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Do children change your lifestyle?


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  #1  
May 15th, 2007, 07:41 PM
donomama
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On another forum, I read recently about a woman who insisted that her baby wouldn't change her lifestyle. I don't want to quote her on here, but she basically was saying that she expected her child to fit into her life, and not the other way around. She was adamant that she wasn't going to change one thing for the child (who is not a baby, by the way). She listed a bunch of things that she still did "because she wanted to" and if her child didn't like it, then they would just have to get used to it.


What do you think of this mentality. Do you think it's possible? If so, do you think it's a good idea?
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  #2  
May 15th, 2007, 07:45 PM
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To an extent--I think it's normal. I mean, I don't think you should be housebound just because you had a baby. But there are a great deal of things you should give up when you become a parent.
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  #3  
May 15th, 2007, 08:06 PM
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I think when you make the decision to be a parent your priorities need to change. I've said it before, you CHOSE to have the child, the child didn't choose to be born.
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  #4  
May 15th, 2007, 08:11 PM
rose198172's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think that you do make a choice to have children... if you don't want to change, don't have children!! I don't think that you need to be housebound just because you have a baby, though.
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  #6  
May 15th, 2007, 08:15 PM
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It depends on what your lifestyle was before kids. I was never into bars, staying out late, drinking, etc.....I'm a stay-at-home watch TV and read kind of person, so my lifestyle didn't change that much.
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  #7  
May 15th, 2007, 08:15 PM
donomama
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The sad thing is, this child isn't a baby, he's 5. She named some of the things she finds unacceptable from him and I was thinking "but he's a kid - that's what kids do!"
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  #8  
May 15th, 2007, 08:25 PM
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Quote:
The sad thing is, this child isn't a baby, he's 5. She named some of the things she finds unacceptable from him and I was thinking "but he's a kid - that's what kids do!"[/b]

Like what?
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  #9  
May 15th, 2007, 08:38 PM
~Jess~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm confused. Is she adopting a 5-year-old? Or does she claim to have raised him from infancy without changing her lifestyle? I just don't see how that's possible, even for a sahw.
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  #10  
May 15th, 2007, 08:38 PM
donomama
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Quote:
Quote:
The sad thing is, this child isn't a baby, he's 5. She named some of the things she finds unacceptable from him and I was thinking "but he's a kid - that's what kids do!"[/b]

Like what?
[/b]

Like touching her hair, opening doors in the house, stuff like that. No big deal, really, but she kept saying that she didn't want a child to run her life, and kept talking about how she would do a bunch of things because she wanted to. Nothing wrong with that, but I just kept wondering if the child gets to do anything he wants to do. It just really sounds like this child is forced to fit into an adult life. I have known people like this IRL, they force their kids to be little adults. It's like the movie parenthood. You know the couple that have a 3 year old and expect her to act like an adult? Have you known people like that? I have.
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  #11  
May 15th, 2007, 08:45 PM
SusieQ2's Avatar Jersey Girl
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I am about to have a baby and I completely expect things in my life to change. I am used to being able to just being able to pick up and go whenever I want but I know that won't happen once the baby is here. DH and I enjoy going out to dinner but I know that won't happen as often. I know that my priorities will change. My first priority will no longer be my own needs it will be the needs of my child.
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  #12  
May 16th, 2007, 02:20 AM
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We haven't changed a lot. Miguel's personality fit's into our life well. We still go to coffee houses, free concerts, hiking, amusement parks, stay out late, travel and move as much as possible. The only thing that has really changed is that we can only go to clubs at most once a month but we don't even live near a club right now so that's out all together. By the way nether of us drink or smoke. I really think it's due to having an only child but I can't say because I don't have experience with more.
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  #13  
May 16th, 2007, 02:47 AM
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let's see ... my kids are older now and my life changed almost immediately when they were born for the BETTER because that was MY choice

I guess all people are different ... there are some I've heard about who do not want their lives changed and everyday seems stressful for them ... I just observe quietly .... come on now ... Life's about a little give and take right? takes two hands to clap.

Honestly ... my life changed for the better and I'm glad I made the decision not to get stuck in my old boots ... kids do change a relationship ... usually for the better if you're a person who can handle change and handle it properly then yay to you.

