drink and try drugs anyways, if I was doing it at home at least she would know I was safe. If my dad bought the beer at least they would know what I was drinking, and that I wasn't hanging around outside the beer store trying to get a boot. If my dad rolled joints for me and my friends, they knew it wasn't laced. They thought they were helping me by being the cool parents, being my friend.
They weren't helping me though, they were enablong me on a road to alcohol abuse and drug addiction that took me a long time to overcome and caused me to put myelf in dangerous situations and like you bad things happened to me that I have never fully recovered from despite their efforts to provide me with what they thought were safe partying options. And they were putting themelves in danger liability-wise and risking prosecution.
I think I can understand where you are coming from but I think it's a bad idea.[/b]
Did your parents notice the signs of addiction or did the addiciton happen later once you were out of the home? I think it can be bad and good...for some it's good, and for others it's bad because it only leads to addiction like you are saying.
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  #11  
May 7th, 2007, 10:49 AM
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This is a bad situation that I hope I'm never in. Just know that if one of the parents of the underage friends of her's wants to press charges against you for doing this, they can at any time. You might be taking her out of harms way (for now) but you are putting yourself in just as much harms way.[/b]
Very true, this is another major downfall to it. But which side is more important? Keeping kids from hiding what they are doing, being out on the streets and getting raped/killed etc...or risking the possibility of being charged yourself?
[/b]
It's a tough situation. Rebecca has a child so if she were to be jailed then her child would suffer too. It's really hard to say...
[/b]
This is true...I don't know, I'm a loss for what to do She is going off to college next year and part of me is relieved, but part of me is scared to death for her
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  #12  
May 7th, 2007, 10:51 AM
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should have started a poll to see what ppl's answers are.....a lot of ppl don't like to actually write out how they really feel so they don't answer
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  #13  
May 7th, 2007, 10:53 AM
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I think your heart is in the right place but I do think it i wrong what you are doing. You may think you are helping your sister but you are not.
My mom felt like you. She thought that since I was going to drink and try drugs anyways, if I was doing it at home at least she would know I was safe. If my dad bought the beer at least they would know what I was drinking, and that I wasn't hanging around outside the beer store trying to get a boot. If my dad rolled joints for me and my friends, they knew it wasn't laced. They thought they were helping me by being the cool parents, being my friend.
They weren't helping me though, they were enablong me on a road to alcohol abuse and drug addiction that took me a long time to overcome and caused me to put myelf in dangerous situations and like you bad things happened to me that I have never fully recovered from despite their efforts to provide me with what they thought were safe partying options. And they were putting themelves in danger liability-wise and risking prosecution.
I think I can understand where you are coming from but I think it's a bad idea.

eta my dad grew the pot himself as well.[/b]
Well, I truly do not believe she is an addict. I was an addict and grew up around them so I can spot one from a mile away. I really do think she is just going through a stage...she's been the "good" daughter (whereas I was the black sheep ) and a perfect straight A student all her life, now that school is over for her I think she is just rebelling a little bit...I really don't see this continuing for that long.

Liability wise, yeah I'm taking a huge risk. But honestly, if it keeps her from getting hurt it's worth it to me.
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  #14  
May 7th, 2007, 10:56 AM
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I think your heart is in the right place but I do think it i wrong what you are doing. You may think you are helping your sister but you are not.
My mom felt like you. She thought that since I was going to drink and try drugs anyways, if I was doing it at home at least she would know I was safe. If my dad bought the beer at least they would know what I was drinking, and that I wasn't hanging around outside the beer store trying to get a boot. If my dad rolled joints for me and my friends, they knew it wasn't laced. They thought they were helping me by being the cool parents, being my friend.
They weren't helping me though, they were enablong me on a road to alcohol abuse and drug addiction that took me a long time to overcome and caused me to put myelf in dangerous situations and like you bad things happened to me that I have never fully recovered from despite their efforts to provide me with what they thought were safe partying options. And they were putting themelves in danger liability-wise and risking prosecution.
I think I can understand where you are coming from but I think it's a bad idea.[/b]
Did your parents notice the signs of addiction or did the addiciton happen later once you were out of the home? I think it can be bad and good...for some it's good, and for others it's bad because it only leads to addiction like you are saying.
[/b]
No, they didn't know until I was 21 and married, my husband told them.
They culdn't supervise me ALL the time, and I went to parties, where I tried cocaine and other things. I knew which drugs they would NOT be okay with and hid that from them. I knew I could always call them for a ride at any time in any condtion no questions asked, they always said they would rather I be safe, my friends too they always told us this - and a lot of the time we did, but we didn't always make the best choices and we drove with people who were under the influence anyways. We were teenagers, we thought it was all good, we were invincible.
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  #16  
May 7th, 2007, 10:59 AM
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I think your heart is in the right place but I do think it i wrong what you are doing. You may think you are helping your sister but you are not.
My mom felt like you. She thought that since I was going to drink and try drugs anyways, if I was doing it at home at least she would know I was safe. If my dad bought the beer at least they would know what I was drinking, and that I wasn't hanging around outside the beer store trying to get a boot. If my dad rolled joints for me and my friends, they knew it wasn't laced. They thought they were helping me by being the cool parents, being my friend.
They weren't helping me though, they were enablong me on a road to alcohol abuse and drug addiction that took me a long time to overcome and caused me to put myelf in dangerous situations and like you bad things happened to me that I have never fully recovered from despite their efforts to provide me with what they thought were safe partying options. And they were putting themelves in danger liability-wise and risking prosecution.
I think I can understand where you are coming from but I think it's a bad idea.[/b]
Did your parents notice the signs of addiction or did the addiciton happen later once you were out of the home? I think it can be bad and good...for some it's good, and for others it's bad because it only leads to addiction like you are saying.
[/b]
No, they didn't know until I was 21 and married, my husband told them.
They culdn't supervise me ALL the time, and I went to parties, where I tried cocaine and other things. I knew which drugs they would NOT be okay with and hid that from them. I knew I could always call them for a ride at any time in any condtion no questions asked, they always said they would rather I be safe, my friends too they always told us this - and a lot of the time we did, but we didn't always make the best choices and we drove with people who were under the influence anyways. We were teenagers, we thought it was all good, we were invincible.
[/b]
See this is where I come in and reiterate how it can be a good choice and bad choice on a parents behalf. Some lead to addiction (like in your case) so that probably wasn't the best thing for your parents to do. But in the case of my siblings and I, it was great. We never went to parties, we stayed home on the weekends all the time, didn't do any drugs. I guess we used this "privledge" the "right" way and so it was good for our situation, but not everyones.

