I don't hear about many families who have biological children adopting children too. Yes, I've heard many stories, but not A LOT kwim? Why don't more ppl adopt?

I'm SERIOUSLY considering adopting our 4th or 5th child. DH doesn't like the idea (yet), but I've got a good 10 years to work on him. LOL!

[rose198172]

That's kind of what I alluded to doing in my "tubal ligation" thread.... I don't know that I want to go through pregnancy again, but I'd definitely be up for being a mom again (having all the resources to do so, of course).

I don't really know why more people don't adopt.... I know that sometimes, it's a huge legal battle and it's a lot of money to adopt (especially if you're going to adopt outside of the US), but I think it's worth it in the end.

[RachelC]

I know personally I could not adopt. My kids mean so much to me, because they are mine, I created them and they are a product of me. I do not think I am the type of person who could adopt and feel that same sort of love for a child that was not my own. I used to feel horrible saying that, because I felt like it made me a bad person, but I dunno anymore, I can't change that. I often wonder if I'm the only person who feels that way though.

I can also imagine many people don't adopt because of the costs associated with it. I have read that it's really expensive to adopt.

I think cost limits a lot of people. We're not poor, but I don't think we could afford to adopt. I think there is also a fear of the baby being taken away from you (at least it would be for me).

Off the top of my head, (I have a friend who is currently having a heck of a time with her adoption process) I would say it's probably mostly the knowledge of how tough the battle can be to adopt...the legalities, the cost, the wait, etc....it can be quite a lengthy, emotional, and difficult process....also I think maybe a lot of people have a hard time envisioning being *as* bonded to that child as they would to their biological child.

i dont know, its expensive isnt it? and many just want their own biological child. i wanted to experience pregnancy and childbirth, but if i couldnt have, id have eventually adopted.

slightly o/t but not really... recently, we were at my in-laws having dinner (let me just start out by saying, my in-laws are HONESTLY THE CRAZIEST bunch i have EVER MET! and they are horrrrrrribly mean!). we were talking about what we were going to do after this baby.. have another or go ahead n have DH get the snip. i mentioned that we would probably go ahead n DH would get snipped; then, if we were better off financially in a few years and wanted more kids, we would adopt. i jokingly said, "well im just worried that, if we adopt.. the baby wont look just like JD (Gracey looks identical to him) and he wont love the baby as much." his mom and g-ma both said "oh OF COURSE not! you wouldnt be able to love an ADOPTED baby as much as your OWN, but youd still love it."

ETA: after reading some of the other posts, maybe im just the odd one for thinking that its weird to think that you wouldnt love an adopted child as much and FTR: THAT comment is NOT what makes them the meanest, craziest, most horrible ppl i have ever met... i could tell you some stories! i just thought id throw it out there.

***? LOL!

I also would have the fear of not loving the child as much. I might be wrong though, because I also worried that I couldn't love my second child as much as I did my first, but I do. I don't know though, I have prayed and prayed that I could love my Niece and Nephew like I love my own kids, and I do love them, and I would give my life for them, but it is not the same. I think that if they were totally mine it would be different. My Dad told me one time that as long as I never treated them any different than my own that I was doing good enough, and I don't treat them any differently, but my heart feels differently, so that would be what I would be afraid of with adoption. Sorry for rambling.

[thepinkleprechaun]

Yeah there's no way I would adopt unless the child already came from my extended family. I'm not exactly a warm and loving person in the first place, and I don't think I could bond with a child who was not MINE.
And it's also a lot easier (for me!) to just make one lol!

Ok, so I've thought of it a little bit. And I admit, my love for my possible adopted child would be different than my biological children.....but it would be unconditional love all the same

Yes, I love my Niece and Nephew unconditionally, but it is still different. I don't really know how to explain it. Sometimes I cry just thinking about the thing's that my kids will go through in life. I have never done that with my Niece or Nephew, I have cried over the thing's that they have been through in life though. My children are a piece of me, someones siggy say's that having children is like letting your heart go walking around outside of your body, and that is exactly how I feel about my kids, and I don't know why, try as I might I can not have the same feeling for my Niece and Nephew. Now I will jump to their defense, I will make sure they will be taken care of, I will alway's love them, but for some reason it is not the same. Maybe I need to see a therapist, maybe I am not normal.

Are you raising your niece and nephew?

maybe my issue with my inlaws comment, was the way it was said. almost like adopted kids are SO much less than your own. and it was said VERY snarkily. i know my hubby really DOESNT know if he would love an adopted baby as much.. but i think if we had a baby-baby, and watched it develop and grow just like we did our DD, i dont see how we COULD love it any less..or any differently.
i completely understand feeling that way about adopted older kids tho.. you dont get to really raise them as much as the others. but i think eventually it would be different.

and AHIXON, you cant blame yourself, when those babies were born, you had it in your mind that you were their AUNT.. not their mom. its one thing to automatically consider yourself a childs mother from the moment you lay eyes on them, but completely different to have treated them like your neice/nephew, then have to switch to mommy mode with the same kids.

