Log In Sign Up

Dating your friends ex


Forum: Heated Debates

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Heated Debates LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
May 12th, 2007, 08:50 PM
*Aspen*
Guest
Posts: n/a
Would you ever?
Have you ever?

Thoughts opinions....
Reply With Quote
  #2  
May 12th, 2007, 10:48 PM
~Jess~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Central California
Posts: 16,959
I have done it in the past with her blessing. It destroyed our friendship. I would never do it again.
__________________






Reply With Quote
  #3  
May 12th, 2007, 10:51 PM
rose198172's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 19,638
I wouldn't do it. Personally, I think it's inappropriate, and you'll ruin a friendship quicker than anything that way. It's just awkward anyhow!
__________________
Writer, Navy wife, autistic mom of two autistic kids (E is 6, C is 5).

Reply With Quote
  #4  
May 12th, 2007, 11:24 PM
Marissa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 8,703
Send a message via MSN to Marissa Send a message via Yahoo to Marissa
I wouldn't do it. I think it ruins friendships and i think its crossing the boundries. I just couldn't date someone my friend has dated before.
__________________
Marissa
=)
Reply With Quote
  #5  
May 13th, 2007, 03:53 AM
irishxrose
Guest
Posts: n/a
Yes I have. I was friends with my fiance's ex before I even knew him. They had been broken up for a year by the time I started dating him. She wasn't mad though, she just wanted to be friends with him. Well, then things started going bad and she decided she wanted to get back with him, and he didn't know what he wanted, so DF and I ended up breaking up (this was over two years ago). Well then she decided she didn't want to be with him, got a new boyfriend who she's now engaged to, and DF and I ended up getting back together after three months. I would still flip a lid every time they talked though. About two months ago, I finally got up the nerve to talk to her and let her know that I wanted to be friends again. We've finally repaired our friendship after three years. But after my experience with it, and the hellishness of it, I would NEVER do it again.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
May 13th, 2007, 04:15 AM
chloe82
Guest
Posts: n/a
BOOO!!!
WAY too much potential to hurt feelings and get messy. There's plenty of other people out there!!!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
May 13th, 2007, 06:13 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Ontario
Posts: 10,864
I am dating my friends ex. However, she and him were like 15 and 13 back when they dated. She is now engaged and she doesnt care. Both him and her are my best friends. Regardless, she would never care. They only dated 3mths and were very young.

Would I date an ex she had when she was older and longer than 4mths.. NO. I couldnt do that. Also, I couldnt date her exes because most of them treated her badly. I dont like them because of it.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #8  
May 13th, 2007, 06:14 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,425
If its an ex then its an ex...my friend dated my ex-husband... was I mad no.. because they were happy... my kids were happy... so I can say we never really were pissy with each because of him. She knew that. I have dated friends ex's and it was ok with them. As long as you can get along then go for it.. but don't do it behind their back and if they say no then honor your friendship
__________________


Thank you Jacquie for the beautiful siggy!


Getting ready to do what I do!!!! One day at a time! Protecting your freedom!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
May 13th, 2007, 06:36 AM
mommyKathyX3
Guest
Posts: n/a
Well, you probably all think my husband is terrible then cause he married her?

Yeah, my ex bf broke up with me and then left to go on a missions trip for the whole summer, but since he was gone and I was friends with his friends they still asked me to hang out with them. Well, over the summer feelings developed. He came back, and was a bit weirded out but overall didnt have a problem with it. He ended up moving away for 3 yrs and that ultimatly ended up stopping the friendship (cause Joey was married and Justin was not and they just didnt clique well together anymore sad how that happens) They were like best friends too.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
May 13th, 2007, 06:45 AM
AnnaBananasMom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 14,475
Well, I don't have a problem with it.

I married my ex's best friend. I had only dated him a few months when he cheated on me. During that time, though, I had become such good friends with his friends that it was hard to break off those friendships. One of those friendships, in particular, was with his roommate. Well...eventually we fell in love! DH did ask him for his blessing before we officially started dating. Since he's the one who cheated on me, obviously, he didn't have an enormous problem with this.

Fast forward a couple of years, and my cheating ex was a groomsman at my wedding! And actually, we are going to his wedding now in August where my DH will be one of his groomsman too!

