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We seemed to have covered most sexual subjects,but this was missing lol.
What is your opinion on threesoms and/or swinging? Iv heard people who do this say that it isnt cheating and that if there is trust,its totally acceptable.
My personal opinion on this subject is totally different.I think that any couple who are able to psychically share their spouse without feeling any kind of emotion (exept lust),must have a deeper problem that they may not even know about yet.I refuse to beleive that these couples are genuinely happy,inlove and totally commited to each other,because what they are doing goes against everything love and marriage is supposed to be about.(to me,its even insulting).
Also,what does trust have to do with it? How can you trust your husband when he is going to have sex with another woman? (and vice versa)..what kind of trust do these people mean? He will still be putting his penis into another womans body,he will still enjoy it...why is it ok?
Iv heard people say that its fun and that its nice to have "no strings attached-first time" sex..but if this is what these people need,should they be in a long term relationship at all? They seem to be constantly looking for something that their relationship is lacking,which again brings me to ask myself why they stay in their relationship at all..because their partner obviously isnt fulfilling them which is why they keep sleeping around.
Iv also heard these people say that having a threesom or swinging,isnt cheating.Why not? Because they have the permission of their spouse? I cant understand it and to be honest,its a subject that I have very strong feelings about and really dont want to understand.
Seriously,what do you think on the subject? What do you think of this when the couple in question has kids? (this makes it all the more gross to me,I dont know why).
If the couple are ok with it,does it make it ok? (to me it doesnt).
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Thank you SO much for my new siggy Julia (Julka)!
I feel that it is cheating. I would not participate in either. I would feel like less of a woman if we needed to bring another woman into our bedroom, and I think DF would feel the same way if it were another man.
It's not cheating because the other person KNOWS about it and AGREES to it.
Maybe it is indicative of problems, but it doesn't count as cheating.
In order to cheat, you have to lie or hide the fact that you're sleeping with someone else. If everything is out in the open and the other spouse is okay with it, that is NOT an affair, IMO.
When I think of the word cheat I think of being sneaky, or fooling someone. Swinging and threesomes are mutual agreements. Its not cheating when both parties agree and want to take part in it. Its not something I would want to do personally but I dont see a problem with it if people follow the ground rules they set for each other.
When I think of the word cheat I think of being sneaky, or fooling someone. Swinging and threesomes are mutual agreements. Its not cheating when both parties agree and want to take part in it. Its not something I would want to do personally but I dont see a problem with it if people follow the ground rules they set for each other.[/b]
Ditto
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Crissy ♥ mama to Jack 7.16.01 ~ Mia Bella 10.29.02 Angus Pickle 2.24.04 ~ Sydney Bean 10.26.06 & Kater Tot 2.15.09
I guess if both partners really trust each other and are BOTH okay with it then it's okay. I guess I don't think I would do it, but there are a lot of people who really like the adventure of it and it makes their marriage better. To me cheating is going behind someone's back and doing it.
ETA: I read this blog/article thingie every day and it's kind of graphic about sex, but this guy really tells it like it is. There are a lot of articles in the archives about threesomes and all that kind of stuff.
I don't consider it cheating because both partners have agreed to it. And I don't think couples do this because there is something lacking within their own relationship sexually (or emotionally for that matter). Each couple is different with what they find satisfying.
__________________ <span style="color:#A0522D">"No my windows aren't dirty ....that's my boxers nose artwork!"</span>
When I think of the word cheat I think of being sneaky, or fooling someone. Swinging and threesomes are mutual agreements. Its not cheating when both parties agree and want to take part in it. Its not something I would want to do personally but I dont see a problem with it if people follow the ground rules they set for each other.[/b]
Yep, I agree completely. If they didn't include fidelity in their vows, and all parties are cool with the arrangement, then who would I be to call it cheating? I'd consider it more like playing by different rules.
I think it is sick, and when I say that I am calling some people that I care very much about sick. When I found out they were swingers I threw up, and was sick for about a week. I can't understand how that is okay in anyone's mind. If you are going to do such thing's then why bother getting married. Most of the people that are swingers are older, with grown kids, I just don't get it. I would rather die than agree to do something like that with my husband.
ETA: I don't guess it is cheating though, but in some way's I think it is worse than cheating.
I don't consider it cheating... but I consider it something so weird! I will NEVER understand the need or desire of that kind of action in a relationship.
I dont consider it cheating because the other person is okay with it. Cheating to me is disrespecting/belittling/disregarding the other person's feelings. If the are both consenting to it.. I dont see it as cheating.
What is your opinion on threesomes and/or swinging? Fine. What you do in your room is you business no one else's.
Ive heard people who do this say that it isn't cheating and that if there is trust,its totally acceptable. I agree it's not cheating because all parties are in agreement
think that any couple who are able to psychically share their spouse without feeling any kind of emotion (except lust),must have a deeper problem that they may not even know about yet. It doesn't mean the person has no feeling it depends on the type of relationship the other person(s) have with the main couple. You do have feelings for your best friend right?