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  #14  
May 16th, 2007, 04:32 AM
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
The sad thing is, this child isn't a baby, he's 5. She named some of the things she finds unacceptable from him and I was thinking "but he's a kid - that's what kids do!"[/b]

Like what?
[/b]

Like touching her hair, opening doors in the house, stuff like that. No big deal, really, but she kept saying that she didn't want a child to run her life, and kept talking about how she would do a bunch of things because she wanted to. Nothing wrong with that, but I just kept wondering if the child gets to do anything he wants to do. It just really sounds like this child is forced to fit into an adult life. I have known people like this IRL, they force their kids to be little adults. It's like the movie parenthood. You know the couple that have a 3 year old and expect her to act like an adult? Have you known people like that? I have.
[/b]
I'm sorry, I just don't get it. What does her hair or the door have to do with her "lifestyle"? Your friend's behavior toward her son sounds more than a little bizzarre to me. I hate to make assumptions w/o knowing the situation, so I'll just say I hope that in the midst of making all these rules, she is working to form an attachment and bond with her child. Otherwise she is setting up nothing but trouble for both of them.
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  #15  
May 16th, 2007, 06:00 AM
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Did she adopt the 5 year old? If so,I dont understand why she did or why she was even allowed with an atitude like that.Kids change your life-PERIOD.
If you dont want things to change,then dont have any.I mean,even a house has to change when you have kids..they need toys,a room,clothes..didnt this woman do any of that? Or does the 5 year old sleep in a king sized bed? Even the food you bring in changes...everything does.
I used to just throw on some make up,and go out,but now I have to plan ahead and it can take AGES to leave the house lol.Not to mention that there is always huge piles of laundry,toys everywhere,cartoons on TV,face and finger marks on all the windows,chocolate milk stains all over the place etc..things always change.I remember when going to the toilet was a private affair,and now I always have my kids in there with me because they just have to tell me what they did at school or because they just want to chat..and Iv only mentioned some of the little things that they change
I knew my life would change the first 2 times,and now Im TTC my third and I know things will change yet again..my children were/are my choice and in many ways Iv had to adapt to them and I love it!
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  #16  
May 16th, 2007, 06:05 AM
Story's Avatar French Canadian
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Quote:
I've said it before, you CHOSE to have the child, the child didn't choose to be born.[/b]
Nice one!

I think there is some things that your kids must fit, but others that you have to change.
Sure kids change your life! You can't go on and think nothing will ever change!
You live now with another person!
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  #17  
May 16th, 2007, 06:12 AM
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Wow - that friend is going to have quite the rude awakening, and I feel kind of bad for the child. I honestly hope she can strike a better balance than that.

DH and I go by this train of thought: There's a difference between making your child your top priority and making your whole world revolve around them.

On one hand, your life definitely changes - as it should. Like Frogsonmysox says, your child didn't choose to be born but you chose to have him/her. So many things have changed in our lives, and for the most part we knew that was coming (although you never really know until you go through it!). We don't go out as much as we used to, I'm usually the last person to get new clothes (if ever), bedtime/waketime have changed drastically... you know the drill.

That being said, children also need to learn that Mommy and Daddy are people too, with lives and personailities of their own. So sometimes, yes, there are remnants of your life that should continue as long as it doesn't hurt your children. It's healthy for the parent, and it's a good example for our kids about keeping our identities.

For example, we love to do community theatre. Before the kids came along, I did a couple of shows a year and DH did at least one a year. But once we had our kids and their needs took up our hours (not to mention that I flat-out miss them!)... that changed. Now I'll only do a show every 2-3 years or so, and DH and I never do a production together. When one of us does participate in a show, we make it plain to the kids that this is something Mommy/Daddy loves to do, and even mommies and daddies need time to do their own thing sometimes - just like they love to do their football/gymnastics/whatever.
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  #18  
May 16th, 2007, 06:52 AM
AnnaBananasMom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Umm...I don't get how that could happen. I mean, I don't think that every mother should have to trade in her old life for that of a soccer mom's, but I can't imagine not making a single sacrifice. You don't have to fit a mommy mold, but I can't imagine making my kid suffer for my own benefit. Why did she have a kid if she was going to make him miserable?

Example: I have yet to play any kid music in the car for my daughter. I'm hanging on to my music as long as possible. That's something I'm clinging to. However, my idea of a good afternoon now is taking my daughter out for a stroller ride around the park and to visit the farm animals. You don't have to give yourself up completely when you become a mom, but you do have to make lifestyle changes to accomodate your child's need and wants.
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  #19  
May 16th, 2007, 06:57 AM
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I thought my lifestyle wouldn't change - when I was pregnant. That's another one of my idealistic plans for parenting that went awry I seriously planned to just leave my DD overnight with my mom early on and go out. Pssshhh she's 2 days away from being 10 months old and she's never spent the night away from me, and I don't see it happening anytime soon. I don't know how having a child couldn't change your lifestyle, it's a momentous thing and it is going to impact and alter your life whether you want it to or not. I truly believe I would not have the close bond I do with DD if I had gone on about my life as if nothing had changed and left her at my mom's to go party and be like the rest of the 21-year olds I know. I'm a mommy now, she is my priority, and everything else has to go to the back burner at least temporarily.
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  #20  
May 17th, 2007, 10:52 AM
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My life changed alot. I can no longer come and go as I please. I cant just go out on a friday and saturday night. I cant stay up late and sleep in late. I am not just looking after myself anymore. But I am looking after 2 childrens lifes every single day. To say a baby needs to fit into ones life is selfish that baby didnt ask to be made. Some people urk me its not about them anymore but someone much more important a baby.
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