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  #1  
May 9th, 2007, 08:14 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Lafayette, Indiana
Posts: 4,213
What is your stance on finding out your baby's gender before he/she is born? I hope nobody ends up taking the stance that one over the makes you a bad parent (if we end up going that far, we need to re-think our debate strategies here ladies).

I just thought it would be a fun debate on what you think is the best way to go. What did you do? For those ladies who haven't had their first yet, what do you plan on doing? Share your stories and opinions!

DH and I found out Emma's gender much to my DH's dismay. I pretty much insisted on knowing. He later told me he had fantasies of walking out to the waiting room and announcing "It's a....." to waiting family members. I felt horrible after that! So, with our next one, I hope to leave it a surprise. That way we have experienced it both ways.
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  #2  
May 9th, 2007, 08:19 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,780
I asked to find out the sex. It makes shopping and decorating much easier.
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  #3  
May 9th, 2007, 08:28 AM
SusieQ2's Avatar Jersey Girl
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 39,051
I wanted to find out but DH wasn't sure if he wanted to know for the exact same reason as your husband. Then he decided he couldn't wait so we found out that it is a boy! I don't regret it at all and he doesn't seem to either. I think it has helped me to form even more of a bond with the baby even though he isn't here yet. He is already my son.
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  #4  
May 9th, 2007, 08:38 AM
frgsonmysox's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Offutt AFB, NE
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With both I wanted to find out. I wanted to plan better. Now I have one of each and I want to keep it a secret next time, but Chris doesn't.
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  #5  
May 9th, 2007, 09:27 AM
lotus86's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2005
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We both wanted to find out. Neither of us like surprises that much! By the time 20 weeks rolled around we wanted to know! Plus, it made coordinating everything easier, mainly for clothes.

Was anyone else uber-paranoid that their baby wouldn't come out the gender that you thought? The tech told me and showed me that it was a girl, but I didn't cut the tags off of any non-unisex clothes until I knew for sure, and I also insisted on all my big stuff (bedding, crib, stroller, car seat, etc) being green just in case!
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  #6  
May 9th, 2007, 09:36 AM
Ms.Michelle
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I feel so strongly we start sexually stereotyping our kids before the are even out of the womb that I didn't even want to know the sex. I have a huge problem with pink/blue, prince/princess mentality that most people think are great. So.. needless to say, I don't fit in well in my DDC!

Our plan was not to find out the sex. Everyone told me, tell the U/S tech that.. and I thought "whatever." Then he knew and asked me, "so do you want to know the sex?" I couldn't stand the fact he knew, and I didn't. So I hestitated and said yes.

Even though we know it's a girl, we are still going to dress her in gender neutral colours and have still done the underwater theme in her bedroom. I've told people not to buy her pink because if they do, I will take one pic of her in it, send that pic to them, then donate the article of clothing.. Well, until she is old enough to start picking out her own clothes and colours.
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  #7  
May 9th, 2007, 09:37 AM
Laney21's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: NB, Canada
Posts: 21,661
I wanted my first to be a surprise, but with my second I wanted to know. Unfortunately, they couldn't tell me (hospital policy). I begged and pleaded, attempted bribery but nope, they wouldn't budge! (I even tried reading my chart at every appointment but they never wrote it in there)

Apparently now some doctors will tell you because my SIL who just gave birth (and saw the same gyno I did) was able to find out a few months ago.

I loved the surprise both times though!!!!
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  #8  
May 9th, 2007, 09:45 AM
*kyle*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 5,117
I could not NOT know. It would drive me insane.
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  #9  
May 9th, 2007, 09:56 AM
jodi16ss's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,210
We didn't want to find out with our first pregnancy but did find out with the second. I liked the surprise with our first but also liked knowing with our second. It was a lot easier to decorate her room and to buy clothes (and more fun!!).
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  #10  
May 9th, 2007, 10:00 AM
mommyKathyX3
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Posts: n/a
I am WAY WAY too much of a planner! I about would go insane not knowing. With Chloe my pregnancy was so opposite my one with Julia that even though the tech said she was 99% sure it was a girl, I was doubtfu, and it drove me insane! I dont mind when people wait, but I am irritated to NO end when people pull the "but then there is no surprise" crap! There are not many things that get to me, but if you are going to question my choice of finding out GENDER, then *sticking toungue out* (do we have a smiliey for that?)