It can work out beautifully in the right circumstances, so never say never!
__________________
Rosalie, Mommy to Anna (05/06) and Thomas (10/08)


Video Montage of Anna's First Year
Reply With Quote
  #11  
May 13th, 2007, 07:24 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Peterborough, Ontario
Posts: 2,646
Yes I have and I married him. I see no problem with it......if their relationship is over, it's over!!
__________________

<span style="color:#A0522D">"No my windows aren't dirty ....that's my boxers nose artwork!"</span>
Reply With Quote
  #13  
May 13th, 2007, 09:11 AM
SusieQ2's Avatar Jersey Girl
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 39,051
Did it, married him, wouldn't change a thing! She and I are no longer friends but we weren't that close to begin with. She was horrible to him while they were together and she broke up with him. She moved on and had no interest in him anymore. He asked me out. She later found out and flipped out. I say..she gave him up so he's fair game!

We've been married 6 years and from what I have heard from mutual friends she is still jealous. Oh well!
__________________





Reply With Quote
  #14  
May 13th, 2007, 09:17 AM
glasscandie's Avatar What I make is what I am
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Near Washington, DC
Posts: 15,982
Send a message via AIM to glasscandie Send a message via Yahoo to glasscandie
My best friend and I both dated the same guy at different points in our lives, and both of us had pretty significant relationships with him.

Interestingly enough, not only are my best friend and I STILL best friends (and I dare say closer than we were BEFORE she dated the guy), but both of us still are good friends with the guy in question to this day, and the 3 of us often have a blast hanging out.

Now, I dated DH's best friend (let's call him Ron) before I dated DH (in my defense, I hadn't even met DH when I was dating Ron, so it doesn't really count on my end lol). DH and I dated/got married after I broke up with Ron (b/c Ron cheated on me). They don't talk anymore though, although I don't think it was because DH dated me after Ron, but rather b/c Ron cheated on me - and DH is pretty old-fashioned in thinking that you should respect the people you share a bed with
__________________
I predict a riot.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
May 13th, 2007, 09:36 AM
chloe82
Guest
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Well, you probably all think my husband is terrible then cause he married her?

Yeah, my ex bf broke up with me and then left to go on a missions trip for the whole summer, but since he was gone and I was friends with his friends they still asked me to hang out with them. Well, over the summer feelings developed. He came back, and was a bit weirded out but overall didnt have a problem with it. He ended up moving away for 3 yrs and that ultimatly ended up stopping the friendship (cause Joey was married and Justin was not and they just didnt clique well together anymore sad how that happens) They were like best friends too.[/b]

