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Abusive situations


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  #1  
May 10th, 2007, 06:24 AM
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There was/is a local story going on about a family that was held captive inside their home. One of the nieghbors/family said, "there is only 2 innocent victims in that house, and that is the children". What about the mother?

Dh and I were "Debating" this last night, he said, she spoke with her brother on the other side of the fence all she had to do was say, "we're being held here against our will", or the fence is short enough she could put thechildren on the other side and climb over herself. So she's just as much as fault as the man.

I know the cycle of abuse, I've watched it with my mom. Its not as simple as saying "lets climb the fence" or "tell brother whats going on".

So anyways, in general, not this situation specifically, is the person being abused at fault as much as the abuser, when there is children involved?
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  #3  
May 10th, 2007, 06:33 AM
Pure Innocence
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Not really, but I think some (even the teeniest) amount of resposnsibility needs to be taken when children are involved.
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  #4  
May 10th, 2007, 06:38 AM
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Hhmmm...if this thread continues, my mind may be changed......I understand that there is learned helplessness and many people who are being abused have a rich tapestry of negative life experiences that create a person who would stay in an abusive relationship and allow their children to be exposed to that, it's a mental health issue in my eyes and their abuser is taking advantage of it, so yes, the person being abused is a victim too.
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  #5  
May 10th, 2007, 07:07 AM
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it is very unfair to group all people in abusive situations together. There is no cut and dry answer to anything involving abuse especially when you dont know the whole story.

And how nice of people to place blame on someone who has already been through enough that will surely help her out.
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  #6  
May 10th, 2007, 07:04 PM
SusieQ2's Avatar Jersey Girl
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I think there are cases where the woman is most definitely abused to a point where she doesn't see any way out. I have also seen cases where women have been given opportunity after opportunity to leave and decide not to. I know of women who managed to get away from their abusers and then went back (without pursuance from the abuser).

Most of the cases though I think the women are too scared to leave or experience learned helplessness.
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  #8  
May 10th, 2007, 07:25 PM
SusieQ2's Avatar Jersey Girl
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Quote:
Quote:
I think there are cases where the woman is most definitely abused to a point where she doesn't see any way out. I have also seen cases where women have been given opportunity after opportunity to leave and decide not to. I know of women who managed to get away from their abusers and then went back (without pursuance from the abuser).

Most of the cases though I think the women are too scared to leave or experience learned helplessness.[/b]
To the bolded: Statistics demonstrate the the MOST dangerous time within a domestic violence relationship is when the woman decides to leave. They also indicate (fairly clearly) that more homicides and assaults per year involving domestic abuse are far more common than other cases of homicides and assaults unrelated to domestic abuse.

It is a very real risk. And the women know it. So basically, you have the decision to either leave, and greatly endanger the lives of you and/or your children, or stay and also endanger the lives of you and/or your children. Put in the learned helplessness concept and well....What else can you expect?

Many women don't know HOW to accept the help offered. Which is to be expected, since they don't even know how to help THEMSELVES.

ETA: I'll get some links.
[/b]

Oh I know what you mean. I am going through this with a friend right now. I even posted a debate about it. It is either on this page or the next one. I wish there were more ways to help women in this situation but you can't make them do anything that they aren't ready or willing to do. It makes me sad.
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  #10  
May 12th, 2007, 06:17 AM
Lisadear's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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its not that easy

other than learned helplessness ... sometimes the abuser instills in the abused such a sense of fear that the abused lives in such fear of what to do, how to think, how to act and even get along with daily activities for fear of being beaten, ridiculed or worse.

I don't really think anyone can answer this properly if they haven't been on the receiving end in an abusive situation

erm ... did the above make any sense or did I just mix up my words??? lol

xxx Lisa xxx
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  #11  
May 12th, 2007, 06:28 AM
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Lisa that makes total sense,.
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