Quote:
I feel so strongly we start sexually stereotyping our kids before the are even out of the womb that I didn't even want to know the sex. I have a huge problem with pink/blue, prince/princess mentality that most people think are great. So.. needless to say, I don't fit in well in my DDC!

Our plan was not to find out the sex. Everyone told me, tell the U/S tech that.. and I thought "whatever." Then he knew and asked me, "so do you want to know the sex?" I couldn't stand the fact he knew, and I didn't. So I hestitated and said yes.

Even though we know it's a girl, we are still going to dress her in gender neutral colours and have still done the underwater theme in her bedroom. I've told people not to buy her pink because if they do, I will take one pic of her in it, send that pic to them, then donate the article of clothing.. Well, until she is old enough to start picking out her own clothes and colours.[/b]
My sister is SO like that and was honestly scared to have a girl because she didnt want to deal with it (she had 2 boys) She almost never buys "girly girl" stuff for my girls. She decorated the nursery in "crayons" before she even knew the gender. She says dresses are ok and actually thinks they are cute, but she hates frills.

I used to be kinda more "non-girly" but then I had girls, and even though I DIDNT want them to like that stuff, they did anyway to a point, and so I accept it. Now I actually dont mind it as long as its not too much. Like thier room is in fantasy land colors design. Its got fairies and stuff, but its not persay only "girly" Its got all the different fantasy stuff like dragons, fairies, waterfalls, streams, "magic" stuff. The top half is light blue like the sky the bottom half is green like grass. Heck, I want to move in there!
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  #11  
May 9th, 2007, 10:02 AM
chloe82
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It was a surprise both times for us. We like it better that way....I love trying to picture either having a boy or a girl, and never really knowing which way it will go. It drove me crazy sometimes and was difficult not to give in and ask, but that moment when the baby was born and then finding out what it was and basking in the excitement of that newly found-out information was always worth the wait, IMO. Gave me a little something extra to look forward to during all those hours of labour!
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  #12  
May 9th, 2007, 10:03 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 18,680
We're expecting our 1st in August and we haven't found out the gender. It's a surprise and while I would kinda like to know, I also like the idea of hearing "It's a...".

Shopping hasn't been difficult, we have names picked out for both genders, our nursery will be decroated in a classic style (Black & Cream Toile and Gingham), and I hate green & yellow. It can be done. I figured we've TTC for 7yrs and had 3 m/c's last year so can wait a few more months to find out the gender.

Honestly, I only care that my baby is healthy. I don't care about the gender. Of course...it's driving our families nuts since they want to know what we're having.
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  #13  
May 9th, 2007, 10:09 AM
Jacquie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 8,973
We chose not to find out. Everyone said "how can you stand it, you must have a lot of willpower", and I found that very funny. We seriously don't want to know. We want to find out in that moment. To me, it's part of that moment that we just didn't want to miss.

Fast forward to today - I'm ready to know. If this darn baby would come out already, I could find out.
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TTC #1:
5/20/05:
5/27/05:
5/28/05: miscarriage
08/27/05:
08/30/05: miscarriage
01/15/05: misdiagnosed with PCOS
08/29/06: first appt at fertility clinic (was already pregnant with dd and didn't know it)
08/31/06:
05/16/07: DD was born

TTC #2:
11/13/09: let's try again!
03/10/10: tests with new OB - everything totally normal for DH and I, no indication of pcos; officially diagnosed with "Unexplained Infertility"
04/21/10 - 10/13/10: 7 unsuccessful rounds of clomid with OB
11/13/10 - 14/23/11: 3 unsuccessful IUI's with clomid at fertility clinic
07/27/11: ER for IVF - retrieved 27; 17 were mature enough to fertilize; all 17 fertilized; 11 made it to day 3 embryos; 6 made it to day 6 blasts. Transferred 1, froze 5.
08/08/11: positive hpt!
08/13/11 - 08/20/11: positive blood test (186), but cramping and bleeding. 2 days later, blood at 275; 2 days later, blood at 21. Inevitable miscarriage.
10/13/11: start suprefact for first FET
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  #14  
May 9th, 2007, 10:12 AM
Ms.Michelle
Guest
Posts: n/a
You are right there Jacquie! I have been dying to see when you're going into labour.