Well, that's the thing....I don't actually have a moral problem with it....technically once an ex is an ex they're....well....an ex and it shouldn't really matter....but it is still something I would personally avoid just because it does end up being messy, hurting feelings, etc, so often. But yeah, I can totally see both sides of this issue. IF I was dating, it wouldn't be a hardcore rule for myself, but something I would think loooong and hard about before ever getting into and would tend to avoid it in general. KWIM?
Reply With Quote
  #16  
May 13th, 2007, 11:02 AM
EmilysMommy04's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Horseheads NY
Posts: 1,997
Send a message via AIM to EmilysMommy04
Would I . It depended on the person and if there was anything there between us. You cant helpo who you love. I wouldnt date a friends ex to get back at her. But if things fell into place then I would. Infact a girl who was my best friend in highschool is dating my ex . I dont care. that was years ago we dated. I just dont like how he treats her and her kids. He treats them like crap. Calls them names. I think he needs to grow up so does she. She lets him talk to her kids like they are PoS's . But i am not mad iam concerned about her and her kids with all the emotional abuse.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #17  
May 14th, 2007, 01:07 AM
LaceyMommy2B
Guest
Posts: n/a
i am very happily married to my best friends ex. thats how i met him! we all went out one night, n he was sooo sweet.. it was actually their first meeting in person type date.. they had met exchanged numbers prior but never went out til then.. anyways, when we all got home, i was telling her how sweet he was n how good looking he was & she says "Well I'm glad YOU like him, heres his number, he is TOO nice for me!." we were 15 at the time so it really wasnt serious, but the next day he called her n she gave the phone to me, we talked ALL night n he never even mentioned her again (i suppose the feelings must have been mutual). eventually the 3 of us became good friends n then DH and I started dating about 6mos later. DH and I are very happy and my best friend is STILL my best friend (going shopping together tomorrow actually) and DH and my best friend are friends too. i have introduced her to 2 of my ex-bfs, she dated 1 for a long time. if someone is my ex, its cause we didnt work out n werent that into each other. sooo if she and that ex could be happy together, it is NOT going to hurt me any. i suppose it might be different if she had slept with DH when they dated or if i had slept with my ex that she ended up dating.. but we hadnt. she slept with the ex of mine that i did NOT sleep with.. that didnt bother me.. i guess it was just if one of us had slept with the guy FIRST n then the other dated him, that would be weird to me i think. anyways... i dont know if that makes any since, its too late for me!!
Reply With Quote
  #18  
May 14th, 2007, 02:40 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 3,469
Send a message via Yahoo to pinkpercolator
I did and I married him. We are married 20yrs now. Really bizarre. This friend. Well I don't call her much of a friend anymore. Dh has nothing to do with that. She was dating dh years ago. Acted like he was going to marry her and all that. Turned out he wasn't interested in that way with her. She breaks up with him. Tells people Oh he's into Dungeons and Dragons. To her that is devil worship. They hadn't seen each other in a long while. I hadn't seen him around in that same time period. Then one day she wants to get back together with him. He agrees. Only to see what sort of mind games she was going to play on him. They weren't really dating again. Just sort of hanging out on occasion. I was working this night job. Some friends(who also know dh well and were his friends) had asked if I wanted to go out to the club after work. Yeah I suppose but will need a ride. They agreed to pick me up. So I thought. Well after work. There is my now dh in his car with the couple friends who asked me to go out. But his now ex was not along. I didn't think much of that. As they really weren't dating again. We're all at the night club hanging out. I'm sitting there kind of quiet. Dh talks to me a bit. But I just shyed away thinking he has a gf and did not want to interfere with that relationship. Although inside of me I had feelings for him in strange way. After the club closed we're all leaving. These friends asked if we wanted to go to someones house for a after bar closing party. We go. Somehow dh and I got shoved together. We got to these peoples house where the partying was. Dh and I are sitting on the couch. We finally start talking more. The one friend he picked up a girl in the bar earlier. He went off to one of the bedrooms to take care of business. Everyone else is just hanging out and drinking. Dh says to me. He always wanted to be with me. That did I remember some crazy teenaged boy trying to pick me up in the mall one time a few years back. I'm like I don't know. I was like 16 when you claimed this happened. That was like 5 yrs ago. He asks me out. I said what about C. (his supposed gf) He says Oh he has nothing for her. She is just so mean to him. The mental games she plays etc. etc. I felt strange at first going out with him. We didn't tell C. for like 2 weeks we were dating. I told her I met a guy named Roger and we hit it off good. She soon found out. But something told me it was right to be with him. 2yrs after we started to date we got married. Well before we got married C. tried breaking us up. She went as far as telling people dh and I got arrested in the park for the business. And that I was a gold digger only wanting his money. If money was all I wanted. I'd of been gone years ago. My dh is now disabled with MS. Something he never had when we were dating. I love him the same as I did before. C. well she had 2 kids. One a boy she gave up for adoption. He was from a guy she dated who was still married. Then had number 2 a girl that is like 9yrs old now. She was married to her dd's father. But divorced him a couple years back.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
May 14th, 2007, 06:44 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: *queen city* of North Carolina
Posts: 9,497
The way I see it is, everybody is somebodies "ex".

And I think it'd matter more about the type of relationship they had. If it was something just a few dinner and a movie date, for a month, isn't the same as having a sexual relationship, or a relationship that has lasted several years or something similar.

What has bothered me more is when you have a mutual group of friends, and when you break up, even if its a clean break, people take sides and make you out like the worse person ever.
__________________
Proud Mommy To My Princess (5)
Watching over us -- August 2005, March 2010, October 2010, July 2011
Reply With Quote
  #20  
May 14th, 2007, 08:52 AM
littleln's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,145
Er yea. I actually, um, started uh *dating* him, uh, while they were still together. Oops. Stupid I know, but I was young. But then after he and I broke up they got back together like 2 years later and we actually mended the fence. Rare, I know.
__________________

Thanks to pattiandthemoos for the great siggy!



<div align="center"></div>

<div align="center"></div>
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:23 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0