Do you see men as being the ones that are supposed to be in control in a marriage? That women are meant to be submissive to their male counterpart? Although, I don't see that as a counterpart if you must be submissive....but you get what I mean right?

[Banned-coughburp]

I think the COUPLE needs to be in control of their marriage. Both should contribute equally. My husband has no authority over me and I have no authority over him. Although, my husband will tell you that he's the one that sings "The Man Song". Has anyone ever heard it? It's hilarious!

I think the majority of men are in control of the relationship...although I've seen quite a few women in control too.

In my relationship there is no 'boss'. We're both equals and that's exactly how it should be.

[Gina1978]

My husband is spanish,so he was raised to think that who ever ended up as his wife would have to be a SAHM and basicly,look after him (cooking,cleaning,kids etc etc),he was also raised to think that he wouldent have to lift a finger (meaning,no diapers,no chours,and no work or responsabilities at all once he comes through the front door of our house).
In my marriage,due to all this,I do consider that my husband has all the control or "advantage" as I call it.I depend on him to leave the house (I dont drive) infact,he doesnt really like me going out without him so I dont...I am only allowed to buy things that he aproves on,I am a SAHM because he didnt want me to work outside the house,I am the only one who does anything around the house and I am the only one responsable for our kids 100%.
Having said all that (and my god it looks awful written down!! lol) he spoils me ALOT,he is loving and I do consider him a good husband.Its just the way he was raised and being as it doesnt bother me,I dont find it a problem in our marriage.
Spanish men are raised to be in control,and spanish women are raised to be submissive...its just how they are,and being as my mom is spanish,Iv been brought up to accept it (even though Im english) and I dont know any different (Iv only ever been with soanish guys) so to me,its fine.
I guess that if I felt "controlled",then it would be a bad thing...but I dont,so to me it isnt.
From the outside,you would think that my husband is controlling (many people who know us have said that to me) but I dont see it like that.

My husband is spanish,so he was raised to think that who ever ended up as his wife would have to be a SAHM and basicly,look after him (cooking,cleaning,kids etc etc),he was also raised to think that he wouldent have to lift a finger (meaning,no diapers,no chours,and no work or responsabilities at all once he comes through the front door of our house).
In my marriage,due to all this,I do consider that my husband has all the control or "advantage" as I call it.I depend on him to leave the house (I dont drive) infact,he doesnt really like me going out without him so I dont...I am only allowed to buy things that he aproves on,I am a SAHM because he didnt want me to work outside the house,I am the only one who does anything around the house and I am the only one responsable for our kids 100%.
Having said all that (and my god it looks awful written down!! lol) he spoils me ALOT,he is loving and I do consider him a good husband.Its just the way he was raised and being as it doesnt bother me,I dont find it a problem in our marriage.
Spanish men are raised to be in control,and spanish women are raised to be submissive...its just how they are,and being as my mom is spanish,Iv been brought up to accept it (even though Im english) and I dont know any different (Iv only ever been with soanish guys) so to me,its fine.
I guess that if I felt "controlled",then it would be a bad thing...but I dont,so to me it isnt.
From the outside,you would think that my husband is controlling (many people who know us have said that to me) but I dont see it like that.[/b]

Wow, I have to agree with your friends, that is very controlling. But if you are ok with it....then does it really pose a problem? I guess that is another question isn't it? Do women see other women as supposing to be the submissive one? Like....do some women look down on others for not obeying their husband? I guess that is the main point.

I cannot fathom having my husband control me. I'm not a pet.

[glasscandie]

I'm much too stubborn and neurotic to be submissive lol

I will admit, that when we first got married we had a HUGE clashing of cultures. DH is from Russia, and I'm a Russian/Italian from New Jersey (lol), so obviously different family dynamics there. With many Russians from Russia, the woman is the one who's actually in control, while to the outside it looks like the man is, if that makes sense. I've observed my in-laws lots of times, and while my MIL is pretty submissive and lets her husband do the talking in public, it is quite obvious when you step in their house that SHE is in charge lol In other Russian households I've observed the man being "in charge" (where I grew up in NJ it was mostly first generation Russians, my family is 3rd...grandparents coming over is 3rd, right?).

Neither of us were intellectually OK with either situation presented, so we had to do some tweaking in our thinking and handling of situations to make us both EQUALS. Our responsibilities aren't exactly the same - he does finances, I do the cooking for instance, and we could each do the other's job...we just prefer not to. I am a SAHM, but because I wanted to be one, and because DH wanted me to be one - not because it was expected of it.

But yeah, like I said, I'm pretty stubborn and neurotic in general, so that's some tweaking I'm STILL working on, 3 years later lol

[Gina1978]

Wow, I have to agree with your friends, that is very controlling. But if you are ok with it....then does it really pose a problem? I guess that is another question isn't it? Do women see other women as supposing to be the submissive one? Like....do some women look down on others for not obeying their husband? I guess that is the main point.

I cannot fathom having my husband control me. I'm not a pet.[/b]

To the bolded:Yes.The only people who question why I "let" my husband "control" me like he does are my english friends and family members.But to the spanish people I know,my relationship with DH is no different to any other.
Independant women who claim they dont need men are looked down upon here.Infact,if a woman does her own thing and isnt home when her husband is or goes out on her own etc,then she is actually branded as a bad wife...and its even worse if they dont know how to cook etc
Women here are expected to stand by their husbands no matter what.
I dont beleive in it to that extent,and if I ever felt controlled,I would be outta here.
My husband is one of the really traditional guys,so Im not even allowed to drive.But there are more modern ones around

OMG I would go nuts! It's just the epitomie of women not being worthy to me.