ETA:"with the same kids." to clarify

[LovinMyLife]

DH and I are getting all our paperwork together to file for adoption! We are going to do an international adoption and we'd like to adopt from Africa if possible.
We have 2 biological daughters and we really want another baby! Problem is, our last DD was born at 28 weeks by C-section. We don't want to take the risk of having another preemie or my uterus possibly rupturing if I made it past 28 weeks. So we decided that DH would get snipped and we would adopt.
We have (surprisingly, to me anyway) gotten alot of crap about adopting a black baby! People tell us that a black child living with white parents/siblings would have alot of issues growing up (feel free to offer your opinion about this!!!). I think it will be a good opportunity to teach my girls AND the new child compassion andacceptance of other people...
Sorry so long! I am allll for adoption!

Donomama, I am kind of raising them. My BIL has full custody of my Nephew, and my Nieces Mom died, so he has legal rights for them both. I have the kids everyday from 8-9 sometimes more, and often my Niece is with me for weeks at a time. I have them through all illnesses, and have legal right to make medical chocies, and school choices for them. So, yes I think I am raising them, I think if they are here all but their sleeping hours, and many of those then I am raising them. Other people may see it differently, IDK.

DH and I are getting all our paperwork together to file for adoption! We are going to do an international adoption and we'd like to adopt from Africa if possible.
We have 2 biological daughters and we really want another baby! Problem is, our last DD was born at 28 weeks by C-section. We don't want to take the risk of having another preemie or my uterus possibly rupturing if I made it past 28 weeks. So we decided that DH would get snipped and we would adopt.
We have (surprisingly, to me anyway) gotten alot of crap about adopting a black baby! People tell us that a black child living with white parents/siblings would have alot of issues growing up (feel free to offer your opinion about this!!!). I think it will be a good opportunity to teach my girls AND the new child compassion andacceptance of other people...
Sorry so long! I am allll for adoption![/b]

Oh, don't worry, ppl are just racist so their comments mean nothing. LOL! Good for you for adopting I hope everything goes great for you guys!!

AHIXON
My comment wasn't in response to what you were saying, but I totally understand what you mean. I love my nieces and nephew to peices, but the love is different. I'd see my neice (alyssa who is 3 1/2 months older than kailey) learn or do something and my sister and BIL would gush over it and I'd be like *oh that's cute but whats the big deal?* (in my head of course I never said this out loud) and then Kailey would do the same thing and I'd totally gush over it.....So it is different. I know what you mean totally.

No, I don't think anyone was saying anything about me. You made a very good point though. When someone adopts it is because it is something they want, something they make a commitment to. I didn't really have that with my Niece and Nephew, I mean I do it because someone has to. I know that probably sounds bad, but it really is the truth, I wish that my BIL would marry and someone would love those kids like their own, and I could just be a normal Aunt. Often I feel like it is taking away from my own kids because they are here so much, and my Niece has some issues that take alot of attention sometimes. I guess I am just really selfish, and I know that I would miss them more than I can imagine if they were not here everyday. I actually have told my BIL that if he ever tried to move off with them I would throw a fit.

No, I don't think anyone was saying anything about me. You made a very good point though. When someone adopts it is because it is something they want, something they make a commitment to. I didn't really have that with my Niece and Nephew, I mean I do it because someone has to. I know that probably sounds bad, but it really is the truth, I wish that my BIL would marry and someone would love those kids like their own, and I could just be a normal Aunt. Often I feel like it is taking away from my own kids because they are here so much, and my Niece has some issues that take alot of attention sometimes. I guess I am just really selfish, and I know that I would miss them more than I can imagine if they were not here everyday. I actually have told my BIL that if he ever tried to move off with them I would throw a fit.[/b]

I do not think you are selfish at all. We are in my sister and bil's will to have custody of their kid(s) if something were to happen to them and vice versa. You are right, someone has to take them in....so why not someone who loves them ya know?

[lilac_city_mommy]

I know the expense is a big factor for a lot of people, as it would be for us, except we are lucky. I work for a company that provides adoption assistance for every employee, up to $10,000. I know the costs may go over that, but having the first 10K taken care is a huge help (this is per child, BTW). We plan to adopt older kids because they are so hard to place. Having lost my mother, I know the security of the remaining family was SO important to me. I really feel for these kids going through so many traumatic events without a stable home environment to protect them. We are also not opposed to taking kids with developmental delays or emotional struggles (as most kids coming out of the fostor system will) as long as we receive training and education before hand. I'm not going to take a child that I can't care for, how will that help?

[Banned-LavenderGoddessV]

I love the idea of adoption, bringing a child into a nice home where they can grow and have a good future is great But personally... we can’t afford one anytime soon. We have to see how things turn out for us first.