What are your thoughts on TTC a certain gender? If you find this wrong, do you equate this with hearing people say, "I'm really hoping for a boy/girl"...?

I'd like to think that people are more concerned with their child be healthy than if it was a boy or girl. I think saying well I'd like to have a ________ is different than actually trying to conceive a certain sex. Seems kind of self righteous to me, just my opinion.

Can a man and woman care about the health of their child and want a certain gender at the same time? Does wanting one sex (not that they don't want the other) more than the other mean they don't care about the health of their child be it boy or girl?

I voted "wrong" and "no" because it's a debate board.

[thepinkleprechaun]

I don't think it's wrong. I mean, nature is going to take its course no matter how you TTC, at the end of the day it gets the job done right? I have heard about the whole timing BD around ovulation thing and I think it's interesting. We BD'd several days before I ovulated and we got a girl (which is what I wanted!) and I guess the science behind it makes sense.

I don't think it's wrong to hope for a certain gender either. I think everyone does it, or almost everyone. I REALLY wanted a girl, but overall of course I wanted a healthy baby so I would have been happy with a boy too. I guess

Can a man and woman care about the health of their child and want a certain gender at the same time? Does wanting one sex (not that they don't want the other) more than the other mean they don't care about the health of their child be it boy or girl?[/b]

I'm sure they can care about the sex and health.. it's the actual definition of sexism ~ gender preference.

Can a man and woman care about the health of their child and want a certain gender at the same time? Does wanting one sex (not that they don't want the other) more than the other mean they don't care about the health of their child be it boy or girl?[/b]

I'm sure every parent wants their child to be healthy. But to me it's saying that one sex is better than the other, and I don't agree with that.

[Mod-quietsong]

I don't see a real issue in it because what's going to happen is, well, going to happen. I'm not sure I believe that anyone who says they prefer one gender over the other is being sexist, either. I mean, for my first pregnancy I really didn't care. For my second, I'd love a girl. Sure, I'd love another boy too - I'll be elated just to be having another child - but I think having one of each would be awesome. Does that make me sexist against boys?

[jhmomofmany]

I'm not sure how to vote on this. If the couple is trying for a certain gender by timing relations (which is iffy at best) then I see nothing wrong with it. But if you are talking about gender-selecting sperm for IVF or something.... I would be against that.

We all really secretly want for this baby to be a girl (even our sons are wanting a sister). That doesn't mean we won't be thrilled with another boy, though. And, after loosing our last one, I can honestly say I also don't care as long as s/he is healthy!

I don't see a real issue in it because what's going to happen is, well, going to happen. I'm not sure I believe that anyone who says they prefer one gender over the other is being sexist, either. I mean, for my first pregnancy I really didn't care. For my second, I'd love a girl. Sure, I'd love another boy too - I'll be elated just to be having another child - but I think having one of each would be awesome. Does that make me sexist against boys?[/b]

Yep!

But really, wanting a specific sex is discrimination in the full sense of the spectrum. When we procreate, we should be happy with what we get. I'm not saying that women aren't, but the hope for the opposite sex, male or female, is sexist.

I don't see it as sexist.

I don't see it as sexist.[/b]

So what is your definition of sexism?

BTW: I really got a kick out of:
Do you feel that others shouldn't have any opinions on the specifics of your TTC because it's something personal between a man and woman (or other genders)?

You are the first to say it's a debate!

[jhmomofmany]

it's the actual definition of sexism ~ gender preference.[/b]

and

But really, wanting a specific sex is discrimination in the full sense of the spectrum. When we procreate, we should be happy with what we get. I'm not saying that women aren't, but the hope for the opposite sex, male or female, is sexist[/b]

I agree this is technically true. Although hoping for a baby of one gender or another is not always motivated by ideas that we associate with sexism. Just for an example, wanting a son because you already have a few girls is probably quite natural. Wanting a son because you think girls are less valuable is sexism.

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE

it's the actual definition of sexism ~ gender preference.[/b]

and

But really, wanting a specific sex is discrimination in the full sense of the spectrum. When we procreate, we should be happy with what we get. I'm not saying that women aren't, but the hope for the opposite sex, male or female, is sexist[/b]

I agree this is technically true. Although hoping for a baby of one gender or another is not always motivated by ideas that we associate with sexism. Just for an example, wanting a son because you already have a few girls is probably quite natural. Wanting a son because you think girls are less valuable is sexism.
[/b][/quote]
So it's natural to be sexist?

[AnnaBananasMom]

I say whatever. If you are someone who wouldn't love a baby as much because of the gender, I'd say something is wrong with you, but I see nothing wrong with a family with two or three boys wanting to experience raising a girl or vice versa. I'd question more extreme forms of gender selection through artificial means, perhaps, but I don't see what the problem is with a couple trying to time things in their favor.

[jhmomofmany]

<div class='quotemain'>it's the actual definition of sexism ~ gender preference.[/b]

and

But really, wanting a specific sex is discrimination in the full sense of the spectrum. When we procreate, we should be happy with what we get. I'm not saying that women aren't, but the hope for the opposite sex, male or female, is sexist[/b]

I agree this is technically true. Although hoping for a baby of one gender or another is not always motivated by ideas that we associate with sexism. Just for an example, wanting a son because you already have a few girls is probably quite natural. Wanting a son because you think girls are less valuable is sexism.
[/b][/quote]
So it's natural to be sexist?
[/b][/quote]

Ummm... can I get back to you on that one? LOL!

Okay so I went for a poor choice of phrasing. I think that motivations for preferring one gender over the other are not all equally sexist.

In an effort to help you guys out of this mess, explain how it's morally "right" TTC a certain gender?

(at least two of you voted that way.)

[jhmomofmany]

It is not something I've ever done or would choose to do. But if a couple is staying within the boundaries of conceiving naturally while hoping for one or the other but being willing to accept their child no matter what.... it is hard for me to say that is wrong.

For the record, I haven't voted yet because "undecided" wasn't an option.

[frgsonmysox]

no. I think you are setting yourself up for disappointment and possibly resentment.

Ok, chew me up and spit me out. I LOVE the book "How to choose the sex of your child" and followed it completly. I took herbs to promote my cervical fluid to more appealing for Y chomosome spermies, timed it, used positions, had hubby do certian things, but everything was 100% natural. I didnt do anything that was invasive, and I dont think it was wrong. If that makes me sexist, yep, I am. I had 2 girls, and would have been happy with ANY healthy baby, but if I could make a choice, then I was going to. Never in a million years do I condone the people who are upset about the sex they get. You can only do so much. I would have been fine if Cade was a girl, but I would have perfered him to be a boy before I concieved him.

This being said, the ONLY time I think the sperm sorting type of gender selection is acceptable is when there is medical reason. Like there is some diseases that there is a 75% chance if they have a boy/girl it will have it, but no chance if its the other, or very very little. That way I feel its acceptable, though I personally wouldnt do it, I can see how some would.

If someone wants to do it, go for it! If not, awesome. Just be happy if you DO get pregnant with what you have cause it is now done, and you cant change it. I try to alter my life to what I want it to be all the time. This is one way. Doesnt mean I'm going to throw a hissy fit if things dont turn out the way I hoped. Sometimes God (what I believe) has bigger plans than what I see at the time.