Oh, and good for you for battling the addiction!!
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  #17  
May 7th, 2007, 11:00 AM
SusieQ2's Avatar Jersey Girl
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I think your heart is in the right place but I do think it i wrong what you are doing. You may think you are helping your sister but you are not.
My mom felt like you. She thought that since I was going to drink and try drugs anyways, if I was doing it at home at least she would know I was safe. If my dad bought the beer at least they would know what I was drinking, and that I wasn't hanging around outside the beer store trying to get a boot. If my dad rolled joints for me and my friends, they knew it wasn't laced. They thought they were helping me by being the cool parents, being my friend.
They weren't helping me though, they were enablong me on a road to alcohol abuse and drug addiction that took me a long time to overcome and caused me to put myelf in dangerous situations and like you bad things happened to me that I have never fully recovered from despite their efforts to provide me with what they thought were safe partying options. And they were putting themelves in danger liability-wise and risking prosecution.
I think I can understand where you are coming from but I think it's a bad idea.

eta my dad grew the pot himself as well.[/b]
Well, I truly do not believe she is an addict. I was an addict and grew up around them so I can spot one from a mile away. I really do think she is just going through a stage...she's been the "good" daughter (whereas I was the black sheep ) and a perfect straight A student all her life, now that school is over for her I think she is just rebelling a little bit...I really don't see this continuing for that long.

Liability wise, yeah I'm taking a huge risk. But honestly, if it keeps her from getting hurt it's worth it to me.
[/b]

I know that you are trying to protect your sister and I respect that. She is lucky to have you. However, is it worth it if you end up getting in trouble and risk your daughter? People who provide alcohol and drugs to minors and are caught doing it not only risk fines and jail they could also take your daughter away from you. Now, is that a risk your willing to take because your sister wants to rebel a little?
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  #19  
May 7th, 2007, 11:07 AM
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Well, I truly do not believe she is an addict. I was an addict and grew up around them so I can spot one from a mile away. I really do think she is just going through a stage...she's been the "good" daughter (whereas I was the black sheep ) and a perfect straight A student all her life, now that school is over for her I think she is just rebelling a little bit...I really don't see this continuing for that long.
Liability wise, yeah I'm taking a huge risk. But honestly, if it keeps her from getting hurt it's worth it to me.[/b]
I know that you are trying to protect your sister and I respect that. She is lucky to have you. However, is it worth it if you end up getting in trouble and risk your daughter? People who provide alcohol and drugs to minors and are caught doing it not only risk fines and jail they could also take your daughter away from you. Now, is that a risk your willing to take because your sister wants to rebel a little?
[/b]
I had not thought of that! Good point!
Rebecca please don't feel I am judging you when I say i think it's the wrong thing to do - like I said I think your heart is in the right place.
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  #20  
May 7th, 2007, 11:08 AM
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I think your heart is in the right place but I do think it i wrong what you are doing. You may think you are helping your sister but you are not.
My mom felt like you. She thought that since I was going to drink and try drugs anyways, if I was doing it at home at least she would know I was safe. If my dad bought the beer at least they would know what I was drinking, and that I wasn't hanging around outside the beer store trying to get a boot. If my dad rolled joints for me and my friends, they knew it wasn't laced. They thought they were helping me by being the cool parents, being my friend.
They weren't helping me though, they were enablong me on a road to alcohol abuse and drug addiction that took me a long time to overcome and caused me to put myelf in dangerous situations and like you bad things happened to me that I have never fully recovered from despite their efforts to provide me with what they thought were safe partying options. And they were putting themelves in danger liability-wise and risking prosecution.
I think I can understand where you are coming from but I think it's a bad idea.

eta my dad grew the pot himself as well.[/b]
Well, I truly do not believe she is an addict. I was an addict and grew up around them so I can spot one from a mile away. I really do think she is just going through a stage...she's been the "good" daughter (whereas I was the black sheep ) and a perfect straight A student all her life, now that school is over for her I think she is just rebelling a little bit...I really don't see this continuing for that long.

Liability wise, yeah I'm taking a huge risk. But honestly, if it keeps her from getting hurt it's worth it to me.
[/b]

I know that you are trying to protect your sister and I respect that. She is lucky to have you. However, is it worth it if you end up getting in trouble and risk your daughter? People who provide alcohol and drugs to minors and are caught doing it not only risk fines and jail they could also take your daughter away from you. Now, is that a risk your willing to take because your sister wants to rebel a little?
[/b]
No, it's not. I honestly have always tried to push that to the back of my mind but you're right.

I will continue to give her rides I think...but I'm not going to enable her any more than that.

BTW thanks for not ripping me a new one everyone This has been troubling me for a while but I've been scared to talk about it!
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