You're not ALLOWED to drive?! Omg I can't imagine my boyfriend telling me I'm not 'allowed' to do something. Our relationship wouldn't last long, I tell you that.

My boyfriends Spanish (half) and the male spanish members of his family aren't controlling at all with their wives.

I hate using the word "authority" because I just picture a husband being in control of everything while the wife brings him his slippers and waits on him hand and foot. But to describe our household...I have just as much say in matters as he does, and if we disagree about something he listens to my side and doesn't abuse his role. I don't think a healthy relationship can come of either partner believing that their opinion is more valid than the other or that the other partner needs to just "do as they are told"

[flygirls2]

I believe you should be submissive(based on the Bible). I read a book recently that explains this really well. It doesn't mean bowing down to your husband and following his every whim. He is to treat you with utmost respect and respect your opinions. Both partners are to work together in a marriage, working towards a compromise. But if two people cannot agree on something in the end--then the man should be the ultimate authority. It gives some organization to a marriage. I don't know how to explain it too well.

I believe you should be submissive(based on the Bible). I read a book recently that explains this really well. It doesn't mean bowing down to your husband and following his every whim. He is to treat you with utmost respect and respect your opinions. Both partners are to work together in a marriage, working towards a compromise. But if two people cannot agree on something in the end--then the man should be the ultimate authority. It gives some organization to a marriage. I don't know how to explain it too well.[/b]

I totally disagree with this. Why should the man have the final say? Not in my relationship!

I believe you should be submissive(based on the Bible). I read a book recently that explains this really well. It doesn't mean bowing down to your husband and following his every whim. He is to treat you with utmost respect and respect your opinions. Both partners are to work together in a marriage, working towards a compromise. But if two people cannot agree on something in the end--then the man should be the ultimate authority. It gives some organization to a marriage. I don't know how to explain it too well.[/b]

How does that give organization to the marriage? Why are men in control and more important than women. We've had a lot of threads lately that tie into religion and over and over again I keep seeing ppl speak of the Bible and their Christian/Judaism faith saying "We can't do that we aren't allowed"....WAY too controlling and restricting of a religion. That is why I do not believe in it. No freedom.

[flygirls2]

I totally disagree with this. Why should the man have the final say? Not in my relationship!
[/b]

I would say the same thing if it were up to me. But God says something else, and I have to trust that he knows what he's doing.

How does that give organization to the marriage? Why are men in control and more important than women. We've had a lot of threads lately that tie into religion and over and over again I keep seeing ppl speak of the Bible and their Christian/Judaism faith saying "We can't do that we aren't allowed"....WAY too controlling and restricting of a religion. That is why I do not believe in it. No freedom.
[/b]

It's not a 'rule'. It's a guideline that God gave us to make our lives easier/happier/whatever. I trust that He knows what is best for us, and that's that.

[AmberL]

I think in MY household, its safe to say that I'm the ultimate authority. This is how it was in my house growing up as a child too. Mom made final decisions on most stuff. We (the women) pay the bills so decide where or how to spend the money. When it comes to decisions about the kids...the women (of my family) are the ones making the decisions there too.

My husband and I communicate very well and consider ourselves a TEAM. I think that's what is important. Our home runs itself smoothy and we're comfortable in our 'roles'.

I am also a Christian, and I think that, since God loves women as much as he loves men, he wants marriage to be an equal partnership.

I would say the same thing if it were up to me. But God says something else, and I have to trust that he knows what he's doing.

How does that give organization to the marriage? Why are men in control and more important than women. We've had a lot of threads lately that tie into religion and over and over again I keep seeing ppl speak of the Bible and their Christian/Judaism faith saying "We can't do that we aren't allowed"....WAY too controlling and restricting of a religion. That is why I do not believe in it. No freedom.
[/b]

It's not a 'rule'. It's a guideline that God gave us to make our lives easier/happier/whatever. I trust that He knows what is best for us, and that's that.
[/b][/quote]
It would never make me happier to obey ANYONE as if I were a dog. THAT is not love. It's easier FOR THE MAN because he doesn't have anyone ballsy enough to stick up to him, he can do w/e he wants. I don't leave my life up to an invisible force and follow blindly with no questions, *I* am in control of my life as is my husband in control of his and *WE* are in control of *OUR* marriage.

[littleln]

I think it all depends on the personalities involved, and as long as both people are happy I don't see a problem. For example I hove known women who did not feel secure with out a strong man who would make most of the important family decisions. I have known men who had wives who made all of the decisions and the men were perfectly happy with it. It's all about who works together and what makes people comfortable. I wouldn't judge anyone in a relationship who is happy, well adjusted, and not being abused in any way.

[rose198172]

Do you see men as being the ones that are supposed to be in control in a marriage? That women are meant to be submissive to their male counterpart? Although, I don't see that as a counterpart if you must be submissive....but you get what I mean right?[/b]

Yep, that's the way God designed it.

[picklesmama]

My marriage is a partnership - an equal partnership between two people - "God" would be be one "person" too many Sometimes we do things his way, sometimes my way - whichever way sounds best after we discuss it together. I would NEVER forbid him something nor him me, and I would NEVER make an important decision that would affect our family without discussing it with him first, nor would he, and neither of us has "authority" over the other - if we are split on an issue we try to find a compromise. Any attempt to control me would be met with scornful laughter