I refuse to believe that these couples are genuinely happy,in love and totally committed to each other,because what they are doing goes against everything love and marriage is supposed to be about.(to me,its even insulting). I'm sorry swingers offend you and that you refuse to take it situation by situation I think your missing out on a lot of potential good friends. I personally feel it's wrong to judge what marriage and love suppose to be for everyone.
Also,what does trust have to do with it? the primary couple has to trust their relationship is strong enough for a relationship like that whenever you add a person it square roots all the complexity. A couple going in to a relationship with one other person is at least 4x more complex then just the couple. I would say it has less to do with trust then not being jealous.
why is it ok? There are several reason why it's okay. the simplest swingers don't have the same moral code as you.
I've heard people say that its fun and that its nice to have "no strings attached-first time" sex..but if this is what these people need,should they be in a long term relationship at all? Both hold different values to the person there for it should be there decision.
They seem to be constantly looking for something that their relationship is lacking,which again brings me to ask myself why they stay in their relationship at all. That's your opinion anyone in a swinging relationship that is looking for something there SO lacks should not be in a swinging relationship because they need to focus on there primary relationship.
because their partner obviously isn't fulfilling them which is why they keep sleeping around. again your opinion.
Iv also heard these people say that having a threesome or swinging, isn't cheating.Why not? Because they have the permission of their spouse? Yes. It's more the lying and betrayal of cheating that these people see as the main problem of cheating.
I cant understand it and to be honest,its a subject that I have very strong feelings about and really don't want to understand. but you do want to understand or you wouldn't have debated it.
Seriously,what do you think on the subject? Well I've been in threesomes, presently my and DH are not involved with anyone other then each other. We will however visit swingers clubs. If we do find someone we will be in a relationship but presently we're not looking.
What do you think of this when the couple in question has kids? My son has nothing to do with my sex life. To him we're just going out. If we do find someone and it turns into a more permanent thing then he'll know her as aunt __________ .
If you are going to do such thing's then why bother getting married. because marriage means different things to different people
Most of the people that are swingers are older, with grown kids, I just don't get it. It depends where you live
It's not cheating. Even the term "cheat" implies sneakiness. There is no sneakiness. It is " Lets go meet some people and have some fun". Both people are totally aware of what is going on. I see no problem with it and I have known quite a few swinging couples.
Sex isn't the cornerstone of every marriage. For some a marriage is more of a friendship or partnership and sex is a perk. That being the case, it doesn't mean much to certain folks to bring another person or people into the bedroom. It's just a good time for all.
It depends somewhat on your background too. I am not a religious person so I do not see marriage as a holy sacred union. I see it as a business partnership. So that is probably why my feelings on the subject are very different from the feelings of others.
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Thanks to pattiandthemoos for the great siggy!
Oh, I will flame away alright. It is sick to inroduce your child to your swinging partner as Aunt so and so. If you think what goes on in your bedroom is none of your child's business then that is fine, but don't fool yourself into thinking that it won't hurt him, because it will. If you want to do it then that is your business, but if I say that swinging is sick and absolutly disgusting then I have the right to that opinon. Honestly, swinging makes me want to vomit, there is no way it is okay to do something like that in a marriage, but especially in a marriage that children are involved in. I can not believe you would bring the woman your husband was fixing to have sex with over and introduce them to your child as Aunt, come on, how is that okay, and what messed up views you are going to give him, Dad is screwing a woman I call Aunt. Now that is crazy. I am going to puke now! You can flame away!
I don't think it's appropriate for kids to meet the other partner that the parents are sleeping with. What adults do is totally their business, and if someone wants to go out and have a foursome every Friday night, well that is their choice, but I think they should get a hotel room.
Just like I don't think it is appropriate for single moms or dads to bring over a new guy or girl to stay over every week.
Get a room. Leave the kid with a sitter or family member. They don't need to be exposed to that.
I'm kind of conflicted on this. I have participated in a threesome, but it was with a bf, not my husband or someone I've committed my life to (not that it makes it any less important). Seeing him with another person made me feel ill, and I felt guilty afterwards too so I will never again participate in one.
I think some of the above ladies hit the nail on the head with the word "cheating" To me, cheating implies sneaking around and doing things without your partner knowing. With both partners participating it doesn't seem as bad because it is almost like consent.
Now that I've done confused myself, I will summarize. I DO feel that threesomes and swinging are cheating. I DO feel that if you find it necessary to participate than there are things to work on in your marriage. I believe that what may start as 'innocent' fun is just going to snowball into a huge issue, and one partner or both will begin "swinging" without their partner knowing.
As far as introducing your CHILD into the mix, calling the partner Aunt or Uncle, I'm sorry but thats just downright sick and ITA with ahixon on everything she said. Gross.