(I know you don't care for these hugs, but I'm giving you one anyway!)
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  #15  
May 9th, 2007, 10:14 AM
Pure Innocence
Guest
Posts: n/a
Hey maybe not knowing is more of an incentive to push a little harder?!?! LOL!!
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  #16  
May 9th, 2007, 10:14 AM
Ms.Michelle
Guest
Posts: n/a
Quote:
I am WAY WAY too much of a planner! I about would go insane not knowing. With Chloe my pregnancy was so opposite my one with Julia that even though the tech said she was 99% sure it was a girl, I was doubtfu, and it drove me insane! I dont mind when people wait, but I am irritated to NO end when people pull the "but then there is no surprise" crap! There are not many things that get to me, but if you are going to question my choice of finding out GENDER, then *sticking toungue out* (do we have a smiliey for that?)

Quote:
I feel so strongly we start sexually stereotyping our kids before the are even out of the womb that I didn't even want to know the sex. I have a huge problem with pink/blue, prince/princess mentality that most people think are great. So.. needless to say, I don't fit in well in my DDC!

Our plan was not to find out the sex. Everyone told me, tell the U/S tech that.. and I thought "whatever." Then he knew and asked me, "so do you want to know the sex?" I couldn't stand the fact he knew, and I didn't. So I hestitated and said yes.

Even though we know it's a girl, we are still going to dress her in gender neutral colours and have still done the underwater theme in her bedroom. I've told people not to buy her pink because if they do, I will take one pic of her in it, send that pic to them, then donate the article of clothing.. Well, until she is old enough to start picking out her own clothes and colours.[/b]
My sister is SO like that and was honestly scared to have a girl because she didnt want to deal with it (she had 2 boys) She almost never buys "girly girl" stuff for my girls. She decorated the nursery in "crayons" before she even knew the gender. She says dresses are ok and actually thinks they are cute, but she hates frills.

I used to be kinda more "non-girly" but then I had girls, and even though I DIDNT want them to like that stuff, they did anyway to a point, and so I accept it. Now I actually dont mind it as long as its not too much. Like thier room is in fantasy land colors design. Its got fairies and stuff, but its not persay only "girly" Its got all the different fantasy stuff like dragons, fairies, waterfalls, streams, "magic" stuff. The top half is light blue like the sky the bottom half is green like grass. Heck, I want to move in there!
[/b]
You know I've found knowing the gender isn't that bad at all. I think it can be done with gender stereotyping but I know it's harder to fight when you see all the stuff. I really shouldn't get that mad about it but I do.
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  #17  
May 9th, 2007, 10:16 AM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: North Texas
Posts: 17,676
I HAVE to know... but we dont plan on telling names so we still have a surprise element
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"I will make it through this because it is for her and for her, I will do anything. I am not brave, I am not strong, I am just Rhiannon’s mom". Our TTC/Adoption/Pregnancy Blog: Jump Over The Rainbow

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  #18  
May 9th, 2007, 10:24 AM
Jacquie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 8,973
Quote:
You are right there Jacquie! I have been dying to see when you're going into labour.

(I know you don't care for these hugs, but I'm giving you one anyway!) [/b]
I'm dying to see when I go into labor too!

I love hugs of any kind, so thanks. I wasn't one of the people who didn't like the dot hugs.
__________________
TTC #1:
5/20/05:
5/27/05:
5/28/05: miscarriage
08/27/05:
08/30/05: miscarriage
01/15/05: misdiagnosed with PCOS
08/29/06: first appt at fertility clinic (was already pregnant with dd and didn't know it)
08/31/06:
05/16/07: DD was born

TTC #2:
11/13/09: let's try again!
03/10/10: tests with new OB - everything totally normal for DH and I, no indication of pcos; officially diagnosed with "Unexplained Infertility"
04/21/10 - 10/13/10: 7 unsuccessful rounds of clomid with OB
11/13/10 - 14/23/11: 3 unsuccessful IUI's with clomid at fertility clinic
07/27/11: ER for IVF - retrieved 27; 17 were mature enough to fertilize; all 17 fertilized; 11 made it to day 3 embryos; 6 made it to day 6 blasts. Transferred 1, froze 5.
08/08/11: positive hpt!
08/13/11 - 08/20/11: positive blood test (186), but cramping and bleeding. 2 days later, blood at 275; 2 days later, blood at 21. Inevitable miscarriage.
10/13/11: start suprefact for first FET
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  #19  
May 9th, 2007, 10:26 AM
Ms.Michelle
Guest
Posts: n/a
easy labour vibes to you girl.
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  #20  
May 9th, 2007, 11:12 AM
Pure Innocence
Guest
Posts: n/a
That was the funnest thing (and most annoying) not knowing when I was going to go into labor. LOL!

Lauren, we aren't telling anyone what the name is of baby number 2!
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