Oh, I will flame away alright. It is sick to inroduce your child to your swinging partner as Aunt so and so. If you think what goes on in your bedroom is none of your child's business then that is fine, but don't fool yourself into thinking that it won't hurt him, because it will. If you want to do it then that is your business, but if I say that swinging is sick and absolutly disgusting then I have the right to that opinon. Honestly, swinging makes me want to vomit, there is no way it is okay to do something like that in a marriage, but especially in a marriage that children are involved in. I can not believe you would bring the woman your husband was fixing to have sex with over and introduce them to your child as Aunt, come on, how is that okay, and what messed up views you are going to give him, Dad is screwing a woman I call Aunt. Now that is crazy. I am going to puke now! You can flame away![/b]
ITA!!!!!
ETA:About something that was said in a PP...DH and I have plenty of friends,and yes,some of those friends are special (meaning we are more like family) but Iv never thought for one minute that Id like for us all to have sex together...That is just sick!
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Thank you SO much for my new siggy Julia (Julka)!
Oh, I will flame away alright. It is sick to inroduce your child to your swinging partner as Aunt so and so. If you think what goes on in your bedroom is none of your child's business then that is fine, but don't fool yourself into thinking that it won't hurt him, because it will. If you want to do it then that is your business, but if I say that swinging is sick and absolutly disgusting then I have the right to that opinon. Honestly, swinging makes me want to vomit, there is no way it is okay to do something like that in a marriage, but especially in a marriage that children are involved in. I can not believe you would bring the woman your husband was fixing to have sex with over and introduce them to your child as Aunt, come on, how is that okay, and what messed up views you are going to give him, Dad is screwing a woman I call Aunt. Now that is crazy. I am going to puke now! You can flame away![/b]
ITA!!!!!
ETA:About something that was said in a PP...DH and I have plenty of friends,and yes,some of those friends are special (meaning we are more like family) but Iv never thought for one minute that Id like for us all to have sex together...That is just sick!
[/b]
__________________ <span style="color:#A0522D">"No my windows aren't dirty ....that's my boxers nose artwork!"</span>
It is sick to introduce your child to your swinging partner as Aunt so and so. Is it sick for s long time BF or GF to move into their SO's house. If my son was introduced to them it would be because they were moving in. He calls all our close friends aunt and uncle. Why would I treat this any different. He doesn't know what we do in our room. It wouldn't be the first time a best friend (and just that has slept in the same bed as us. don't fool yourself into thinking that it won't hurt him, because it will. Can I ask how? his parents have a very strong relationship. We're inseparable. This is how we feel when he's old enough I hope he has an opened mind to evaluate each situation as it's own situation but in no way will my sex life screw up my child. there is no way it is okay to do something like that in a marriage, but especially in a marriage that children are involved in. That's your opinion. marriage to me means your making a vow to be with that person forever and sharing that with your friends and family.
can not believe you would bring the woman your husband was fixing to have sex with over If this is your view on how a decision for an open marriage is made your sadly mistaken. It has to do with us as a couple NOT jut DH. If it was just about DH that would be masassinistic and I'm completely against masagany.
Dad is screwing a woman I call Aunt. he does realize the people he chooses to call aunt uncle are not realy related to him. He calls his real aunts and uncles titi and tio or just there first name. It's his choose to call them Aunt or uncle he chooses to call them that when he is close to them. I would hope he'd have a close relationship to anyone that lived wit us regarless of what we were doing when he's asleep.
if someone wants to go out and have a foursome every Friday night, well that is their choice, but I think they should get a hotel room. of course, but if it was to evolve into a closed relationship. I see no issue with it.
When we lived in FL when because we lived with 4 adults, everyone thought that we were all in a relationship even though the only one involved was me and DH. Everyone else was related or just really close friends.
Just like I don't think it is appropriate for single moms or dads to bring over a new guy or girl to stay over every week. I do too. What I'm talking about is a long term relationship.
Seeing him with another person made me feel ill, and I felt guilty afterwards too so I will never again participate in one. I'm sorry you had a bad experiance and I'm glad to see you've desided not to ever put yourself in that situation again because it makes you feel bad.
DO feel that if you find it necessary to participate than there are things to work on in your marriage. If it's nessicary YES there's a huge issue. Our last relationship was over 2 1/2 years ago. Why did it end? She was conflicted between having a monogamies relationship with a friend of hers OR continue the relationship with us and started feeling guilty. Which means the relationship has to end. She remand staying with us until she moved in with her sister and we remained friends with no issues
I believe that what may start as 'innocent' fun is just going to snowball into a huge issue, I don't feel it'll nessicarrily snowball but everyone has to be open and honest for it to work.
one partner or both will begin "swinging" without their partner knowing. I really believe it depends on the person a loyal person would never go behind a persons back.
calling the partner Aunt or Uncle, I'm sorry but thats just downright sick and ITA with ahixon on everything she said. Gross. Again I tried to explain this is just what he calls people he's close to and I would hope he's close to anyone that LIVES in our house. Yes,some of those friends are special (meaning we are more like family) but Iv never thought for one minute that Id like for us all to have sex together...That is just sick! I have friends that are more like family too but I also have a tendency to make friends with people I'm attracted (I think everyone does) and I know it's hard for me to explain because you have such strong feelings (6 years ago I felt the same as you)
